Broken
by BroodyBlondes4ever
Summary: Pure Leyton! Lucas and Peyton both have strong feeling for one another, but things from someone's past keep getting in the way. WARNING: THIS STORY ADRESSES SOME DARK ISSUES.
1. Through the Eyes of a Camera

Discalimer: I don't own One Tree Hill, or the characters, I only own the plot.

            He couldn't tear his eyes away from here.  Her messy blonde hair.  The way her curls sprang up and then landed playfully at her shoulders as she practiced her routine.  He had seen her do it so many times he knew the moves by heart.  Kick the leg up, squat to the ground, spring up and yell "Go Ravens".  Then she would always plaster a bright smile one her face.  He could see her perfect white teeth.  The way they shined always managed to capture him. But her smile always faded into a grimace.  And she would take a deep breathe and do it over again until she was either satisfied, or bored.  She was his sole source of entertainment in his white-walled prison cell.  Peyton Sawyer.  Suddenly she disappeared from off the screen, and in her place was a plain square box.

            -How did you Lucas Scott, manage to get grounded?!?- he laughed at the words on the screen.

            -I don't know Hales.  I honestly thought that I had this test in the bag.  Guess I was wrong, cuz my mom doesn't quite agree with the whole D thing.-

            -Well now you have plenty of time to study for the next one.- he could see her grin in his head.  It was a curved mile of pearly whites.  –So how long?-

            -Two weeks of staring at the paint on my wall- he rolled his eyes at the thought of his upcoming weeks.

            -Oh you can't forget watching Peyton all day.  Goooooo Ravens!-  His eyes grew wide at his best friends comment.  He didn't think that he was THAT obvious.  –yes you are that obvious Mr. Scott- he raised his eyebrows at her ability to read his mind.

            -Okay smart ass.  Have a nice day Haley.-

            -Yes I will.  And you have nice time watching Peyton.-

            -BYE HALEY!- he laughed as he closed her box.  As soon as it was gone Peyton appeared on the screen again.  This time she was drawing, in her usual black.  She face looked both aggravated and content. She turned her back to the web cam, which gave Lucas a perfect view of her sketch.  He watched intently as her hands created both thin and black slashes across the paper.  Part of him was amazed at how all the scratchy lines on her paper could form such a detailed and meaningful drawing.  He was amazed at how carelessly she dragged her hand across the paper.  The black charcoal was loosely intertwined in her clumsy, stiffened fingers.  He glared, captivated by the mass of black, as the lines began to form a faces and objects.  He coked his head slightly to try and get a better look at what was being created.  He saw her loop her hand in petite spirals and he knew immediately that the first figure was her.  He sat mesmerized as the second figure came into existence.  The shape of the face, the sharp edges, and rough cheeks told him it was a guy.  She unnaturally twisted her wrist as she added the short commonly spiked hair.  It was when she added the deep set eyes that he realized it was him. Nathan Scott.  Lucas had never been good enough for anything Nathan had, and it pissed him off to no end.  He no longer wanted to watch Peyton draw; the image just didn't interest him anymore.  He reached over to close her screen off but he stopped when she started a new figure.  This time the face was smooth and round.  The eyes were big and the eyebrows were arched.  It didn't take him long to see it was Brooke. 

            He looked meticulously at the picture of the three.  He paid attention to every detail.  Peyton had set herself behind the others, almost as if she was just standing around.  Brooke's expression was one he couldn't place.  She was smiling but at the same time she seemed cold.  Nathan just stood there as serious as ever. Peyton held the picture at arms length and then placed it back on her bare legs.  Lucas watched as she darkened her image.  When she was done she looked like nothing more then a miserable shadow lingering behind Nathan and Brooke.  When he thought about it he realized that that was what she was.  A shadow.  She was best friends with Brooke but Brooke was the one who always shined.  She dated Nathan for over a year but they never got close.  She was his prized little trophy.  Lucas grew furious at the thoughts in his head.  How could his own flesh and blood treat Peyton like that.  She deserved so much better then Nathan ever gave her.  Peyton really was no more then a shadow, someone to follow the two shining stars of her life around.  

            He looked at the back of Peyton's curly head, pleading for her to turn around.  She did.  She looked down at her work and ripped it out. "Pure shit!" she mumbled.  She got ready to tear the piece to shreds.

            -I don't think its shit.  I really like it.- Lucas waited for her to respond.  He hated the way she was never satisfied with what she did.  He blamed it on Nathan.  He always made her feel worthless.  Like Lucas, nothing she ever did was right.  He looked at her through the screen, waiting.  She looked into the camera and smiled. Lucas liked to think of it as his smile, simply because he rarely saw her genuinely smile expect when she smiled at him.  'Not at me' he thought. 'For me'.  He now smiled to himself. 

            "Thanks" she mouth to the screen.  He saw her give a little chuckle and then she turned off her camera, but not before placing the picture soundly on her desk.  Lucas sat back in his chair, content with the fact that he was at least able to make Peyton's day a little better.

            He got up form his computer chair and laid on his bed.  He started at his ceiling, not really seeing it.  His mind was filled with thoughts of this curly topped blonde that could make his body tingle with a single glance.  He slowly dozed off with hoped of being able to make her smile once again tomorrow.

Hey let me know what you think, and whether I should keep going!


	2. Mirror Images

            She opened her eyes to the warm wind that blew into her window.  She took a deep breath and flung her legs off the bed.  She lazily pulled herself up and arched her back to stretch.  She walked over to the computer and gazed down at the picture on her desk.  She recalled the events of last night as a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.  She flicked on her web cam secretly hoping that he would be watching.  She walked lethargically into her bath room and turned on the warm water.  She cupped her hands and splashed the water on her face.  She opened her eyes and looked at her self in the mirror.  She watched the water droplets play and dance around on her face and then slowly drip from her chin.

            He pulled his shirt over his head as he watched her walk out the bathroom.  He stared at her long scrawny legs.  His eyes traveled up her body.  He could make out every curve underneath her skin tight camisole.  She ran her hands along the clothes in her closet, contemplating which one to put on.  He watched her take out a bright red t-shirt and dark denim jeans.  Her hands crossed and reached for the bottom of her camisole.  She brought her hands upward and pulled the shirt over her head.  Lucas looked at her standing there in a black laced bra and a pair of cotton shorts.  His eyes caught hers and he knew that she knew he was watching.  Suddenly the screen went black as she threw her shirt over the cam.  "Damn" he whispered as he shook his head.  He took one last look at the black screen in front of him and then went back to getting dressed.

            She turned and looked in the mirror.  She tilted her head as thought trying to understand her image.  She took a deep breath and began to turn around but abruptly stopped.  She looked back at the mirror and her heart broke at what she saw.  Her hair was browner and it was straight.  Her eyes were also brown instead of their usual hazel.  She glared at the new face in front f her.  The cheek bones were higher and much fuller.  Her skin was creamier; the usual blotched and dark circle had vanished from under her eyes.  She blinked and swallowed hard as her own face started back at her now.  She spun around and walked over to her clothes for the day.  She carelessly threw them on and walked back into her bathroom.  She opened her makeup bag and scanned the various items.  She pulled out her black eyeliner and mascara.  She smoothly colored the edge of her eyes with the dark pencil and then combed through her lashes with the thick liquid.  She looked at her mirror satisfied and reorganized her counter.  She walked back into her room and straight over to her web cam.  She removed her shirt from over the lens and crouched down.  She plastered her best smile on her face cocked her head in front of the camera.  'All done' she mouthed, taking her time to pronounce each individual syllable. She rolled her eyes and stood up.

            He laughed as he watched the seductive cheerleader replace the puck rocker.  He loved both sides of her but he was more into the deranged girl.  She was more interesting and real. He could relate to her and that's what he liked.  He watched her make her bed and as usual the simple affair captivated him.  The arc of her back as she bent over to pull up the sheets.  The way she moved her hands to manipulate the sheet and fold it the way that pleased her.  Each and every movement seemed to capture of fiber of him.  A smile spread across his face as she fought with how to place her pillows.  She would put them on the bed, step back to look at them, then get mad and remove them. 'Always a perfectionist' he rolled his eyes as she finally stopped rearranging her pillows.

            She slid over to her full length mirror and started at herself hoping it was her own reflection that peered back at her.  It was hers at first but the changes rapidly occurred again.  Her hair straightened out and once again lightened.  Her face filled itself out and her eyes slenderer and became dark brown.  She gazed back at herself, and at the women she had suddenly become.  She hated the person that looked back at her.  "No I don't, I hate myself" she muttered between slightly cracked lips.  

            He frowned wondering where the sudden comment had come from.  He stared at the back of the curly blonde head.  He watched her face fall in the mirror.  Her curtains swayed as another gust of warm air circled around her.  She watched the strait hair fly around her face.  Her face began to grow pale, like the ghost she was becoming.  His face grew grave as she lost all color and her eyes glistened with tears.  She couldn't move, her body was frozen in its place.  She wanted so badly to not have to look at _her_.  She had hoped with everything she had that she would be able to get through _the day_.  But it didn't work, because here she was, insides churning.  It was worse then it had ever been and all her emotions were eating away at her, slowly killing what life she had left.  She forced her self to blink her eyes knowing that he wouldn't see _her _staring back anymore.  When she opened her eyes nothing had changed, _she _was still there.  Her mother was still looking back at her. 

            Lucas watched the first set of tears fall form Peyton's eyes.  He couldn't figure out what had changed her mood so quickly.  Peyton reached out and gently touched her hand to the glass.  "I'm so sorry" she whispered.  Lucas looked at her puzzled as to who she was talking to.  Her face just seemed to lose more and more color.  The life was literally being drained out of her.  Everything inside her was twisting and screaming. She wanted to turn away and forget _the day_, she longed for it to be any other day, but it wasn't and she couldn't forget.  She couldn't forget being mad at her for not keeping her promise. She couldn't forget the all the yelling and anger.  She couldn't get past those three little words that tore her mother apart.  'I hate you'.  She remembered them so clearly.  She remembered the pained look eating away at her mother's face.  She remembered the solemn way her mother left her room and walked out of the house.  She remembered crying being so angry and crying herself to sleep, curled up under the covers.  She remembered her dad coming in and shaking her gently.  She remembered him saying that her mother was in a car accident, and that she had gone to live with the angels.  Peyton remembered that day 7 years ago as of today.  Everything was so fresh and clear in her head.  

            She looked at her mother's image in the mirror.  Her face was so beautiful.  Everybody always thought she looked like an angle on earth.  Lucas watched as Peyton's fingers traced an outline on the glass.  At first he thought she was tracing her face, but then the pattern changed.  His stomach began to knot, somehow he knew something was wrong.  "Lucas you going to be late for school.  And remember, school, practice, and straight home." His mother yelled from the kitchen.  "I'm about to leave" he responded not wanting to abandon Peyton.  He didn't trust the situation.  Peyton let her hand drop back down to her side.  She closed her eyes praying once again for her own reflection to appear.  She forced herself to open her eyes.  When she did it was still her mother looking back.  Her skin began to turn blue.  A large cut slowly crept across her face.  Her eyes became red as the cuts and gashes continued to appear.  Glass formed in her hair.  Suddenly she couldn't breathe.  Her arms crossed and grasped her sides.  Her stomach twisted itself in a million knots and she continued to gasp for breath, for life.

            Lucas watched Peyton double over, hands clutching her sides for dear life.  "Peyton" he whispered in a shaky voice as he watched her fall to her knees and then to her side.  He grabbed his keys and saw he draw her thin legs closer to her chest.  "Hold on Peyt."  He whispered, closing the back door to his room.  He ran to his car, tears threatening to escape his eyes.  "She is going to be fine" he said trying to reassure himself.  "She's strong" he mumbled as the first tear spilled over onto his cheek.  He sped in the direction of her house, praying he would get there soon.  

            The warm tears streamed down Peyton's face.  She could taste the salt as they danced around her lips.  "Oh God, help" she clutched he stomach more then before.  The pain was excruciating and all she wanted was for it to stop.  She would be able to handle it if it were just one thing, but the emotional and physical pain were too much for her to bare at one time.  She heard that wind knock something down in one of the outside rooms.  The light from the window was making things worse.  It was burning her eyes.   She pulled her knees closer to her body and tucked her head.  She heard her web cam sign off.  She felt something heavy and warm against her back.  It moved over her side, down to her stomach and then around to her other side.  She tired to move but she quickly curled back up from the pain.  She felt her body lift from the floor and begin to turn.  When she was facing the person's body she buried her face in their shirt but not before seeing their face.  His face.  "Lucas" she mumbled.

            "Shh. I'm here Peyt, I'm here."  He could feel her whole body shaking.  Each rib protruded from her slender frame.  He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her up so she was completely on his lap.  She lifted her head and stared into his eyes.  It was as though all the walls she put up had come crashing down.  He could see the pain and guilt and sorrow that she kept so well hidden behind those hazel eyes he loved.  She buried her face into his neck as a new round of tears escaped her eyes.  He rubbed her back, searching for the words to make her pain go away.  He couldn't find any.  He kissed the top of her head because he didn't know what else to do other then let her know she wasn't alone.    


	3. Jumper

            Lucas held a disheveled, crying Peyton on his lap, rocking her back and forth.  His shirt was soaked through with her tears.  He continued searching for the right words but it was once again to no avail.  He knew deep down, that healing went beyond his words.  He also knew that by tomorrow all her fortifications would be up and stronger then ever.  Lucas knew that whatever caused Peyton to break, would destroy everything he managed to form with her.  The trust would be gone and she would return to being ice cold.  All the thoughts running through his head brought the tears to his eyes again.  'She doesn't deserve this' he thought to himself.  

            He rested his chin in her damp hair.  His head jolted up as realization hit him.  'She shouldn't be sweating and freezing.'  He stared down at the girl on his lap, her skin was pale and her lips were turning blue. "Peyton, come on I'm taking you to the hospital."  He moved his hands under the arc formed by her curled knees.  

            "Lucas no, please" she picked her head up and stared in his eyes.  

            "But…" He could see her eyes pleading with him.  He took a deep breath and looked at her.  "Okay, but if things don't get better in an hour we're going" he said quietly.  He was hoping desperately that in an hour things would be fine.  He picked her up and laid her on the bed.  He carefully maneuvered her legs so that he could pull down the covers.  He got ready to pull the covers over her and then stopped.  He looked at her limp body.  She looked uncomfortable with the jeans cutting into her sides.  He leaned over her and unbuttoned her jeans.  "Peyt… it's just that you look kind of uncomf…"

            "It's okay, I understand" she said simply.  She tried to smile, to give him his smile, but she felt so weak.  He unzipped the jeans and then vigilantly slid them off and laid them at the end of the bed.  He pulled the covers up to her shoulders and tucked it securely around her.  

            "Everything's going to be okay" he said tucking a piece of hair behind her ears.  He kissed her forehead gently as her eye started to close.  "I'm going to go make you some soup.  Stay awake for me, alright?"   He watched her struggle to nod her head and then he walked out the room and towards the kitchen.  He searched through the cabinets until he found a can of chicken soup.  He poured into the pot, added the water and waited for it to cook.  All he could think about was what would make Peyton so stressed and sick.

            Peyton laid in the bed shaking.  She didn't know whether it was from cold or nerves.  Everything was so jumbled in her mind.  The fear, the pain, the guilt, all of it matted together to make her one huge mess.  She struggled to keep her eyes open.  She just wanted to sleep.  Sleep would block everything, it would make it all go away, and she wanted the more then anything.  But she was scared that if she fell asleep she wouldn't wake back up.  She wanted Lucas to come back, he would make sure she stayed awake, that she stayed alive.  Her eyelids felt suddenly grew exceptionally heavy.  Her head slowly fell to the side as everything faded to black.

            Lucas hurriedly placed the bowl of soup on a tray and poured some ginger ale into a glass.  He carried the tray to Peyton's room upstairs as quickly as he could.  He wanted to get back to her, he wanted to make sure she was safe and okay. He took the steps tow at a time, careful not to let anything spill.  He walked into her room and placed that tray down on the night stand.  "Okay we have soup and gin…" It was then that he noticed Peyton's eyes shut and her hand draped off the edge of the bed.  He jumped onto the bed and straddled her.  "Peyton, come on wake up" he tapped the side of her face.  Her skin was clammy and hot under his touch.  He ran to the bathroom and ran a face towel under cold water.  He rushed back to Peyton's side and dabbed her skin with the cloth.  "Come on Peyt. Open your eyes" The tears started to flow freely from his eyes.  He continued to dab her head until he noticed her eyes flutter open.  At that moment he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.  "Are you alright" he asked cupping her face with his hands.  

            "Yea, I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore"   he watched her hazel eyes wander around the room.  Her whole face seemed ghostly.  The circles under her eyes were continually getting darker.  "She died today you know"  He watched as the tears welled up in her eyes.  "She promised me that she would stay home and read with me, but she had to go to a meeting.  And I got mad at her, I told her I hated her.  I went to sleep angry, and when my dad woke me up I was still angry.  And when he told me what happened I was angrier because she left and she wasn't coming back."  Lucas watched as the tears flooded from her eyes.  He watched the pain the flowed with the tears.  

            "Peyton it's not…"

             "Lucas I can't eat"  her voice could barley be heard as she looked at the tray of food.  She didn't want to talk about it anymore.  It hurt too bad.  She couldn't stand anymore pain.  Lucas looked down on her, knowing what was going through her mind.  He decided not to push her.  He wanted to be within the fortress she built as long as she could.  If he pushed her she would shut him out, and he knew she couldn't do this by herself.  But if she didn't trust him she wouldn't let him help and that would only lead to problems.  Lucas merely followed her as she led he conversation away from her mother's death.   

            "Well at least try to drink something.  The ginger ale should help settle you stomach a little."  She nodded her head in agreement as he reached over her tainted body and grabbed the glass.  He lifted her head gently in her hand and put the glass to her parched lips.  She swallowed about half the liquid before turning her head away.  Lucas set the glass down on the night stand and pulled the covers away from Peyton's figure.  She looked at him confused by his actions.  He pushed his hand under her back and brought her to an upright position.  

            "Luke…" she mumbled questionably.  He didn't respond, he only crawled onto her bed and positioned himself behind her so that she was sitting between his legs.   He slid his body further down on the bed bringing her with him.  His hands found her forehead and gently laid her back onto his chest.

            "Go to sleep Peyt." He said cradling her in his arms.  "You need it."  She nestled her head into his chest and made herself as comfortable as possible.  She was glad he was there, she needed him.  His warm embrace was extremely comforting to her.  She felt her body start to calm as sleep began to overcome her.

            Lucas felt her breathing even out although it remained short and raspy.  He closed his eyes and rested his chin in her still damp hair.  He wanted her to be okay so badly.  There were so many thoughts rushing through his head.  He couldn't stop thinking about what would cause her to breakdown like this.  He thought about how long it took for her to trust him and how quickly it would all be destroyed.  Nathan crossed his mind.  Nathan had always put her down.  She was never able to trust his.  His mind quickly switched to Brooke.  Brooke was or used to be Peyton's best friend.  But he couldn't help wondering how Brooke really felt underneath her plastered smile. Brooke was constantly thinking about herself.  She loved to play the self pity card.  Peyton had remained loyal to Brooke no matter how bad she was treated.  In fact that was the reason they never got together, Peyton refused to hurt Brooke anymore then she had.  Then there was the anniversary of her mother's death.  She had made it apparent that she blamed herself in way, but he couldn't understand why or how.  His whole body began to shake as started to lose all concentration.  'Calm down Luke' he told himself.

            He absentmindedly started humming to calm his nerves.  "Sing to me" came a tranquil voice form beneath him.

            "I thought you were sleeping" Lucas said looking down at the body onto of him.

            "No, I started to but then you started humming" she moved slightly under the covers.

            "I'm sorry" he kissed the top of her head.

            "It's alright" her voice barley above a whisper "but I want you to sing to me, sing what you were humming"

            "Alright, but I'm warning you, you might not like it"  He felt her body shudder above him.  He hoped that it was laughter and not nerves.  "I'm changing a few words, but here goes" he mumbled.  Her bare legs wrapped around his covered ones.  "Peyton…" no answer.  "Peyton are you still awake?"  Still no response.  Lucas looked down at her closed eyes and smiled as a lone tear slipped from his own eyes.  He took a breath and began to sing to the sleeping figure.  

_            The angry girl a bit too insane, icing over a secret pain_

_            You know you don't belong_

_            You're the first to fight, you're way to loud_

_            You're the flash of light on a burial shroud_

_            I know something's wrong_

_            Everyone I know has got a reason to say, put the past away_

_            I wish you would step back form that ledge my friend_

_            You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in_

_            And if you do not want to see me again I would understand_

            He watched as Peyton shifted her body.  She moaned as she flipped her body so that her stomach was on his.  He moved the estranged blond curls from her face and tucked then behind her ear.  He cradled her body once more as he picked began the second verse.

            _Well she's on the table and she's gone to code_

_            And I do not think anyone knows what they are doing here_

_            And you're friends have left you, you've been dismissed_

_            I never thought it would come to this, an I want you to know_

_            Everyone's got to face down their demons _

_            Maybe today, we can put the past away_

_            I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend_

_            You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in_

_            And if you do not want to see me again_

_            I would understand_

_            I would understand…_

****Lucas's voice gradually faded until he was softly humming.  His eyes slowly shut as his drawn out breaths began to harmonize with Peyton's shot one.  In a matter of minutes the two were sound asleep.  Anyone looking in on the scene would have seen Lucas Scott holding a disheveled Peyton Sawyer, protecting her from whatever he could.

Okay that's it for this chapter.  Let me know what you think!  The song is 'Jumper' by Third Eye Blind.  I wasn't sure about the song at first but I threw it in there anyway.  I just think it really fit what Peyton was going through.  Don't forget to review please!


	4. Loyalty

            Lucas opened his eyes to the bright, warm sun.  For a moment he forgot where he was, until he looked at the shifting figure in his lap.  He smiled at how calm she looked, but his smile quickly faded as he remembered why he was in her house, why he was holding her.  He subconsciously tightened his grip around her waist as the events of the morning replayed in his head.  Lucas gently kissed the top of Peyton's head.

            "How cute"  Lucas turned his head around to look at the figure leaning in the doorway.  He couldn't make anything out with the sun glaring in his eyes.  He didn't need to look though, he knew the owner of the edgy voice.  His thoughts were confirmed as the figure stepped into the room and out of the blinding light.  

            "Look Brooke, now is not the time for this."

            "Believe me I know.  I didn't come her to bitch.  Alright" She raised her eyebrow as she looked at him.  The look of disgust slowly faded from her face as eyes drifted from Lucas face.  She took note of the tearstained shirt and she looked at her former best friend.  Brooke walked over to the edge of the bed and sat, not tearing her gaze from Peyton.  Lucas watched as her eyes glazed over with tears.  "How is she?"  Lucas's own gaze softened as her quivering voice. 

            "I don't know" he blinked away his own forming tears as Brooke's silently escaped her eyes.

            "You know, whoever said it gets easier doesn't know what the hell their talking about."  Lucas looked at her uncertainly.  

            "What do you mean?"

            "It's been 7 years," her gaze wondered up to meet Lucas's.  "and I can still remember everything.  It was like 12 o'clock at night and I woke up thirsty.  So, I threw my comforter off and swung my legs over the edge of the bed, or at least I got ready to.  I stopped and curled back into bed, scooting up as close to my head board as I could get."  A smile tugged at the edge of her lips as she remembered how scared she was.  "I was so petrified cause there was this curled up thing sitting by my bed in my almost pitch black room.  But then the thing lifted its head and I saw those glowing hazel eyes and knew it was Peyton.  I crawled down to the edge of the bed and craned my neck so I was staring directly into her eyes.  The smile I had disappeared when I felt the moisture on my comforter, and I saw the tears streaming from her eyes."  Lucas watched as Brooke reached out and griped Peyton's hand.  "God, I remember pulling her up on my bed and lying down with my arm around her.  When I asked what was wrong all she would say was that 'she's gone and she's never coming back'.  I don't know how but I just knew she was talking about her mom."  Brooke let out a deep breath and looked up towards the ceiling.  "She cried all night.  She cried till the tears wouldn't come anymore, and then she just whimpered.  And the next day she was fine.  It was like nothing had happened."

            "That was when she first put up her walls, wasn't it" Lucas questioned, finally understanding.

            "Yep.  The only time I've seen her cry is on the anniversary of her mom's death.  So I've always just been there for her, and by tomorrow it will be like nothing ever happened."

            "How can you just forget something like this?"

            "After 7 years you get used to it Lucas, you learn that you really can't do anything.  She just won't let you.  The more you try to help…"

            "The more she shuts you out" he finished.  His eyes traveled down to Peyton.  He couldn't understand why she wouldn't let anyone help her.  She was so determined to be independent.  He looked back towards Brooke and suddenly felt bad for the things he had said about her.  "You're the last person I expected to see here today."

            "Yeah I know.  It's just…as much as I don't want to, I care about her, she's still my best friends.  I mean, I love her and I always will.  I've always been there for her on this _wonderful _little day in her life, and I'm not about to abandon her now."

            "Well, she'd appreciate it."  Lucas watched as a fresh set of tears flowed fiercely from Brooke's eyes.  "Brooke, she's gunna be okay.  Peyton's a strong girl, she'll fight through this, and she has us."  He wasn't sure whether he was trying to convince himself or Brooke.  He hoped it was at least convincing Brooke, because it wasn't doing anything for him.

            "Lucas I so scared.  She gets worse every year.  I mean the first time she just cried like she had that night.  The next year she wouldn't get out of bad.  Then she started looking like a ghost.  Then she started running the red lights the day before."

            "Wait, why would she run the red lights?" Lucas asked not understanding the point.

            "Because, that's how her mom died.  You didn't know that did you?"  She watched Lucas shake his head.  "Her and her mom got in a fight one night because she was supposed to stay home and read this book with her.  They had this book they read every night, and her mom hadn't been there for the past week, so when she told Peyton that she had some meeting to go to, and she couldn't stay, Peyt got kinda pissed.  She was more hurt then mad, cause she wanted to spend time with her mom, ya know.  Well, Peyton told her mom that she hated her and she never wanted to talk to her again."

"Yeah, she told me that part, but she stopped after that"

"Well, her mom got really upset and let the house virtually in tears.  So that night when her dad came in and told her that her mom had died instantly she ran to my house.  Her mom had run a red light and some drunk driver rammed into the side of the car and killed her on impact.  So Peyt started blaming herself.  She said that if she hadn't been mad at her mom, if she hadn't said that she hated her, then maybe she would have been paying more attention.  Every year she finds more reasons to blame herself for the whole thing.  God, last year she was stressed herself out to the point of coughing up blood for almost an hour straight.  That was the worse she had ever gotten.  But Luke if her pattern continues, that means she's gunna be worse toady."  The tears were now falling uncontrollably at the memories of her friends suffering.  Lucas was now crying as well, as her realized how bad Peyton could get. 

"Brooke I think we really need to get her to a hospital." His voice was unsure as Peyton shifted under the covers. 

"We can't Luke.  They're gunna ask about her dad, and then it's gunna be one big fucking mess.  Plus, she would NEVER forgive me if I split her and her dad up, she loves him too much."  She tightened her grip around Peyton's limp and now fragile fingers.  Lucas took a deep breath understanding Brooke's point.  He didn't know exactly what would be the best thing to do.

"Hmmm"  The two looked down as Peyton moaned and began to lift her head.  Her eyes remained mostly closed as she turned to look at Brooke.  "I didn't think you would come today"  They could barley make out what she was saying.

"That exactly what Lucas said"  Brooked plastered a fake smile on her face as she squeezed Peyton's hand.  She wanted Peyton to believe that she wasn't worried.  She had to stay strong, strong for Peyton.  She knew she couldn't do it.  She had to get out of there, it was too much.  "Look Peyt, I have to get back to school.  I swear I'll come back as soon as it over."  Lucas watched the emotion flood from Brooke's eyes.  He was astounded by the loyalty she really had for Peyton.  "I love you Peyt.  And don't worry, I'm sure Lucas will take great care of you" she leaned down and kissed her damp forehead.  "Be back soon as I can" Brooke stood up and turned her gaze from Peyton to Lucas, silently pleading for him to make sure Peyton got better.  He nodded, understanding her look.  She gave on last glance towards Peyton's pained figure and then turned and left.

"How are you feeling" Lucas asked, hoping for a good answer.

"Dizzy" she mumbled as she laid her head back down.  Lucas felt her entire body heave as she coughed.  She wheezed as she attempted to inhale, but it only caused her to cough more violently.  Lucas felt the warm moisture that began seeping through his shirt.  His whole body tensed as he watched the red stain grow on his shirt.

"Peyton!" he screamed, turning her body into the niche in his arm.  He grabbed the end of his shirt and wiped her mouth the best her could.  Her coughing slowly subdued and her eyes closed slightly. 

"Lucas, don't leave me" she pleaded, sweat misting around her face.

"Peyt, I'm not going anywhere"  He was taken back by her fear of desertion.  He wished there was something, anything he could do to make her pain go away, to let her know that she really wasn't alone.  But, he couldn't think of anything to her then to continue holding her as her eyes drifter shut again.

At three Brooke stopped by again.  Her and Lucas sat in the room silently for 5 hours simply watching Peyton sleep.  The was both relieved when she stopped gasping for breath and her fever broke.  Once 8 o'clock came around Peyton seemed back to normal.  It was as though the day's events had not occurred.  However, neither Lucas nor Brooke could erase the images etched in their head of Peyton's misery.  

"Lucas you should go, you've been here all day.  Besides she's fine now and I'll stay with her."  Brooke commented quietly as she looked at him.

"I know, but I just don't feel right leaving her,"

"Go home Luke, I'm fine."  Lucas cringed slightly as the harshness in Peyton's voice as she lifted her head form his chest.  He watched her roll onto the other side of the bed and prop herself up on the heel of her hand. 

"When did you wake up?"  Lucas asked quietly.  Peyton had given him the feeling that she didn't want him there.

"Just now" she answered simply.  "But you really don't need to stay, Brooke's here, I'll be fine.  Thank you and goodbye."  She raised an eyebrow as he rose from her bed.  Peyton's guilt began to eat away at her again as she saw the hurt look on Lucas's face.  However, she kept her expression serious. She ached for him to stay, but she wanted him gone just the same.

"Take care of her Brooke"  Lucas said walking towards the door.  He gave one last look at Peyton.  He hadn't expected her walls to build up as fast as they did.  They were also thicker then before.  Lucas knew it was no use, so he took a deep breath as he turned and headed home.  Peyton watched him leave, and when she heard the door close she turned to look at Brooke.  Brooke understood why Peyton pushed him away, but it killed her to see the hurt on both her friends faces.  She knew they hurt her, but she honestly wanted them to be happy.  Watching them both turn away from each other only made the betrayal seem worse.  She snapped out of her thoughts as she climbed under the cover with Peyton.  Peyton shifted her body and buried her face into Brookes soft chestnut hair, and she cried.  She had finally built up her tears again only to let them escape her eyes once more, only this time it wasn't because of her mother.  It was because of the best friend she betrayed, who was still there by her side, loyal as ever in a time of need.  She also cried because of the guy she continued to push out of her life. 'It's for the better.' She thought to herself as the two girls slowly drifted off into their nights rest.  

            Lucas somberly walked into his kitchen to find his mother sitting at the table drinking coffee.  "Lucas, do you know what grounded is?"

            "Mom I…"  Karen abruptly cut him off.

            "Cutting school Lucas.  You're supposed to be pulling your grades up, not lacking off.  What am I supposed to do?  Should I take away basketball?  Will that make it clear to you that school is you top priority right now?"

            "Mom please just…" once again Karen cut him off.

            "Just listen Lucas.  You don't have an explanation for this.  I highly doubt someone drugged Peyton's drink in the middle of a school day."  The comment made Lucas blood boil.  He didn't want to be remained of Peyton.  His night was already going to be bad enough with the memories he had without the constant reminder.  "You know what; I am interested in what you were doing today.  Were you spending time with Peyton or Brooke?  Those seem to be the two that get you in trouble a lot." Lucas couldn't take it anymore.  His whole body was screaming.  He couldn't forget anything.  Every little detail was playing in his head.  He knew Peyton didn't deserve what she was going through, and now his mom was trying to call her some kind of trouble maker.  Deep down he knew it wasn't what Karen was saying, but part of him believed she thought Peyton deserved whatever she got.  God knows everyone else always seems to.  Lucas exploded.

            "YOU KNOW WHAT MOM, I WAS WITH PEYTON.  I WAS GETTING READY TO GO TO SCHOOL SHE BASICALLY PASSED OUT ON THE FLOOR.  SO I THOUGHT THAT MABYE, JUST MABEY IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO GO OVER THERE AND MAKE SURE SHE WAS ALRIGHT THEN IT WAS TO GO TO SCHOOL." Lucas's tone grew shakier and quieter as the tears started to escape his now bloodshot eyes.  "And you know what I found out when I got there.  That she blames herself for her mother's death, which was 7 years ago today, just incase you didn't know.  So you know what she did she laid on top of me and cried herself to sleep. Oh, but not before passing out and getting a fever.  But, anyway, when she woke up she started coughing up blood, and then she went back to sleep, or maybe she passed out I really don't know, I was too scare to wake her up.  But enough about me, Peyton slept for five hours straight while Brooke and I watched over her to make sure she kept breathing."  The tears were falling so heard that Lucas couldn't stop them.  His words were choppy in between his gasps for air.  "And do you wanna know what happened when she woke up? Well I'll tell you…she told me to leave.  She said I'm fine now. Thank you and goodbye.  But you know what your right mom, I was grounded and I should have gone to school.  I am so sorry for disobeying you."  Lucas turned around and started to go to his room when he felt his mother hand on his shoulder. 

            "Lucas, I'm so sorry.  You did the right thing, but why didn't you take her to the hospital?"  Karen's own eyes were now beginning to fill with tears as she watched her son's pained face.

            "Because I knew that she wouldn't let me help her if I did.  She didn't want to go so she would've shut me out completely.  But hey, she did that anyway."  Karen pulled her son into a tight hug.  He relaxed into his mother warm embrace, wanting to feel like a little kid again.  He wanted to go back to when life was easy.

            "Lucas, I'm sure Peyton's grateful.  She's just having a really hard time right now.  People have different ways of grieving…"

            "But that's the problem mom, she's not grieving, she's just hurting."

            "All you can do Luke is respect her boundaries.  She'll come around, I promise.  Just be there for her when she needs you to be.  Don't bring it up with her.  If you drop it, chances are she'll come to you.  When she's ready she'll come to you alright."

            "Thanks mom."  Lucas stepped back and started to head to his room.

            "Oh and Lucas."  He turned around to face his mom.  "From now on it's school, practice, and home."  Lucas began to turn around again.  "Unless Peyton needs you.  I know it's not a normal condition for a grounding, but she sounds like she's about to break.  So if she decides she's ready to talk be there for her.   She could really use a friend right now. I'm trusting you Lucas to only hang out with Peyton."

            "I know mom. And thanks for everything.  I'm sorry I yelled, it's just that it's been a really stressful day."

            "I understand.  Go get some sleep, you need it."  Lucas walked back to his mom and gave her a quick hug before finally turning in for the night.  Lucas fell asleep worrying about Peyton, and hoping that she didn't do anything rash.  He cared about her too much, and he didn't know what he would do if he ever lost her.


	5. Happy Go Lucky

"Wake up sleepyhead, it's 7 o'clock and we're gunna be late." Peyton shook Brooke's shoulder after pulling the blanket off.

"Peyt wouldn't you rather just stay in today." Brook grumbled as she sat up and stretched her petite arms above her head.

"Nope, did that yesterday." Peyton threw Brooke one of her emergency outfits. Since they became best friends they had always kept a draw with the other's clothes, just incase clothes. Brooke moaned one last time before slipping out of bed and heading into the bathroom. She turned towards Peyton and glared before closing the door. An already dressed Peyton laughed to herself as she turned on her web cam. She began to turn around when an IM popped up. 

-Hey how r u feeling- her stomach dropped as she read the sentence. After what she had done yesterday, Lucas still cared. She was hoping that he would just leave her alone for a bit.

-Better. Listen I g2g – Peyton quickly signed off and shut down her cam. Lucas sat in his chair once again confused by Peyton's actions. He just couldn't understand why she didn't want any kind of help. 

"Give it time Lucas. She'll come around" Luke spun around to look at his mother leaning in the doorway. 

"I know, I know…it's just hard knowing what happened." Karen gave her son an understanding look, not quite sure what else to say to him. 

"Just give it time" she repeated, worry threatening to reveal itself on her face. She returned to the kitchen leaving an unsatisfied Lucas staring at the empty doorway. He turned back towards the now blank computer and sighed. 

"Time" he mumbled to himself, aggravated at how hard he knew that was going to be. He shut down his computer, grabbed his keys and walked to the back door. He gave one last look at the black screen across the room and then turned and left. 

Peyton fell back into her chair. She wanted Lucas to leave her alone. He had seen her at her worst and she hated that. The only person that was supposed to know what she was going through was Brooke. She knew she was hurting Lucas by pushing him away but she couldn't let him get close. Peyton stared down at the picture she had thrown on her desk the other day. Nathan and Brooke. They were proof of her wonderful effect on people. She pushed the thought out of her head, but it was only to be replaced by the guilt of her mother. She picked up a pencil and began to draw. Her hand remained steady as she curved the face lines. She was so involved in her work that she didn't notice Brooke had finished getting ready.

Brooke walked over to Peyton's chair and stared down at the drawing. The tears formed in her eyes as she took in the images in front of her. Holding back the tears grew harder as she watched Peyton create her mother on the page. She knew her former best friend hated self pity, so she never pitied herself, she merely hated herself. Brooke understood the meaning and hatred behind Peyton's drawing, something she knew no one else would ever really understand on their own. "Peyt, I'm ready" she plastered a fake smile on her face and hid her grief.

Peyton placed the unfinished picture face down on her desk and grabbed her keys, wondering how long Brook had been standing there. "Let's do it" she said casually, turning to Brooke, and placing on her own counterfeit smile. Peyton took a breath and buried her pain away deep inside her, like she had done every year. Somewhere inside her fortress she had dug a whole that no one would ever find. Her pain was her business and that was how she liked it. The two girls strolled out to their cars secretly prying for the day to be more or less decent. 

* * *

The bell for first period rang as Peyton slid down into her seat in the back corner. She reached into her bag and pulled out her sketch book and a pencil. She sat for a moment, not sure of what to draw. Then she noticed Lucas's eyes on her. For a brief moment she was caught by the majestic blue, but she bowed her head and started drawing. Lucas sighed and turned around to listen to his teacher drone on about some European war. His mind was racing with thoughts of her. The pain churning inside of him. He felt like her was literally being torn apart, piece by piece, by his own misery. 

Peyton's eyes shifted upwards occasionally to stare at his ruffled blonde hair. Although the period dragged for Lucas, it sped by for her. She was so engrossed in her drawing the she didn't notice the bell ring. It wasn't until she shifted her gaze and saw him approaching that she quickly threw her things in her bag and rushed out the class room, brushed right past him. His face fell as he watched her leave the classroom. He hunched his shoulders and turned to leave the classroom as something caught his eye. He made his way over to Peyton's desk to recover the drawing she had dropped. He picked it up vigilantly and looked at it with amazement at it accuracy. His eyes scanned the picture. He saw himself standing in her door way, walking away. It was when he reached the bottom corner that his face dropped further. As usual Peyton had added a comment connected with her image. "Thank you and goodbye." He quietly said to himself. His eyes lingered on the picture while his mind clung to the words. He closed his eyes and shook the thoughts away as he strolled on to his next class.

The rest of the day Peyton avoided Lucas as though he were some fatal disease. Lucas noticed it and felt like he had been stabbed in the heart. 'Give it time' he kept telling himself, but it didn't make him feel any better. He didn't want to give it time. Whenever he saw her in the halls he was tempted to run up to her, but then she would speed up and move as far away from him as possible. It went on the whole day, so he decided to watch her form a far. He was astonished by her happy-go-lucky act. You never would have guessed that the event of the prior day had occurred. He watched her flash her smile and laugh with her friends. Lucas's only wish was that her emotions were real and not some show to block everyone out. When the final bell rang, he watched her storm to her car and drive off. He shook his head and walked to practice.


	6. Angel

Peyton sped the entire way home. Her mind was torn between 'right' and 'wrong'. "Who the fuck decides what's right or wrong, good or bad" she yelled as she pulled into her driveway. Maybe avoiding Lucas was the right thing to do. It would probably just hurt him more is she let him in. She didn't want to hurt him. Peyton slammed her car door and raced into her house and up to her room. She couldn't banish the thoughts of Lucas that flooded her mind. She sat down in front of her desk and flipped over her unfinished drawing. She stared down on it captivated by the undisclosed meaning.  
  
Peyton felt the moist warmth behind her eyes that was threatening to escape once again. She flung her head over the back of her chair and gazed up at her plain ceiling. She spun slightly as her eyes wondered around the images on her walls. The drawings that she had put so much into, the drawing that no one would ever understand. The held their own encrypted message that she would never share with anyone. Be it out of fear or security she didn't know, and she didn't care, all she knew is that they were her journal. If any one ever took that time to examine her pictures, they would know her most private and intimate thoughts. She remained spinning slowly around in her chair. It was almost as though she was watching a still frame movie of her life. Just before completing her little life story she stopped at one of her last drawings of Brooke.  
  
Brooke. Peyton was supposed to be her best friend but if any one really paid attention to the particular piece she was lingering on, they question the validity of that statement. The main focus of the piece was of course a crying Brooke, sitting on a bench in the mall. Above Brooke, the words 'He said he just wants to be friends' are floating. However, the picture portrayed more then anyone ever seemed to notice. In the background Peyton had drawn one of the jewelry stores with the glass windows. In the window stood the light reflection of a thing curly blonde kissing a slightly taller dirty blonde guy, each with their arms wrapped around the other. You would never notice the 'couple' unless you knew what you were looking for and where to look. Peyton was oblivious to the tears that had formed in her eyes. She had betrayed Brooke in one of the worst possible ways and yet yesterday she had still been there. Brooke still stayed the night like she had every other year. The guilt began to make it self apparent once again inside of her. Everything was hurting again. She got up and slumped over to her bed. She collapsed into the warm, soft comforter and allowed the energy to drain from her body. She took one last look around her room before watching everything fade to black, much like it had the day before.  
  
Peyton awoke feeling very relaxed, but much to her dismay all the previous emotions came flooding back into her, and reality hit her hard. She lifted herself from the bed and walked over to sit in her computer chair. She felt the need for and escape and drawing was her open door. She grabbed a nearby pencil and continued her task from that morning, the image of her mother. Peyton drew everything with such accurate detail that when she was finished she was taken back by the resemblance. She quickly started on her next figure. 'My victims' she thought as she continued creating Lucas on the paper between Nathan and her mother. She sat there so absorbed in her work that the hours few by. When Peyton had finished Lucas image as laid the picture down on her desk and admired her work. She dropped her pencil as the guilt almost tripled in force. She not only felt bad about Brooke anymore, but know her mother's guilt had come back, as well as Nathan's, and now Lucas added to the horrible emotions.   
  
Nathan had treated her so badly when hey were together. All they did was argue. She was his sex toy throughout the whole year and a half of their miserable relationship. Peyton was sure that Nathan was just a bad guy, that he was incapable of showing any type of human emotion other than anger. He was so into his basketball and they were just in it for image. The head of the basketball team had to have the tall bimbo cheerleader on his arm at his beck and call. He was always such an ass. But, then they broke up and he met Haley. His whole attitude changed. He was so caring and understanding of Haley and her wishes. Peyton never had that with him. He and her mother were the first ones to really make her realize that she seemed to cause either pain in people, or she brought out the bad in them.   
  
Now there was Lucas. She was already causing him pain and she had just recently really entered his life. She leaned over her desk and ran her finger over the image of Lucas. She traced his face and roamed down to his body. "He's better off without me" she said quietly. Peyton's heart jumped as a message appeared on the screen in front of her.   
  
-Isn't that for me to decide?- Her eyes grew wide as she finally noticed the blinking light of her web cam. She quickly put the cap over the lens and groaned as she laid back in her chair. She looked at the message from Lucas. He wanted to be part of her life, but she knew all she would do was ruin his. He didn't deserve the distress she introduced to people's lives. It would have been better if they never met.   
  
The tears came on stronger she thought about how she had already screwed up his life. She destroyed his life in destroying her former best friends. He didn't need her in his life. She looked down at the picture and examined herself. She was a shadow in the picture because that's what she was in life. She was this nasty cloud hanging over people. In some case she was this Angel of Death, while in others she was an Angel of Anguish, but with way she brought on pain. Just then, Peyton knew that she was right, Lucas Scott would be better off with out her. In fact, the whole world would be better if Peyton Sawyer wasn't around. 


	7. Getting What She Deserves

            Lucas walked through the halls, trying to avoid people the best he could.  He wasn't in the best of moods.  He couldn't believe Peyton was shutting him out of his life they was she was.  She wouldn't even talk to him.  He walked into his first period class and scanned for Peyton.  She was sitting in the back corner again, drawing as usual.  Lucas plopped down into his desk and pulled out his books. The teacher started his lecture but no matter how hard he tried Lucas couldn't pay attention.  He was too busy worrying about Peyton.

            Peyton could feel his eyes on her as he entered the room but she refused to look up.  She didn't want Lucas involved, and she was going to do everything she could to make sure he stayed out of her twisted life.  She sat back and drew as time passed.  Before she knew it the bell rang and she didn't ignore it this time.  She packed up her things and rushed out the class before anyone else.  Peyton made her way through the gradually crowding halls.  

            "Peyton" she ignored the voice and continued walking.  "Peyton slow down, I need to talk to you."  

            "What?" she said turning around.  She was shocked to see someone other then Lucas standing in front of her.  "Ricky" she mumbled overcoming her shock.

            "Hey you" He smiled at her and raised his eyebrows.  Peyton just stared at him.  "You know I've been thinking about you a lot lately."

            "That's nice." Peyton was starting to get restless.  She wanted to leave and just go to class.  

            "Yeah, well I was just kind of wondering whether you wanted to go out with me.  And not just on a date, I mean be my girlfriend."  He looked at her with hopeful eyes.

            "Yeah, well I was just kind of wondering how a basketball player could sound so pathetic."  Her voice had a slight edge to it.  She got ready to turn around and then she spotted Lucas walking towards her.  'Maybe if I'm not available he'll get the hint and move on'. She thought to herself.  She didn't want o hurt him but she was convinced it was for the best.  She took a deep breath.  "But, I don't see the harm." She flashed her best flirtatious smile.  She watched a smile spread across his face as he draped his arm over her shoulder.  He walked her to her class.  She could feel Lucas's eyes burning through her.  She ignored the urge to turn and look at him, she had a boyfriend now.

            Lucas watched Ricky put his arm around Peyton and felt his heart shatter.  She may have been blocking him out but she available for anyone else.  He pushed back the tears that threatened to betray him, and walked to his next class.  The end of the day could not come soon enough for Lucas.  But, when he entered the gym he wished he was still in class.  There in the middle of the court shooting baskets was Rick.  Lucas shook his head and went into the locker room.  He glad the cheerleaders didn't have practice.  He didn't want to watch Peyton with Rick, it just made him miserable.  

            Lucas spent the entire practice avoiding Rick.  When he finally able to go home he couldn't have been more relieved.  He strolled into his room and collapsed onto his bed.  He inhaled the fresh warm dryer smell and he burring his head into his sheets.

            "Rough day" Lucas picked up his head and gazed at his mom.  After throwing his head back and moaning he collapsed into the sheets again.  Karen just shook her head.  "Well I have to go down to the café, there's food I the fridge if you get hungry."  She watched her son nod his head the best he could as she turned and left.  

            Lucas rolled over and glared at his computer screen.  He looked into Peyton's empty room and his mind flashed with things should was probably doing.  He got up and shut her site down. He didn't want to see her; he didn't want to think about her.  At least he could prevent one.

            Peyton sat upright on Rick's bed.  He was no better then Nathan, all he talked about was basketball.  The only difference was Nathan complained, Rick bragged.  As far as Peyton was concerned he didn't have anything to brag about, he really wasn't that good.  She sat there tune out what he said, just thinking.  With Rick she didn't have to worry bout hurting him.  He didn't care about her like Lucas did and she didn't care about him.  "So, do you have anything to talk about other then basketball?" she looked at his bewildered face, waiting for an answer she already knew.

            "Well, if you don't wanna talk we could always do other things" he walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders.  

            "Um, how about not" she said standing up.  He was only reassuring her that she had nothing to worry about.  Rick wasn't going to make her come out of her shell.  H would let her be and use her for what he needed, or at least try to.  If he didn't care about her, she couldn't hurt him.  If she didn't care about him, he couldn't hurt her.   That was the way Peyton wanted to keep things.

            "Peyton, come on."

            "Listen I said no, I'm just not in the mood."  She glared at him before she slid past him and over to his desk.

            "You were always in the mood with Nathan" his tone was arrogant.  Peyton froze were she was and closed her eyes. She buried the emotions that were trying to show themselves. 

            "Well you're not Nathan" She said in a cocky voice.  She turned to look at him, waiting for his next stupid remark.  He walked over to her and leaned into her neck.

            "Maybe you should treat me like you did him.  I think that would be the best for everyone."  She turned her head to look at him the best she could, comprehending what he said.

            "Look Rick, I don't wanna screw you right now so get over it."  She brushed past him but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him.

            "I think you need to fix your attitude.  I don't know how the hell Nathan put up with you.  You must have been one hell of a fuck."  His voice was cold and cruel.  Peyton could feel her stomach turning.  She was pissed off and her emotions were running wild.

            "I think you need to fix you own damn attitude" She shot back, trying to suppress everything but her anger.  She tore her hand away from him.  "I'm not about to be at your beck and call every time you want some.  If that's what you looking for I suggest you go find yourself some whore."

            "I thought I did" Before she could stop herself, Peyton reached up and slapped him across the face, leaving a handprint behind.

            "You bitch" he screamed at her.  

            "Serves you right" As soon as the comment left her mouth she felt herself being pushed up against the wall.

            "Don't you ever do that again."  He brought his face close to hers, and then closed the distance between them bringing his lips to hers.  Peyton snapped her neck to the side and brought her knee to his shin. 

            "Don't YOU ever do that again.  What the hell is wrong with you, you twisted little freak." She screamed as she made her way to the door.  "We're through"

            "Oh no were not.  We're not through till I say so" He said picking himself up and limping to the door. 

            "Maybe in you little world that's how it went, but not now" Peyton closed her eyes as she felt a sharp pain on her face.  It traveled down her body and added to the knot in her stomach.  She turned to leave as he grabbed her arm once more.

            "This is my world, welcome to it" He gave her a quick kiss and let her go.  "Bye Peyt."  She looked at him with confusion and then walked out the door.   She got in her car and drove home.  She wanted to go to sleep and make the day disappear.  Tomorrow was another day, but one she didn't have to deal with yet.

            Peyton woke up to the beeping of her alarm.  She groaned and rolled out of bed, dreading the day before her.  She looked over at her computer and saw a message from Rick. 

            -I'm sorry about last night, I shouldn't have pushed you like that, it was wrong.  It's just that you kept pushing me and I snapped.  I promise I'll never do it again.  Love you Peyt, cant wait to see you today- She rolled her eyes at his 'apology' and went over to her closet.  She picked out a pair of hip huggers and a loose black t-shirt, and then headed for the bathroom.  After getting dressed, Peyton reached for her make-up bag.  She looked at her self in the mirror and took out her cover-up.  She dipped her finger in the moist cream and then brought her hand up to her eye.  She gently massaged the cream over deep blue and black blemish surrounding her eye, flinching in certain spots.

            'Maybe I did deserve this' she thought as she started on her eyeliner.  She put every thing back in its proper place and stared at herself.  She had sent her life causing people pain, bringing out the worst in them, not getting anything in return.  Once again she was bringing out the bed side of her boyfriend, the only difference was she was gunna be on the receiving end of pain as well.  She wasn't going to get away with ruing somebody's life.

            Peyton felt as thought she could never get or do anything right.  Her whole life was just one big mess.  Deep down she knew what she was saying was complete bull.  No women asked for or deserved to get hit but a guy, especially not punched.  But, the emotion that was on the surface told her she was finally getting what she deserved.  "At least I'm doing the right thing for Lucas" she thought as she turned out the bathroom light and headed for the door.  It was going to be another long day at school.  There was a new pain for her to hide and a new act for her to put on.  But Peyton was used to it.

            As she pulled into school, she took a deep breath to prepare herself for the day ahead of her.  She stepped out her car, raised her head high and walked over to Rick.  She looped her arm around his as he leaned down and kissed her.  He show was a good one, and no one would ever know the truth.  

Lucas watched Peyton and Rick roam around the halls.  She was doing fine without him.  It was almost as if she had forgotten he ever existed.  She moved on and left him standing there.  All Lucas could do was sit around choking on the dust that trialed behind her.  


	8. One More Day in Paradise

**One Month Later**

Lucas was glad that practice was cancelled for the day. He walked across the parking lot towards his car. He went to open the door when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around to find Haley with a bi smile on her face.

"Well Mr. Scott you have two weeks until life at Tree Hill High is done. Anything you wanna share." Haley haled her hand out as though she were holding a microphone in front of him.

"Well Miss James, all I have to say is I won't miss this place. I can't wait to move upstate and get away from Tree Hill and its drama." He said sounding slightly relieved.

"You won't even miss me?" Haley dropped her hand and put a sad face on, sticking her bottom lip out and bowing her head. Lucas swung his arm around her and brought her close to his body.

"Of coarse I'll miss you Hales. You would be one of my few reasons for staying" He kissed the top of her head.

"What do we have hear? Are you trying to steal my girl Scott" The two turned around to see Nathan's car come into a stop in front of them.

"What if I am Scott" Lucas stepped up next to Nathan's door and glared down at his little brother. Nathan opened the door and got out. He had grown over the year and was now eye level with Lucas when he stood.

"I'm gunna have to kick you sorry ass" Nathan said in a grave town. He peered at his brother looking straight into his eyes and then let out a laugh. "Actually you can just have her, no fight necessary." He gave Haley a look.

"Nathan!" She said with shock apparent on her face.

"I don't want her. She is all yours man." Lucas also turned back to look at his best friend with a grin on his face.

"Luke! I can't believe you two" she said hitting them both in the arm. Nathan grabbed her and pulled her body into his before wrapping his arms around her waste.

"You know I love you Haley." 

"You love basketball. That's were you've been all week" She said turning her head away from him and putting a look of defiance on her face.

"You're my world Hales, don't ever forget that." He leaned in and kissed her.

"Oh come on, get a room you two" Lucas said, rolling his eyes. He turned his head to look around and spotted one his reasons for leaving. Peyton. There she was, walking towards her car with that jackass Ricky. She was a constant in his life, and so was the pain she brought. He hadn't been with anyone since Brooke, considering her never actually got together with Peyton. Every time he tried to form a relationship she would come to mind and stop him. He still carried around the hope that one day she would come back to him. But, every day that hope diminished slightly. She looked happy with Ricky and a part of him was happy that she seemed to finally find something good. His only problem was that he thought would have been good for her. He was ripped away from his thoughts as Haley's vice rang through his head.

"Luke we're gunna go. I'll see you later, okay" Luke looked at the smiles that his best friend and brother were wearing. At least they were happy.

"Alright. See you later." Haley jumped into the car with Nathan and the two drove off leaving Luke once again lost in his thoughts. He climbed into his car and started it. "I gave it time, and what did I get from that?" he muttered to himself. He pulled out of the parking lot and headed home.

Peyton walked lazily into Ricky's room. She sat contently on his bed. "So Peyt what are we doing today" he asked coming to stand in front of her.

"I don't know. I'm kinda in the mood to just sit here and relax" She said looking up at him. She watched him straddle her on the bed and lean into her neck.

"Well we can always relax afterwards" he kissed her neck and the traveled down.

"Rick…I really don't want to…"

"Come on baby. Don't be like this" He ran his hand along the edge of her shirt.

"I'm sorry if I'm annoying you. Maybe I should just go" She sat up only to have him push her back down.

"Why do we always have to go through this? I don't like hurting you Peyton but sometimes you just leave me no choice." He voice was a little to calm for her comfort. She pushed him off her and got off the bed.

"WHY DO WE ALWAYS GO THROUGH THIS" she screamed at him. She immediately regretted her words as soon as they left her mouth. But before she even had to think about apologizing she found herself against the wall with his arm to her throat.

"See Peyt, it's things like that that cause problems. When are you gunna learn." He removed his arm from her throat and hit her across the face. Her hand reflexively went up to cup her now bruised cheek.

"I'm sorry" she whispered without any emotion. He grabbed her shoulders and held her close.

"Sorry doesn't quite cut it Peyton" He tightened his grip and slammed her against the wall. The force was so strong her head flew forward before she slid down to the floor. Rick kneeled down next to her. "There is only one way to make you learn Peyton" he stood up and looked down on her briefly before his foot connected with her side. Peyton gasped as the wind was knocked out of her. She tired to crawl towards the door but was stopped when he stepped on her back pushing her face first into the floor. 

He bent down beside her again and turned her body so she was facing him. She looked at him with unreadable eyes. He reached into his pocket and pulled out something she couldn't see. "Here's what you need" he said grabbing her arm. Her whole body was numb and she couldn't really feel what he was doing, but she knew, and she hated him for it. It had only been twice and she was already feeling its impact. She felt his first hit her jaw, and she began to taste the blood in her mouth. He hit her two more times, each one causing the blood to fill her mouth more. 

Rick took her in his arms and held him close to his chest. "I'm so sorry Peyton. I hate hurting you, you just…" she cut him off by squirming out of his arms the best she could. "Fine you ungrateful bitch." He aid slapping her one last time. He rose to his feet and grabbed her arm pulling her to her own feet. Peyton could barley stand, her body felt so weak. Rick dragged her out of his room and stood at the top of his stairs. He got ready to pick her up and carry her down but stopped to say something. "I'm through with you Peyton. You're not worth it" As soon as he said it he pulled her to him and kissed her. He then pushed Peyton back and watched her tumbles down the stairs like a rag doll. "Find your own damn way home." He walked back into his room and closed the door quietly as though nothing had happened.

Peyton struggled to pick herself up. She got to her knees and nearly collapsed as she tried to get to her feet. She dragged herself out of the house and over to her car. She fought with her door handle but eventually pulled herself into her car. She sat in the seat trying to calm her nerves. After nearly ten minutes she started the car drove home. She pulled into her driveway and slowly made her way to her house. Peyton just wanted to lay down. She started to climb the stairs but her legs gave out as she put too much pressure on her right ankle. 

"Get up Peyton" she muttered to herself. She got to her feet again and started upstairs. She limped the best she could using the rail for support. Getting to her room seemed to take forever but she finally made it and when she did she collapsed onto her bed. 

She was glad her web cam wasn't on. Peyton rarely turned it on anymore. She couldn't risk coming on home and having someone she her the way she was now. Although it had never hurt this bad, she usually had bruises. Peyton fell asleep laying horizontally on her bad. She had a sense of relief as she slept. Ricky had broken it off and that meant things might start to get a little better.


	9. Park Confessions and Realizations

            Peyton jolted upright in her bed.  She was shaking and sweating.  She tried to take a deep breath to help her calm down but it didn't work.  She wasn't in control of her body anymore.  She hadn't been for the past couple of weeks.  Peyton put her hand under her bed and patted the floor to she found it.  When she was satisfied and finally able to concentrate she got up and changed into a tight long sleeve shirt and a thin pair of cotton shorts.  When she was comfortable she got under the covers and drifted off once more.

            The next morning Peyton awoke to the warm sun shining on her face.  It was Saturday which meant she didn't have to go anywhere important.  She could do whatever she wanted because Ricky wasn't around anymore.  That thought put a smile on her face.  Once the new set of scar healed she wouldn't have to worry anymore.  Peyton swung her legs over the edge of her bed and headed into the bathroom.  She did her usual every morning routine and then reached for her cover up.  She applied the makeup until every mark had disappeared and then she did something she hadn't done in a while.  She turned on her web cam.  Then she did something else she hadn't done in a while, she practiced her cheers.

            Lucas was in the habit of checking her site every morning just to see if maybe she had signed on.  When he clicked on 'Punk and Disorderly' under his favorites menu he didn't even look at the screen.  He turned around and grabbed his keys off his bed.  He absentmindedly moved the mouse to click the 'x' in the corner and close her box but he stopped when his head saw the back of a curly blonde head.  He watched her perform her cheerleading moves.  She did her kicks and splits and then went over some routines.  Lucas just sat and watched them all unaware of the smile on his face and the one on Karen's face as she stood in the doorway behind him.  Karen shook her head at her son's actions and went back into the kitchen.

            Lucas was amazed at how different her smile looked.  It wasn't like it was the last time he watched her practice.  Her smile wasn't fake and he could tell.  But her whole demeanor had changed from when he saw her with Ricky.  Her movements were lighter and flowed more.  When she smiled her whole face lit up.  He hadn't realized how forced her smile had been over the last month until now.  But something else also caught his eye.  He hadn't noticed it before because her clothes were never really that tight, but her body was smaller then he thought possible.  She couldn't have weighed more then 100 pounds and the fact that she stood at 5'8 made her look skeletal.

            Peyton abruptly stopped her cheering and turned to gaze into the camera with a look of bewilderment on her face.  She walked over to the camera and leaned down. "Did you miss me?"  She mouthed, pronouncing each syllable as clearly as possible. "I know you did."  Peyton rolled her eyes slightly placing a devilish smile on her face.

            Lucas forgot his worries and sat back in his chair amazed at everything she was doing.  He watched her every move as he fell in love with Peyton Sawyer all over again.  It wasn't that he ever didn't love her, but it started to fade.  Peyton roamed through her closet and picked out a red three-quarter sleeve v-neck shirt and her usually hip huggers.  He watched as she strolled into the bathroom giving the door a little kick so it would close behind her.  He laughed lightly before closing down her sight and heading out the door.

            Peyton got dressed and looked at herself in the mirror.  She checked her face to make sure everything was hidden.  She scanned her arms to make sure the other bruises and marks were all concealed by her shirt.  Once satisfied she turned and walked back into her room.  She looked around and spotted he sketch pad.  She picked it and a pencil up and then walked out the door and headed to the park.

            Once at the park Peyton found a tree and sat underneath it.  She began drawing the lake scene in front of her.  She leaned against the tree and felt very relaxed.  Peyton felt her body gradually begin to grow tired.  She ignored the feeling and continues drawing.  As usual she was completely caught up in her work that she didn't notice someone watching her.

            "It's gorgeous" came a voice from behind her causing her to finally break concentration.  She turned her head to look back at the owner of the voice.

            "Thanks Luke"  She turned her around and continues drawing.

            "Rumor mill goes fast around here.  I heard you broke up with Ricky" He wanted to hit himself for being so blunt and idiotic.  He couldn't think of anything to say and that was the first thing to come out.

            "And what, you're looking to be a rebound or something, or did you just want a one night stand."  Peyton didn't mean to come so bitchy, but her emotions were starting to run wild.  Her body was getting aggravated and she needed more. 

            "No, I was just tryna start some kind of conversation.  We haven't talked for a while and I was hoping for a little more then 'Hi'."  Lucas looked down at the sitting figure.  He watched as Peyton closed her book and stood up.  She was oblivious to the fact hat she had dragged her sleeves up while closing the sketch pad.  Lucas looked at her from head to toe.  Her body was frail.  She looked smaller then she had on the computer.  "When was the last time you ate"

            "Yesterday, not that it's any of your business."  She glared at him.  "If you're trying to get a date go look somewhere else because I'm not interested."

            "Well actually I'm not trying to get a date Peyton."  He said raising his voice slightly.  "We used to be friends, so when you see a friend normally you say hi.  But form the way it looks, were not friends."

            "We haven't been for a long time Lucas."  Peyton knew she should shut up but she was getting aggravated and her body was controlling her every action once again.  She couldn't even seem to control what came out of her mouth.  Her next statement only proved her point and she wished he slapped her as soon as the words left her mouth. "You were just some love sick wannabe upset because I didn't choose you.  As far as I can see you haven't changed at all.  You still running after me, going for something completely out of you league something, something you can't have." 

            Lucas had a look of utter shock on his face as did Peyton, neither believe what just came out of her mouth.  However, Lucas recovered quicker then she did. "See you have things a little twisted Peyt.  I could have you if I wanted you.  Any freaking guy could, it really wouldn't be that hard to get you're into you pants.  It never has been."  Once again Lucas wanted to slap himself.  Peyton was quick to retaliate.

            "So your gunna sit here and lie to my face while you tell me you didn't act like a little lost lovesick puppy." Her anger was radiating through her whole body and she didn't know where it was coming from.  She wasn't that mad at Lucas, but something was definitely getting to her.  Lucas watched as her eyes started to wonder, looking around aimlessly.

            "Yea maybe I was Peyton, but I'm not right now.  You know why? Because the Peyton I feel in love with…" Lucas snatched her arm and extended it out right , causing her to drop her stuff.  "She wasn't some heroine addict."  Peyton pulled her arm back and quickly pulled her sleeve down covering the numerous needle marks along her inner arm. 

            "That's none of your God damn business Scott.  I'm fine, I can handle myself."  She yelled picking up her things. 

            "Fine whatever it's you life.  But don't lie to yourself.  Look at you!  Your eyes are all shifty!  You can't stand still! And did you hear the bull shit that just flew out of your mouth!  Your need your fix Peyton and you need it bad.  Last time I checked that wasn't handling yourself." Peyton just looked at him.  She tried to compose herself just to prove him wrong but she couldn't keep it together.  He noticed her attempt.  "You wanna prove me wrong Sawyer, then go one week without touching the shit.  Then we can TALK about being able to handle yourself, but until then you have no argument." Lucas looked at her waiting for a response.  What he got shocked him.  Her eyes started to tear.  He suddenly felt guilty for what he just said to her. 

            Peyton turned away from him and walked over to the picnic table overlooking the lake.  He was telling her the truth, and that was something she wasn't ready to hear.  She wanted to take things one day at a time.   She sat down on the table and let the warm wind blow through her hair.  She felt Lucas's eyes on her.  "How did you get into this shit Peyton." He asked sitting beside her.  She simply let her head fall back as she inhaled deeply.

            "I only did it three times, well four if you include this morning." She commented bring her head upright and looking over the lake.  She turned to look at Lucas.  "He was no good for me you know.  He got me started on it one night.  Said it was his way of apologizing, it would make me feel better.  Didn't want to but I did it anyway.  I figure lets try something new."   "Your idea of trying something new is injecting yourself with heroine 'cause your boyfriend tells you to?"  He saw a look of uncertainty flash in her eyes and then quickly disappear. 

            "Don't lecture me right now Lucas.  What's done is done, it's in the past and it can stay there as far as I'm concerned."

            "Look at you.  It's obviously not in the past if it's affecting you right now."  She could hear the genuine worry in his voice.

            "One week."  She said simple as she got up form off the table.  She turned to look at him.  "I will o one week without touching the stuff.  I don't have any so it shouldn't be hard." She shrugged and walked away. Lucas watched her stroll over to her car and then get in.  She gave him one last look before driving away.  Lucas watched until he could see her car anymore.  'How did thing get like this?' he thought to himself as he slid off the table.


	10. Harder Than She Thought

            Peyton walked into her room feeling more aggravated then ever.  She quickly reached under her bed and pulled out her small stash.  She filled the needle and sat down on her bed ready to relive her pain and suffering.  She put the needle to her arm and stopped just before she injected herself.  Peyton needed to prove to Lucas that she had things under control.  She also needed to prove it to herself.  She lifted her self from the bed and placed the not full needle on her dresser. She was determined to find the will power to not take it.

            Peyton could feel her skin crawling.  Her heart was beating so fast that she was sure it might give out any minute.  She needed her fix and she needed it bad, but she was adamant about getting clean and staying clean.  She needed to get out of the house.  She couldn't stand being cooped up anymore.  She felt like tall the walls were closing in on her.  She felt like screaming at the top of her lungs.  She ran downstairs and out her back door.  She stood up tall and tried to compose herself. 

            She looked out on the woods behind her house.   Peyton walked off her deck and into the woods.  As she walked her eyes seemed to pick up on everything around her as her eyes picked up on every sound.  She wasn't used to feeling so cautions about things.  Her whole body was on high alert but she didn't know why.  She continued to stroll through the woods as a cool breeze ruffled her hair.  It sent shivers up and down her spine.  She clasped her hands around her shoulders in a failed attempt to calm herself. 

            Peyton started to feel lightheaded.  The woods around her seemed to be spinning in every direction possible.  The sound of the leaves was about 100 times louder to her surprisingly sensitive ears.  She couldn't get her eyes to focus on one thing; they just continued shifting searching for some unknown thing.  Peyton feel to her knees, unable to stand anymore.  She brought her hand to her head and closed her eyes. She repeatedly told herself to calm down but nothing was working.

            She opened her eyes as a single drop of water fell on her unsuspecting nose.  She gazed up at the sky.  The once blue clouds were now gray and dense with liquid.  She closed her eyes as the water was finally released from the sky.  The rain was subtle and relaxing to her racing mind.  She opened her mouth to taste the sky's cool and fresh tears and enjoyed the feeling of the moisture on her face. 

            She stood up somehow feeling much better then before.  Peyton spread her arms as if they were wings.  She spun in circles like a little kid.  She closed her eyes and tilted her head up towards the sky, opening her mouth to once again feel the smooth drops dance down her throat.  She turned and looked in the direction of her house.  She started to walk back to her house, now feeling more then relaxed.

            "Raindrops are falling on my head

             I'm just like a guy whose feet are too big for his bed   
             Nothin´ seems to fit   
             Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling"

            She sang contently to the open forest around her.  AS she continued she seemed to add a small skip to her step.

            "So I just did me some talking to the sun   
            And I said I didn't like the way he got things done   
            Sleeping on the job   
            Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling"

            Peyton stopped at the edge of the woods staring at her open back yard.  "What the hell am I doing?" she asked her self contorting her face to express her confusion.  She hadn't skipped and sang through the woods since she was a little girl.  She was shocked by the feeling that had overcome her body.  But as she walked through her back door she was glad it happened.  She was feeling better then she thought possible.  She walked up to her room and shivered slightly.  Until hat moment she had forgotten that she was soaked.  She laughed at herself as she opened her draw and pulled out her most comfortable pajama pants and a large shirt.  She threw them carelessly onto her bed.  Peyton placed her hands at the edge of her shirt and prepared to pull it over her head, but she stopped as a message appeared on her computer screen.  She stepped closer to read it.

            -Your cam's still on.  Just thought you'd like to know before you stripped for a bunch of pervs. - She bit her bottom lip and looked at the flashing light on her cam.  She was so used to never having it on anymore that she completely forgot about it. 

            "Thank you Luke" she mouthed before turning off the cam.  Lucas watched as the screen went black.  He laughed.  That was the Peyton he had fallen for and that was the Peyton he missed.  He thought for a moment and wondered what had changed her mood from when he last saw her at the park.  Then suddenly he remembered what first caught his attention when he came home.  The needle sitting her desk, it explained how care free she was.  He watched as her room came back into focus.  He was mad at her for not being able to go a day without drugging herself, but it hurt him more to know that she had let her life spiral so far out of control.  Lucas watched her dry her hair with a towel and began to get angry with himself.  He couldn't believe that he had let her slip out his grasp as easy as he did, and he also couldn't believe that he watched her everyday and still didn't know that something was wrong.

            -So you couldn't even last a day Peyt- he watched as confusion flashed across her face as she read his comment. –Turn around- he quickly typed. He watched her turn and stare at the syringe on her night stand. 

            Peyton walked over to her dresser and picked up the unused needle.  She walked back over to the computer with rage in her eyes.  She couldn't believe that he had no faith in her.  She held up the needle to the cam and pointed to the liquid heroine inside.  She then dropped it in the garbage and stared back at the screen.  "I didn't take it." She mouthed before walking downstairs.  All the happiness slowly drained from her body as she collapsed onto the couch.  Her body started to shake again as she closed her eyes letting the world around her fade to black.

            Lucas sat in his room feeling guilty for jumping to conclusions.  He should have known that she wouldn't give up that easily, it just wasn't in her.  But then again, in order to turn to heroine you had to give up sometime.  He began to think that maybe Peyton wasn't as strong as she let on.  He wanted to believe that she could control herself but his mind continued to fill with doubt. 

            Peyton bolted straight up and nearly fell off the couch.  She was covered in sweet and her entire body was shaking worse then before.  She attempted to stand and began to feel nauseous.  She quickly made her way to the downstairs bathroom and kneeled next to the toilet.  Her whole body heaved as she threw up.  Her stomach tightened causing her to purge herself once more.  She hung over the toilet for about 10 minutes before finally feeling stable enough to stand. Peyton walked slowly up the stairs and into her room.  As she turned off her web cam, she shivered as an invisible sheet of ice seemed to wrap itself around her, engulfing her entire body.  She poured herself into bed and pulled the covers over her.  Her body was shaking uncontrollably and her mind was racing with endless thoughts.  Peyton lay there with her blanket wrapped tightly around, starting out into the dark night with blood shot eyes. She stayed like that all night, unable to sleep until a little past 6 o'clock. 

            Two hours Peyton rolled out of bed still feeling crappy, although it was much better then last night.  She dragged herself into the bathroom and turned on the cold water in the shower.  She shed her clothes and stepped in letting the water beat down onto her overheated skin.  Her head was pounding but she ignored it the best she could as she stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself.  She walked into her room and scanned her draws until she found a pair of thin shorts and a plain red wife-beater.  She changed and then turned to look in the mirror.  The water had washed away all her make-up, revealing her marred skin.  She toughed the spot under her eye where he had first hit her.  She flinched at the pain the sensitive skin caused her.  She turned her head and looked at the floor, wondering what had happened to the old Peyton.  The old Peyton would never have stayed with someone like Ricky.  She turned and headed out of her room and then out the back door of her house and towards the woods.  The tree seemed to be calling her, and so she answered. 

            Upon her return home Peyton once again felt better, almost as good as she had yesterday.  She spent the rest of the day lounging on her couch and watching TV.  She experienced the same feeling that night as she had the night before, only the shaking was worse.  The next morning she woke up early and went walking through the woods before covering her scars and heading to school.  The whole thing became a routine for her over the next couple of days.

            Lucas had watched her, intrigued by the way she was able to cope without the heroine.  Only he didn't know that pain she suffered every night, or the trauma her body endured every morning in the bathroom.  He would talk to her briefly during first period, making sure she wasn't happy because of drugs.  He believed her because the puncture marks on her arms had almost disappeared.  Lucas was happy that things were going well, but on Friday his doubts returned as he watched Peyton stroll into class was blood shot eyes.  She looked like a zombie and didn't even acknowledge his presence like she had all week.

            Peyton slumped down into her desk, barley able to keep her eyes open or move for that matter.  She had gone for her walk in the woods but it didn't' help her any.  Everyday the walk worked less and less.  This morning it didn't have any effect on her at all.  All day her teacher's voices aggravated her already splitting headache.  Peyton wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there.  At the end of the day she sat in her car trying to build up the energy to drive home.

            "Peyton…Peyton…Peyt?"  Lucas looked down at the deprived figure below him.  He waved his hand in front of her face as he continued calling her name. She looked up at him, her eyes were shifty and lost.  "Well I won't even bother asking whether you took anything this morning 'cause obviously…" Lucas paused to wave his hand and motion at her limp body.  "you didn't."

            Peyton just gazed at him not understanding a single thing he said.  This withdrawal thing was kicking her sorry ass and there was nothing she could do.  Lucas heart melted as he looked at her.  He opened her car door and moved her over to the passenger side, seating himself in the driver's seat. "Whatareyoudoing?" Peyton mumbled, her words molded together.

            "Taking you home." He said starting the car.  "I'm not staying with you or anything, you got yourself into this mess, but I'm not about to let you drive hope in you…condition."  He pulled out of the school on drove to her house.  When he stopped the car in her driveway he noticed she had fallen asleep.  He shook his head as he gently lifted her out of the car and carried her to her room.  He place her on the bed and despite what his heart was telling him, he left and started his walk home.


	11. When It Rains

"I thought you didn't have practice today" Karen commented as her son came through the door. Lucas looked up to find his mom sitting at the kitchen table.

"I didn't, but last time I checked I wasn't grounded…so I didn't have to come straight home after school." Lucas looked at his mom quizzically.

"True, but you said you would be home right after so you could help me clean out the garage." Lucas bit his lip remembering his promise from that morning.

"I'm sorry mom. I drove Peyton home 'cause she wasn't feeling too well, and then I had to walk back here. I can do it now if you still need help."

"No it's fine. Keith came over and helped." Karen laughed lightly. "We used to talk to each other so easily Luke, what happened." A sad expression crossed Karen's face. Lucas walked over tot eh table and sat in the chair closest to his mom. He placed his hand over hers.

"We still talk mom. I know it hasn't been like it used to lately, but hopefully that'll change soon. What do you want to know?" Karen looked up at her son.

"I don't want to impose on your life Luke" Karen dropped her head slowly.

"Mom it's alright. What do you wanna know? Whatever you want." Lucas stared at his mom. He felt guilty because he knew he and his mom had grown apart lately.

"Anything?" Karen asked, her head still hung.

"Yup" Lucas replied hoping to reconcile there fading relationship.

"Well there is one thing I've been wondering…" She let the statement hang.

"What?" Lucas watched his mother pick up her head and tilt it slightly.

"Exactly what…is up with…you and Peyton?" A devious smile spread across Karen's face as Lucas pulled his hand away and fell back into his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I should have known" Lucas smile and rolled his eyes as he brought his hands up to his head.

"Well…"

"Well…" Lucas was now wearing his own sly smile. "Since you couldn't just come out and ask me…I think I'll let you think about it while I sit back and watch." Lucas got up and walked to his room. He turned around as his mom started to speak again.

"Luke…I suggest you hire someone to test your food for the next week or so." Her smile returned as she arched her brows and glared at her son.

"I love you too mom" was his only response as he retreated into his room, closing the door soundly behind him. Normally he didn't have a problem taking to his about what was going on in his life, but Peyton, she was a different story. Talking about only made him feel sick, and to be honest he really didn't know what was going on. She was a mess as for as he could see. She had already dug herself into a hole when he first met her, and she only seemed to be digging herself deeper. Lucas wanted to help her but she wouldn't let him. The more he thought about his "relationship" with Peyton, the more he became ready to give it all up.

That night Peyton stirred slightly before opening her eyes to the roaring thunder outside. She blinked as the brilliant flash of light illuminated the night sky. As she sat in bed thinking she realized how much she was like the event playing outside her window. The scene was gorgeous. It looked like something you just want to be apart of. The beauty of it all could just capture every fiber of your body. But it was also extremely dangerous. It could tear things apart and destroy what people hold dear. The glorious storm, which Peyton stored inside her, caused pain and resentment. It bewildered some, attracted other, but always seemed to frighten most.

Peyton felt the beads of sweat slide down her flustered face. She could feel her cheeks burning as if they were on fire. The thunder that boomed outside made her heart jump. Her eyes scanned everything around her, and the more she watched things the more distorted they became.

She threw herself out of bed and hurried to her bathroom. She stooped short of the door as the lighting struck somewhere far off, providing her with light to see the ghostly figure standing in front of her full length mirror. She turned and stared at herself. Her body looked emaciated. She had started dropping the weight when Ricky got her into the drugs. But over the last week she had only lost more. She lifted her shirt slightly and stared at her protruding ribs. She turned and wandered into the bathroom. Using the small amount of light providing by the storm she made her way to the scale and stepped on. She waited impatiently for her weight to appear and quickly stepped off in disbelief as it did. 87 pounds. She was almost 5'9 and knew that she should at least weigh 110. Peyton didn't even think that it was possible for her body to become so frail, but there it was right in front of her.

She shuddered as the red numbers faded, leaving her in ebony shadows. Peyton looked in her bathroom mirror and examine herself. Her face was thin and tired. He eyes bloodshot, making the weariness apparent. The only things that remained hidden were the various bruises that were hidden behind her still applied make-up.

She looked at her self in the mirror, her pain seemingly transparent as her mind opened to her hidden thoughts. Everything seemed to flash before her eyes. Her mother's death and the anger and betrayal and guilt it bestowed upon her at such a young age. The torment she watched her father go through as he dealt with the loss. The treatment she endured from Nathan, and the beauty Haley had brought out in him. The things that Brooke had done for her, and way that she repaid for it. The look on her former best friends face in the mall, when she clarified that Lucas only wanted to be friends. The look she received when Brooke confronted her about the deceitful things she had done. The absence of her father, even he didn't want to be around her. She never wanted him to leave, but yet he always did, no matter how obvious the hurt was on her face. Then there was the rejection she dealt to Lucas. He had always been around when she needed him and he always respected her feelings. All she did was continually push him away. There was the random beating from Ricky, and her new found drug addiction.

Everything she did hurt someone else but she now realized that it hurt her too. Peyton didn't want to hurt anymore. She couldn't take anymore pain. She was tired of having happiness ad joy ripped away from her. Even when she tried to avoid it, fate always found her. Her walls were falling and she didn't want that. If they fell she would hurt and she couldn't tolerate hurt any longer. She had made the mistake of not putting her wall up fast enough after her remembrance of her mother's death. She let Lucas take down more of her wall then normal and her mind wasn't able to rebuild fast enough. She wasn't immune to the pain and sorrow. The only thing she couldn't feel was love.

Peyton had not opened her heart to anyone after her mother died. The idea of that excruciating pain that lurked from the inside out and then repeated its endless cycle of torment petrified her. She could deal with the loss if she didn't get attached, and if she didn't love there was no attachment. She had let go of all feeling a long time ago and she owed it to Lucas for bringing that ability to feel back into her life. However, he never revived her ability to love, or her ability to trust for the matter. Over time Peyton had formulated her own theory and it had worked for her until now: if you don't love and you don't trust then you don't get hurt.

Her body suddenly grew weak as she let go of her trance and felt her legs give out on her. She struggled to use the counter for support. As she slowly regained strength, she pushed herself up and walked into her room. She hurriedly made her way over to the garbage and shuffled threw it until she found it. She held up her still filled needle, her release from the pain and torment that made its way through her body. She looked at her liberator and felt the tears that burned in her eyes. As much as she didn't want the pain, Peyton didn't want this. She wanted better then what she had. She let the needle fall from her hands as the rain stopped.

She looked outside her window into the dark night, the clouds still dense with rain. Peyton stood and grabbed her keys. She walked down her stairs and out her front door. She made her way to her car and slid into the front seat. The pain slowly started to subside, leaving only the symptoms of her withdrawal, which she seemed to handle for the moment. She wanted to go to the park, to the tree where Luke had discovered her secret, but also that one that she would sit at with her mother and draw and talk and laugh. She placed the keys in the ignitions and heard the thunder roar as she attempt to start her car. The sky roared again as she discovered her battery had died. She slammed her head into the steering wheel as the rain rhythmically fell onto the roof of her car.

Peyton's mind once again filled with thoughts, only this time they were more of memories. She remembered running through the woods holding her mother's hand. They had stopped and twirled around, looking up at the bright noon sky. She remembered the leaves that fell onto her head and the way her mother laughed and then gently removed them. Her mind drifted to the weekend before her mother died. She recalled running into the woods together and on the way back the sky opened up and released a gentle mist unlike the storm around her now. They had laughed and welcomed the drops hungrily into their open mouths. That was the last real time Peyton had spent with her mother. She hadn't gone into her woods since her mother's death. She lifted her head from the steering wheel finally realizing why the woods had seemed so comforting to her. She had felt her mother's presence around her while she shuffled through the trees.

Peyton's eyes filled with tears as she forgot the happy memories and replaced the sad ones. She slowly allowed the recent hardships to fill her mind as well. Before she realized it, Peyton opened her car door and ran away from her house. She ran away from the memories and away from the pain. Her feet took her in the direction of the park.

Peyton thought that if she ran long and far enough she would leave the memories behind, but the more she ran the more she felt. Her fortress was fading away and there was nothing she could do. Her body was drowning in its pain and guilt. She was literally beginning to choke on all the emotion the sweltered through her veins she stopped running and hunched her body over bringing her hands to her knees. When she finally picked herself up and looked around she noticed that she was in the opposite direction of her park. Her legs seemed to carry her as her mind yelled at her to stop and go home. She could hear the steady quiet taping in her ears but her body felt nothing. She heard the creak of the un-oiled metal but her eyes saw nothing.

"Peyton" she could hear the voice thundering through her head but she couldn't shift her eyes to stare anywhere other than the floor. She felt the warmth under her face as she finally focused her surroundings. She blinked her heavy eye lids and stared into a sea of magnificent blue.

" Lucas" she heard her trembling voice escape her mouth as she left her daze. Her eyes silently pleading with him for help. He looked down on her examining her as though her were intrigued. His face contorted in disbelief with a sense of annoyance. Peyton could hear the rejection before it left his mouth. The words that ran through her ears however, shocked her.

"I'm gunna kill him" She looked at Lucas, confusion obvious on her face. He shoved past her revealing the small amount of light the glowed quietly in his room. Her face grew shocked as she stared at the image in the mirror across the room, gaining a sense of understanding. The rain had revealed her secret to him. The bruises were clear where the water had washed away her make-up. She turned quickly and ran after him.

"Lucas wait" she grabbed his arm and stood in front of his car door. "Don't…please Luke. Please just leave it alone" The water now mixing with a new set of tears the streamed from her eyes.

"Peyton I can't just leave it alone. Look in the mirror Peyt, I'm not about to let him get away with that." He looked into her hazel eyes, wondering how she could let the bastard do this to her, wondering how he never noticed.

"Lucas…" She stared at him, once again pleading. He looked down at her. The water had caused her baggy clothes to stick to her. All his anger faded away as he looked at he barley there body. His eyes traveled up to meet hers, and in doing so all her sorrow was exposed. Peyton knew this and stood there feeling naked before him. Lucas collected her into his arms wanting nothing more then to take the hurt away. He gently lifted her and carried her into his room, carefully brining her to his bathroom and sitting her on the edge of the tub.

Lucas grabbed a warm, damp rag and began clearing the make-up from her face. She flinched occasionally but otherwise remained still. No words were spoken between the two as he helped her change into a pair of his smallest but still oversized flannels and a large t-shirt. There were no words that could be said between the two, for the moment things were just understood. Lucas walked her over to his bed and laid her down and then pulled the covers over her seemingly limp body. He sat next to her and gently stroked her head. He leaned down and kissed the top of her moist head, bringing back memories of the day he stayed with her over a month ago.

Lucas moved a stray strand of curly blonde hair from her pale face. "Peyton, what happened" he asked breaking the deafening silence.

"I don't know" She looked up at him. She had to let it out, her body couldn't hold it in anymore. The emotions were too overwhelming. "I don't know when it got so bad. I thought I could deal with her leaving but every year things got worse. The pain always came back, and there was always something else to add to the hurt. Last year Brooke was with me as usual and we didn't think it could get worse. But this year there was so much more things that happened and they all just surrounded me." Lucas watched as the tears flowed uncontrollably from her eyes. "I guess I just broke. Lucas no one has ever seen me like that except for Brooke and when I woke up and you were there I freaked. My mind told me that you were gunna betray me somehow, that I couldn't trust you. So I pushed you away because it was all that I knew how to do. I'm was sorry for that until I started thinking that maybe it was for the better. I'm I either bring out the bead in people or cause them pain and I didn't want any of that for you. So that's why I started the whole thing with Ricky. I thought that if you thought I moved on you would be able to, but I was wrong. But once I got into it with him, I couldn't seem to get away. Things just started spiraling out of hand after that."

"Peyton, you didn't start this heroin crap on your own did you" Lucas knew the answer but he had to hear it for himself.

"One day after he…hit me…repeatedly, he injected it into my arm. The second time was about two weeks later. That time I did it myself. He always made sure that there was a full stash under my bed and one night I just wanted all the pain to go away so I did it. And you know what it worked, but it wasn't worth the feeling I had the next day. God my body craved it so bad, it was like I couldn't function. So I didn't take it for a while until the day we broke up. He shoved the needle in my arm. Then later that night I woke up and I was craving it and everything hurt, my whole body was shaking, so I reached under my bed and took some. I was going to take some tonight but I stopped. Lucas, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to depend on heroin to feel better." Lucas looked at her trying to comprehend everything she had just said to him. It was so much and she went through it so fast. But he had questions and he needed them answered. As much as he wanted to hold her and comfort her he knew she needed to get everything out, and he felt like he wouldn't be okay until he knew.

"Peyton, why did you stay with him? I mean he hurt you, why wouldn't you leave?" his eyes pierced her soul, searching for answers only she could give.

"At first I stayed because I thought that I deserved it after everything I had done. After all the pain I caused people, all the pain I caused you." Her voice was low and Lucas's heart filled with guilt as he listened. He got ready to talk to her but she quickly cut him off. "I need to do this Luke, please." She watched him nod his head slightly. "After about two weeks into everything I guess you could say I started to come to my senses because I told him I was leaving. Lucas, do you remember the week I wasn't in school?" She waited for him to nod his head, his face overcome with worry and uncertainty. "When I told him I was leaving he hit me. Luke he beat me so bad I wound up in some kind of hospital for 4 days. He took me to an out of state free clinic kind of thing so no one would no. When I was released I had to stay home for another 3 days because the make-up wouldn't cover the scars." She looked down as she spoke the last statement. "I stayed with him after that because I was scared that he'd follow through on his threat of doing worse if I ever left again. The day I came back from the clinic was the day he first gave me the heroin. Two weeks later we got into an argument because he wanted to have sex and I didn't so when I pushed him off of me he punched me. He slammed me against the wall and I don't remember much after that. I just know that he gave me more of the heroin and then said that we were over before pushing me down the stairs."

Lucas couldn't take it anymore; he couldn't watch her suffer by herself. He wrapped his arms around her, burying her into his body. He released her briefly so that he could position himself behind her. He replaced his arms around her waist and simply held her, letting her turn to face him. Peyton hid her face in his shirt wetting his chest with her warm tears. Lucas let her cry as he watched the rain fall outside. The two listened to the sharp pitter patter of the cool drops as they exploded on the roof top.

Lucas could feel her entire body shake as she fell asleep. The sweat on her face blending with her drying tears. Lucas took the rag he had used earlier and wiped her face. He started to drift of sometime later but quickly awoke when he felt her body heave. She began coughing violently. Lucas put his hand on his head only to discover that her skin was burning. He tried desperately to wake her up but it was to no avail.

"Peyton wake up" he repeated he name and shook her gently but nothing worked. Her eyes stayed closed, she continued coughing, and her fever only seemed to get worse. Lucas slipped form underneath her and ran to the bathroom. He ran the rag under cold water and rapidly returned to Peyton's side, praying that she would wake up. He patted her head lightly letting the cold water droplets linger on her face. Lucas's heart skipped a beat as blood started to drain from Peyton's mouth. He wiped it away with trembling hands and stood over the bed, nausea racing around his body.

"Mom" he screamed absent mindedly. He didn't know what else to do. He watched through blurry tear filled eyes as his Karen ran into the room, worry on her face. She looked at her crying son. "Something's wrong" He looked away from his mother and down to Peyton and Karen's eyes followed his. Karen raced to Peyton's side, kneeling beside her as the blood drained from her mouth again.

"Lucas what happened" Karen asked taken in Peyton's beaten, thin, disheveled form.

"She showed up her about an hour ago. She was hooked on heroin and she stopped for the past week and he ex got her hooked on it and I don't know what to do. I thought she was gunna be fine but she's not." Lucas's face was tear stained and his babbling voice quivering.

"Luke who hit her like this?" She tilted Peyton's head and let the blood drain.

"Her ex" he answered his heart breaking inside him. "If she goes to the hospital she's gunna get in trouble for the drugs and her dad's gunna get in trouble for not being there and…" Karen cut him off understanding his concerns.

"Lucas I know that you're worried, but there is nothing you can do. The hospital can't do anything for her. She's going through withdrawal. Luke I had to watch one of my close friends go through this in college, I took him to the hospital and all the doctors said was that we had to wait it out. If they gave him anything his body would reject it and things would just get worse, you have to let her fight it. This is her battle and I'm sorry but there's nothing else to do but watch her." Karen's own heart filled with pain as tears streaked down her face knowing the torture her son was going through.

Minutes later relief filled Lucas's body as the blood stopped draining from Peyton's mouth. He repositioned himself underneath her holding her lightly for fear that if he held her porcelain like body to tight he would hurt her in some way. Karen sat in a nearby chair watching the two lay solemnly in bed, pain piercing her heart at the scene. Lucas gently dabbed the cold water on her head, every now and then letting Karen get up and remoisten the rag. The entire night neither of them slept, both to afraid to leave Peyton unwatched. The quietly sat there listening to the rain outside beat harshly against the roof, as the sky occasionally lit up with the marvelous steaks of electric light.

* * *

---I know this was really long…but I hope you enjoyed it, and maybe I'll get some nice long reviews. I don't know how accurate the whole this with the hospital is but I wanted her to stay with Lucas. I'll update as soon as I can!! Thanks for reading!!


	12. Exposing the Truth at Hand

Peyton opened her eyes slightly, allowing the beaming sun to entice her eyes. She was tempted to smile at the warmth beneath her as she took in the scenery, but was overcome with fear. She suddenly felt trapped and her mind and bode were both yearning for an escape. Peyton carefully slipped from Lucas's grasp and made her way to the bathroom. She turned on the light, but quickly flicked it off as her head began pounding. Peyton held onto the counter for supports, her grip so strong that her knuckles began to turn white. She could feel her chest burning as well as her parched skin. She jumped as she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Peyton, are you alright." She turned around to see Karen standing behind her, concern written on her face. Peyton merely nodded before her legs gave out and she collapsed onto the bathroom floor. She looked up to Karen with a weary smile.

"Maybe not." Her eyes scanned the floor with a new found interest.

"You had us worried last night." Karen bent down to help Peyton up. The two slowly made there way to the kitchen table, fear radiating from Peyton's body.

"I'm sorry about that. I should probably go" Peyton tried to pick herself up from the chair Karen sat he in but found herself unable to find the energy. She tried again, only to once again to fail. Tears of frustration escaped her eyes.

"Peyton," Karen placed her hand on Peyton's. "why are you always running away from people. Lucas is worried sick about you and he would do anything he could to help you and then some, but you won't let him near you. When you do let him in, like last night, you push him away again like your trying to do now." Peyton found a new interest on the kitchen floor.

"I just hurt people and I'm tiered of it. It's not fair to them, it wouldn't be fair to Lucas," Her voice was low and clear, but grew mumbled as she ended her statement. "it's not fair to me." Karen caught the last part of Peyton's comment.

"Why isn't it fair to you?" Karen wanted this troubled girl to talk, and she was willing to wait till she was ready, but Peyton opened up much faster then she expected.

"Because, when everyone else gets hurt so do I. Every time I get something good in my life it get taken away from me and most the time I'm the reason I lost it and that makes it hurt so much more." Peyton was shocked by her own words. She didn't know where they came from, but she knew they were true. Her emotions were so mixed up that she didn't know what to hold in and what to release. So she just said what came to mind and that happened to be the one feeling she buried so deep that she didn't even know it existed.

"Peyton, sweetie aren't you hurting yourself now. You care for Lucas, you always have and so has he. I can see it in the way you two look at each other and it hurts to know that you guys might pass up the chance to experience your first love." Peyton knew that Karen's thought were valid, but she couldn't admit it to herself.

"I can't stand the pain anymore, I won't expose myself to it. I always get hurt and I don't know how much more I can handle." Peyton couldn't understand why she was opening up to a women she barley knew. She felt Karen's hand tighten around hers and she felt a sudden surge of comfort. But, it was not enough to suppress her fears.

"I have to go" Peyton could not stop the tears that were dancing down her pale cheeks.

"Peyton please don't just leave like this." Karen started into the tear stricken eyes before her. She watched the frail figure build the energy and determination as she removed herself from the table. Peyton walked over to the door and gave one last look at the worried mother sitting at the table. The image gave her the strength she need to walk out the door.

Lucas rushed from his room at the sight of his empty hands and sound of a closing door. He reached the back door just on time to see a curly blonde rounding the corner. HE opened the door but stopped at his mother's voice.

"Let her go Luke. She needs to sort things out for herself. She's scared and confused."

"Mom, that's all the more reason to go after her. She isn't rational." Lucas voice was on edge as was his mind and racing heart.

"I know that Luke, but give her an hour of two. Let her get some things under control before finding her. You never know she might come to you." Karen looked at her desperate son. She took in the hurt on his face wishing she could make it her own.

"Give it time" He took a deep breath as he shut the door and dropped into the chair Peyton had occupied moments ago.

Peyton entered her room with tears still streaming down her face. She didn't know what was going on anymore. She wanted to be with Lucas, but she was petrified of him. He brought out emotions in her that she hadn't felt since her mother died and that was what frightened her. She was still being tormented by the pain brought on by her mother's death. She was almost positive that her mind wouldn't be able to handle another devastation like that, or any wear near to that. She knew that is she let Lucas in and she ever lost him she would lose it, it would push her over the edge.

Peyton threw her body onto her bed and buried her face into her pillow because she didn't know what else to do. She was walking on a thin sheet of ice and one wrong step would cause her to drown. With this thought in her head she always thought it was in her best interest to just stay where she was. However, Peyton was coming to the realization that if she stood in once place to long she was bound to fall through eventually. She fell asleep trying to sort though all her emotions and decide what the best thing for her to do would be.

After waking up and showering, Peyton made her way to Karen's Café for lunch. She wasn't used to going out for lunch but she wanted to thank Karen for everything she had done and for listening understanding. She knew she needed to do the same for Lucas but she wasn't ready to face him. She walked into the café and headed straight to the table Karen was cleaning.

"Hey Mrs. Roe." Peyton's voice was quiet and unsure. Karen looked up from her work and smiled.

"Hi Peyton, how are you feeling?"

"I'm doing a little better, thanks."

"That's good" Karen was hoping that Peyton would talk to Lucas, he was in the back with Keith.

"Umm…I just wanted to say thank you for everything you did for me last night and this morning." Peyton was babbling and she decided it was best to just shut her mouth. Karen laughed lightly.

"It's okay, but you should be thanking Lucas too." She watched the worry cross Peyton's face and then quickly disappear.

"I know…it's just that I'm not really ready to and…" Peyton looked at Karen who was listening intently to what she was saying.

"I understand." She offered the teen a warm smile. "Well go hang out with Haley for a bit. Get some food in you, you're thin as a rail, it's on the house."

"Thanks again." Peyton returned the smile the best she could before heading over to the counter where Haley was busy writing something and crossing it out.

"Hey Hales" Peyton greeted with her best of efforts. It seemed to work because Haley looked at her and smiled.

"Hey Peyton, I haven't talked to you in a while. How are things?" Her voice was cheery and it irritated Peyton's tortured mine, but she erased the thought as soon as it appeared.

"Pretty good. What are you up to?" Peyton leaned over Haley's shoulder.

"We're having another open mike night and as usual I'm showing off my wonderful artistic skills." Haley rolled her eyes and frowned. "Hey, you wouldn't be interested in…"

"It would be my pleasure Haley" Peyton sat down in the nearby stool and grabbed a piece of blank paper and the pen from Haley's hand. She began to draw the advertisement and for the first time in a while, she forgot about her problems. As she finished the sketch she was shocked by the huge hug she received from Haley.

"Thank you thank you thank you! I owe you big time Peyton." Peyton gave a genuine laugh at the energized girl before her. She shook her head and in the process caught a smiling Lucas staring at her from the back doorway. She forced herself to keep smiling.

"It's not a problem Hales, but I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow for the show." Peyton gave her a wink before walking out the door. Lucas's heart once again began to shatter as he watched Peyton walk away from him, again. He moved hurriedly after her.

"Peyton." He called after her as he stepped out of the café.

"What Lucas?" She turned around, forcing herself to face him.

"Why did you just walk out like that this morning?" Peyton could see the hurt in his eyes as well as the hope. She was torn apart by the fact that she was only going to add to his pain.

"Luke I shouldn't have come to you last night. I took advantage of you. I can't give you what you need, I can't' be there for you of support you. All I know how to do I cause you pain and sleep with you, and sex doesn't always make things right. Besides I don't know if I would even be able to do that for you." Peyton could feel the tears swelling in her eyes as she began chipping a piece of her iceberg.

"Peyton I don't care what you can give me, I only want you to give me you, that's all I need." Lucas raised his hands to his head. "God, why can't you understand that." He removed his hands sharply from his head and halted them in front of his face in frustration and hurt. He watched the blonde before him tense her entire body, closing her eyes and tilting back. Lucas gasped at the fact that she had flinched because of him. Peyton jolted her eyes open and looked at Lucas with fear once again radiating from her body.

"Peyton, I would never hit you" Lucas exclaimed pulling her into and awkward embrace. Peyton used all her strength to tear herself away from him. She knew Lucas could never dream of hitting her but she couldn't shake the fear. She let her hands remain in his. She looked down at their intertwined fingers. The tears broke free from her eye's barrier.

"Lucas, I'm sorry. I just…I can't do this." She slowly backed away from him. "I'm sorry" she whispered breaking the connection between their hands. Peyton's eyes lingered on him for a second, allowing herself to get lost in his mystical blue eyes. She turned and walked across the street, refusing to look back on the possible life she was forcing herself to leave behind.

Peyton sat in her bed that night, drawing in order to release her pain. She recreated the scene between her and Lucas with astonishing accuracy. She was able to show the hurt and confusion in his eyes as she turned and walked away. Peyton was almost willing to try and take a chance on trusting her heart, but when she remembered the torment she underwent when she was with Ricky she rapidly closed her heart again, reluctant to let someone in, especially someone like Lucas who had a way of tossing her emotions into the air.

As Peyton finished her piece, she added a comment. However, unlike the usual one's it wasn't a quote from the scene. Instead she wrote "Nothing hurts and nothing bleeds with covers tucked in tight." Peyton was weak and she knew it. She was scared and she let her fear control her life. She knew that she was going to live a life of artificial happiness. She was the lead in her play and she was unable to quit.

Peyton watched as a lone tear fell onto her drawing. She absentmindedly placed the picture on her night stand and sank down under her covers, closing herself out from the world for the night. At that same moment Lucas was huddled under his own covers trying to escape the bitter truth that he could have the only thing he really wanted. He couldn't have Peyton no matter what he did. The both wanted peace and love, something that neither of them were able to experience.

…The quote is from Vanessa Carlton's Paradise.


	13. Lyrical Declarations

Peyton walked into the overcrowded café. She scanned the groups of people until she spotted Haley and Nathan. She jostled her way towards them. "Hey you two" she shouted over the noise. Haley turned around gleaming, but there was still something distant and upset in her eyes.

"Hey Peyton. This is great, we have more people then last time." Her smile was a mile long and Peyton couldn't suppress her laugh.

"Hey Peyt." Nathan said while laughing.

"It's wonderful Hales." Peyton shook her head still smiling and wondering what Haley might be thinking or hiding. She looked up and scanned the crowd again. She wanted to talk to Lucas. She had given her life some serious thought last night and she decided she wanted to give Lucas a chance. School was officially over for them because none of them had regents to take and he was planning on leaving soon to go up to New York for school. Peyton wanted to talk to him before he left. "Hey, have either of you seen Lucas." She asked hoping they he was there and she would be able to get everything over with tonight. There was also another reason she wanted him there, it was something only Karen knew.

"He didn't tell you?" Haley's smile faded as she looked at her friend contemplating how to tell her.

"Tell me what?"

"Peyton he's not coming. He's leaving for New York tonight. I thought you knew." Haley wanted to cry but she didn't. she promised Lucas that she would enjoy herself, but seeing the look that briefly crossed Peyton's face was tearing her apart. Peyton tried to keep herself calm but she knew Haley could see through her.

"Ohh…well if he does happen to stop by, can you come fine me." He tone had no emotion and revealed nothing.

"He's not leaving till 12…you could stop by his house, he's packing." Haley hoped that Peyton would go talk to Lucas, she hoped it would give him a reason to stay and finally be happy.

"No…I'm just gunna stay here. I'll just call him later to tell him by. I'll see you guys later okay."

"Okay" Haley looked up at Nathan, who was just watching Peyton as she turned and walked away. Haley could see the worry in his eyes. They both knew the way Peyton and Luca felt for each other and they also knew that they never seemed to get their act together. "I hope she's okay" Haley said turning around, unable to watch Peyton.

Peyton found an unoccupied table in the corner and sat down. She laid her head in her hands and let out a cry of frustration. Nothing ever went right for her. She had pushed everyone away from her. Now the only person that had been willing to put up with her was giving up and her and leaving. She was going to lose Lucas and as much as her heart told her to go find him and confess everything to him, her mind told her differently. Her mind told her to let him go, he was finally going to move on, and Peyton thought that was something he needed to do. It was something she needed to do, something she had no trouble with until now.

"Is this seat taken." She looked up to see the owner of the friendly voice.

"Hey Jake. Hey Jenny, what are you guys doing here." She forced a smile.

"Well I'm going onstage for the second time this year. This is going to become a little tradition of mine." He said laughing lightly as he set Jenny down and took a seat.

"I'll have to make sure I'm here to see it every time." She leaned over the table slightly as she dangled her keys in front of a smiling car-free Jenny. She looked up at Jake, and smiled.

"So what's up, you didn't look to happy when we came over." She could hear the concern in his voice.

"It's just that I didn't get to say bye to Lucas, but I'll call him later." She said forging a smile.

"We're all gunna miss him, but he should be back before the semester actually starts."

"Yea." Peyton said tracing a spot on the table. She looked down at her watch. "Jake I gotta go….I'll talk to you later alright. Bye Jenny" She smiled at the small child sitting in her seat.

"Alright, see 'ya Peyton." Jake watched her walk away towards the side counter before turning back to play with his daughter.

Peyton watched as the last act walked off stage and Karen took their place. "Well everyone I hope you're enjoying yourselves tonight. The show has been great so far and there is more to come." Peyton watched Karen on stage feeling tears well up in her eyes. But she held them back. She stood from her seat and made her way to the front of the café, she was ready to leave everything behind her. She could hear Karen's warm voice in the background but it sounded fait as she continued walking. "Ladies and gentlemen without further ado, here is you next act." Karen walked excitedly off stage.

Peyton gave a steady glance around the room, scanning the faces for Lucas but she found him nowhere. She took a deep breath and pushed her emotions behind her.

"Well here I am, Peyton Sawyer, doing something I never thought I would do." She gave a small laugh into the mike, her eyes meeting a shocked Haley. "Anyway, this is a song I wrote from my heart and now that it really doesn't mean anything, I guess there is no harm in sharing it with you guys. So here it goes." Everyone watched intently as the piano began to play. Peyton opened her moth and began her song, her eyes still scanning for Lucas.

_It's__ gunna be me, baby__   
It's gunna be you, baby_   
  
Peyton closed her eyes and prepared to share her feelings with a group of people she barley knew. As she continued singing however, she stopped caring. She just wanted to get everything out and she didn't care who heard. _  
  
_  
_ Time I've been patient for so long...__   
How can I pretend to be so strong?__   
Looking at you, baby__   
Feeling it too, baby__   
If I'm asking you to hold me tight__   
Then it's gunna be all night_   
  
Haley listened to every word that left Peyton's mouth. She wished with everything she had that Lucas was there to here it. Peyton was for the first time letting her wall fall and it was all for nothing, Lucas would never know how she felt. Haley felt the tears fall from her eyes as she listened to Peyton's beautiful voice that filled the room.   
  
_It's gunna be love_  
_ It's gunna be great  
It's gunna be more than I can take  
It's gunna be free  
It's gunna be real  
It's gunna change everything I feel  
It's gunna be sad  
It's gunna be true  
It's gunna be me, baby  
It's gunna be you, baby  
It's gunna be.....  
It's gunna be love_  
  
The entire crowd was quite as they stared, mesmerized by Peyton's heart felt song. Peyton continued searching for Lucas as she poured everything she had into her singing.   
  
_Time in my restless sorrow pool  
How can you pretend to be so cruel?   
Maybe it's me, baby  
Maybe it's true, baby  
Maybe it's everything we're dreaming of  
We've waited long enough_  
  
Karen had known that Peyton was going to sing tonight, but she didn't know what about. She leaned against the counter wishing her son was there. She called him but he didn't pick up and his cell was off. Her eyes switched from Peyton to the door hoping Lucas would walk through, but he never did. _   
  
It's gunna be love   
It's gunna be great  
It's gunna be more than I can take  
It's gunna be free  
It's gunna be real  
It's gunna change everything I feel  
It's gunna be sad  
It's gunna be true  
It's gunna be you're the one to do  
It's gunna be me, baby   
It's gunna be you, baby_  
  
Peyton could feel the everybody's eyes on her. But, she only wanted one person watching her and she wasn't there. She had decided to let him go and live his life without her to drag him down. Although she couldn't tell him how she felt she was glad that she could get it out. She felt a sense of peace knowing that she had finally admitted things to herself. _   
  
The sooner you let two hearts beat together   
The sooner you'll know this love is forever  
Love needs time now or never  
It's gonna be tough  
You gotta believe  
It's gonna be strong enough  
  
It's gonna be love  
It's gonna be great  
It's gonna be more than I can take  
It's gonna be free  
It's gonna be real  
It's gonna change everything I feel  
It's gonna be sad  
It's gonna be true  
It's gonna be you're the one to do  
It's gonna be hard  
It's gonna be tough  
It's gonna be more than just enough  
It's gonna be love  
Oh, it's gonna be love  
  
It's gonna be sad  
It's gonna be true  
It's gonna be me, baby   
It's gonna be you, baby  
It's gonna be me, baby, hey   
It's gonna be you  
It's gonna be....   
It's gonna be love _

Peyton closed her eyes as she let her voice fade. She heard the piano stop and she opened them and stared out at the crowd. She forced herself to smile they all applauded. She heard Haley's voice. "GO PEYTON." She looked over at one of her only true friends and saw her tear stained face. She watched Haley start to walk over to the side of the stage with Nathan.

"Thank you" she said into the mike and she composed herself and walked off the stage. She turned to the direction she thought she saw Haley coming from but turned around as she felt a hand grab her arm.

"Hey Hales…" Peyton started as she turned around but stopped as she felt her lip pressed against someone else. She couldn't make out who it was in the barley lit area, but she knew who it was. She abruptly pulled herself back, her body filled with shock and freight.

"Peyton, I love you. I..." She cut him off.

"I love you too Lucas, I'm sorry I pushed you away. I was scared and then tonight I thought I lost you for good and…God I'm just so sorry. I…" This time Lucas cut her off as he leaned down and kissed her. The two heard the various awes and applauds from the crowd.

_ The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful_

Lucas and Peyton broke apart as they heard Haley's voice radiate through the café. The looked on the stage to find Haley smiling and motioning for them to come up. The listened and went to stand near her.

_Stop me and steal my breath   
Emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky   
Never revealing their depth_

Everyone watched as Jake set Jenny's car seat down and stepped next to the mike to sing.

_Tell me that we belong together   
Dress it up with the trappings of love   
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips   
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above_

Lucas wrapped his arms around Peyton's slender waist as she laid her head on his shoulder. The two stood there unable to remove the smile from their faces. The both of them had finally found a sense of happiness and relief. They listened as Haley and Jake started in together.

_And I'll be your crying shoulder   
I'll be loves suicide   
I'll be better when I'm older   
I'll be the greatest fan of your life_

Haley began her part again. She was happy that her two friends had finally found each other.

_Rain falls angry on the tin roof   
As we lie awake in my bed_

Peyton broke from Lucas's grasp and turned to face him, tears in her eyes. She looked into his eyes and spoke the words Haley was singing. "You're my survival, you're my living proof. My love is alive not dead." He smiled at her with a look of understanding. Lucas leaned in and kissed her as Jake continued.

_Tell me that we belong together   
Dress it up with the trappings of love   
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips   
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above _

Haley was so involved with Lucas and Payton that she was startled by the hands that wrapped themselves around her waist. She turned to find Nathan smiling down at her. He soundly kissed the top of her head tightening his grip. She turned back to the mike so that she and Jake could continue.

_And I'll be your crying shoulder   
I'll be loves suicide   
I'll be better when I'm older   
I'll be the greatest fan of your life_

_   
And I've dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead   
Tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said _

_  
And I'll be your crying shoulder   
I'll be loves suicide   
I'll be better when I'm older   
I'll be the greatest fan of your   
I'll be your crying shoulder   
I'll be loves suicide   
I'll be better when I'm older   
I'll be the greatest fan of your life_

As they finished the song. Nathan turned Haley to imitate Peyton and Lucas. The two pair broke apart at the same time, all of them smiling. The turned to look at the crowd, all four growing red as they listened to the applauds and whistles. Lucas looked at his mom who was smiling and whistling. Their eyes met and he could see how happy she was for him. The night was perfect.

They all walked off stage and the two couples returned to the table Nathan and Haley were sitting at. Peyton stopped Lucas before they sat down and pulled him back a little. "Lucas are you really leaving" Her smile was gone and replaced by a look of grief. Lucas kissed her lips lightly.

"I'm not going anywhere Peyton" He grabbed her hands in his and led her to the table.

"It's about time you two hooked up" Nathan said with a raised eyebrow.

"Very true" Haley added in.

"Tell me about it." Lucas said looking at Peyton, who gave him a passionate kiss.

"Oh. Get-A-Room!" They broke apart to see Karen smiling at them. "This turned out to be a very good night." Karen handed them all a soda before turning and going to introduce the next person. The couples sat there talking about the last four years of the life. The smiled and joked with each other all night. At around 12 everyone finally left. The four went to the beach for the night.

Peyton sat next to Lucas, gazing up at the stars and breathing in the fresh air. Since they left she had grown quiet. Luca began to fear that she was going to shut him out again, even after their night together. "Peyton are you alright?" he asked hoping for a good answer.

"I don't know" She answered honestly, revealing nothing to Lucas. She recalled the conversation she had had just two hours ago.

_"I have to go" Peyton got up and started to walk away._

_ "Where" Lucas asked, worry apparent in his voice. Peyton smiled and kissed him._

_ "To the bathroom Luke. I'll be right back" She turned and made her way through the crowd. When she came out of the ladies room she began walking back to the table but was stopped by a hand on her arm. She turned around, only to be pushed against the wall._

_ "What do you think your doing Lucas Scott?" Ricky asked, glaring at her and reinstalling all the fear she was letting go off_.

_"My life is none of your business, and that includes who I chose to spend my time with." She said yanking her arm away and trying to hide her fear. "Me and you are over and I'm glad. Now get the hell away from me." Ricky grabbed her wrists as she attempted to walk away from him._

_ "Who the hell gave you the right to talk to me like that" he yelled as Peyton felt the tears flowing freely down her face._

_ "What the hell do you think you doing" Ricky turned to see an infuriated guy walking towards him. _

_ "Go back to what you were doing Nathan" Rick yelled when he realized who it was._

_ "I will when you let go off her." Nathan was now standing next to them._

_ "This is none of you damn business." Rick spat back._

_ "I'm gunna go with that was your doing" Nathan gestured to the bruises on Peyton's face that were now slightly visible where her tears had washed away the make up. "And you look like you're about to try some shit like that again so I'm making it my damn business. If I have to say it one more time your gunna regret it. Get the fuck off away her!" Nathan had broken Rick's grasp and Peyton's writs and was now standing between them._

_ "Fine, whatever man…that little whore isn't worth it." He turned and walked away causing Peyton to stop holding back. Nathan caught her as her legs gave out and she fell towards the floor. _

_ "Hey you alright?" he asked her, unable to keep the worry and concern out of his voice. She nodded slightly._

_ "Nathan, don't tell Lucas." Was all she said as he helped her up._

_ "Peyton you have to tell him"_

_ "Nate, please don't make this night any worse then it has to be. Don't ruin it for Lucas and Haley. Luke knows about everything that happened with Ricky and if he hears about this he's going wind up in a jail cell for the rest of the night. So please just let it drop for the night." She pleaded with him. _

_ "Pey, I..." he started, unsure of what to do and taken in the information he was receiving. He couldn't believe that Peyton had gotten into an abusive relationship and kept it hidden form everyone._

_ "Nathan please" _

_ "Okay, but if that asshole comes anywhere near you again don't keep that hidden. At least tell me or Hales if not Luke. But Peyton please tell him" Nathan looked straight into her eyes and she nodded, knowing that he was right. She turned and walked into the bathroom to fix her makeup. She might have been letting something go, but there were still things that she wanted to stay in the past and her entire relationship with Ricky was one of them._

_ Her and Nathan returned to the table, both much quieter then before. "What happened to you two, it was taken long enough" Haley said leaning into Nathan._

_ "Yeah, me and Hales were worried old flames were rekindling." Lucas laughed as he wrapped his arm around Peyton's shoulder, causing her to grow tense briefly. Neither Lucas nor Haley noticed it because they were laughing but Nathan did. He gently tapped her foot with his and gave her a look saying 'it's gunna be okay'. She forced a laugh. _

_ "Of coarse not, we satisfied **that** craving earlier." She said licking her lips and winking at Nathan before giving both Haley and Lucas a seductive yet innocent smile. They all broke out into fits of laughter. The rest of the night continued much like it had before the whole bathroom incident with the exception of Peyton being slightly quieter and Nathan giving her concerned glances every now and than. Both things went unnoticed by the two best friends who thought that nothing could ruin their perfect night._

Peyton was torn from her thought as Lucas gripped her shoulder lightly. "Peyt, what's wrong?" He asked pulling her closer to him and laying her head on his chest.

"I ran into Ricky when I was coming out of the bathroom." She admitted, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Lucas sighed.

"So it wasn't my imagination, you did get tense when I put my arm around you after you sat down." Lucas questioned.

"Luke I'm sorry, it's not that I don't trust you, I just, I can't stop it. It's like this automatic reaction that I can't turn off." Lucas cut her off.

"Peyton don't be sorry. I understand that, I'm just worried about you."

"Lucas I don't know if I can do this whole thing with you" Peyton lifter herself from his chest and sat up, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her delicate arms around them.

"Peyton please don't do this again. Don't push me away." Lucas sat up and stared at her, her blonde curls blowing recklessly though the wind.

"Luke I don't wanna push you away, I just don't know how ready I am for this. Luke I thought I was okay. I thought that I wasn't scared anymore. But when he grabbed my wrist and pushed me against the wall it all came back. God, if Nathan hadn't have shown up I don't know what he would have done. All the trust I was building up just vanished in seconds."

"Why didn't you or Nathan tell me he came up to you?" Lucas asked, not knowing what else to say.

"Nathan wanted to, but I told him not too. I didn't wanna ruin the night, everything was going so great. I just wanted to forget it all, but it wound up ruining things anyway." Peyton felt like crying again but she blocked the tears.

"Peyt, we don't have to let him ruin our night." Lucas started.

"That's just it Luke, I don't know if I can handle an 'our night'. Just like before everything feels so up in the air and I just don't know how ready I am for any of this." She kept her eyes over the ocean, avoiding his gaze at all cost.

"Okay." He said simply. He took his hand and turned her face to look at him. "Peyton is you're not ready to jump back into anything I understand, and I'm not going push you to do anything you don't want to. We can do this on your terms and at a pace you're comfortable with. I have no problem taking things day by day." He looked into her eyes, hoping that she understood, hoping that she wouldn't just get up and leave.

"Luke what if I can't handle day by day" She asked on the verge of tears.

"Then we'll take it minute by minute. It's all up to you" He said smiling at her and bending his neck slightly. Peyton laughed and let a smile replace her worried frown.

"I'm pretty sure I can handle that" He moved a piece of stray hair from her face. "This minute I think I want you to hold me" she said looking at him with hopeful eyes. He moved himself behind her and wrapped his arms around her thin frame, slowly letting their bodies fall back gently into the sand.

"So are we going to be here like this all night?" He asked her with a sly smile on his face. He felt her body shudder as laugh escaped her lips.

"So you heard that part?" she questioned.

"I heard the whole thing" he informed her tightening his grip a little.

"I'm glad" she said quietly, her voice showing her insecurity.

"So am I" Lucas smiled kissing her matted curls. They sat there quietly after that staring up at the sky. Peyton fell asleep to the feeling of Lucas's chest steadily rising and falling. It all gave them both an odd sense of satisfaction and comfort. They felt shielded from all the torment that was awaiting them outside the beach. They were content that for the night they only had to be concerned about each other. It wasn't long before Lucas fell soundly asleep feeling genuinely happy for the first time in weeks.

The songs were "It's Gunna Be Love" by Mandy Moore and "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain. I'll update soon thanks for reading.


	14. What You Don't Know

2 Months Later

"You know, you're kinda hot" Peyton smiled at the warm arms that made their way around her waist as she sat in front of her computer.

"Really, you're not so bad yourself" She inhaled and moaned lightly as Lucas buried his face into her neck, kissing her skin softly. Lucas smiled when she didn't pull back. He had been trying to get close to her for the last month but she always tensed up so he would always stop. He continued to plant gentle kissed along her neck until she let out an unexpected laugh. He looked up at Peyton's grinning face.

"And what is so funny" he asked raising his eyebrow slightly.

"This." Peyton moved to the side so Lucas could see her computer screen. His eyes grew wide and he couldn't suppress a his own laugh as he read the screen.

-Ohhh la la! its getting hot in here…or shall I say it's getting hottttt over there. I can see the steamy windows now. Treat him good Peyt. (or do him good which ever you prefer).-

-Oh I will Hales- Peyton quickly typed, placing a seductive smile on her face. Lucas looked at her in genuine shock.

-Get your freak on Bro- The two read the screen as both their eyes grew wider.

-That was soooo Nathan. NOT ME! - Lucas and Peyton both laughed as Peyton continued typing.

-Well sorry you two but this party is private and your not invited- She quickly wrote 'Do Not Disturb' on a piece of paper and held it in front of her web cam. She smiled and waved into the cam before shutting it off. "Remind me to murder Haley and Nathan later" she mumbled turning around to face Lucas.

"I'll help" he quickly stated. He stood up and grasped her hands pulling her up with him. He lopped her arms around his neck and then brought his own arms down around her waist, encompassing her gentle frame. "Not that I mind…but what's gotten into you today." He leaned down to kiss her but pulled back unsure of how far she was ready to take things. To his surprise she pulled his head down and continued what he started.

She tasted good to him and he eagerly pulled her body closer to his. Her tongue danced along the edge of his lower lip as if asking permission to enter. He accepted her invitation with hesitating. The tongues wrestled playfully as the passion radiated from their bodies. Lucas hadn't realized how much he was longing to feel this close to Peyton. He indulged himself in her feeling like he could stay in the moment forever. A soft moan escaped from Peyton's mouth and traveled into his as she felt his tongue trace the top of her mouth. She reluctantly broke apart from him feeling the need for air.

"I just woke up this morning and decided that I kinda of missed the old Peyton." A smile spread across each of their faces.

"I glad with any Peyton, as long as I can have her." Lucas leaned down feeling the need to taste her again. He was craving her as she was him. The both opened their mouths happily anticipating the feeling of release they had felt second ago. As their lips met they both tightened their grips around each other. Lucas pulled her into him until her body wouldn't come any closer. Peyton could feel his warm hands along her lower back. She felt his ends move under her shirt and trace the small of her back and suddenly her mind was filled with images.

_"Baby come on. You gotta stop being like this"_

_ "Just leave me alone for once I don't wanna do anything right now."_

_ "I don't care what you want, last time I checked I didn't ask for your opinion" _

His screaming voice rand through her head, causing her body to feel numb.

_"Well I'm gunna give it to you anyway"_

_ "How much is it going to take to break you?" _

_ She suddenly found herself up against a wall. He pulled at the button on her shirt, tearing them like they no more then thin sheets of paper. His cold rough hands rounded her petite waist, resting on lower back. _

Peyton abruptly pulled herself away from Lucas. She could see the confusion on his face. She couldn't stand there anymore, he was to close. She shoved her body past him and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Lucas ran to the door. "Peyton, what's wrong?"

"Just go away" she yelled as she sat in the corner furthest from the door. She brought her knees to her chest and sat curled up as tightly as possible, the memories still flooding her mind.

_He buried his face into her neck, his lips roughly abusing her skin. He made his way down her body keeping her hands at bay along her sides. He kissed her bruised abdomen, letting go of her wrists to unbutton her jeans. She took the opportunity to push him away. She had given herself enough room to break away and run from his house, and that's almost what she did._

Peyton was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice the tears that were streaming down her face, or the warmth of Lucas's chest as he held her as tightly as possible. She didn't struggle to break free, she felt too weak to do anything, so she sat on the floor and cried, her salty tears staining his shirt. Lucas sat there rubbing her back unsure of what to do. Peyton had broken down before but never like this. He stroked her head gently trying to calm her down but it was to no avail.

The couple stayed huddled on the floor for almost an hour, until Peyton cried herself to sleep. Lucas gently lifted her body from the floor and carried her into her room. He placed her in the bed and sat down next to her. Whenever Peyton zoned out, she would always reveal to him horrible thing Rick had done to her. But, there were times were she would sit in a secluded corner and cry, oblivious to everything around her. Those were the times like now, where he did nothing but hold her and let her know that he was there. They were also the times that she would pretend that nothing happened. He knew there was something that Peyton wouldn't tell him but he never asked. He didn't want to push her, but something told him he also didn't wanna know.

Peyton awoke two hours later and looked up to see Lucas sitting on the end of her bed. She sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Hey sexy" She whispered into his ear before resting her head on his shoulder.

"Hey sleeping beauty. How ya feeling?" He asked casually.

"Fine. Whatcha' up to? I know it was boring sitting here for the last couple of hours."

"I survived, been playing solitaire and I can't seem to win." Lucas was used to this little charade they had. If things ever got bad they would ignore it as if it never happened. Now was just another one of those times.

"That sucks" She let her voice trail.

"You alright?" he asked, looking up from his game.

"Luke, I think we need to talk." Peyton slid her hands from around his neck and sat on her bed Indian style, with her hands resting inside her knees.

"Okay" Part of Lucas was glad that she was finally going to open up on the unknown subject, but another part of him was worried.

"I know I've told you just about everything about me and Ricky, but there's something I left out." Peyton looked up to find Lucas's eyes burning though her, waiting for her to continue. She looked down again, unable to face him. "That week I wasn't in school and I was in that clinic, he put me there because I wouldn't sleep with him. I told him to leave me alone and after arguing for a little while he shoved me against the wall."

Lucas watched as Peyton's eyes shifted up towards the far wall. He could fell the distance that was suddenly between them. He looked into her eyes but she seemed to look right part him, dazed she continued speaking. "His hands were cold when he put them on my back. When he let go of my hands I pushed him off but before I could move away he pulled me back towards him. He grabbed my waist, letting his thumbs rest on my stomach. He told me I had to learn my place before he started squeezing. He pushed in until I couldn't breath and I was coughing up blood. He asked how bad it hurt before dragging me down on the floor. I don't really remember much after that. I know he was sitting on top of me, kissing me. The last thing I remember before the hospital room was the excruciating pain radiating through my body when my back arched. I remember feeling him on me, telling that I had to learn, and that I deserved everything I was getting, that I had been asking for it. After that everything just kind of blurred together."

Lucas watched as the tears made their way down the blonde's face. He reached up and wiped them away, breaking her trance. He watched a pained look cascade over her face. Peyton felt her lungs constrict inside her. She inhaled sharply, but her body wouldn't let her release the breath. Peyton sat with her lip slightly parted, letting light headedness wash over her. She could feel the life being drained out of her. Lucas watched as her skin gained a light blue tint.

"PEYTON BREATHE!" he screamed, hitting her back. Her body jerked harshly but she still held the air. She could feel the knot growing in her throat. She closed her eyes as everything started to burn. Peyton watched as Lucas's body started to fade. His frantic voice became nothing more then a whispering echo as her eyes rolled back.

"Peyton" Lucas grabbed her body as it began to collapse. "Peyton please breathe" He whispered as the tears erupted from his eyes. Lucas hung her head over the bed and slowly moved his finger to the back of her throat, glad to feel the warmth still escaping her body. He pushed his finger back as far as he could, and then some until he heard her gasp. His relief was brief as a river of red flowed smoothly from her mouth.

Lucas laid her on her side and ran to the phone across the room. He dialed 9-1-1 as fast as his fingers would let him, devastated by the blood that trickled softly from his finger and along the phone. He began talking as soon as the operator answered. "I need an ambulance at 901 Hilton Lane." Lucas tried desperately to keep his voice steady but failed miserably.

"Sir can you explain to me what happened"

"My friend was talking to me and then she just stopped breathing. I don't know what happened. I tried to get her to breathe and I stuck my finger down her throat and she just woundupcoughingupblood" his last words were so jumbled he barley understood them. Her felt the buring behind his eyes as he watched Peyton lay helplessly on the bed. "She stopped breathing again" He felt as though his heart had stopped as he watched Peyton struggle for air.

"Sir I need you to stick your finger down her throat again. She's gunna cough up blood, but she needs to." Lucas immediately obeyed the woman. He cringed as he saw the blood overflow from her parched and newly stained lips.

"How much blood is too much" Lucas asked frantically as the red continued to stain her floor, slithering along her gums until it finally escaped from her mouth.

"The blood is going continue draining from her body, there isn't anything you can do for her right now other then to ensure she remains breathing. The ambulance should be there soon."

"I think I head them" Lucas mumbled as the distant sirens grew louder, echoing in his ears. He picked up on the sound of opening and closing doors as the red glare flashed through the open window.

"HELLO"

"UPSTAIRS" Lucas used the loudest voice he could manage at the moment. He watched as the men entered Peyton's room running over to the bed.   
  
Lucas hung up the phone and let it slide from his grasp. He watched helplessly as the EMTs hovered over Peyton's limp body. He couldn't hear anything outside of his own raspy breaths. His eyes wondered around the room and then fell on Peyton again. Once she was on the stretcher he followed them down the stairs. He pulled himself into the ambulance, absentmindedly taking Peyton's chilled hand into his as they doors slammed and they pulled off with the sirens roaring.


	15. Holding Her Hand

An Hour Later

Lucas stood outside the 'Operating Room' doors waiting. He looked inside at the girl lying motionless on the cold metal table. He watched the doctor's linger over her body, calling out different orders, looking back and forth at the various monitors. Lucas's head was spinning. He didn't know what was going on, he didn't even know whether Peyton was going to be okay.

"Mr. Sawyer" Lucas looked up to see a doctor standing patiently before him. "Miss. Sawyer is in stable condition. We are going to have to keep her for a couple of days to monitor her condition; she lost a lot of blood. Over the next couple of days you and everyone else around her are going to have to make sure she remains calm. She had a stomach ulcer and the severity of it seemed to drastically change of the last hour or so. Her bode was under so much stress that the ulcer grew and blood found its way into her stomach and then into her lungs which is what stopped her breathing. Something set her emotions off and that can't happen again." The doctor began to walk into a nearby unoccupied room and he motioned for Lucas to follow him.

"She is going to be okay though. I mean as long as she stays relatively calm." Lucas bit his lower lip as the doctor closed the door behind them.

"Yes she is." Lucas grew worried as a grim expression was displayed over the doctor's face. "Mr. Sawyer during our examination we discovered that her body had undergone serious trauma. One thing that has caught my attention was a lot of damage done to her genital region." Lucas couldn't hold back the pained expression that crossed his face.

"I think that's what caused her body to get so stressed all of a sudden" Lucas commented quietly, looking at the floor.

"You're not her brother are you?" Lucas shook his head slowly.

"Boyfriend, Lucas Scott. She just got out of a pretty abusive relationship not too long ago and she was telling me about how the guy…" Lucas let his voice trail. He couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Well Mr. Scott she is over 16 so if she doesn't want to press charges we can't make her. All I can say is that it's better if she does. Her body will heal itself in time, but she has to keep her body from going into that kind of shock again." Lucas lifted his head to look at the white coated man staring back at him.

"Telling me about it…do you think that helped her any?" He hoped it had. He hated seeing Peyton in so much pain.

"In most cases it does. Miss Sawyer is in room 235. Just tell them you're her brother, you shouldn't have a problem getting through" The doctor smiled lightly at the heart broken teen.

"Thank you" Lucas's voice was barley above a whisper as he walked out the door. He made his way to the elevator and up to Peyton's room. His eyes scanned the room numbers as he walked down the long hall. He stopped in front of her door. He hesitantly went inside, unsure of what to expect. He walked into the single room and closed the door soundly behind him. He forced himself to slowly turn around and look at Peyton. He crept quietly over to her frail body. He pulled the chair from the corner and sat next to her.

Lucas looked around the bed and examined all the different machines and stands. Her arms were pale and full of needles. She had a blood transfusion, and three IVs. He started at the monitors but he couldn't understand either or them. She had an oxygen tube under her nose as she slept peacefully. Lucas felt better knowing that Peyton was resting and she was calm. He took her hand in his and kissed each of her protruding knuckles gently. He laid his head down on their entangled hands, feeling the burning return to his eyes. He felt the salty tears break free from his eyes and slip down his rough cheeks, silently splashing onto their fingers.

"Hey you" Lucas lifted his head to the hushed voice that vibrated along his ears. The sweet sound rang though his head causing a brief sense of pleasure

"Hey" Lucas smiled weakly imitating Peyton. He watched her close her eyes and inhale the fresh oxygen into her deprived body.

"I'm sorry I scared you. I think I've been doing that a lot lately." She gave a weak laugh with abruptly turned into a harsh cough. Lucas quickly leaned into her with a worried expression. "Luke I'm fine" she gave his hand a small squeeze for assurance.

Lucas lifted his head to look at her. They both became quickly lost in the other's eyes. Lucas stood from his chair and placed a small kiss soundly on her lips. Peyton smiled as he pulled back. "I love you Peyton" She watched a lone tear slipped from his eye.

"I love you too. Please don't cry Luke." She took her other hand and wiped away the tear.

"Party still private" They both looked towards the door to see Nathan with white roses and Haley behind him with 'Get Well Soon' balloons.

"Hey you two, howd you know we were here." Lucas cringed at how low her voice was. Nathan set the flowers down on the table. He walked over to the bed and patted Lucas on the back before leaning over and kissing Peyton lightly on the head.

"Lucas called us. How you feeling Pey?" He looked down at her.

"I've been better, but I'm okay, plus you bought me roses, _white_ roses" She smiled coyly at him causing them all to laugh.

"I guess that puts mine to shame" He said pulling out a single yellow rose from the unnoticed bag next to him. He tapped her nose with it before holding it in front of him with a sad look on his face.

"I love yellow roses." Peyton gasped. Lucas smiled and bent down to kiss her again.

"I figured the above average girl would like the above average rose." He kissed her again.

"My turn" Haley complained breaking them apart. She leaned down and gave Peyton and warm hug. "You better not stay here too long" She stuck her bottom lip out. "Who am I going complain to when Nathan over there gets on my nerves?" Peyton couldn't help but to laugh at this, but she felt a sharp pain in her chest when she did. She coughed allowing a small amount of blood to escape her mouth. Lucas quickly wiped it away with the edge of his shirt.

"Hey you okay?" His face was overcome with worry as he waited for her response.

"Yeah, the doctor said that was gunna happen for a little while. As long as it's not too much there's nothing to worry about." Peyton gave her best effort to smile for him and everyone else. She didn't want them to worry about her; she was doing that enough for everyone.

"Listen we just wanted to stop by and give our regards. But we're gunna head off, visiting hours are almost over. Oh and Luke we stopped by your house to let your mom know what happened and we picked up some clothes for you" Nathan informed him, pointing to the gym bag beside the table. He walked over to Peyton kissed her on the cheek. "Get better babe."

"Nathan Luke and I are right here." Haley rolled her eyes while swatting her boyfriend in the arm.

"Yeah well Pey and I aren't gunna be able to do our thing for a while so…"

"Nathan Scott!" Haley hit him over the head with a look of shock apparent on her face. They all laughed, Lucas stealing a quick glance at Peyton to make sure she was alright.

"Bye you two. I'm going to go beat Nathan all the way to the car, and then all the way home." She gave him an innocent smirk.

"Don't worry I love you Hales, and besides you opened that door. It doesn't matter how long ago." Nathan wrapped his arms around her and kissed her passionately.

"Not interested in the PDAs you two." Peyton smiled obnoxiously in their direction.

"Fine we'll take it elsewhere" Haley stuck her tongue out towards her two friends. "Get better Peyt" her tone was suddenly very genuine as a sad expressing crossed her face, but it disappeared as soon as it came. Lucas watched as they left the room closing the door behind them. Peyton felt the sudden urge to share everything she was feeling with Lucas.

"Luke, I'm scared." She looked at him, the fear clear in her hazel eyes.

"Hey I'm here Peyt. I'm not gunna let anything happen to you, I promise." He took her hands in his once again kissing them gently.

"Lucas can you do me a favor."

"Anything gorgeous." He forced a smile.

"Hold me" He looked into her pleading eyes, feeling a sense of sorrow wash over him.

"Peyt I don't think I'm allowed to." He felt the guilt sting his heart.

"I don't care" He listened as her breath grew heavy. He heard the beeping of the machine increase its pace. Lucas carefully pulled the covers away from her body. He lifted her body from the moderately soft mattress and slid behind her. He felt Peyton relax her body into his after she turned herself around so that her chest rested against his. Lucas intertwined his fingers with her fragile ones as she quickly fell asleep.

Lucas watched intently as her chest rose and fell with each breath. His eyes eventually grew too heavy for him to keep them open and he was forced to succumb to sleep. Peyton's doctor walked in to check her vitals and found the pair cuddled together. He and the nurse looking in behind them could not help but smile at the two teenagers. Their love for each other obvious to anyone who happened to look in on the scene.

Lucas awoke in the morning as the nurse was changing Peyton's blood bag. "Good morning Mr. Scott." The nurse smiled in his direction.

"Morning" He said while returning the gesture. He watched as the nurse finished and got ready to leave the room. Before she shut the door she turned around and looked as him.

"Ohh just thought you'd like to know. The nurses on shift last night decided that you two are the cutest couple we've seen in a long time." She shot another smile at him, before leaving the room. Lucas laughed light-heartedly as he looked down at a still sleeping Peyton. He kissed the top of her head lovingly.

"I'm so glad I have you" he whispered into her golden curls as he squeezed her delicate hands. A smile spread across Peyton's face as Lucas drifted back off, unaware of a smiling Brooke outside the door. She found herself content with the scene in front of her, glad that two of the people she loved had finally found happiness. She turned and walked down the hall leaving her animosity behind.


	16. I Shall Believe

            Peyton heard the steady beeping in her ears as she opened her eyes.  She lifted her head to find Lucas still peacefully asleep.  She smiled, but her mood suddenly changed when she recalled the events of the previous day.  She can feel the warm tingling sensation behind her eyes as she lays her head back down.  She is unaware as the first tear escapes and travels the lonely path down her smooth face.  Soon she can taste the many tears she can't hold back.  She feels the strong but gentle hand that begins to rub her back, giving her comfort.

            "Peyton, it's alright.  I'm here."  His voice sounded distant to her.  She knew he was only inches away but it felt more lie miles.  Peyton felt alone, suddenly unsure of who to trust.  The only person she knew would be there was holding her.  Lucas had always been here.  Even when he didn't understand he stayed by her side.  She pushed him away but he kept himself within her reach.

            "I know you are" She looked at him through red glossy eyes.  Deep down she knew he was never going to just get up and abandon her but she still felt alone.  She didn't know how she could feel so close to someone, so sure about them, but still feel so far away.

            All her life Peyton had experienced pain, time and time again.  It was something she had come to accept.  She could always get someone to be there but they would always leave, and sooner or later Lucas would leave her too.  She lived a life of lies, betrayal and disappointment.  It was all an endless cycle, Peyton Sawyer's life was one big path of misery.  She had made the mistake of trying to get off the path when she went out with Ricky and now she couldn't seem to find her way back.

            Lucas watched as Peyton just stared at the wall.  He could tell she was lost in thought, he only wished he knew what was going through her mind.  'There's only one way to find out' he thought to himself hesitantly.  "Peyt, what's on your mind?"  He hoped that she would tell him.  Lucas wanted to be there for her, but that would only be possible if she let him in.  Peyton was never good at sharing her feelings and he didn't know if that was ever going to change.

            "Nothing"  Peyton voice was mumbled, she had not fully broken from her thoughts.  Lucas furrowed his brow at her answer, one that he didn't believe.

            "You sure, you don't look like you're thinking about nothing" He tilted his head slightly to get a better view of her.

            "Damnit Lucas! I said I'm fine!  I don't need you worrying about me, I'm not some little girl I cant take care of myself.  SO if I say I'm fine, don't push me just take my word for it." She snapped, her voice was much harsher then she realized.  She immediately looked up at Lucas and saw the hurt expression that remained on his face.  "Luke…"

            "Don't worry about it Peyt, I'm just gunna go call my mom, alright"  She could hear the pain in his voice as he slipped himself from beneath her.

            "Lucas wa…"  She began again, but he barley acknowledge her voice.  He merely continued walking towards the door.

            "It's okay…I'll be right back"  He closed the door quietly behind him leaving a guilty Peyton behind him.  She couldn't believe what she had just done.  She didn't mean to snap at him, she didn't even realize she had until it was too late. She closed her eyes, feeling the hot tears screaming behind her lids.  She turned herself away from the door as the tears broke free.  She heard her door open but she couldn't bare to look.  It killed Peyton to see the look on his face that was visible in his eyes and in the way he moved.  She hated the look that she had caused.  She felt the warm hand that touched her shoulder.  She tried unsuccessfully to hold back the evidence of her guilty torment.

            "Peyton…are you alright" Peyton turned her throbbing body to look at the concerned face hovering over her.

            "No…God Haley I messed up" She looked into her friends eyes, her vision quickly blurring as a new wave of moisture began seeping from her eyes.  "Really bad" Haley pulled her into a warm and reassuring hug.

            "Peyton I'm sure everything gunna be fine, but what happened?"  Haley sat on the edge of the bed, holding Peyton's trembling hand.

            "I got caught up in my thinking and he asked if I was alright and I just snapped at him.  Hales I don't even know what happened.  I didn't even pay attention to what he said but I went off."  Peyton could feel her heart shattering.  It was as though she had ripped hew own heart out, causing as much pain as she could.

            "Peyt what did you say"  Haley asked confused.

            "I told him that I didn't need him worrying about me and that I could handle myself and that if I say I'm fine that he should just leave me alone."  Haley looked at the regret on Peyton's face, but she couldn't even begin to imagine the pain her best friend was feeling.  He cared about Peyton more then anyone, even he, realized.  Hearing those words would have hit him hard.

            "How did you just snap like that"  Haley's voice was more cruel then she intended.  She knew Peyton didn't mean what she said but she couldn't shake the thoughts of Lucas from her head.

            "I don't know.  I was thinking about how messed up my life is and I just went off."  Peyton blinked away the new set of tears that was threatening to expose her feelings.

            "Peyton I think you were trying to push him away again. You might not have even realized you were doing it.  But think about it, whenever you get scared of worried it's like this automatic mechanism you have to build up your walls and shut everyone out.  You get scared that someone is gunna hurt you and you stop it before it has a chance to even think about happening."  Peyton looked up at the ceiling, taking in everything Haley was saying.  She knew it was all true but it was something she hadn't been able to control for years.  It was her only sense of protection against the cruel world that had it out for her. 

            "Peyt, you're trying to prevent the pain but you're causing it.  You're hurting yourself and the people around you.  What if you miss out on something real, something that you'll never find anywhere else.  Peyton you're gunna regret it if you keep shutting people out"  Haley had started to cry now.  She knew that Peyton was in pain and she hated that the only was she felt safe was to cut people off.

            "Haley you don't understand.  You…forget it, you're right"  Haley could see that she was lying.

            "Peyton what were you going to say"  she gave her hand a light squeeze.

            "Nothing important." Peyton looked at Haley and forged her best smile.  Haley suddenly remembered why she had come in the first place.  She looked down at the black folder in her hand.  It was the reason she knew what blonde cheerleader was feeling.

            "Peyton are you mad at me" Haley didn't know how else to say it, she didn't want to beat around the bush.

            "No, Hales why would I be"  Peyton had a look of genuine shock on her face.  She had never hated Haley.  She watched her friend pick up a folder from the floor.  She recognized it, it was her art portfolio.  It had all her most private sketches in it.  She watched as Haley opened it and scanned the pictures stopping at the one she was looking for.

            "This is why I think you are"  Haley felt the tears burning in her eyes as she held the picture in front of Peyton. Peyton examined the sketch that she had drawn months ago.  It was of Haley and Nathan walking away holding hands.  She had drawn herself in the corner, gazing at them with visibly glossy eyes.  Above the couple the words caught her eyes.  "They can have it." In the corner there was another quote.  "People always leave."  The tears she had been holding back made themselves known again.  She looked up at Haley.

            "I was never mad at you Hales.  My art has always been my escape, my diary, that was just what I was feeling that day.  It wasn't directed at anyone I promise."  Peyton looked directly into Haley's eyes, hoping that she understood.

            "Peyt, that's good to know.  I'm worried about you though."  Haley flipped through the next couple of drawings, making sure to show each of them to Peyton.  There was one of Lucas and Brooke, one of Brooke walking out of her bedroom,  one of her dad getting on a boat, and one of a red stoplight.  They all held the same phrase, 'People always leave.'  "This scares me a little bit.  How can you keep all this inside of you?"  Peyton looked at the auburn haired girl in front of her.  She was normally so happy but now her entire demeanor was altered.  Her face was tear-stained.  The pain and confusion could be seen in her eyes.  Peyton couldn't help but feel she had caused that and she felt that she owed he distraught girl before her an explanation.

            "I've done it for nearly 8 years.  It's all second nature now.  It's why I don't let people in.  When I let them in they always leave and I can't do anything about it but get up in the morning and plaster a smile on my face.  It's my problem, people have enough to deal with other then worrying about me.  It's better that I shut people out, it stops the problems before they start."

            Haley looked at the disheveled girl in front of her.  The stereo-typical cheerleader would be your high school whore, selfish and self serving.  The girl in school that everyone fears.  She get whatever she wants by keeping her legs open and flipping her hair.  She's the biggest bitch you'll ever meet and thrives off the pain of others as well as revenge.  Peyton was the head of the Tree Hill cheerleading squad.  That girl…was not Peyton Sawyer.  That girl was her opposite.  Peyton was willing to hide her pain so no one had to worry about her.  She was everyone's rock when needed, always there to listen or lend a shoulder.  Here she was making herself sick because she thought was preventing people from feeling her pain.

            "Peyton you don't have to do things alone.  Everyone has problems but everyone needs help.  You can't always be the rock" Haley looked at Peyton, seeing her differently then before.  She forced a smile to let her know that she wasn't alone.

"Peyton the point of having someone care about you is so that they can help.  You have me, Lucas, Nathan, Karen, your dad, and if you really need her you have Brooke too."  Peyton looked at Haley, not believing her words.  She never really had anybody and she never would.  If she did have somebody she would lose them, so she didn't want anyone to care, she wouldn't let herself have anybody.

            "Haley I know you guys are there to listen and tell me everything's gunna be aright, but that doesn't make things better.  It doesn't mean I have someone there for me, I can't have someone there for me, I don't want it." Peyton replied honestly.

            "Well I don't care if you want it Peyton you have me anyway and you definitely have Lucas.  Peyt he's not going anywhere no matter how hard you try to get rid of him."  Haley smirked in Peyton's direction before sticking her tongue out.

            "I'm not so sure about that Hales.  I think I screwed up really bad with him."  She could feel the tears that slid down her pale cheeks again.

            "Peyton, you've pushed him away before and isn't her here for you now.  It's gunna take more then words to push Luke out of your life.  He really loves you and I know you love him so would you just let one itsy bitsy wall down, just for him."  Peyton couldn't help but to laugh as Haley poked her bottom lip out and put her hands together, laying her head lightly against them.

            "I can only try Hales, but I don't know how well it will work"  Her smile faded slightly as the words left her parched and tender lips. 

            "That's all I ask"  Haley put her hands up in defense before leaning in and hugging Peyton closely but being careful not to hurt her.  "Peyt if you need me I'm here, just don't forget that."  Haley pulled back slightly and looked into her friends hazel eyes.

            "Thanks" Peyton pulled her back into a warm hug before letting her go.  As Haley walked to the door Peyton stopped her.  "Hales…thanks for listening" She gave a small smile, this one genuine.

            "I figured it was time for a change, your turn to have a rock."  Haley returned the gesture before leaving the room.  Peyton relaxed back into her small bed, gazing up at the ceiling.

            "I'm here for you too" She turned abruptly to look at the figure in the door.

            "Luke I'm so sorry for what I said."  She looked at him with pleading eyes.  He only smiled at her.

            "I didn't mean to, but I kinda ease dropped on you and Hales for the couple of hours or so."  He sat in the chair next to her, taking her fragile hand in his.

            "I think I'm kind of glad, did it explain anything?"  She looked at him, feeling hopeful.

            "Yea, and I agree with Hales.  You can't keep everything inside, you're making yourself sick"  Lucas watched as a tear slipped from her red eyes.  He looked at the dark circles underneath her eyes.  He wasn't sure whether it was form lack of sleep, stress, or both.  He wiped the tear from her face and then laid himself next to her under the thin blanket, draping his arm around her slender waist.  She absentmindedly entangled their legs, situating herself closer to him.  "Peyton I'm supposed to leave in two weeks to go to New York, but I don't really want to.  I wanna stay here with you, but I gotta know that your gunna let me in.  I cant stay here and watch you push me away for months.  I don't really care too much about my future, my main concern is that it includes you. Peyton I…"  She shifted in his arms and cut him off with a gentle kiss.

            "I want you in my future Lucas, I really do.  It's just letting you in is really hard, but please don't give up on me.  I'm trying Luke, I swear I am."  Peyton let the tears fall gracefully along her cheeks.  Lucas wrapped his arm tightly around her waist and kissed her passionately.  He let her tongue invade his mouth graciously.  He pulled back reluctantly and smiled at her.  Peyton returned the smile.

            "I'm not giving up on you Peyt, don't worry" He pulled her into a close hug before turning his body slightly to turn on the radio.  "I know you can't possibly like sitting down here."  Lucas got up from the bed.  He carefully removed the covers form Peyton's body and helped her sit up.

            "Luke what are you doing?"  Peyton looked up at him utterly confused.  She watched Lucas bend down with one hand behind his back and the other extended.

            "Care to dance Madame Sawyer."  Lucas looked up at a smiling cheerleader.

            "I would love to Monsieur. Scott"  She slipped her hand into Lucas's.  He pulled her up, making sure to maneuver her ivy stands with her.  They listened as Sheryl Crow played through the radio speakers.  Lucas joined his hands with hers as Peyton rested her head on his shoulder.  He held onto her stand as they swayed back and forth to the music.

                        _Come to me now  
                        And lay your hands over me  
                        Even if it's a lie  
                        Say it will be alright  
                        And I shall believe  
  
                        I'm broken in two  
                        And I know you're on to me  
                        That I only come home  
                        When I'm so all alone  
                        But I do believe  
  
                        That not everything is gonna be the way  
                        You think it ought to be  
                        It seems like every time I try to make it right  
                        It all comes down on me  
                        Please say honestly you won't give up on me  
                        And I shall believe  
                        And I shall believe  
  
                        Open the door  
                        And show me your face tonight  
                        I know it's true  
                        No one heals me like you  
                        And you hold the key  
  
                        Never again  
                        would I turn away from you  
                        I'm so heavy tonight  
                        But your love is alright  
                        And I do believe  
  
                        That not everything is gonna be the way  
                        You think it ought to be  
                        It seems like every time I try to make it right  
                        It all comes down on me  
                        Please say honestly  
                        You won't give up on me  
                        And I shall believe  
                        I shall believe_

            The couple danced through the next couple of songs.  The watched as the sun set, leaving the sky in a magical array of colors.  Peyton let her fears of losing Lucas slip away for the night.  She was happy again, and she hopped that this time around nothing would ruin it for her, and nothing did.   After dancing they ate food that Haley had brought by earlier and then they laid in the small bad cuddled next to each other.  They both soon feel asleep, their breathing peaceful and melodic.

The song is 'I Shall Believe' by Sheryl Crow.  I'll update soon.  Don't forget to review!  


	17. Confusion

            "How long have you been up?"  A newly awake Peyton looked up at Lucas.

            "About an hour or so"  He didn't remove his eyes from her.

            "I'm sorry.  Why didn't you wake me, you must have been bored out of your mind."  Lucas laughed lightly at the sympathetic look that briefly crept across her face.

            "It's alright.  I like watching you sleep" He leaned down and kissed her.  The two smiled at each other. Lucas's smile faded as he watched Peyton grow serious.

            "I hate to break the mood Luke, but I was thinking about the whole college thing. I think it's important for you to go.  I mean you got into NYU, that's a really good school and I don't want you to pass that up for me.  You'll regret it if you don't go and I don't wanna be the cause of you wondering what kind of life you had."  Peyton bit her bottom lip not fully agreeing with what she said.  She did want Lucas to go and live his life, but she also wanted to be apart of that life.  She wasn't sure whether she was pushing him away again or if she really was sincere about her feelings.

            "Peyton you're not getting rid of me that easily.  I can always just start later in the semester or I could just go to a local university for the year and then go up to NYU later.  If I go up there now I will regret it and I will be left wondering what kind of life I could have had with you."  His smiled returned as his lips met her warm forehead.

            "Lucas, why are you going to NYU anyway.  I mean, I always pictured you playing professional ball or something like that and NYU isn't exactly known for their basketball team."  She looked up him, the smile still on her face.

            "Well I love basketball and all, but playing on varsity made me realize that I'd rather just play for fun.  I don't really like the pressure and all, it's better to just go to the park and shoot hoops with the guys.  Then we can all just laugh at each other and pull stupid stunts, ya' know.  We can just have fun." 

            "Well that makes sense.  I know that you said you don't like the whole varsity scene and all, but would I still be able to come and stand on the side and watch, be your own personal cheerleader." She looked at him seductively, a hint of defiance on her face.

            "I wouldn't have it any other way" Lucas leaned down and kissed her passionately. 

            "Luke I have an idea."  She said breaking the kiss.  "Well when you go to New York, I could always go with you.  They have some of the best art and design schools in the country.  So then we could stay together and things would be okay."  Peyton was shocked by the commitment she was suddenly making to Lucas.  Somehow sharing everything that happened with him helped her to gain a sense of trust.  She wanted nothing more to have him be the constant in her life.  She couldn't dream of pushing him away at the moment.  She just wanted them to be together for as long as possible.

            "That sounds like a plane Miss Sawyer." She watched as he raised her eyebrows.  She leaned in a kissed him again, feeling the joy wash over her body.

-Late that day-

            Peyton was thrilled to be getting out of the hospital.  She sat impatiently as the nurse removed the wire and needles from her arm.  Lucas laughed as he watched Peyton fidget around on the bed.  He quickly muffled his laughter as she glared in his direction.  When they were finally done Peyton rushed to the bathroom and changed.  When she emerged she ran to Lucas and hugged him tightly.

            "What was that for" he asked, surprised by her sudden action.

            "Because, you're the one that's rescuing me from this horrid place."  She laughed as she pulled back and grabbed his hand, entangling their fingers.  Lucas looked down at their hands and smiled before looking into her anxious eyes.

            "I could get used to this" he commented before bringing her hand to his mouth and kissing it gently.  A smile spread across her face.  She didn't know why she felt so happy, but she didn't mind.  It was a change for her and it was a change that she liked.

            Haley and Nathan has dropped Luke's car off that afternoon so that they would be able to leave whenever they were ready.  The ride to her house was amusing for both of them.  They blasted music the entire way and danced within their seats.  Peyton couldn't get rid of the smile and neither could Lucas.  He couldn't remember the last time her had seen her happy.  As they pulled into her driveway Peyton felt her stomach start to turn slightly, but she pushed the feeling aside, she didn't want anything to ruin her day.  Lucas noticed her uneasiness and brought his hand up to her face.  She cringed and pulled her body back instinctively out of fear.  Lucas quickly removed his hand.

            "Lucas I'm sorry. I just…"  She let her statement hang.  She how easily she got scared.  She just wished she could really trust people again, especially Lucas.  She hated the hurt look that flashed across his face.

            "Peyt, it's alright, really.  It's gunna take you time and I get that.  I just want you to know that I will never hurt you."  He smiled warmly at her, making her feel a little bit better, but not completely.  She did return the smile however before opening her car door.  Lucas followed her into her house and then up to her room.  "So what do you wanna do with the rest of the day?"  Luca asked her as he sat on her bed.

            "I kinda just wanna relax"  She said sitting next to him.  A sudden wave of fear rushed over her as she recalled her conversion with Rick.  However, her fear vanished as he agreed, causing her smile to return.

            "Sounds good.  We can go downstairs and watch movies or something.  Order some pizza and curl up on the couch."  He felt her small hands on his as she pulled him up.

            "Let's go Scott.  What are you waiting for?"  she joked as she pulled him downstairs with her.  They did just what they planned for the rest of the evening.  After she made him sit through two chick flicks, he talked her into watching an action movie while they ate.

            "Okay you got to watch your little war, bloodshed movie.  Now we can watch some horror."  She got up and put in another tape.

            "For a second there I thought you gunna make me watch another sob story."  He laughed as she sat back down.  He wrapped his arms around her waist.

            "Hey, Pretty Woman is classic" she argued as she broke away from him and looked into his eyes.  He leaned over and kissed her.

            "I suppose Kruger is a classic too."  He raised his eyebrow as the movie started.

            "Yep, all seven of em', well eight if you include New Nightmare."  She rolled her eyes before laughing.  She turned around and leaned back against his warm body.

            "Well as classic as it may be do we have to watch it? There's gotta be something else on."  He pleaded with her.

            "Are you scared?" she teased.

            "No…but there's a game on tonight and I think it's just as good as Nightmare on Elm Street."  He grabbed the remote and switched to the regular screen and then began flipping channels.

            "Lucas come on I really don't wanna watch basketball."  She complained snatching the remote from his hands.  Lucas was about to grab the remote back but had a better idea.  He casually placed his hands on her hips, making her suspicious.  "Lucas…what are you…"  she was cut off by the laughter that escaped her throat.  She moved like a snake as he tickled her.  "Luke stop"  she screamed between laughs.

            "Are we watching basketball"  he stopped briefly.

            "No" her voice light because she was gasping for breath, but it was still stern.

            "Your choice"  he began tickling her again.  Peyton couldn't suppress her laughter as she turned to face him hoping to break away.

            "Luke please"  she pleaded as she tossed her head back, her stomach starting to hurt.

            "Fine fine fine"  he laughed as he stopped.  She lowered her head slowly, not fully trusting him.  He leaned in quickly and joined their lips.  She was tense at first causing him to pull back, but she brought him to her again as she made herself relax.  Peyton was determined to trust Lucas.  His hands roamed around her back, careful not to go too low so as not to frighten her.  Lucas sat up as she straddled his legs, wrapping her slim arms around his neck.

            "Peyton…" he questioned her actions, her readiness.  He didn't want to push her or do anything she wasn't ready for.

            "Shut up Lucas.  If I'm uncomfortable I'll stop" she moaned quietly as his mouth trailed along her neck.  Lucas was glad she didn't make him stop because he wasn't sure if he would be able to.  He felt like he needed her, like her was addicted to her.  Peyton made him feel whole and he didn't wanna give her up, he wanted her more then ever.  He was broken from his thoughts as she pulled back much to his dismay.  Lucas watched, confused, as she put her hand on his heart.

            "I want this.  You know?   I want to be here.  I want to have everything with you.  I want it all.  I want us, Lucas."  He smiled as he remembered the night at Nathan's.  She had rejected him then, but now he she was, wanting all the same things he did.  He kissed her passionately, devouring every inch of her mouth, all sort of thought evading his mind.  She broke the kiss and leaned into his neck.  He pulled back suddenly and she looked at him confused.  He moved from underneath her and stood in front of the couch.  Peyton felt the tears burning the back of her eyes as Lucas stared down at her.  She could feel her body start to shake as Lucas walked away from her.  She couldn't lift her head to follow him.  She just sat on the couch holding back tears, suddenly feeling lonelier then ever.


	18. Lilacs and Cucumber Melon

Hey guys…I started writing the last chapter kind of late and couldn't finish it so I just decided to leave you guys hanging...well here's the explanation you've been waiting for.

WARNING: This chapter is an R!

Peyton couldn't lift her head up, she used all her energy to keep form crying. Her body shuddered lightly as she felt the couch beneath her disappear. She forced herself to look up and what she found shocked her.

"You shouldn't make assumptions Miss. Sawyer." Lucas smiled down at her, letting her feet hang over his arms.

"I hate you Luke" Peyton let the tears flow freely from her eye as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She was furious with Lucas for scaring her, but she couldn't help but smile as she looked up at him. He carried her across the room and up the stairs into her shaded room. He set her down gently on the floor and wrapped his arms around her slender waist.

"Don't worry, Peyt, I want us too." He smiled before leaning down and closing the distance between them. The blondes made their way towards the bed, their entangled bodies cascading into the dryer fresh sheets.

Lucas's lips trialed down her bare neck, the scent of lilacs overpowering his senses. His hands roamed the individual smooth curves of her arms, straightening them above her head. He felt her tense body push into his as she bent like elastic conforming to him. She closed her eyes and tilted her neck back, losing herself in a long forgotten sensation. Her lips separated as she inhaled the warm air encompassing their molding bodies.

His body ached to become a part of hers as he felt her frame shudder underneath him, a soft moan escaping her throat. He released her hands and they traveled along her hour glass shape until they halted on her waist. Her leg formed an angle as her body grew uneasy and impatient, her blood rushing and burning in her veins. One of his hands made the anxious journey to greet her inner thigh. His finger tips slipped like oil along the warm skin at the edge of her cotton shorts. Her formally limp arms found comfort in his muscular shoulders, feel the intense shift of his bones as he moved along her body. Thoughts of her past blaze through her mind but they vanish as she feels his thin, gracious lips against her own. Everything is gone form their minds now, everything except each other. She can't hear the various animals lingering in the dark, the usual symphony of the insects, she only hears his shallow breaths and her racing heart.

His hand slithers slyly higher onto her firm leg, dancing along the outline of the soft ebony silk. The fingers on his other hand play clumsily with the small ivory buttons. He grows frustrated and breaks the kiss in order to pay more attention to his task, however, she barley notices, enjoying the feel of his hand warm hand massaging her inner thighs. He makes his way up her shirt taking time to trace and examine the new skin revealed behind each button. Once at the top he slides the cotton over her sharp shoulders, both still slightly bruised. He placed both his hands in the curve of her torso as he moved to kiss her tense abdomen. His lips moved subtlety towards the detailed black lace. His hands slid upwards until they were on each side of her chest. He kissed each one of her breast causing a sound to swell in the back of her throat.

She sat up suddenly, surrounding his head with the scent of cucumber melon which radiated from her blonde curls, and causing him to find himself on his back and him on top of him. Her hands found the hem of his shirt, hastily and aggressively pulling in over his head. Her face found comfort in his neck, her lips playing along his ears and down into his shoulders. Her hands traced his rigid torso. Her fingers followed the sharp defined lines above his jeans. She toyed with the belt buckle, removing it with the dexterity he couldn't find. She undid the button and continued with the zipper, soon folding back the loose waist line of her pants. She returned to following the indent stopping at the rim of his boxers. She opened her eyes and looked up into his face. His eyes were closed and his head tiled slightly, with his body propped up on his elbows. Her rounded nails tickled his sides causing him the squirm briefly, and her to smile. She picked herself up and straddled his body, leaning once again into his neck.

His hands rested on her folded waist, his fingers massaging her bare skin. He lifted his hips as her hands and feet began freeing his legs from the heavy fabric concealing them. His pants dropped to the carpeted floor as he rolled her underneath him. He removed her shorts with little effort allowing them to fall onto his jeans. Her hands clung to his bare back pressing their moist bodies together.

She could feel the heat building inside of her, screaming to be released. His lips caressed her flushed skin, lingering momentarily in each spot. Their legs became entangled like vines. He watched through slightly open eyes as she stretched her gazelle like body, arching her back as though leaping through the air. His hands skimmed her elongated torso, gently pressing her back into the twisted sheets. He forced him to look into her hazel eyes.

"Peyton..." she looked at him, understanding his unspoken question. She watched the pleading in his eyes and knew he was requesting permission to complete their exploration. She smiled lightheartedly nodding her head, giving him access to his desires. He buried his face into her neck, whispering into her soft skin. She stretched her body once more, extending her arm to reach her wooden nightstand. She closed her eyes in pleasure, while opening the top compartment with a sense of expertise. Her hand rummaged briefly before finding its place on his shoulder. His eyes caught sight of the condom dangling from her fingers.

She removed the wrapper nonchalantly and moved her hand downward, covering him with the smooth rubber, a skill she had learned over the years and perfected with Nathan. But this was different. This wasn't rushed or planned. It was something that was just happening because their bodies yearned for it and it was time. This was passionate not careless. It wasn't just to fulfill some sinful need they had or driven by lust. She had always possessed a form of lust for him but it had changed since that night at Nathan's. She now yearned to simply be near him or for him to hold her. She wanted to hear him whisper stupid little things in her ear, things to make her feel better, to make her smile. She loved his ability to understand her and accept her the way she was. He was aware of every crack, chip and dent but he never judged, he only picked her up when she fell. He supported her when she was weak, and he loved her even though she couldn't always return his gestures.

The curly blonde lost herself in her thoughts and her pleasure as her quivering fingers latched to his firm chest, a result of his training. They both grew anxious to join their bodies together. She was experiencing an eagerness she hadn't felt before. It was all completely new to her. Her mind started to grow insecure about what she could give him. She didn't know what she was going to be compared to. Her emotions caused her body to tremble more, as the urge to hide ran through her. But her fears and worries were quickly suppressed as he joined their lips, their tongues dancing in their mouths.

She lost all of her ability to comprehend things as she finally accepted him in his entirety. Her hips rocked in unison with his. She felt a sudden rush off energy surge through her veins, causing her to become light headed, but she ignored it. Lucas felt the sound that was traveling up his throat, relieved when it finally escaped his mouth. Peyton's body continued to rock gently as the heat sweltered in her tense body. Her hands made their way to Lucas's back, pulling her body into his from the intensity of it all. Her breathing quickly became shallow, she could feel herself gasping for breath.

She could feel the immense energy her body was holding captive. Her body propelled into a sitting position so that her legs were now wrapped around his pulsating waist. Their lips joined and he could feel the strong vibrations of the cries leaving her mouth and traveling into his. She pulled back from his lips and bowed down into his moist neck, breathing in his intoxicating cologne, the scent swirling around her head making her dizzy, but satisfied at the same time. Their bodies slowly made it back onto the ruffled, damp sheets as he separated their now weary bodies, removing the rubber and rolling over to occupy the space next to her. Her matted curls clung to her face as her head found its way onto his chest. She could hear his heart racing as he cradled her in his arm.

A small smile crept across both their faces as a cool night breeze blew through the windows causing Peyton to shiver slightly. Lucas reached for his shirt at the top of the bed. He lifted her with his arm and slid the shirt over her head as she pushed her arms in. They had been sideways n the bed, so they shifted into the right position before crawling under the sheets and pulling up the chenille throw. Peyton curled her slender frame into his as he wrapped his arm around her waist and buried his face in her neck, kissing it tenderly. She could feel herself giving into the sleep that was beckoning her.

"I love you" He whispered into her ear causing her smile to grow wider.

"I love you more" Her voice was barely audible as her eye feel shut.

"You go on and keep believing that" He searched for her hand, taking it in his and squeezing it softly. She gave a small life.

"I will" was her last response before her mind was invaded with dreams of everything good in her life, especially the warm figure holding her fragile body.


	19. The Art of Rain and Surprises

Peyton watched contently as the rain fell outside her window. She let the pitter-patter on the roof echo through her ears. She inhale deeply as she felt Lucas's grip tighten around her.

"Morning" he side sleepily, kissing the golden hair spiraling from her head.

"Hey you" she replied nonchalantly. Lucas propped his body up on his elbow. Peyton didn't' acknowledge his actions. He looked down at her quizzically, raising his eyebrow.

"Peyton…"

"Huh" she continued looking out the window. His eyes followed hers, unable to see what she could.

"What are you so interested in" he laughed lightly as he awaited her answer.

"Watching the rain fall. Look at it, I mean…I don't know. Somehow it's always just captured me." She bit her bottom lip, feeling like a little girl. "I know it's silly, but it's something I used to do with my mom. We would point out all the different designs the drops made on the windows." A tiny smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "I remember pointing out little spiders and mountain peaks. God, are eyes created these extravagant pictures out of the simplest of designs." Lucas watched as she closed her eyes, remembering her childhood, when everything was simple and it all felt right. She opened her eyes again and continued stating out the window.

"It is beautiful, isn't it" he commented, his own smile playing on his lips as he rested his chin on her shoulder. They watched as the small water droplets danced along the glass. The single drops running into one another as they neared the bottom, reflecting the light before disappearing over the ledge. Lucas removed his arm from around her and pointed to the window. His hand traced an outline as she looked on I confusion. "Look, it's a butterfly, see" he traced it again, slowly until he saw her eyes light up.

"There's two of them, they're flying around each other." She extended his pattering, pointing out the second design.

"You're right" He brought his hand back down around her waist. She curled herself closer to him. She was happy, he understood. He didn't look at her like some pathetic girl playing childish games, he played them with her.

"So what are we doing today, we can't just lie in bed" she laughed lightly breaking the silence.

"Well, I have to call my mom and let her know I'm alive, but after that, personally, I have no objections to staying in bed all day." He stated matter-of-factly.

"No we can't. But your mom did call earlier his morning. She said to enjoy the day and stop by the café if we're hungry."

"Please can we stay here and be lazy" Lucas stuck out his lower lip as she rolled over to face him. She rolled her hazel eyes. She slipped away from him, tossed the sheet back and swung her legs over the side of the bed, sitting up. She stretched briefly before rising to her feet, letting his long shirt cascade to her knees. She turned and looked down at him, raising an eyebrow.

"You can stay in bed, me…I'm going downstairs." Peyton strolled over to her dresser and rummaged through her top drawer, pulling out a thin pair of cotton flannels. She slipped them on before walking back over to the bed. She leaned down and kissed his lips gently. She pulled back slightly and looked at him getting lost in his eyes briefly. She smiled before blinking and breaking her trance. "If you need me, you know where I'll be" She pulled her self back, but her sat up and closed the growing distance between them as he joined their lips again. He wrapped his arms around her as he deepened the kiss. He pulled her down suddenly, breaking the kiss and letting his head sink back down into the pillow. He looked up at the former blonde cheerleader on top of him and smirked.

"You'll be right here next to me, in bed." He leaned forward and kissed her sweetly. When they broke apart Peyton rested her head against his chest.

"You're lucky I love you Lucas" She closed her eyes as he pulled the sheet up around their bodies.

"I know, and I love you too" He snaked his arms around her slender frame. She felt the warmth and happiness radiate through her as she let herself drift off on top of his raising and falling chest.

-Later at that café-

The sun had finally come out and was lighting up Tree Hill. Karen and Haley looked up from the counter as they heard the small chimes above the door. Haley smiled and ran over to the door as Lucas and Peyton walked in, hand in hand. She threw her arms around Peyton a she continued beaming. "Hey, I'm so sorry I couldn't stay longer yesterday, but I had to work and everything, but anyways how are you feeling?" Haley pulled back and awaited Peyton's answer. Peyton just laughed at the anxious auburn haired girl in front of her.

"I'm fine Hales." She answered reassuringly. "Hey Karen" she looked over at the smiling women behind the counter.

"Hi you two. I hope my son's been taking care of you Peyton. Is he treating you right?" Karen asked, her eyes lingering on Lucas before returning to Peyton.

"He's been treating me just fine." She felt the smile creeping onto her lips as the events of the pervious night played in her head. Although Karen didn't, Haley caught the devious look before Peyton could wipe it off her face. "Well I've got work to do, you guys can order what ever you want, on the house." She smiled and walked into the back, towards the kitchen. As soon as he was out of sight Haley grabbed Peyton's thin hand pulled her away from Lucas.

"Peyton, can I talk to you." She said raising an eyebrow at her two friends. Peyton looked over at Lucas and bit her bottom lip. "Ohh he so can't help you right now" Haley rolled her eyes as the two girls sat in a nearby booth. "Now spill it." Haley leaned on the table and eagerly waiting for the blonde to talk. Peyton knew she was trapped.

"Haley…"Lucas warned as he made his way over to the table. He pulled his best friend up form the booth and sat in the seat. "Don't you have work to do" Haley glared down at the smirking male. "We'd like two sodas, a sprite and a…" He looked over at Peyton, who was trying to suppress a laugh.

"Ginger ale" She looked up at a grimacing Haley. The auburn haired girl pointed her finger at the two blondes.

"You win for know Lucas…but she _will_ tell me later." Haley was now wearing her own sly grin as she turned and went to get their drinks. Peyton looked over at Lucas, who was rolling his eyes.

"You know she's gunna find out. If not form me she'll get you to tell her. It's just in her nature." Peyton licked her chapped lips.

"I know" he let out a breath. "But the whole café doesn't need to know." He cocked his head slightly his eyes roaming around the room and then finally resting on Peyton again. Haley soon came back with their drinks and placed them on the table.

"Okay, so Peyton I expect to see you at my house tonight. We have things to talk about. Girl things, which means you Mr. Scott, are not invited. Ha!" She blew a kiss in his direction before walking over to another table to take their order. Lucas and Peyton both shook their heads. They both looked up as a smiling brunette sat next to Peyton.

"Hey friends" The cheery voice echoed through the couples ears.

"Hey" Peyton said warily, forcing a smile at the petite figure next to here.

"Lucas, be a doll and go get me an iced tea while I have a little chat with Peyton, okay." Her brown eyes looked over at him hopefully.

"Alright" was all he said before leaving the table.

"Well, how have you been stranger" The brunette chirped as soon as Lucas was gone.

"Fine Brooke, and you" Peyton was still unsure of Brookes motives for the sudden friendly visit.

"Pretty good actually. Oaky, now I know this is really weird and all, but I've been doing some thinking. And I came to the conclusion that…I was wrong and I was the bad friend." Her smile faded as she spoke the last part.

"What are you talking about" Peyton looked into the brown teary eyes next to her.

"Peyt, you were wrong for going behind my back with Lucas, but I wasn't exactly the innocent bystander throughout all of this." Peyton got ready to speak but Brooke cut her off. "Look I really want to talk to you about some things but I don't wanna do it here, so you meet up with broody over there later and we ditch this place." Brooke brought her shoulder up to her chin and looked at her former best friend.

"Sure, we do have a lot of stuff we need to sort out." She bit her bottom lip as the two girls got up form the booth. "I'll meet you outside alright"

"Sure" the brunette responded as she walked towards the door. Peyton made her way over to Lucas who was still standing in line.

"Hey you, um me and Brooke are gunna jet for a while. So can we meet up at you're place later."

"Yeah, no problem." He smiled down at her and kissed her gently. She turned away and walked to the door. "Peyton" he called before she left. She turned to look at him. "I hope everything works out for you two."

"Me too" she called before walking out the door to meet Brooke. The two former cheerleaders started walking aways from the café.

"I miss this Peyt." Brooke staid solemnly as she hooked arms with Peyton and then smiled up at her.

"So do I" Peyton said quietly.

"Where going to the park and we're gunna talk. Let's try and get this back okay."

"I'd like that" Peyton looked down into the large brown eyes below her. Deep down she knew the conversations about to take place was going to make or break their friendship and she knew which one she wanted but she didn't know which would happen. Brooke felt the same way and all the two girls could do was wait and see.


	20. Girly Best Friends

"So, been to the mall lately? 'Cause you know Peyt, you never seem to make it there without me. And if no me equals no mall and no mall equals no style then that equals something we can't have no can we." Brooke pushed her hour glass frame into the tall blonde next to her. She looked up at Peyton and her smile was suddenly replaced by a look of confusion and questioning. Brooke bit her bottom lip and squinted. "Maybe this little excursion should have been to the mall."

"Hey, I don't look that bad" Peyton interjected as she looked over herself. "Things don't go out of style in a month Brooke"

"Oh yes they do, have I taught you nothing." Brooke rolled her large brown eyes and laughed at what she considered naivety. Peyton joined in on the laughter which soon echoed down the empty streets behind them. The two girls had avoided the sore topics they had to address. For the moment they were joking and talking as thought nothing had ever changed between them.

They reached the park still arm in arm and made their way over to one of the trees by the lake. They both sat in the grass, enjoying the shade of the leaves. "So, who's gunna start" Peyton said hesitantly as they both stopped laughing.

"I will." The brunette offered. "Okay, when I said I wasn't an innocent bystander in everything what I meant was I probably never should have gone out with Lucas." Her brown eyes wandered towards the grass that surrounded her.

"Brooke, you had very right to go out with him. I basically rejected him. He didn't belong to me, and at Nathan's party I pretty much killed anything that we did have." Peyton could feel the knot building in her stomach.

"That's just it Peyt, you should have had your chance as that party. I tried to hook you and Nathan up when I knew Lucas was going for you. When you said that you were in my way you were right and I knew that and I was basically willing to do anything I could to get you out of my way." Brooke let the first tear slip from her eye as she forced herself to look into Peyton's hazel eyes.

"I pushed myself out of the way, and just because you wanted a guy I kept on the back burner doesn't make you the bad friend." Peyton forced a smile to try and lighten the mood but she knew it wasn't going to work.

"Peyton I tried to get you back with Nathan, I couldn't have been a worse friend when I did that. I knew he was bad for you and wanted you guys together for my own sick little pleasure and to get with Lucas. He was going to talk to you at that party and I sent Nathan after you and pulled Luke aside. Things might not have turned out the way they did if I hadn't intervened. I took advantage of the fact that you weren't ready for a serious relationship." Peyton could feel her own hot tears burning behind her eyes. She had listened to her friend admit something they both knew but wouldn't say. Now everything was out in the open and all they could do was face it and hope to overcome it.

"Brooke you were drunk that night. We all know how you get when you're drunk, I don't blame you for that. I blew my chance with Luke. Despite your interference will still wound up in the bed room and it was my insecurities that pushed him away not you." She couldn't hold them back anymore. The warm tears spilled over the brims of her eyes as she looked at her former best friend.

"But I still shouldn't have went for him. I knew how much you liked him and I dated him anyway. God, I was so caught up in my own happiness that I didn't realize I was making you miserable. I made you hang out with us and I should have known you would be uncomfortable." Brooke looked up at the clear shy, regretting everything she had done and what she had left to say.

"Brooke I never told you that I was uncomfortable and you're not a mind reader so how would you know."

"As a best friend I'm supposed to know what you're thinking and deep down I did know but I didn't care. I wanted to be happy and he did that for me so I ignored your feelings. I destroyed our friendship first and I'm sorry." Brooke could feel her heart racing as she waited for Peyton to comment. She wanted to be forgiven so badly but with what she was holding in she didn't think she would.

"Brooke everyone wants to be happy and as your best friend I didn't want to take that from you so I never tried to stop you from dating Lucas. But I wound up doing that anyway." Peyton broke eye contact and looked out across the lake. She felt the guilt begin to eat away at her again. Brooke was sitting in front of her apologizing for something she did wrong.

"Peyton I need to know, what happened on that trip you guys took." A new set of tears flowed from the deep brown eyes. Peyton was taken back by the sudden question but knew she had to answer. She took a deep breath and recalled the events of _that _day.

"We were on our way back when I realized I didn't have my bracelet so we went back to the hotel to look for it. It was on the bed and I picked it up. We got ready to leave and something inside me just cracked and I started crying. I turned to face him and I just got lost in his eyes. Brooke I still didn't comprehend anything that was going on around me and I just wanted to be happy, to feel safe and he always make me feel that way so I kissed him. And I liked it" Peyton couldn't turn to look at Brooke, the guilt was eating at her but she knew she had to continue, she had to get it out. "Something about it felt right to me, I felt like I didn't have to worry about anything, like he was going to protect me no matter what. One thing just led to another but then my hair got caught in his necklace and he said that you had given it to him, so we stopped. That day just opened up a whole new door for both of us and when we got back we couldn't close it again."

"Peyton why didn't you just tell me. I mean that would have been better." Brooke's stomach was forming its own knot and she couldn't get it undone.

"We were going to the night we were supposed to redo my room but then you told me you were in love with him and I couldn't go through with it. Then I was going to tell you the next night, but he got in the accident and it just threw everything up in the air. Every time we tried to say something things just got in the way and then you guys broke up and I couldn't stand being around him. But that day he came to my room and I was just so happy to see him and to know that he was okay that I kissed him again. I wasn't even thinking. Then you found out on your own and that brought us to where we are now, in one big mess." Peyton forced herself to look over at Brooke who was just staring in at her in disbelief.

"Peyton, I don't know if you're gunna believe me or not, but I'm kind of okay with all of this now. I told you once that you can't help who you love and I was talking about you and Nathan. But when it came to you and Lucas I became a hypocrite. He didn't love me as anything more then a friend because he was crazy about you and I knew it. When I found out you guys were going behind my back I wasn't just mad because he cheated with you, it more that I was jealous that you found someone like him and I didn't. You got someone that was complete devoted to you and I made you feel bad for loving him. Falling in love with Lucas was out of your control and I never should have made you give that up. I didn't talk to you because I was mad, jealous and I felt guilty." Brooke rested her head on her shoulder as she found interest in the grass once again.

"Brooke that doesn't make anything I did right."

"I'm not saying it does." Brooke said bitterly. She took a breath to relax herself. "All I'm saying is that I shouldn't have placed all that blame on you." She looked up at Peyton's tear stained face and red eyes. "Peyton there's something else" She didn't want to tell her but she knew she couldn't keep avoiding it. Peyton looked at Brooke in anticipation, unsure of what to expect.

"I knew about everything with Ricky, that he was hurting you." Peyton looked at the guilty face in front of her in disbelief. "When I first figured it out I went to talk to him and he told me that if I didn't keep my mouth shut I was gunna regret. He said that he'd do worse to you then he already was and I didn't know what to do." The petite girl let more tears escape as she forced herself to continue. "I wanted to help you I did but I couldn't think of how. Peyt I didn't want him to do anything real bad, or any worse." Peyton's mind was filled with all sorts of thoughts but one in particular was standing out.

"Brooke when did you talk to him?" Peyton feared that answer but she had to know.

"About two weeks after you started going out." Brooke watched as a look of horror flashed across the blondes face. Peyton's skin started to grow pale as realization hit her. Brooke knew something was wrong and something inside her told her that it was in some way her fault. That was when she remembered it. Peyton hadn't been in school for a week and everyone said that her and Ricky had taken a trip somewhere. "Peyton where were you that week you weren't in school." Brooke swallowed hard, knowing she didn't want the answer to her question.

"In the hospital." She whispered. "Herapedme." Peyton's words were jumbled and extremely quiet, but Brooke knew what she said. She also knew that if she never talked to Rick it might not have happened. She couldn't sit there anymore, she got up and walked over the edge of the lake looking down at her reflection. Staring back at her was a heartbroken and distraught girl who might have caused her supposedly best friend the worst pain possible. She watched as a tall blonde figure appeared in the water next to her. The brunette awaited the anger and fault that Peyton was going to bestow upon her. "I don't blame you" Was all Peyton said.

"How could you not." Brooke asked in a shaky voice startled by the simple comment.

"Because, if he didn't do it then, then he would have done it some other time. Brooke I know you didn't ask for it to happen and that's all that's matters to me." Peyton forged her best smile to make the brunette feel a little better. Brooke turned and hugged Peyton tightly. She couldn't believe that Peyton wasn't mad at her, that she didn't blame her. She had developed a hatred for her best friend over a guy. Peyton merely forgave her even though she was probably responsible for the torment that would follow her around for the rest of her life.

"I'm so sorry for everything. I was so stupid." She whispered into the curly blonde hair around her.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for." Peyton pulled back and looked into the brunettes dark eyes. "Brooke why don't we clean the slate, start over new. I mean I know certain things can't be forgotten but I Peyton Sawyer forgive you Brooke Davis for every and anything." She smiled with hopeful expectations. Brooke returned the smile as she recalled the saying they had made in middle school after their week long fight.

"I Brooke Davis forgive you Peyton Sawyer for every and anything." She bit her bottom lip before hugging her best friend tightly. When they pulled back both girls had grins on their faces, but Peyton's faded slightly.

"Brooke I want you to be honest, are you okay with me and Luke?" Brooke thought momentarily before giving her answer.

"Honestly, no." Peyton looked away and gazed out over the water. "But…" she snapped her head around as Brooke continued. "I can deal with it. I'd be even more upset if you two weren't together, you're meant to be and you deserve him. He love you Peyton and you're crazy about him. I thought I really love him but it was nothing compared to what you feel." The smiles formed on the two girls faces.

"Thank you Brooke." Peyton hugged her friend again. Brooke wrapped her arm around Peyton's as they started walking back into town. Brooke rested her head on the blondes shoulder.

"Besides" the brunette started. "I for one am not going to be responsible for ruining the fairytale romance." They both laughed. "So P. Sawyer, I have a question." Peyton looked down at the devious looking figure.

"Shoot" she said warily.

"What were we fighting about back in 6th grade?" Brooke laughed. Al she could remember was that they didn't talk to each other for a week.

"I told you your shirt was the ugliest thing I had ever seen or something like that" They both laughed.

"And then we started hanging out again when we had to pick someone to sit next to on the bus trip." Brooke said between laughs.

"I remember that. We didn't want to sit next to anyone else so we immediately found each other." Peyton rested her head on the brunettes.

"And then the whole bus ride all we talked about was going shipping at the mall because Amy Saunders had my shirt you called ugly."

"We decided we were gunna burn the shirt and deny you every buying it because she was captain of the chess club something like that." The two girls burst into fits of laughter as the reminisced on the petty quarrel.

"Those were the good old days" Brooke chirped.

"Yeah back when we were gunna marry Tim and Nathan if Brad Pitt wasn't available." They both nearly rolled over as they thought about the idea of marring those two. Brooke suddenly stopped laughing and her face grew serious.

"I don't know about you Peyton but it if things don't work out between Brad and Jen I have no problem being a rebound." Peyton shook her head and rolled her eyes at the seductive girl leaning against her. "Peyt I got another question."

"Alright, but I don't know if I could take anymore laughing." Petyon looked down and waited for Brooke to speak.

"What…is your favorite sexual position…from last night?" She bit her lip and put on a sly smile as she looked up at Peyton's shocked face.

"Brooke" the blonde gasped in disbelief.

"What, I heard Haley talking to you and if she's going to get the dirt then so am I. As you're best friend it is my _job_ to know everything that happens between you and any man that walks this earth, regardless of who he is." Brooke knew it should bother her to hear about Lucas and Peyton or to even talk about them, but it didn't, and she was glad.

"If you're willing to come to Haley's tonight you can find out the basics and then if you still want them you can come to my house for details." Peyton raised an eyebrow as Brooke face lit up.

"I'm so there. Now go have fun with lover boy, the more details to dish the better." Brooke smiled as she released Peyton's arm in front of Luke's house. She watched as Peyton walked into the bedroom. She could see the shadows through the window as the couple embraced lovingly. She was happy for her friends, Peyton in particular. She knew Peyton deserved to be happy and if Lucas made her happy then Brooke was fine with them. She wasn't sure whether she was okay with it because it soothed her guilt or because it was the right thing for a best friend to feel. She knew part of it was to stop her from feeling guilty but something inside told her the majority of her happiness was from the latter.


	21. Girl Talk

Peyton lay carelessly on Haley's bedroom floor. She looked up at the two laughing brunettes on the edge of the neatly made bed. Her hazels eyes looked on as Brooke leaned in and whispered into Haley's ear causing her eyes to light up and more laughter to erupt.  
"Okay what is so funny?" Peyton sat up and examined the girls, bewilderment apparent on her face. The brunettes smirked, barley able to contain their laughter as the blonde waited impatiently.  
"Oh nothing. Tutor girl and I were just debating what exactly we plan on getting out of you." Brooke raised an eyebrow as she continued, her voice smooth with the slight edge of excitement. "So let's start with the basics. Tutor girl..." Brooke shifted her view from Peyton to Haley, eager for gossip.  
"Gladly." Haley started as she winked at Brooke and then turned to Peyton. "So what exactly did happen last night? I mean, how well did he treat you?" Haley inquired, leaving Brooke intrigued with the girls ability to pry.  
"Nothing that involves either of you" the blonde countered. She didn't want to tell them what happened, she felt that it would somehow take away from the passion. But, there was art of her that wanted to tell the world what she was feeling, and at the moment her world consisted of the too on edge girls before her. She watched as Haley's eyes grew wide and the arch in Brooke's brow grew. "But...I guess I could tell you." Peyton played with a piece of her hair, lacing her fingers between the loose curls.  
"Yeah okay so start already. I mean we don't have all night and with the amount of detail I'm expecting, we're gunna need all the time we can get." Brooke smiled coyly as finished her statement.  
"Alright, I'll talk." Peyton rolled her eyes as she took a deep breath. "Well after we got back from the hospital we watched movies and ordered pizza. After awhile he wanted to watch basketball and when I snatched the remote from him he started tickling me. When he finally stopped..." She went on for the next ten minutes, explaining the basics of her night. She didn't think they needed to know the details, at least not yet. She felt slightly uncomfortable with Brooke listening to everything, but the brunette continued to ask questions, not bothered in the least.  
"That's so sweet." Haley said with a look of amazement. "But Peyton I have to ask....Lucas or Nathan?" Haley bit her bottom lip and looked directly at Peyton who was visibly shocked. "What I need to know whether I chose the wrong Scott." Her voice was so innocent it caused them all to laugh.  
"You did Hales. I mean Nathan is good and all but Lucas was more...romantic. But Haley don't worry, you and Nathan love each other which is more then I could ever say about us." Peyton smiled reassuringly at Haley who gladly returned the gesture. Peyton looked at Brooke who suddenly looked less comfortable. Brooke smiled but Peyton could see the longing in her eyes and it made her feel guilty.  
"I'm gunna go get some more chips." Brooke said as she slid off the bed and swayed towards the door. She disappeared around the corner and then stuck her head in the room again. "No gossip without me." She warned before heading down the stairs. As soon as Peyton heard her go down she looked up at Haley with grief.  
"Haley I feel really bad. Brooke's taking this thing too well and she's acting like it doesn't bother her but I know it does. It has to." The blonde looked down at the floor, her fingers tracing little circles on the carpet.  
"I know. When we were talking about Luke and Nate she didn't seem really happy." Haley slid further back onto the bed and tucked her legs to her chest, resting her head on her knees.  
"Hales I wanna find her someone, someone good ya know. She deserves to have that. She my best friend and I wanna be able to go on double or triple dates. I don't wanna be out and be worried about her being lonely 'cause I stole the one commitment she had." Peyton could feel the tear of guilt hiding behind her eyes.  
"You know what, I've been tutoring this guy for a couple of weeks, and he seems really nice. He's not a basketball player, but he is into football. His name is Charlie Santiago and rumor has it he's got a thing for a Brooke, but I don't know if it's true." Haley waited for Peyton's approval.  
"That's great Hales. I think we should have Brooke play one of her little games, like the one you played with Nathan." The blonde smiled at the childish look that crossed the brunettes face at the memory.  
"Okay so we have a mission, are you ready Agent James?" Peyton applied a mischievous and seductive smile as she clasped her hands together to model a gun and brought them near her face.  
"Of course Agent Sawyer" Haley imitated Peyton's motions before the two girls erupted with laughter.  
"Hey I said no gossip without me." Brooke whined as she threw the bag of chips at Peyton.  
"Ow! You're so gunna pay for the Davis." Peyton jumped up and grabbed on of Haley pillows. Before the brunette had the chance to duck Peyton nearly knocked her over with the pillow. In return Haley slammed a pillow into Peyton's head. Brooke grabbed her own pillow and the room was soon filled with a mix of 'ows' and laughter.  
After wearing themselves out the girl sprawled out on the floor. "Peyton truth or dare" Brooke craned her neck as she waited for her friends response.  
"Truth" She responded quickly.  
"Do you love Lucas...I mean really really love him, like head over heals, can't live or breath without you kind of love." Peyton smiled as she remembered the saying they had come up with in middle school.  
"I do." She smiled to herself before she finished the little saying they had. "It's that can't eat, can't sleep, over the fence, reach for the stars, homerun kinda feeling." The three girls laughed. Brooke felt a sense of relief, but she wasn't sure why. She knew part of it was that she still felt something for Lucas and she was glad that he had someone the really loved him, but there was something else she couldn't seem to place. She was torn from her thoughts as Peyton's voice rang through the room.  
"Haley truth or dare." Peyton looked at Haley and waited.  
"Truth" the brunette responded cautiously.  
"Let's see. Same question, do you love Nathan."  
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I do. When I'm with him I don't wanna be 'cause I feel kind of insecure around him and I don't know if he feels the same. But when I'm not with him I feel like I need to be and I can't function because all I do is think about him and wait impatiently till I see him again. God, I don't know what I would do without him." Brooke and Peyton both sat up and looked down at Haley who had a dazed look on her face. They both laughed as Peyton got up and ran over to Haley stereo. She shuffled through a few CDs and her face lit up as she found the right one. She put it in and ran back over to Brook as Haley looked on confused.  
  
"Tutor girl this is so your song and you're too P Sawyer." They all laughed as the song started to play. When the chorus came in they all started singing.  
  
"You got it you got it bad.  
When you're on the phone  
Hang up and you call right back  
You got it you got it bad  
If you miss a day without you're friend  
Your whole life's off track.  
You know you got it bad  
When you stuck in the house  
You don't wanna have fun  
'Cause all you think about  
You got it bad when you're out with someone  
But you keep on thinking 'bout somebody else  
You got it bad."  
  
"I have to say just about everything in this song applies to me" Peyton choked out between laughs.  
"Same here" Haley quickly added.  
"You two are pa-the-tic." Brooke laughed at the other two girls.  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Haley chirped as she took her seat on the bed again. "So you guys it's 10:00 and I have to work in the morning. As much as I'd love for you to stay and make a mess of my room I need my beauty sleep" Haley threw the back of her hand through her had and close her eyes causing the other two to laugh.  
"Okay princess Haley." Peyton commented as she grabbed her and Brooke's jackets from a nearby chair.  
"I'll see you two tomorrow. Bye Peyt, bye tiger." Haley said as she walked down the stairs behind them.  
"See ya" the two said as the walked out the house and went towards Peyton's. They talked most the way there and fell asleep as soon as they laid in the bed. Neither thought that they would ever have their friendship back again, but here they were and in some ways their bond felt stronger then before.  
  
Okay that chapter kind of sucked, but I needed something to get me out of me my writer's block. The song was "U Got it Bad" by Usher. Don't forget to review and the next chapter should be better. Thanks for reading. 


	22. Anxiety

**          Two Weeks Later**

          Peyton sat with her back against the cold plastic of the blue chair.  She didn't mind it thought, she didn't mind the thick breeze from the AC surrounding her either.  For the past two weeks she had been miserable.  It was as though her body was experiencing a continuous hot flash and at night it just got worse.  She was always either starving or she had no appetite at all from the twisting and knots in her stomach.  She felt a hand tighten around hers as she looked up into the brown eyes of her best friend.

**Flashback**

_          "Peyton I don't like this.  I think you should go see someone."  Brooke looked down at a newly awake Peyton with worried eyes._

_          "I know, I already made the appointment for tomorrow.   Brooke I need you there with me, I mean I'm scared that this is something serious."  She could feel the sweat slide down her flushed face.  She felt so tired, she just wanted to lie down and shut the rest of the world out._

_          "Why don't you have Lucas go, I think he'd be better support then me?" Brooke said with sympathy in her voice.  She had woken Peyton up because for the second time that night she was tossing and turning in her sleep and she was burning up event though the AC was blasting._

_          "I don't want him there, I don't know why but I wouldn't feel comfortable.  I'm just worried and don't wanna worry him and more then I have to, he's already worried enough.  Please come with me Brooke, it would make this a lot easier." The blonde pleaded with her the brunette next to her._

_          "Alright, what time is the appointment?"_

_          "It's at 8 in the morning, I wanted to get this done and over with as soon as possible."  She took a deep breath and shifted her now clammy legs.  _

_          "Well then we better get some sleep."  Brooke settled down into the bed and turned to face Peyton.  She smiled at her to try and reassure her that everything was alright. Peyton returned the smile but neither of the girls felt confident about the day._

**End Flashback**

          The two former cheerleaders smile at each other, each secretly telling the other not to worry.  Peyton looked away as she felt the fear well inside her.  She was determined to be strong and convince herself that nothing was wrong, but deep down everything was scaring her.  Her stomach knotted itself again as she thought about what could be wrong with her.  Part of her didn't want to go in to see the doctor.  Her family had a history of cancer and she knew she was experiencing some of the signs.  She felt the tears that burned behind her now closed eyes as she thought about the words that could possibly haunt her for the rest of her life.

          "Peyton Sawyer."  She was interrupted from her thoughts as the nurse called her name.  She watched as Brooke stood and turned towards her.

          "Come on Peyt, everything is gunna be fine."  The brunette smiled the best she could as she extended her arm out towards Peyton.  The blonde took her arm and stood.  She looked over at Brooke and took a deep breath before heading into the hallway behind the nurse.  The two girls were ushered into a plane white room, which made them both more nervous then before.

          "Have a seat ladies.  I'm just gunna draw some blood and run a few tests.  Which one of you is Peyton?"  Peyton raised her arm slightly and looked towards the friendly women beside her.  She watched as the nurse indicated for her to take a seat on the green bed in the corner.  Brooke followed Peyton to the opposite end of the room and grabbed her hand as the blond seated her self nervously on the bed.

          "I'm here Peyton."  She said reassuringly.  She looked at the nurse who was preparing one of the needles on the cart.  The nurse walked casually over to the two girls and wrapped an elastic band around her upper arm making her feel temporarily light headed.  She squeezed Brooke's hand as she felt the sharp metal pierce the skin of her inner arm.  The sharp sting was brief.  She watched as her blood began to fill the thick needle.  Once the tube was full the nurse slowly pulled the needle from Peyton's arm and place a cotton ball and band aid on the small puncture wound.

          "That's it for right now.  In about a half hour we will be able to give you a brief description of the problem and we will tell you if we need to do more testing or anything."  The nurse smiled as she opened the door and the two teens walked back into the waiting room.

          They took their seats again and prepared themselves for the half hour wait.  Peyton's mind was filled with thoughts.  She wanted to know what was going on with her but she also didn't want the half hour to end.  Her body was anxious and she could feel her face become quickly flushed.

          "Peyton let's go get something to eat at the diner across the street and then come back."  Brooke stood and pulled Peyton up with her before dragging her out the door.  Peyton inhaled deeply as the warm fresh air rushed onto her skin.  She was glad to get out of the doctor's office, even if she didn't have an appetite.  She followed her best friend into the diner and they both took a seat at the counter.

          "What can a get you?"  The waitress asked as soon as they were seated.

          "Two ice waters" the brunette answered with her best smile, even though she didn't feel very perky at the moment.  When the drinks came Peyton swallowed half of hers at once, enjoying the refreshing cold.  "Slow down Peyton."  Brooke said with a small laugh as she continued to sip from her tall, thin glass.

          "Sorry, it's just so hot." The blonde set her glass on the counter and turned to face the large window overlooking the busy streets.  "So Brooke what are you doing on Friday?"  She wanted to forget about her tests and the only thing she could think of was the date her and Haley had been planning for Brooke.

          "Nothing why?"  Brooke craned her neck to look over at the smirking blonde.

          "Ohh nothing really.  It's just Haley was telling me about this guy."

          "Yea and…"  Brooke waited for her to continue.

          "Well she was able to confirm that he's got a thing for a certain sexy little brunette.  But I can't remember her name at the moment" Peyton's smile grew as she saw he seductive smile that appeared on Brooke's face.  "I don't know, but anyway Hales told me that if it was possible he would love to hook up with her he was free on Friday.  Damn I wish I remembered her name.  All I know is that she was a former Raven's cheerleader."  Peyton raised her eyebrow and stared in Brooke's direction.

          "Would her name happen to be Brooke Davis?"  Brooke bit her tongue lightly as she waited for Peyton to answer.

          "Yeah that was it."  Peyton eyes grew wide as she shuffled through her wallet.  She let a small photo fall from her wallet and onto the counter between her and Brooke.  Brooke turned and smirked when she saw the picture.

          "I think Miss Davis can squeeze that into her busy schedule."  She picked up the small photo and turned it around, finding the name on the back.  She turned the picture back to face her and raised and eyebrow before smiling seductively.  "Yeah Miss Davis can DEFINETLY fit Mr. Santiago into her Friday night.  You don't mind if I keep this right, you never know when I, I mean she's gunna need reassurance for her date."  Brooke nodded in Peyton's direction.  The blonde broke out into laughter and the brunette soon followed.  Peyton spun her chair around to sip her drink and her laughter soon faded as she glanced up at the clock.  Brooke followed her gaze causing her expression to grow serious.  It had been half an hour which meant it was time for them to go.  They paid for the drink and walked back across the street.

          Peyton reached for the door handle but didn't pull it open.  She looked back at Brooke with a worried and freighted look on her face.   "I'm here Peyton.  Whatever happens I'm here."  Brooke smiled and squeezed Peyton's hand as she pulled the door open and walked inside.  They sat down I the corner both of them nervous about the results.

          "Peyton Sawyer" Peyton looked up quickly and saw the nurse holding the door open.  She looked over at Brooke and stood up, letting go of her had.  She wanted to do this by herself and Brooke understood that.  She composed herself the best she could and walked through the door.  The nurse led her into one of the back doctor offices and told her to sit down and that the doctor would be with her shortly.  She plopped down into eh brown cushioned chair in front of the large wooden desk.  She jumped when she heard the door behind her close.  She was so lost in thought she didn't realize someone had opened it.  She watched nervously as the female doctor walked around her and sat in the chair behind her desk.

          "Hi Miss Sawyer, I'm Doctor Kerrigan.  How are you today?"  The women smiled brightly at Peyton, who did her best to smile back, but she was unsuccessful.

          "I'm okay.  You can just call me Peyton."  The blonde answered quietly.  She hated being called Miss Sawyer it was too formal and it made her sound old and diseased, which was what she was hoping to avoid.

          "Alright Peyton, well we ran some tests on the blood and the urine sample we took from you and we have your results."  She opened the manila folder and looked down at the white papers with neatly printed black ink across the page.  Peyton wasn't sure if she wanted to hear what the woman was about to say but she didn't have a choice. 


	23. Changes

Peyton stood with her back against a tree, overlooking the calm lake. The sharp bark cut into her back as she gazed around the park, her eyes avoiding the figure staring down at her. She broke away from her various thoughts as she forced herself to steady her gaze and look into the crystal blue eyes before her, the small folder still in her thin fingers. The warm moisture was building up behind her eyes, but she was determined to hide her emotion. She knew what she had to do and she knew it was for the best, but just incase she changed her mind she knew she wouldn't be able to tell him so she brought the paper's from the doctor's office.

**Flashback**

_ "Alright Peyton, well we ran some tests on the blood and the urine sample we took from you and we have your results." She opened the manila folder and looked down at the white papers with neatly printed black ink across the page. The woman rummaged through her desk and pulled out a small stamp. Peyton could hear the harsh slam of the stamp colliding with the white papers, leaving behind the sticky red 'COPY' sign that still smelled fresh._

**End Flashback**

"Peyton what's on your mind? You're kinda scaring me." Lucas laughed lightly as he tried to lighten the mood Peyton was causing. The blonde looked up at him and gave a small smile.

"Nothing, but we need to talk." She turned and looked across the lake again, uncertainty still running through her veins.

"Why do I not like the sound of that?" Lucas voice was almost trembling as worry overtook him. He walked over to the tree and leaned next to Peyton's body. He searched her eyes for a hint of anything to come but there was nothing.

"Lucas…I…" He knew the sound in her voice and he knew what was coming.

"Peyton please don't do this. Talk to me, maybe we can work things out. Whatever's bothering you just let me know, but please don't shut me out again." Lucas knew he was babbling but he didn't care. He just didn't want things to end between them just as they were getting good.

His voice was caring and worried. It rang through her ears like the warm, gentle breeze circling her. She wanted to tell him but she didn't know where it would get her.

**Flashback**

_"Brooke I don't know what to do." The tears streamed from the blondes eyes as she sat on her bed staring at her best friend, searching for answers. _

_ "Peyton I don't know what to tell you other then to talk to Lucas. He needs to know, you can't just keep him out of this. Peyt, hun he deserves to know." Brooke grabbed Peyton's hand and smiled the best she could._

_ "But what if he decides this is too much. What if he doesn't wanna deal with any of this? I mean it's not just something small Brooke, this changes everything." She closed her eyes and felt her stomach knot at thought of losing Lucas._

_ "Peyton I know he would never leave because of this. That's not what Lucas is like and you know that. Besides, he loves you." Brooke raised her brow hoping that Peyton remembered how much Lucas cared about her._

**End Flashback**

As the conversation played in the blonde's head a small smile played on her lips. She knew she had to tell Lucas and although part of her was petrified that he would abandon her much like everyone else, another part of her didn't want to leave him. She wanted him in her life as long as possible and she knew she had no choice other than to tell him.

"Peyton are you still with me" Lucas waved his hand in front of Peyton's face, pulling her back to her harsh reality and removing her smile.

"Yeah" She looked down into the freshly cut grass, the smell still lingering around the park. She gripped the thin folder tighter as the thought of Lucas's reaction played in her head. She suddenly didn't want to tell him anymore, she felt too nervous.

"What you got there?" Lucas pointed to the folder in her hand. She wasn't sure how to respond to the question. She knew that if she lied he would know, she didn't have time to come up with something believable that he wouldn't want to see. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, a small tear slipped from beneath her closed lids. Lucas wiped the drop from under her eye and cupped her face paling face in his calloused hands. He leaned down and kissed her tenderly, pushing away all her fears, but as soon as he pulled back everything came rushing back to her. She had to tell him, she couldn't keep it inside anymore.

"Lucas I went to the doctor's yesterday because of how I've been feeling lately. When I went in to get my results from the doctor she told me something that changed a lot. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do but Brooke said that I should tell you and that I should trust you." She stood on her toes and kissed him gently. When she stepped away she handed him the manila folder, and as soon as he took it she walked over tot eh edge of the lake.

The clear blue wanted seemed to settle her nerves. She couldn't look back as she heard the folder open and the shuffling of papers. She lets her tears of fear slide down her face because she didn't know what else to do. She wanted to walk away form everything but her legs wouldn't carry her, they stayed stuck in their position waiting for Lucas's response.

"Peyton" She heard his mellow voice behind her as she felt his arms slide around her waist, comforting her. "How did you think I was gunna take this?" Lucas placed his chin on her slender shoulder.

"I don't know. I was scared Luke, I didn't know what to expect, I still don't." She bowed her head, feeling ashamed for a reason unknown to her.

"Peyton I love you and I would never leave you because of this. We'll get through this and I'm gunna be there the entire time. I swear that to you." Lucas loosed his grip around her waist and he moved to stand in front of her. He leaned down and kissed her like he had before. She enjoyed the warmth of his lips pressed against hers. Like always he had away of making all the pain and fear go away.

The couple pulled away from each other. Lucas rested his forehead against hers as he smiled, getting lost in her hazel eyes. This wasn't what he expected, in fact it was one of the last things he wanted, but he was determined to make the best of the situation. He knew Peyton was worried enough for the both of them and he wanted to be strong for her. He wanted to be her rock no matter what it took.

"Peyton I'm gunna be here for you through it all. I care about you, all of you." He placed his hand on her stomach and smiled. "You're not alone."

"You promise?" Peyton wasn't used to having someone there for her all the time, but she liked the thought of it. It was something knew but something she wanted.

"I promise. I love you Peyton Sawyer." Lucas smiled as her kissed her lips lightly before he dropped to his knees. He lifted her shirt and planted a tiny kiss on her bare stomach. "And I love you too." He leaned his head against her stomach causing her to laugh at the goofy look he had on his face. Neither of them expected to fell happy about this but they did. Peyton's worry faded away as she saw how well Lucas seemed to take everything. Lucas knew that he had a huge responsibility ahead of him but he had concluded that there was no one he would rather go through this with then the curly blonde standing in front of him. He couldn't stop the happiness flowing though his veins.

Lucas got to his feet and grabbed Peyton's waist. He hoisted her into the air and spun her around, both of them laughing. Peyton let the warm breeze blow through her hair as the sun beat down on her golden curls. For the first time in years Peyton felt whole again.

**Flashback**

_ "Peyton you have nothing to worry about." The doctor handed Peyton a small blue book before she continued talking. "That should explain some of the things you've been experiencing. It's really all common for your first pregnancy."_

**End Flashback**


	24. The Bad Guy

        Lucas opened his eyes to the cool breeze that blew around him, making his body shudder slightly.  He looked down as he felt someone push into his side.  He had forgotten where he was for a moment but when he saw Peyton it all came rushing back to him.  They had sat down under a tree and were talking about what they wanted to do and how they wanted to tell everyone.  After a while they fell asleep in the same position they were in now.  Lucas smiled as Peyton curled her slender figure into him, burying her face in his chest.  He kissed the top of her head gently.  He didn't want to wake her up but he knew it was getting late and they had to go.   

        "Peyton…"  he shook her gently causing her eyes to flutter open, but she quickly shut them again.  Lucas laughed as he shook her again.  She mumbled something he couldn't understand and then fell asleep again, not that she was ever really awake.  Lucas smiled as he moved from underneath her, letting her body lay gently on the grass.  Peyton had been exhausted over the last couple of weeks.  She would lay in bed but she couldn't sleep and when she did finally close her eyes should would toss and turn.  Lucas was glad she was sleeping, he knew she was going to need all the rest she could get over the next 9 months. 

        "Why do I get the feeling I'll be doing this a lot more often."  He mumbled to himself as he slid his arms under her waste and picked her up, letting her fall into his chest.  He was happy that they had driven to the park instead of walking like they usually did.  He set her down in the passenger seat and positioned her head on the headrest.  He closed the door gently, not wanting to wake her, and then he climbed into the driver's side and started the ride to her house.  Somewhere along the way Peyton made her way over to Lucas and placed her head on his shoulder.

        Lucas pulled into her driveway, slowly stopping behind her car.  He looked over at the sleeping figure next to him quickly getting lost in his thoughts.  Every time he looked at her or thought about her his blood would run warm through his veins.  The skin on the back of his neck would rise and his body and mind would freeze as his heart started racing.  Even seeing her sleeping was driving him crazy.  He loved her and there was no doubt in his mind about that. 

        Haley had asked him once if he loved her.  When he said yes she asked why.  He had thought for awhile but he couldn't think of an answer.  He told her he didn't know, there was just something about her.  He loved all of her.  He told Haley that he would do anything and give up everything if it was for Peyton.  All she said to him was that he definitely in love.  He took a deep breath and smiled before he shook the thoughts from his head and picked her up and made his way towards the front door. 

        Peyton opened her eye slightly when she heard the door open.  She reluctantly looked up as the door shut behind them and saw Lucas looking down at her.

        "So now you decide to get up" He laughed as he set her down on the couch.

        "Door to door service" she mumbled as she stretched her long arms.  Lucas merely shook his head and sat down beside her.   Peyton leaned her head against his shoulder still feeling a little tired.  "So I guess since I'm up we probably should go to the café.  I want to tell everyone and get it over with as soon as possible.  And since I'm still kinda tired what ever yelling they do is gunna go in one ear and out the other."  The two blondes laughed as they stood from the spots they had just made themselves comfortable in.

        "Your timing sucks Peyt. The thought of sitting on the couch was sounding pretty damn good.  Not all of us slept the whole way home."  Lucas closed the front door behind him and followed Peyton to his car.  She slid into the passenger's side and laughed at him.

        "You whine too much."  She rolled her hazel eye's causing Lucas to shake his head as he pulled out of the driveway and headed towards the café.  They made small talk for the majority of the ride.  They were both feeling nervous about telling people what was going on.  They weren't in high school anymore, but this was going to throw off there plans for college and they both knew the adults weren't going to be pleased about that.  They just hoped that people wouldn't be too pissed off and that they would try and be happy for them.

        Lucas and Peyton walked into the café hand in hand and looked around at all the familiar faces.  It was kinda of late so they were hoping that only Keith, Karen, and Haley would be there, but here was also Brooke, Nathan, Tim, Deb, and a lot of other people they knew and some they didn't.  "I guess we'll wait a little while before we say anything."  Peyton bit her lip and looked up at him as he shook his head in agreement.  

        "Hey friends"  Brooke smiled as she hopped in front of them.  Peyton could tell from her smile that Brooke was ecstatic about something.

        "Excuse us" Peyton broke away from Lucas's arm and pulled Brooke to a nearby table.   Lucas watched the two girls sit down and then made his way over to the counter to talk to Haley.

        "So what's got you smiling an idiot"  Peyton leaned over the table anxious to hear what Brooke had to say.

        "Well Haley wasn't expecting me to come here tonight so she invited a friend here.  Well me and that friend started talking and we kinda hit it off really well.  Wanna know who he is, I'll tell ya…Charlie Santiago."  Brooke's smile was a mile wide and Peyton was glad.

        "So did me and Hales do good?"

        "You guys did great.   Peyton he's so…I don't know what to call him.  He's different but I like it.  Its time for a change in my life and he's definitely the direction I wanna be heading in."  The two girls laughed as the Brunette turned to look at her new guy.  Suddenly Brooke grew very serious and she turned to look at her best friend. "I know I just met him but Peyt I think I really like this one.   I'm trusting you again, please don't do anything…"  She let her statement hand as her eyes pleaded with the blonde.  Peyton felt a sting of guilt at her best friend's fears, which were reasonable.

        "Brooke I'm not gunna do anything I swear."  Peyton looked down at her stomach and then back up at Brooke who suddenly understood.

        "That's a pretty good point" Brooke raised an eyebrow before forcing herself to laugh.  As much as she knew Peyton was happy and she wasn't going to betray her again she couldn't help but to worry.

        "What's a good point?"  The two girls looked up as Haley slid into the seat next to Peyton, Lucas standing beside her.   Haley waited for the two girls to answer but they both just got worried looks on their faces.  Haley sighed as she turned to face Peyton.  "Well you two if it had to do with a mini Peyton-Lucas don't worry, I know."  Peyton eyes grew wide as she looked up at Lucas who had a guilty expression across his face.

        "Peyt I'm sorry.   It's Haley, she's been my best friend for ever and if I don't tell her something she knows and I tell her everything anyway.  I was just so happy and it just slipped. I'm sorry."  Lucas watched as both Peyton and Brooke raised an eyebrow at him before turning and looking at each other.  Then suddenly they both burst out laughing.

        "Broody you are too cute, just…absolutely adorable."  Lucas looked at Brooke in confusion who just turned back to Peyton.

        "Luke calm down.  It's alright, really, I was gunna tell Hales anyway.  Brooke's got a point though…you are adorable when you babble."  She said in a baby voice, causing Lucas to roll his eyes and walk back towards the counter.  All three girls broke out in laughter as they started at Luca's back.

        "So Brooke, how are things going with Charlie?"  Haley turned to Brooke as she awaited her answer.

        "I was just telling Peyton how good things were going.  He's not like most guys, he actually listens to me and cares.  And unlike Lucas, Charlie and I actually have things in common.  It's so great you guys."  Haley and Peyton both smiled at each other as they watched the dreamy look that came over Brooke's face.

        "Okay you guys I have to get back to work, 15 minutes left.  Enjoy the rest of your night and congratulations to both of you."  Haley squealed as she spun around almost skipped back over to the counter. As soon as she was gone Lucas took her seat next to Peyton, and Charlie sat next to Brooke.  Introductions were made and the two couples sat and talked for the next hour, until the café closed.  Brooke and Charlie shared a simple and sweet good night kiss before he left to go home. 

        Lucas and Peyton looked at each other as Karen came from the back kitchen and walked over to Keith.  They two teens knew that they had to tell them as much as they didn't want to.  They grabbed each other's hands and walked over to the two adults.

        "Hey you guys, what's going on?"  Karen smiled at the two but got worried when they didn't' smile back.

        "Mom, Keith, Peyton and I have to tell you guys something."  Lucas looked down at Peyton and lightly squeezed her hand.  "Okay I don't want to jump around it so I'm just gunna tell you."  He took a deep breath as he forced the words to leave his mouth.  "Peyton hasn't been feeling well lately so she went to the doctor and she found out that she's pregnant."  The two teens bit their bottom lip as they waited for any type of response.

        "I'll be right back" Karen got up and walked into the back room.  Brooke looked over at the table and caught the hurt and distressed look the crossed Peyton's face, but the blonde quickly erased it.  Brooke followed Karen into the back room, leaving everyone else to quietly stare at each other.

        "Karen"  Brooke called into the darkness.

        "Can I just have a minute Brooke, this is just a bit more then I wanted to deal with tonight."  Karen's voice was shaky and Brooke could tell that she wanted to cry but she had to tell her something.

        "Karen I know you want to be alone but before you go out there I want you to know something."  Brooke walked over to Karen and stood in front of her.  "Okay, I'm not tryna be rude or disrespectful or anything but I really thing you should know this.  Peyton's my best friends and I barley know her but I don know one thing.  She's really happy about this, she won't admit it but she is and I can see it in her eyes.  She hasn't been happy like this for a long time and I think she really deserves to feel good for once.  I know this sounds rude and I'm not saying that you're gunna be the bad guy in all thing and I know that this isn't what you want for Lucas but I want her to be happy.  When you walked out the room she was really hurt, I mean I don't think anyone else caught it but I did.  If you go in there and yell at them and tell them this was wrong then she's gunna think that she shouldn't be happy.  She gunna think that this was a mistake and that she's happy over something bad.  I know Peyton and if she thinks like that, which she's going to, she'll detach herself again.  She'll shut herself down again and I don't want that for her.  She scares me when she gets like that because I don't know how much more she can endure and she won't let you help.  So I just…I don't want anyone to make her think she shouldn't be happy.  I'm sorry for coming in her and saying this to you because it probably isn't my place but Peyton's always been there for me and she protect me the best she can.  I just want to return the favor."  Brooke looked at Karen with teary eye's hopping that she understood.  She had meant everything she said and wanted Karen to realize that.

        "Brooke I'm glad you came in here and talked to me.  I've talked to Peyton before and I completely forgot about our conversation.  But now that I remember that I can take that into account, plus what you just told me, I don't want her to feel bad because you're right she really doesn't need that anymore.  I know this is gunna be hard enough for her and I don't want to make it worse.  Thank you for getting me to think about things before I talked to them."  Karen gave her best smile to the young brunette.  The two women walked back into the front room to find everyone the same way they we're before.

        Peyton's head snapped up when she heard the click of Brooke's heels.  The brunette gave her a reassuring look and then went to stand next to Nathan and Haley.  The blonde turned her head back towards Karen and Keith.  Karen was the closet thing Peyton had had to a mother in years and now it seemed as though she had just screwed up whatever chance of a relationship they had.  The thought made her want to breakdown in Lucas's arms.  She just always had to mess things up.  Her life was like one long horror flick and somehow she always got to play the bad guy.

        "Well I had to get my head together and decide how I felt about this."  Karen looked at the two teens before she continued.  "I just want you guys to know that this is going to be a lot harder then either of you realize.  Other than that all I can say is congratulations.  You are two of the most responsible teenager I know and you guys are good for each other so if you need anything let me know and I'd be glad to help."  They all looked at Karen in shock.  They expected her to angry and upset and disappointed, not accepting.  Karen herself was shocked at how much Brooke's words had gotten to her.  She couldn't get the images of the distraught girl that stayed the night in her son's room.  She looked over at Peyton whose eye were gleaming.  Karen could tell that she was trying to keep her cool but her eyes gave it away.  Karen gestured for Peyton to come over to her and the young women obeyed. Karen led her over to a table in the corner of the café and the two ladies sat across from each other.

        "Peyton I won't you to know that if you need anything at all don't be afraid to come to me.  After all you are going to make me a grandma, you're giving me someone to spoil and then send home when he gets bad."  Peyton couldn't suppress her laughter.

        "Karen you don't know how much this means to me.  All of this just feels right to me and the fact that you can accepts makes it all that much better."  Karen felt touched by her words.  Part of her knew how Peyton was feeling and she glad that she was making her feel better.  Karen stood from her seat and pulled Peyton into a warm hug.

        "Don't forget, I'm always here."  Karen smiled at the blonde before they headed back towards everyone.  Peyton went and sat next to Lucas who was talking to the other teens.  Karen headed over to Keith who was smiling at her.

        "Karen I'm glad you're taking this so well.  I know it's gotta be hard for you but I agree with what you said about them.  Even though they are young I think that with a little help they can handle this."  Keith hugged Karen lightly and gave her a small kiss on the cheek.  The two adults sat and watched the teens talk and laugh with each other. 

        It wasn't until 2AM that they all left to go home.  Karen gave Lucas permission to stay the night with Peyton because he was worried to leave her by herself.  They got to her house a couple of minutes later and went straight to her bed. 

        "Thank you Lucas" Peyton curled into his body, enjoying the feeling of his arm draped around her slender waist.

        "For what?"  He asked confused.

        "For just being you and for being there for me." She felt her eyes grow heavier as she struggled to keep them open.

        "You don't have to thank me for that, I love you and I'm always gunna be there."  His eyes closed in the middle of his sentence and soon after he finished talking the sleep took over both of them.


	25. Do Your Worst

"Karen I'm so sorry but I have to sit down" Peyton bit her parched lips as she collapsed into one of the vacant booths. She watched as Karen made her way over and patted her leg lightly, showing her warm and inviting smile.

"Don't worry about it sweetie, just do what you can" Karen gave Peyton's growing stomach a small rub before heading back to work.

It had been 5 months since Peyton found out she was pregnant and for the past 3 she had been working at the café with Karen and Haley, who decided to go to a community college for her first year in order to stay with everyone. Peyton's stomach was a little smaller then the average size but it was putting a good amount pressure on her feet. She hadn't gained weight anywhere else so she looked slightly out of proportion and Brooke made sure to tell her that everyday.

Lucas pampered her as much as he could when he was around. He had continued working at the garage with Keith, but only part time because he hated being away from Peyton. For once everything in Tree Hill seemed to be calm, the drama that all experienced in high school was gone, but they didn't mind.

"Hey friend" Peyton looked up to find Brooke grinning down at her. The brunette leaned into the table and kissed Peyton's stomach, a tradition her and Haley had formed. "And hello to you too mini friend. Aunty Brooke is gunna spoil you rotten and then send you home to mommy and daddy when you start to tear up the house." Brooke stuck her tongue out at her best friend and then took a seat across from her.

"Remind me to lock my doors when you take my child." Peyton rolled her eyes as she returned Brooke previous gesture.

"Ohh pooh!" the two girls laughed at each other. "So how are you doing, you look exhausted."

"I am. My feet and legs and back and just about every other part of my body are in excruciating pain. I don't get it, how do people that put on like 50 pounds get out of bed in the morning, I'm tiny and I still feel like I'm carrying bricks." Peyton brought her head down against the table in frustration as the brunette giggled.

"Just make sure to torture broody tonight" She winked at the blonde who gave a small laugh.

"Oh I will, believe me I will." She raised an eyebrow before she felt a hand ruffle her blonde curls.

"You already do that every night but I don't mind at all." She craned her neck to look at him and then rolled her eyes. Lucas leaned down and kissed her lips gently and then made his way down to her stomach following the same tradition as the two girls. His blue eyes became eye level to Peyton's before he kissed her again. "Do your worst" He said smugly before giving her a small smile.

"You asked for it. We have an appointment soon right?" She asked as she picked herself up and walked over to the counter to sign out for the day.

"Yup so let's go." He waved to his mom and headed for the door.

"Hey Peyton…" Karen called as she looked in the blonde's direction. "My son thinks he's so bad…I say play it up." Karen laughed, knowing Lucas didn't hear her. Peyton gave both Karen and Brooke a quick wink before turning to face Lucas back.

"Lucas" her voice sounded pathetic as he turned around. "My feet hurt to bad to walk on anymore." She whined, putting on a puppy dog face. Lucas shook his head and made his way back over to Peyton. He picked her up and she wrapped her lanky arms around his neck. "Thank you" she cooed.

"She's good" Karen and Brooke both said as Lucas carried the curly blonde out the door.

Peyton and Lucas walked into the doctor's office, letting the cold from the AC circle their bodies. Lucas signed them in as Peyton took a seat and waited for them to be called. They didn't have to wait long and they held hands as they made their way into one of the back rooms. Peyton laid on the elongated chair as Lucas sat beside her, not letting go of her hand.

They were both anxious as the doctor applied the cold cream to Peyton stomach. It had been a little over a month since their last visit and they wanted to see the ultra sound pictures.

"Are you guys ready?" the doctor asked as she turned on the ultra sound. Lucas and Peyton both nodded eagerly. The paddle was moved around her stomach and before long a picture appeared, followed by the steady heartbeat. Lucas's eyes lit up in amazement as he watched the small baby.

"If you look right over here…" the doctor circled an area on the screen. "…you can see the head. Here are the legs and arms." A wide smile appeared on both their faces as the watched the doctor point out different parts on the screen. "Would you like to know the sex?"

Peyton looked over at Lucas and they both silently agreed. "We want to be surprised." Peyton replied as she turned back to look at the baby. She was in awe of the fact that she and Lucas had created that life inside of her. Every visit the baby looked different, each feature was more defined.

"Well your baby has a strong heartbeat as you can hear which means he's healthy." The two teens merely nodded, neither wanting to pay attention to anything other then their child. The doctor smiled at the soon to be parents and printed out 4 ultra sound pictures. She handed them to the couple and then cleaned the gel from Peyton's stomach. Neither teen wanted to leave but they knew they had to. The enjoyed the pictures as they walked back the Peyton's.

"Can you believe that in 4 months we're gunna be holding him in our arms" Peyton smiled as they walked through her front door. Lucas wrapped his arms around her as they made their way t her room.

"SO you think it's gunna be a boy" he teased.

"I don't know, but I don't wanna say it or anything." Peyton walked over to her web cam and turned it on, hoping that her friends would be watching.

"I hope it's a boy. I wanna teach him how to play sport and taking him on camping trips and all that other stuff I never really got to do with my dad." His eyes dropped as well as his face as he thought about all the things he missed out on as a kid. Peyton lifted his head with he finger and kissed him gently.

"Your gunna be a great father Lucas" she whispered into his ear causing him to smile. Neither of them could wait to be parents. They both broke the stare as an IM sounded on the computer.

-Enough with the PDA's, we want pictures- It was Brooke, but Haley and Nathan were quick to follow her with the exact same comment. Lucas and Peyton laughed as she picked up two pictures and held them in front of the camera. Peyton couldn't wipe the smile off her face, she hadn't been able to since she found out she was pregnant. She couldn't place why but she knew that she was truly happy for once and she loved it.

Lucas loved seeing her smile because it made her glow. She was like her mother, she looked like an angle on earth. No one expected Peyton to take to motherhood as well as she did but they were all glad about it. When they were finished talking to their friends, Lucas and Peyton laid soundly in her bed. Lucas had made a habit of staying the night at her house and his mother didn't mind.

Lucas placed a protective arm around Peyton's stomach like he did almost every other night. The more Peyton thought about it the more she realized she wouldn't have been able to do this without him with her. She knew he loved her and nothing made her feel more secure at night.

Okay I know this chapter was kinda short and it was quick but I just wanted to post something and I couldn't think of what to write. Don't forget to review.


	26. Unexpected Visit

Just a quick note: for those who don't know, PDA stands for public display or affection.

* * *

"Oh you guys this is so adorable. Come look." Haley waved her hand at the other two girls and waited for them to come over. Haley and Brooke had talked Peyton into going shopping with them. They each had a handful of baby clothes, because they couldn't stop picking everything up. Peyton smiled when she saw the outfit Haley was holding.

"I think I like that one best so far." Brooke squealed, snatching it out of the other brunette's hands.

"Can you believe someone can actually fit into something that small?" Peyton gasped as she examined the small outfit. After 5 months she still couldn't get over the amazement of certain things and the size of a baby was one of them.

"Peyton I hope you have a girl, it's gunna be so much fun to dress her up" Brooke exclaimed as she picked out a tiny blue dress. Peyton shock her head and looked at all the things she had in her hand. She didn't want to waste money and buy something for a girl and then have a boy or vice versa. She put down everything in her hand that was pink and all the dresses. She figured that all the boy clothes could pass for a girl's so she kept all of those.

Haley looked over at Peyton just in time to see her body cringe. She snatched the clothes from her hand and pointed her in the direction of the nearest bathroom. They had been at the mall for the past 6 hours and that was the second time Peyton went to throw up. At first it scared them all but over time they got used to the 'morning' sickness, which for Peyton never seemed to happen in the morning. Brooke shook her head and sorted through the piles of clothes they had.

"Okay while Peyton's over there doing…her thing… we can pay for this stuff. I think I'm bored of this store and plus we have to get outfits for tonight." Brooke got that devious look on her face as the two girls made their way to the register.

"She is gunna be so shocked. I just hope she lets us put a dress on her." Haley took a deep breath and loaded the clothes on the counter. Lucas was planning a dinner for Peyton and he had invited the other two couples, who graciously accepted. The guys were all hanging out for the day and the only thing they told the girls was to pick out something formal and to not tell Peyton.

"I'll make sure she gets one. I'll just find her one that doesn't hug too much and it'll be black so that it's slimming." Brooke bit on the edge of her finger as she thought about where to go and what she was gunna buy. Shopping had been her sport since middle school, and her addiction had only gotten worse over the years. Haley just rolled her eyes and pulled out her credit card to pay for the things. She knew that Peyton was gunna be upset that Haley spent her money but she didn't care.

Peyton rinsed her mouth and grabbed a paper towel to dry her face and hands. She had learned not to wear make-up during the day because she could never keep it on. She looked in the mirror one last time before heading out the bathroom. She hopped that Haley and Brooke hadn't gone crazy while she was gone because the last time she left them they spent $200 in the store and the only reason she knew was because she found the receipt. As she rounded the corner she felt a hand slide around her waist and pull her back. She closed her eyes as felt the line of gentle kisses that trailed her neck making her smile slightly. She had gotten used to Lucas trying to scare her and at first it worked and she would always jump, but now she welcomed the affection.

"Babe, next time make sure to put Chap Stick on. But anyway what are you doing here?" She turned in his arms but froze when she saw him. Her mouth opened slightly at the sight before her. It was Rick, with his arms growing tighter around her waist.

"Surprised?" He question as he pulled her closer to him. She wanted to run but she couldn't move, her legs felt like cement. "I am. I didn't know you were pregnant Peyton. So I guess Lucas finally screwed you, I'll give him points for that." He smiled down at her, that same smile he used to give when he had her pinned to something. She wanted to throw up but all she felt was constant nausea.

"What are you doing here" Her voice was small and nervous. He shook his head and laughed at her making her feel even more uncomfortable.

"I came to see you. I missed you Peyton and I know you've missed me." He held her back at arms length suddenly and gazed down at her stomach. He let go of her tense shoulders and placed a hand on her stomach, back and forth. "So how far along are you?" He asked, not stopping the movement on her stomach. When she didn't answer he stood and looked down at her. "You're not talking to me Peyton, I can understand that you nervous about confronting Lucas and all."

"Peyton" Rick looked over to see Brooke and Haley running towards them.

"Well you don't worry about Lucas. Whenever you're ready let me know, I'll take care of everything" He leaned down and kissed her lips. "I'll see you soon baby." He said before he took off, just before the other two girls reached their friend.

"Peyton are you okay." Brooke hugged Peyton tightly as the first tear slipped from the blonde's stinging eyes.

"He didn't hurt you right" Haley asked as she joined the hug. Peyton shook her head no but her body wouldn't stop shaking.

"You guys let's just finish up here okay. I don't wanna dwell on this. And please don't tell Luke, he's been really protective lately and I don't want him to do anything that'll get him in trouble." Peyton took one of the bags from Haley and put on the best smile she could. Talking about Rick always made her uncomfortable and she could feel that things still hadn't changed. Haley and Brooke both nodded reluctantly before the three girls went to buy dresses.

Brooke could tell that Peyton was miserable but she also knew that there really wasn't much she could do about it. The brunette picked up a simple but elegant black dress from one of the racks. "Hey, Peyton this would be perfect on you." She handed the blonde the dress and pushed her towards the other racks.

"Brooke you really think I'm gunna put this on." Peyton looked at her quizzically.

"Yes" Brooke smiled at her and then continued looking through the dresses.

"I like this one" Haley held up a deep purple dress and the other two nodded in approval. The only one left was Brooke who soon found a long navy blue dress. The three girls made their way to the dressing rooms to make sure everything fit right. They all came out at the same time and examined each other.

"Haley that is gorgeous." Peyton said as she looked at the long dress Haley was wearing. It was form fitting down to the hip and then it flared out slightly and it had a triangular split right above her ankles.

"I like yours too" She said, referring to the loosely fitting halter dress Brooke had picked up for the blonde. It didn't show her stomach very much and it had a slit in the back. "Brooke you look amazing" Haley exclaimed. The brunette was wearing a long dress that was rounded right below the neck. It the back the thick strap split into 5 smaller stands and crossed to the opposite side. The dress hugged her every curve and hung neatly around her ankles. All three girls complimented each other before going back in and changing.

As they approached the counter Peyton only felt slightly better, but she couldn't get the thoughts of Rick out of her head. "Why exactly are we buying dresses you guys" she asked, trying to think of something else. Haley didn't know what to say but Brooke seemed to have everything planned.

"It's never a bad thing to have a dress handy. One of these days we're gunna treat each other to some fancy occasion and you wanna have something to wear." She said casually as she paid for her dress. They each decided that they had shoes, only because it was time for them to get going.

The ride home was quite even though they tried to get Peyton to talk. All the blonde did was reminding them not to say anything to anyone, especially Lucas.


	27. Not Worth It

            Peyton stepped out of the car, followed by Brooke and Haley.  She spent the entire ride reminding the brunettes not to tell Lucas about her encounter with Ricky.  They walked slowly towards the front door, all feeling less content than before.  Peyton opened the front door to her house to find a note on one of the side tables.  She opened the small folded paper and read Lucas's neatly printed writing.

            "I hope you had a good day.  Go upstairs and follow the red and white road.  Love Lucas."  The blonde read out loud.  Just reading that he loved her lifted some of the weight from her shoulders.  He always had a way to make the bad tings seem better.  Brooke and Haley were glad to see their friend smile again and they were all anxious to see what was upstairs.  

            The girls put their bags down in the living room and then crept slowly up to the second floor, unsure of what to expect.  When Peyton, who was in the lead, reached the top of the stairs she found a trail of red and white rose petals.  Brooke and Haley gaped at the scene as they all continued to walk down the hall admiring the beautiful set up that had been created.  The hall was lined with vanilla candles, each set in a tall crystalline holder, with ceramic vines wrapped around to the top.  The sweet smell filled the hall way, surrounding the girls. 

            Peyton followed the petals until she neared the guest room and the trail stopped.  As soon as she stopped walking Nathan appeared in a clean cut black suit, from around the corner.  He smiled at Haley before bowing in front of Peyton, causing the blonde to laugh.  Peyton was so caught up in everything before her that she jumped slightly when she felt arms slide gently around her waist.  She instinctively looked back to make sure it was Lucas and smiled when he kissed her. 

            "We have a surprise for you" he whispered into her ear causing her smile to grow.  "Close your eyes."  He said softly and she obeyed.  She heard a door open and followed Lucas lead as he moved her towards the newly open room, his arms never leaving her waist.  She felt his body turn her and then continue walking straight for a bit and then stop. 

            "Lucas what's going on"  she questioned, her eyes tightly shut.

            "Open"  he whispered into her ear once again.  When she lifted her eye lids her mouth dropped as she looked around the room.  "Nathan and I have been working on it all day."  She was till in awe as he told her.

            "This is amazing"  Haley stuttered as she and Brooke entered the room.  Lucas looked down at Peyton who was just staring at everything.  In the corner there was a mahogany crib, lined with baby blue sheets.  Next to the crib there was a matching book case, however it was empty.  The small night stand on the other side of the crib held a simple blue lamp with a clean white shade.  The wooden floors had been cleaned and she could small the faint sent of varnish that was still lingering in the room.  In the center of the floor there was an antique rocking chair with a fitted white cushion intricately designed with tiny purple and blue flowers with vibrant green vines connecting them all.  On the opposite side of the room the old closet doors had been replaced with new sliding ones.  Next to the closet the bureau held an empty picture frame with the words 'My first day home' written across the top in multi-colored letters.  There were various baby products lined along the back, including baby powder, shampoo, lotion, and oil.  Above the bureau a medium sized oval mirror hung.  It was lined in silver and blue to follow the theme of the room. 

            "Peyton…"  Lucas calmly whispered.  She hadn't said anything for the past ten minutes and he was getting worried that she didn't like the room.  She broke away from his grasp and walked over to the crib.  She let her frail finger trace the edge of the smooth wood.  As she ran along the inside of the rail her finger traced over a grove in the wood.  She leaned over the rail to find the words Lucas Scott etched into the dark wood. She turned to face the group of people behind her.  She turned more specifically to Nathan and Lucas with a grateful look on her face. 

            "I don't know what to say.  This is…incredible."  She went over and hugged Lucas tightly.  "Thank you so much" She felt the warm tears slide down her face.  She looked over at Nathan and walked over to him.  She hugged him as well before turning back to the room.  She walked to the rocking chair, letting her finger maneuver around the wood.  She looked at the smooth design in the wood and turned to look back at Nathan in shook.  "This is the old rocking chair from your attic.  I always said how much I loved this chair."  She watched as her ex nodded his head.

            "I didn't always ignore everything you said Peyt.  I think that came out wrong" he gave a small laugh and the rest of them joined in.

            "It's okay, this makes up for it Nate."  Peyton turned around and looked over the room again.

            "I think you missed something Peyton" Brook said as she caught sight of the book shelf.  Peyton followed her eyes and strolled over to look at the shelf.  When she reached it and looked at the second shelf she found what Brooke had spotted.  She smiled as Lucas wrapped his arms around her again.

            "Now we can look for names at night."  He said gently.

            "I'd like that" she said as she turned around to face him.  She stood on her toes and placed a loving kiss on his lips.  "I'd like that very much."  She looked past Lucas at her two best friends.  "Did you guys know about this?"  She questioned them.

            "Actually no."  The both said and it was the truth.  They were just as surprised to see the new baby room as she was.

            "Go get dressed"  Lucas said as he looked at his watch.  "There's more" he informed Peyton.

            "Let's go" Brooke said as she took both Peyton and Haley by the hand and lead them to Peyton's room.  She ran downstairs and soon returned with the three dress bags in her hands.  She handed the two girls their dresses and told them to hurry up.  They only had half and hour to get ready and she knew they were gunna need more time.  Peyton didn't know what was going on but she was too happy to care.  Nothing was bothering her anymore and she was glad.  The girls got ready in record time and rushed downstairs to meet the guys who were already dressed.  Sometime while they were upstairs Charlie had arrived so they headed straight to dinner.

            Lucas had blindfolded Peyton so that she wouldn't know where they were going.  Once they arrived at the restaurant Lucas lead her through the front entrance and once inside her remove the blind fold.  Again the three girls stood in awe of the fancy restaurant they were eating in.  Above their heads hung a crystal chandelier and in front of them there was a case of marble steps.  The group was escorted upstairs and seated in one of the corner tables.

            "You guys there are no prices on the menus."  Haley pointed out as she searched through the large selection of entrees.

            "If you have to ask you can't afford it" Brooke informed her nonchalantly.

            "It's taken care of Hales just order what you want, but only one meal per person please."  Lucas said as he opened his own menu.  Diner went by quickly for them and they laughed and talked the entire time.  About two hours into the excursion Peyton stood and grabbed Lucas's hand.

            "Let's dance" She said sweetly as he rose from his seat.  The entire group made their way onto the dance floor.  They alternated partners and soon found their way back to their dates.  As a slow song began to play Lucas took Peyton tightly into his arms and the couple swayed lightly to the music.

Lying here with you listening to the rain

Smiling just to see the smile upon your face

These are the moment I thank god that I'm alive

These as the moments I'll remember all me life

I've found all I've waited for

And I could not ask for more

 Looking in your eyes seeing all I need

Everything you are is everything to me

Theses are the moment I know heaven must exist

These are the moments I know all I need is this

I have all I've waited for and I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together

I could not ask for more than this time with you

Every prayer has been answered every dream I have's come true

Yeah right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be

Here with you here with me

            Lucas let go of Peyton's waist and lifted her hand in his, spinning her around before pulling her body back into his.

These are the moment I thank god that I'm alive

These are the moment I'll remember all my life

I've got all I've waited for and I could not ask for more 

I could not ask for more then this time together

I could not ask for more then this time with you

Every prayer has been answered every dream I have's come true

And right here in this moment is where I'm meant to be

Here with you here with me

I could not ask for more then the love you gave me

Cause it's all I've waited for

And I could not ask for more.

            As the song ended Lucas dipped Peyton, but he nearly dropped her as his eyes caught sight of the door.  There standing against the frame watching them was Rick.  He picked Peyton back up but he smile disappeared when she caught the look on his face.  Before she turned around to see what he was staring at she caught the same look and Nathan's face.  When she turned she understood why and she wanted to run.  She wanted to burry herself in a dark corner and stay there until he was gone.  She didn't want him to be there because it meant trouble.  She wanted the night to be perfect and that wasn't gunna happen with Rick there. 

            "Luke, can we please just go back to the table, don't let him ruin this."  She pleaded with him and when he saw he face his look softened and they left the dance floor.

            "Hey you guys do you wanna just get out of here.  We can just go back to the house for a bit and talk.  Plus we won't have to be on good behavior over there."  Lucas said as he slipped off his jacket and wrapped it around Peyton's shoulders.  They all agreed and after Lucas paid for the bill they headed for the door.  They were all relieved to find the Rick had left and they hoped that the night would be peaceful.

            They made their way outside and over to Lucas's car.  He let go of Peyton's hand reluctantly as he reached into his pocket for the keys.  When he retrieved them he looked up to find Peyton gone.  They had been walking behind the others so Lucas could try and talk to her but no she wasn't next to him.  He looked around and spotted her behind one of the nearby trucks.  They all had noticed she had disappeared and they followed Lucas to the truck.  When they found her Rick had her pressed up against the side of the truck and she was frozen stiff like she had been earlier.

            "Remember what we talked about Peyton.  Don't be scared, everyone knows we belong together and I know you know that too.  Just admit that you miss me Peyton and we can move past this and be happy again."  He buried his face into her neck, still unaware of Lucas and the others.

            "I wasn't happy" Peyton muttered before pushing him off of her.  He stumbled slightly and then gained his balance and started towards her.  After his second step his body swung around and his face connected with Lucas's fist.  Peyton stood back and jumped when she felt her body pulled from off the truck.  She looked up to find Nathan with a protective arm on her shoulder.  She turned back to see Rick and Luke on the ground.  Luke was on top and beating the crap out of him. 

            "Lucas stop"  Peyton yelled, scared that he was gunna kill him.  Lucas knew that he had to stop and he did.

            "Don't ever touch her again.  I don't wanna see you within a mile of her or next time I won't stop.  I can promise you that, so keep your fucking hands to yourself." Lucas said sternly as he stood up and stepped away from Rick.  Rick got to his feet and turned away but he quickly spun back around and punched Lucas in the jaw. 

            "Stop it" Peyton screamed as she moved closer.

            "Stay the hell out of this" Rick screamed at her as he grabbed her shoulders and shoved her backwards with all he had.  She went crashing down towards the ground and Nathan caught her just before she hit.  He helped her steady herself and then stormed over to Rick.

            "I told you last time that if you touched her again you were gunna regret it and I'm not one to break my promises."  Nathan shoved Rick against the truck and held his arm to his neck.  "See I'd rather beat the shit out of you then just have you die so I won't hand you over to Lucas.  Be glad Charlie's holding him back because your ass is good as dead if he ever gets a hold of you."  Nathan looked over at Lucas who was fighting to get away from Charlie who was using all his strength to keep Lucas out of jail.  Nathan turned back to Rick and let him go.  He turned his head and then slammed his fits into Rick's jaw causing him to slide down against the truck.  Nathan picked him up by his collar and slammed him against the truck again.

            "Come on!  I thought you were big tough man.  Defend yourself because this is pathetic man."  Nathan hit him again, just as hard and he picked him up the same way he did before.  "What's wrong man?  You can only hit women, your not man enough to come after me.  Now you're what I call damn fag.  If your not prove me wrong."  Nathan pointed his finger and Ricks face and then let him go.  They watched as Rick slid to the ground.  Nathan laughed as he looked at the guy sitting by his feet.  "That's what I thought.  You're a real tough guy you know."  He said sarcastically before walking back to the group.

            Lucas had broken from Charlie's grasp but he had looked on with the rest of them as Nathan messed with Rick.  As his brother returned to the group Lucas slipped back over to Rick.  He pulled the guy back to his feet and brought their faces inches apart.  "You have no clue what I could do to you right now, but you see her over there…"  Lucas pointed over to Peyton and waited for Rick to follow his gaze.  "She needs me.  And you…" His finger was now pointed at Rick and he brought their faces closer together.  "You're not worth it."  He let go of Rick and let him stand against the truck as he walked back over to the group of his friends.  As soon as he was there Rick watched Peyton wipe the blood from Lucas mouth and kiss him gently.

            "Peyton why didn't you tell me you saw him today." Lucas asked as he looked down at her.

            "Because I didn't want to ruin anything.  The day just felt so perfect."  She whispered.

            "Well don't be afraid to come to me and tell me that Peyton.  I'm always here for you no matter when."  She looked up at him and smiled.

            "Thank you for not taking that too far."  She said as she grabbed his hand and they walked to his car.

            "You're too important to me.  I spent all that time fixing up the room today…Peyton I wanna be there to watch my son or daughter grow up in that room.  I wanna stand over you in the rocking chair while you feed them or read a story.  I wanna hear the mobile going and I wanna watch him sleep in his crib at night.  I'm not interested in giving that up because I wanna be there for it all."  He smiled down at her and kissed her before they got in the car.

            That ride home was quite but all the couples held hands.  They were all still a little unsettled about everything that happened.  Lucas dropped everyone home and then drove back to Peyton's.  As usual he stayed the night with her and they changed and lay in her bed.  Peyton settled against his chest and reached for the book of baby names that was on her night stand.  Lucas smiled as they flipped through the pages.

            "Nathan is not such a bad name you know."  Lucas said as they searched through the boys names.  Peyton agreed with him as she thought about everything Nathan had done for her lately, including that night.

            "I like Dana" Peyton said when they got to the girls section.

            "Me too" Lucas added as he closed the book.  They had decided to pick one girl's name and one boy's name every night and they had picked Nathan and Dana.

            "Oh my God" Peyton shrieked suddenly startling Lucas.

            "Peyton what's wrong" Lucas asked quickly, fear immediately radiating through his body.  She didn't answer him she just took his hand and placed it on her stomach.  He was confused at first but when he felt the sharp movement against his hand his face lit up.

            "He kicked or she but it doesn't matter.  They kicked."  Lucas was babbling as the baby kicked a third and last time.  They were both amazed as they forgot about everything from the night.  All they could think about was the life that was now moving around inside of Peyton.  They were both glad to fall asleep in each others arms with Lucas laying a protective hand on Peyton's stomach.


	28. The Definition of Pain

1 Month Later

"Hey friend and mini friend" Brooke pushed her brown hair behind her ears and leaned down and kissed Peyton's stomach. She stood and looked into her best friend's eyes, they were filled with their usual grief and sorrow instead of the glow they had possessed for the last few months. Brooke pulled the blonde into a tight hug as they stood in the center of the baby's room.

"Thank you, I needed that" Peyton said softly when Brooke released her.

"I've missed you. You've been cooped up in this house for the past 3 days." Brooke looked at Peyton and felt as though she wanted to cry. Peyton had been so happy since she got pregnant and now one person was making her miserable.

"I know…it's just that I don't really want to go outside. I guess I'm just a little worried still." The blonde looked down at the floor as she spoke.

"Peyt he can't come near you and if he does he'll get arrested." Brooke tried to reassure her. The day after they had gone out to dinner Lucas went and got a restraining order against Rick. But, she would still see him sometimes because they couldn't stop him form going into public places and even though they all knew that he was watching her, they couldn't prove it. Peyton had refused to leave the house for the last couple of days because he always seemed to show up wherever she went.

"Brooke I know that but it's just hard."

"Well you're coming to the café today. Everyone is there and Lucas is gunna meet us there after work. Nathan is sitting by the door so that he can make sure Rick doesn't go in. You're already dressed, so get up and let's go." Brooke said in a determined voice. Peyton looked at her and then back at the floor before her eyes darted back to Brooke. The blonde got ready to leave when Brooke place a light hand on her shoulder.

"I almost forgot something. I brought a gift for little one." Brooke opened her bag and pulled out a medium sized book. Peyton smiled when she saw the cover that read "…And to Think I Saw It on Mulberry Street''.

"I remember when we used to read that everyday." Peyton said as she took the book from the brunette. She flipped through the old and slightly torn pages.

"I found it with my old stuff. I thought it'd be a nice thing to pass down." Brooke was happy to see Peyton smiling even if it didn't last too long. Peyton walked over to the bookshelf and place the book on the end. She ran her hand over all the books that had been given to her over the last month. She turned to her best friend and smiled.

"Let's go" She took the brunette's arm in hers and the two girls headed down stairs and to the café to meet everyone.

"Well hello, long time know see." Haley teased as Peyton and Brooke entered the café. Peyton smiled even though she was nervous. She walked around and hugged everyone. Being around them somehow made her feel better, the only person missing was Lucas but she knew that he would be there soon.

The last person the blonde hugged was Karen. When she went to pull away Karen quickly grabbed her shoulder's preventing her from moving. The older woman placed her hand on Peyton's stomach and a few seconds later a wide grin appeared on her face.

"They kicked" Karen said as she let Peyton. "You've got a strong one in there Peyton." The blonde laughed as she nodded her head in agreement. They baby was constantly kicking and she could always feel it. "Go sit down, I'll bring you some lunch" Karen waved Peyton over to the rest of the teens and headed into the kitchen.

"Come over you. I wanna feel my nephew kick." Nathan said before Peyton could sit down. She laughed because every time Nathan tired to catch the baby kick he always just missed it. He was the only one who hadn't felt it yet and he would always hover of Peyton's stomach trying to coax the baby into kicking. Peyton made her way over to Nathan and he eagerly placed a hand on her stomach. "Ohh come on" he whined when nothing happened.

"It's probably a girl and she won't kick because you keep calling her your nephew." Haley commented innocently causing Nathan to roll his eyes.

"Fine. I wanna feel my niece kick." He placed his hand back on Peyton's stomach and waited. Before long his eyes lit up as he felt the sharp nudge against the palm of his hand. The entire group broke out laughing at the incident. "Your daddy's gunna have his hands fun if you grow up looking like your mommy. He's gunna be chasing all the boys away with a shovel." Nathan joked.

"No I'll be after them with a rake." Lucas said as he came up behind Peyton. She laughed as the rest of table looked on slightly confused. "Long story, just put it this way, her dad calls me 'rake boy' now."

"The story's not long. He came to my house and thought my dad was a burglar or something 'cause my front door was open. Well he took the rake from the side of the door and went into the kitchen holding the thing like a bat and he asked my dad what he who is was. When I came downstairs my dad told me the Lucas was trying to rake him to death." Peyton laughed as she told the story and soon the rest of the group joined her.

"Yeah yeah yeah…the story is very funny." Lucas said as he pulled up a chair and then pulled Peyton onto his lap.

"Yes it is, but don't worry, it just makes me love you more." She kissed him lightly and then turned back to her friends. They all talked and laughed, mostly about their high school memories. That went on for about two hours, until Brooke got up and walked over to the counter.

"Karen do you have Kool-Aid or something like that." The brunette asked in a sweet tone.

"Yea, how much do you need hun?"

"A pitcher should do, a large cup of Pepsi and some small glasses." Karen went into the back and soon returned with a tray holding a pitcher of fruit punch and 6 shot glasses. "Thank you much" the brunette said as she picked up the tray and made her way back to the table. "The game is I Never and since Peyt can't have alcohol the punch is spiked with Pepsi." Brooke set the tray on the table and took her seat next to Charlie before pouring the soda into the pitcher. "Let's see…I never went skinny dipping."

"Why do I not believe that?" Peyton questioned her best friend.

"Because sex in water does not count as skinny dipping." The brunette gave a satisfied smile and waited to see if anyone had to drink. Nathan filled up two glasses and took one for himself and then handed the other to Peyton.

"Cheers" he said as the two hit their glasses together and then took a drink.

"I never cheated on a test." Peyton said. "Sorry guys but I was trying to think of something that wasn't sex related but that's not gunna work anymore." They all laughed. They all filled their glasses except for Peyton and Charlie.

"Tutor girl cheated on a test" Brooke said in shook. "Haley I don't believe you"

"I did but it was only once. It was the last test before the final and I had so busy tutoring everyone that I completely forgot about the test so I wrote answers on my hand and yeah." Haley bit her bottom lip and the rest of the group laughed.

"Haley's a bad girl" Peyton teased. Haley glared at her.

"Fine! I've never done more than one sibling." Haley poured out a drink and handed it to the blonde.

"Yes I have" Peyton tossed back the drink and looked around the group. "But I never got off on anything other then a person…a real person."

"So are you saying that the girls in porn aren't real?" Charlie questioned as he prepared to pour himself a drink.

"They're not and neither are the girls in magazines or on computers…it's all porn and all fake." Haley stated as she poured Nathan a drink, recalling the time she looked through his computer. All three guys took a shot while the girls shook their heads in disgust.

"I never lied about the father of my kid." They all looked up as Rick set a drink down in front of Peyton. "Most babies don't kick at 5 months Peyton, are you sure you're timing not a little off." Peyton knew he was wrong but that didn't stop her form feeling sick. They all watched as Rick walked backwards towards the door and right into the arms of a policeman. Karen had seen him enter the café and called the cops. She was glad that he watched them at first because it gave the police time to get to the café. Peyton let out a sigh of relief as she the police drive off with Rick in the back of the car.

Even though he was gone Peyton didn't want to sit there anymore. She got up and quickly made her way to the back of the café. Lucas looked at her back until it disappeared around the corner. Karen stared at her son's heart broken face and gave a small smile to try and reassure him that things would be fine. "Ill be back" Lucas told his friends quietly as he got up and followed Peyton.

"Peyt…" he called as he entered the back room. He looked around but he didn't see her. "Peyton…" he called again and he waited for an answer. "Peyton if you don't wanna talk that's fine but at least let me know you're okay. Please." He waited for an answer. He knew what was bothering her and it was bothering him too. He didn't know what Rick meant when he made his 'I never' comment.

"I know he's wrong but I can't help but wonder." Lucas was torn from his thoughts when her voice rang through his head. He looked around until he finally saw her hazel eyes glowing form across the room. He made his way over to the counter she was sitting on and looked into her glistening eyes. She had her legs on the counter, her knees drawn up to her chest as far as she could get them and her chin resting in the groove of her arms. Lucas pulled her legs down, letting her arms fall from their place on her knees. He spread her legs and stood between them before lifting her chin with his finger and kissing her lips gently.

"There's nothing to worry about. Peyton the doctor told you when you were a month pregnant and I was there with you." He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her body to the edge of the counter, until her stomach was pressed against his.

"I know that but what if the doctor was wrong or something. I know it can happen because tests and things aren't always right." Her voice was quiet and he could hear her uncertainty. Lucas could feel his heart break when he felt the moisture drop onto his arm.

"Okay let's do this without science. You broke up with him about 2 months before we slept together. So that would mean you would have been 2 months pregnant then. Now it's been almost 7 months since we slept together and that would mean that you're at least 9 months pregnant and unless the ultra sounds pictures are from someone else's stomach the baby doesn't have fully developed fingers yet. Now I'm no genius on the matter but I think if you were due this month the baby would have fingers. Unless of coarse the baby is deformed and in that case he's gunna have a really hard time when he tries to use a pencil or basket ball or any think for that matter." Peyton hit his shoulder playfully.

"Our child is not deformed." She said between sobs. Lucas laughed and then kissed her again.

"Well that's good to know." He said as he broke the kiss.

"I know that he was just trying to get to me but the truth is he did. Luke he's been getting to me for the past month. I'm looking around the corner again, and I can't get to sleep at night. I have to make myself stand still if someone other then you touches me. I mean Nathan had his hand on my stomach today so that he could feel the baby kick and when nothing happened he sounded so aggravated and even though I know he was just messing around it made me nervous. Every little thing puts me on high alert and I can't stop it and that scares me Luke. It really scares me." The tears were flowing freely from her eyes again as she waited for him to respond.

Lucas pulled Peyton from off the counter and took her into his arms as tightly as he could without hurting her. "I'm so sorry Peyton. I should have stayed with you; I should have known this was bothering you." He said into her golden curls. "Peyton, why didn't you say anything to me? You could have come to me and talked about it. That's a part of us being together, being able to come to each other if we need help or if we just need to talk."

"I know that, but I thought it would go away and it didn't." She buried her face into his neck as she spoke.

"Peyton just promise to talk me." He held her back at arms length.

"I promise." She said quietly as she wiped the tears from under her eyes. "Lucas, can we go home now?"

"Yes we can." He said as he took her hand in his and led her back to the front room. They said their goodbye's to everyone and then headed to her house. Once they got inside Peyton ran to the bathroom to throw up. Lucas followed her into the bathroom and held her hair back while she leaned over the toilet. Afterwards she rinsed her mouth and Lucas helped her over to the couch. He cradled her body as she fell asleep, his eyes shut no too long after hers did.

Lucas woke up when he felt Peyton suddenly pull out of his arms. He grabbed her waist before she could fall off the side of the couch. He could feel how heavy her breath was ad it scared him. He could feel her sweating through her clothes and he could feel her body shaking.

"Peyton what's wrong?" he asked as he slid from behind her and kneeled in front of her. He placed his hand on her face and turned her head so that she was looking at him, but her eyes seemed to stare right past him. "Peyton" he called to her again but she didn't respond.

"Lucas I could feel it all. I could feel the pain and fright. It was like I was reliving the whole thing, every detail. I couldn't stop it, I tried but I couldn't stop it." Lucas took her into his arms and held her close to him. He rocked back and forth with her shivering body.

"Peyton I'm here, it's okay" he whispered into her hair over and over again, trying to get her to calm down. The heat was radiating from her body as she buried herself into his body. She wanted to hide from the pain but she couldn't do it. Lucas pulled her up to her feet and picked her up and then carried her outside into the cool night air. He set her down on the porch and tried to steady her body.

She pulled away from him suddenly and grasped laid a hand on her stomach. "Lucas…" She whispered into the night. "I think my water jut broke." She looked at him with frightened eyes. The only thing that went through her mind was the possibility that she was in her 9th month, the possibility that the baby wasn't Luke's. She was so lost in thought that she didn't notice when Lucas picked her up and carried her to the car.

On the way to the hospital Lucas called his mom at the café and told her what was going on. He also called Brooke and told her to meet them at the hospital. He grabbed Peyton's hand; they both had the same thought running through their head. Even though they knew it wasn't true, the timing just seemed to fit.

Lucas pulled in front of the emergency entrance of the hospital within minutes, he had sped the entire way and was lucky that all the lights were green. He got out the car and went to the other side to get Peyton. She wouldn't let him carry her so he helped her walk into the hospital. "We need help, she's in labor." He said as soon as he spotted a nurse. The woman grabbed a wheel chair and they helped Peyton sit down before wheeling her into the elevator and up to the maternity ward. They took her straight into the delivery room after timing her contractions in the elevator.

"Oh my God it hurts" Peyton screamed as Lucas helped her out of the chair and into the small bed. The nurse lifted Peyton's feet onto the cold metal braces at the end of the bed after slipping her underwear off from under her skirt. The doctor came in as soon as the nurse was finished setting up. The doctor sat in front of Peyton and tired to help her control her breathing. The couple had plans to attend classes for the next two months but they weren't supposed to start for another two weeks.

The nurse pulled Lucas aside and gave him a sterile gown to put on as well as a mask. When he had everything on he returned to Peyton's side and took her shaking hand in his.

"Okay Peyton…I need you to push." The doctor told her and when she did she had to scream. She squeezed Lucas's hand to the point of cutting off circulation but he didn't care. Peyton relaxed back onto the bed, but when she did the doctor told her that she had to push again.

"According the development charts she's only in the 6th month. Is that correct sir?" The nurse asked as she looked over Peyton's charts.

"Yes" Lucas said as Peyton squeezed his hand again. Once again she relaxed back against the bed and once again the doctor told her to push again but she didn't respond. "Peyton…" Lucas looked down at her and panicked when he saw her eyes closing. "Peyton wake up" Lucas said quietly as he leaned closer to her. "Please wake up…"

The nurse rushed over and hooked Peyton up to a heart/fetal monitor after giving her and oxygen mask. Lucas looked back and forth between the monitor and the motionless the girl lying before him. "What's going on" Lucas asked as he looked up at the nurse, who had her own worried look. Lucas looked to the doctor but his heart jumped when he saw the floor. There was blood around the doctor's feet and he was trying to stop it. Lucas looked at all the machines and then back at the floor. He didn't know what was happening and part of him didn't want to know. He looked back to Peyton as her face grew increasingly pale and her grasp on his hand loosened.

"Come on Peyt…don't do this…please don't leave me." As soon as the words left his mouth her grip was gone and a steady ringing penetrated his ears. He looked up the monitor and saw that one of the lines had gone dead and one of the heart beats was at 0, but he didn't know whose. "What happened?" Lucas asked as he jumped up form his seat and let Peyton's hand drop. No one answered him as three more people rushed into the room.

"Sir I'm gunna have to ask you to leave" the nurse said as she pushed him towards the doors.

"What do you mean I have to leave? What the hell happened in there?" Lucas screamed but the nurse repeated her words and with a sad look pushed Lucas out the door.

"Lucas what's going on?" Brooke asked as she ran up to him, worry apparent on her pale face. "Why is there blood on your feet?" Her voice was shaky and unsure as she stepped back from Lucas.

"I don't know. I was in there and things were fine and then she passed out and someone flat lined. They wouldn't tell me anything." Haley and Nathan both rushed over to them after the words left Lucas mouth, both hoping they heard wrong. Haley looked into Lucas face and knew that it really happened. She wrapped her arms around him to comfort him but she knew it wasn't working.

Brooke stood in the same spot. She looked into Peyton's room in disbelief. Her best friend was lying in the adjacent room and she might be dead. The minute the thought flashed through her head her legs gave out and she collapsed to the ground. Nathan bent down to pick her up but he couldn't find the energy to get himself back off the floor. Since the night he had stopped Rick from hurting her they had gotten close and since her pregnancy they had become even close. Peyton was almost like a sister to him and he might lose her. He collected Brooke into his arms and he buried his face into her hair as they sat by the door, Brooke was hysterical and Nathan was on the verge of tears.

Lucas was now sitting next to his mother in one of the chair. He head tear streaming down his face but he didn't say anything or try to stop them. Haley grabbed his hand as Karen wrapped her arm around his shoulders and pulled him close to her, kissing the top of his head. They sat where they were for twenty minutes before the doors to Peyton's hospital room opened and the doctor came through. The man looked at Lucas and walked over to him. Lucas couldn't read his face so he prepared himself for the worst, they all did.

* * *

Lucas sat in the chair staring out the window. He had stayed in the same position all night, and he hadn't slept either. Every time he closed his eyes images of Peyton lying lifeless on the bed flashed through his mind. The thoughts would make him cry again. Brooke, Haley, and Nathan had stayed with him all night. It was late when Nathan and Haley had fallen asleep, but Brooke stayed up with him most of the night. She had laid on the bed and cried until she couldn't cry anymore, and then she just whimpered until she fell asleep. That had been about an hour ago and now Lucas was the only one awake, he was staring out the window, feeling empty.

"Lucas…" He broke his gaze and looked over at owner of the voice. Her face was pale and sickly. She looked around the room and then back at him, her eyes asking a question he knew was coming. He shook his head and then went back to looking out the window because he didn't want to look at her, or anyone, it hurt too much.

Haley got up from the chair she was in and ran her fingers through her hair. She walked over to Lucas and kneeled down in front of him. She looked up at him and knew that nothing she said would help him, so she hugged him because it was all she could think of. She looked over at the bed and saw Brooke sleeping restlessly. The brunette had make-up running down her face and she looked worn down. Haley felt a tear slip from her eyes as she thought about all the pain and hurt she was feeling. She thought about that and then decided that she couldn't imagine what Lucas and Brooke were going through, especially not Lucas. She looked back up at her best friend. His face was pale but his eyes were a drastic red against his skin. He still had tears slowing sliding down his cheeks.

"Lucas…" He looked away from the window and towards the bed where he thought the voice came from, but he couldn't be sure because he had been hearing her voice all night. His mind was playing tricks on him, he was being tortured by imaginary voices and images and real memories.

"Lucas…" he heard the voice again but it was louder this time and he thought Haley heard it too. Lucas stood from his seat for the first time all night and made his way over to the bed. He hesitated before looking down at the clean blue sheets. He closed his eyes and looked up at the ceiling before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Hey" he said softly as he took the frail and trembling hand in his. He used his other hand to push back the long blonde ringlets from her face.

"What's going on" he could barley hear her when she spoke.

"Peyton what's that last thing you remember" He asked her. He watched her as she thought about the previous day.

"We came to the hospital because my water broke. We were in the room and I was holding your hand when the doctor told me to push and then I got really tired. I looked at you and…I don't know" She looked around the room at everyone. Haley was standing behind Lucas and Nathan was waking up form the chair. Brooke was lying next to her sleeping.

"You passed out last night and they couldn't get you to wake up. The doctor said that you might have amnesia for a little bit but I think your fine…for the most part anyway." Haley listened to his emotionless voice as he spoke. Lucas was afraid to get close to her. The doctor had also told him that Peyton's survival wasn't guaranteed. The doctor said that she had lost more then nearly 50% of her blood and it had caused her to nearly have a stroke but instead her heart gave out. He looked at the drip next to her bed and remembered going upstairs to give blood to her as well as his mom and Brooke. Haley and Nathan wanted to but Haley wasn't the right type and Nathan was worried about his past with drugs.

"Peyton…" Brooke said sleepily as she looked up at her best friend. She looked over at Lucas and he looked down at the floor. Peyton caught the exchange and the look that they all had on their face.

"Lucas what's going on. What are you not telling me?" the blonde had tears running down her face as she spoke. She looked around and then back at Lucas, waiting for an answer. She squeezed his hand lightly because it was all she could manage. He looked down at her pleading eyes.

"Peyton there were complications last night." His voice cracked when he neared the end of the statement. "Not to long after you stopped breathing the baby did." He let the tears pour from his eyes as he continued. "Peyton you had a miscarriage."

"What" her mouth stayed slightly open as she stared up at Lucas's tear stained face. "No…" her voice was like a breath as more tears streamed from her now red eyes. "Why" she asked quietly. She looked up at Lucas and he turned away from her. He knew what would happen if he told her, he knew she would blame herself no matter what he said. "Lucas why did it happen?" She knew he was hiding it and it made her want to know more. He looked at her and squeezed her hand. He knew that if he didn't tell her she would ask the doctor and he didn't want them to tell her.

"He said you were too stressed out. You were making yourself physically sick that's what made your water break. Last night you bled out and your body was already stressed so when that happed it just made your heart stop. Then you lost so much blood and they couldn't revive you on time and you lost the baby." He hated saying it like that but he didn't know what else to say. "He said that the baby had been losing strength for two or three weeks now and things would have been fine if you carried to term but you couldn't."

They all watched as Peyton tried to comprehend everything that Lucas had just told her. "What was it?" She asked quietly while she stared straight ahead.

"A boy." He answered sadly. Brooke lifted herself from the bed and stood across from the others. She looked down at her best friend. She recognized the voice and the look. She knew those eyes, the way Peyton was breathing. She knew that calm demeanor. She remembered it all and she knew what was about to happen.


	29. Less Than Normal Conversations

        "I have to go…do something." Brooke said quietly as she turned and walked away from Peyton's bedside.  The brunette made her way into the hall and she immediately fell back against the cold tile when she heard the door close behind her.  Brooke buried her face in her hands, secretly hoping that things would go back to the way they were.

        "Brooke…" the brunette looked up into Lucas's concerned face.  She tossed her head back and let out a cry of frustration.

        "She's gunna do it again, all of it."  Brooke shook her head slowly before returning her gaze to Lucas.

        "She's gunna push everyone away again isn't she?"  He asked, even though he already knew the answer.  Lucas ran his fingers through his matted hair as he felt a new wave of sorrow set in over his body.  "She's gunna push me away again" He said quietly.

        "Oh no, she's not gunna do that, at least not for a good month or two." She looked up to meet Lucas's confused gaze and she let out a small, worried laugh.  "Peyton's has to feel something to push you away.  She has to be scared or angry or something to push you away.  She's not gunna feel anything, she will lack all emotion."

        "Brooke what are you talking about."  Lucas looked down at the brunette but she just stared down at the floor.

        "She's started it already.  You would think that she would be hysterical about having a miscarriage but she's acting like she nothing happened.  Doesn't that strike you as the least bit odd Lucas?"  Brooke could hear the edge in her voice, and she didn't intend to sound so harsh but she couldn't help it, she couldn't handle it anymore.

        "How long did this last before?"  He wasn't sure what else to say but he knew that he wanted to know what was going on.

        "About two months and then it all just came out at once.  It was like she was feeling all the pain that she had pushed aside for that time and she couldn't stop it.  Lucas she cried for three days straight and after that third day she built her walls.  She had to deal with so much pain that she got scared of it and she decided that if she closed people off she wouldn't have anything to be afraid of."  Brooke pushed her body off the wall and paced the hall.

        Lucas watched Brooke walk from one place to the next.  The movement made him dizzy, along with the thought racing in his head.  He couldn't imagine not being able to feel any kind of emotion, it didn't seem possible to him.  He didn't want to believe what Brooke told him.  He just wanted Peyton to be okay, he wanted her to be able to grieve normally, but deep down he knew that wasn't going to happen.

        Brooke stopped walking and leaned against the wall again.  She could feel the tears burning behind her eyes and she let them flow, hoping to ease her pain.  Her knees grew weak and before long she could feel herself sliding down to the floor.  Lucas looked down and her weeping figure but didn't move from her spot.  He wanted to comfort her but he couldn't even comfort himself.  He was in too much pain to try and take on someone else's. He didn't have the strength to do it.

        "I can't do this again, I can't handle it.  I don't wanna have to deal with this."  Brooke looked up at Lucas, who now had tears streaming down his face. "I don't want Peyton to have to deal with this.  None of this is fair to her."  Brooke forced herself to stand. She took a deep breath and then wiped the tears from her face before straitening out her outfit.  She walked over to the door and looked in at her best friend lying tranquilly on the bed.  The brunette placed her small hand against the thick glass of the door's window.

"I don't wanna do this but I have to.  Peyton doesn't have a choice, she has to play this stupid game and I'm not gunna watch her do it alone."  Brooke's voice sounded as fragile as she felt.  She was startled when she felt Lucas's hand on her shoulder.

        "She's not alone.  She has Nathan and Haley and she has you and me.  Peyton's not gunna do any of this alone.  We just have to be there for as long as she lets us."

"I know."  Brooke plastered a smile on her face and pushed the door open.  She had to be strong for Peyton.  She had to be strong for herself because if she wasn't she would fall apart and without Peyton no one would be there to pick up the pieces.  "So when you get out of the damn place we're going shopping girly."  They could all feel they're heart breaking when Peyton just looked at her and then turned back towards the window.

"Peyton…"  Lucas grabbed her hand as he took his seat next to her again.  Her eyes traveled up to meet his, but they showed nothing because there was nothing there.  "The doctor said that after three days you're allowed to go home.  I think it would be a good idea if you stayed with me or Brooke." 

"I'd rather go home."   Her voice was completely neutral and she sounded like a robot.  Lucas watched as she turned her head slowly until she was staring up at the ceiling.  He never realized that he could be that close to her and feel like they were miles away.  When Brooke told him that she wasn't going to feel anything he didn't think it would be this severe.

Lucas squeezed Peyton's weak hand as he imagined what the next couple of months were going to be like. The minute Peyton started to feel again she was going to push him away and he didn't know what he could do about it.  He just hoped that he could get Peyton to trust him before she shut him out. 

Lucas sat on the edge of the bed holding Peyton's hand for the rest of the day.  She didn't acknowledge his or anyone else's presence, she just continued staring at the ceiling above them.  Haley and Nathan left the evening but Brooke and Lucas remained behind.  Peyton fell asleep early that night and the two just watched her.  It bothered Lucas that she was sleeping more peaceful than usual, but it didn't come as a surprise to Brooke.  She had gone through it all before and she was doing the best she could to prepare herself for it again. 

The brunette knew that there was no way to tell Lucas about what was going to happen, it was something that he would have to see and experience on his own.  Brooke's only hope was that the other secrets from Peyton's past would stay there.   ****


	30. SemiEvaluated

"So Peyton how has your day been?" The blonde listened to the mellow-voiced women before her. Her hazel eyes glanced over the women's clean blue suit, examining the lines made by the dark navy lines. She glanced up at the deep auburn hair twisted into a tight bun that sat perfectly positioned on the women's slightly oval head. She took note of the high cheekbones and carefully plucked eyebrows that were now formed into sharp arcs. The blonde examined her slim red lips that were clasped tightly together.

"Not talking today Peyton." She continued to stare at the women, taking in every possible detail that was visible to her eyes. "Well your don't have to talk if your don't want to, but it would be nice to have a conversation." Peyton sat quietly in the cold, hard wooden chair. Her legs were pushed so tightly together that the rough fabric of her jeans was cutting into her thin skin, but she didn't feel it. Her back was completely straight and her neck held high as her hands lay in her lap. Her breathing was shallow and with the exception of her inquiring eyes she was a statue.

"So you were released form the hospital yesterday, does it feel good to be home again?" Peyton's eyes met the women's and stayed there. The blonde didn't blink, she merely gazed at the women, deep in thought. She wasn't sure how to answer that question. She thought about it but she didn't know how she felt to be home.

"I don't know" She said calmly, and she didn't. She really couldn't figure out if it felt good to be home. She didn't know if she was happy to be there or not. Being in the chair felt the same as being in her bed, there was no difference to her.

"What don't you know?" Peyton looked at the women quizzically. She blinked once and continued staring at her. She knew the answer to that one but that wasn't anyone's concern. "What about Lucas, how do you feel about him?"

"I don't know" Once again it was the truth. She didn't know how the woman knew about Lucas but that wasn't important to her. She wanted to know how she felt about Lucas. She knew that he had been there with her at the hospital for the past three days but that wasn't really telling her anything.

"Do you love him?" The voice rang through her heard breaking her thoughts, but they soon resumed again with the new dilemma. Peyton sat and gazed at the women before blinking again and making her decision.

"No" Her voice held no tone or emotion, it was bare and dry. Peyton knew that she was supposed to love Lucas but she didn't. She didn't feel anything for him, or anybody else for that matter. Lucas spent every minute possible with her but it didn't change anything. He was still just another face in the crowd for her. There wasn't anybody that made her feel different from someone else. Brooke was her best friend but she was still like everyone else. She could walk past Lucas or Brooke on the street and not give a second thought about it. She knew that that fact should bother her but it didn't so she didn't give it a second thought.

Peyton shifted slightly in her seat and then resumed looking at the auburn haired women. She heard the door open behind her, but she didn't turn to see who it was. It didn't matter to her because whoever it was didn't matter. "Peyton can you wait outside for me please" She watched the women's parched lips as they formed the words. She looked the women in the eye and then stood and slowly walked out the door. She passed Haley, Nathan, Lucas, and Brooke but she didn't acknowledge any of them. Peyton closed the door behind her and sat in a nearby chair. She looked around the white hallway and watched the people walk back and forth while she waited.

"Have a seat. I'm Dr. Benson." The women gestured for the group to sit on the couch on the side of the room. She walked over and sat in the single seat across from them. "Peyton is going to need a lot of help." She informed the group as they got settled.

"What's going on with her?" Haley asked quietly. She didn't want to be in a psychiatrist's office, something about the place creped her out but she was doing it because she cared about Peyton.

"She's shut herself down emotionally. She didn't want to deal with the pain so this is…"

"Her way of avoiding it." Brooke said calmly as she cut the doctor off. The brunette smiled when Dr. Benson nodded in her direction. Brooke's face suddenly changed as she glared in the women's direction. "Try doing your job and telling me something I don't know." The brunette smirked and sat back against the couch with a raised brow as the doctor held a shocked expression.

"Brooke…" Lucas warned as he glared down at her. He wasn't in the mood for her games. He had to much on his mind and he wanted to do everything he could to help Peyton and Brooke being a smart ass didn't seem to help anything.

"What Lucas?" Brooke gazed back up at him and then turned back to Dr. Benson. "Time is money and the good doctor's rate is pretty high so excuse me for wanting useful information." Brooke once again leaned back as she crossed her arms over her chest and waited. Dr. Benson raised her own brow but took a deep breath and brushed it off.

"Peyton doesn't feel anything. If you ask her a question…"

"She doesn't respond." Brooke smiled wider and then waved her hand for the doctor to continue.

"Correct. She only answers if you ask her how she feels and in that case…"

"She says 'I don't know. Keep going." Dr. Benson let out a sigh of frustration as she looked at the agitated brunette.

"Once again Brooke is right. It's going to take time for Peyton to start to feel again and I have to tell you that..."

"It's going to get worse before it gets better." Brooke stood up and walked over to the window. She looked down at the city far below her and she wished to be out there with all the people. A psychiatrist's office wasn't where she wanted to be ever again. This was all a part of her past that she wanted to forget but couldn't. If she had to remember it she could deal with that but reliving it was another problem.

"Miss Davis I would greatly appreciate if you stopped doing that." Dr. Benson remained calm because it was the professional thing to do but inside she was fuming. She was more then shocked by Brooke's rude behavior. "I know this had to be a hard situation for you and it would probably help if you talked about it with someone instead of getting angry." Dr. Benson was about to continue but Brooke quickly turned around and glared at her.

"Don't even start with me. Look I know you're the shrink and all but don't you even think about tryna psych me. Peyton's the one with no feeling so why don't you try telling us something useful about her situation like how to help her. And don't use any psychiatric bullshit that means the same thing that you just told us because we're not here to just pay for your cheap, fake last season Versace suit and very poorly done face lift." Brooke smiled and crossed her arms over her chest before turning back to the window. Everyone looked at her in shook before turning back to Dr. Benson. They all wanted to apologize but they were afraid to say anything.

"I'm sorry that you don't think I'm doing my job Miss Davis but I've dealt with more patients then you have and I think I know what I'm talking about. If you have suggestions then maybe you should go and get a degree in psychology." Dr. Benson walked over to her desk. When she sat in her chair and looked up she found Brooke standing over her desk, braced on her bare arms.

"You've dealt with a lot of patients and you've herd a lot of stories but what the hell have you experienced?" Brooke eyed the auburn haired women before her and prepared herself to dig up things that she had spent so much time trying to burry,


	31. A Lesson From Brooke

"Brooke calm down…" Nathan got ready to stand up but stopped when Brooke turned around to glare at him. She looked like she was ready to kill somebody but he could also see the pain and sorrow buried deep down in her brown eyes. Nathan sat back down next to Haley and she immediately grabbed his hand.

"No I won't calm down Nathan because this woman has no clue what she's talking. She thinks that if Peyton sits in her office for the next couple of months then everything is going to magically get better. Sorry but it doesn't work that way. Peyton might tell you exactly what's on her mind one day but when she opens up and she can feel again things are not going to get better." Brooke could hear her voice cracking as the memories began to invade her mind.

"Miss Davis I never said that things would get better right away. I know that it's going to take time and a lot of work. What I did say was that things are going to get worse before they get better." Dr. Benson said trying to defend herself and her work but Brooke didn't accept her answer.

"Believe me I know things are going to get worse but please tell me, if worse for Peyton leads to dead how are things going to get better. Is she going to suddenly come back to life again and all will be right and everyone will be happy." Brooke waited for the Dr. Benson to answer her.

"With help things won't get that far. Hitting the bottom is a lot for a person to deal with but if she has support she can get through it."

"And whose gunna help her…you. Are you going to be her support system? Just so you know I was her support system and things did get that far." Brooke returned to the window. She could feel her body beginning to shake. She was angry with the psychiatrist but she was scared about Peyton.

"Well with more then one person to be there for her she can survive this and with professional help she can learn how to deal with her feelings. Things…"

"I really don't wanna hear this. I've heard most of it before and it's nothing more than a load of crap. Professional help?" Brooke retuned to the desk and leaned closer to Dr. Benson. "I stole over $1500 from my parents bank account so that Peyton could go to therapy for two months. Guess where it go her, I'll tell ya…in the hospital." Brooke used her arms to push herself away from the desk, but she didn't take her eyes off the woman.

"Brooke what are you talking about?" Lucas questioned her as he tried to register everything he had heard. He didn't want to believe that Peyton was suicidal but that's what it sounded like.

"After two months in therapy Peyton did start to feel again. We were in her room one day and she just cracked. She started shaking and rocking back and forth but she didn't seem to hear anything I said. After about ten minutes she just stopped out of nowhere and said she had a headache. So she got up and walked out her room and down the hall to the bathroom. When the door closed I didn't think anything of it, I figured she just had to go to the bathroom. When I heard the medicine cabinet slam I figured she just closed it too hard but after about 5 minutes I went to see what she was doing. When I knocked on the door…"

**Flashback**

Brooke knocked quietly on the bathroom door. "Peyton…" When there was no answer she knocked a little louder. "Peyton what are you doing. I know you can be slow and all but it doesn't take that long to get Advil." Brooke gave a small and worried laugh.

She leaned her head to the door and put her ear against the wood, pushing her high ponytail to the side. "Peyton are you even in there still or are you in some other room watching me make an idiot out of myself." Once again the brunette waited and once again nothing happened. She could feel her heart beat speed up and she jumped back when she heard things crash to the floor.

"Peyton please answer me" Brooke tried to open the door but it was locked. She fumbled repeatedly with the knob. "Peyton this isn't funny open the door." She let go of the knob as she heard someone inhale sharply on the other side of the door.

Brooke pulled a small bobby pin from her hair and began trying to open the door. "Peyton I'm not joking, open the damn door. Peyton please open the God damn door" Brooke could feel the warm tears that slid down her face as she struggled to open the door. She heard the small lock click and she turned the knob and pushed the door open.

"Peyton…" she screamed as she fell to her knees. She looked down at the blonde who could barley keep her eyes open. Brooke reached up and grabbed a towel from the rack and held it against Peyton's wrist as the growing pool of blood stained her bare knees.

**End Flashback**

Brooke wiped the tears that had broke free from her eyes and took a deep breath. "We stayed like that for about and hour and then we eventually made it back to her room and she stayed in bed." Brooke looked at the psychiatrist. "Since you know so damn much do you know what it's like to be 11 years old and watch your best friend try and kill herself and then have to wipe up the blood from off the bathroom floor while she's sleeping."

"Brooke how does nobody know about this" Lucas whispered quietly as he looked up at the brunette.

"Because it was nobody's business and it still isn't. There are a lot of things that people don't know Lucas. You've met her dad and you know how much he loves his daughter but what you don't know is that Peyton thinks that part of him hates her. It's her excuse for why he's never around. Even after he took shorter jobs so he could be with her more she still thought that. Peyton's convinced herself that she can't be loved and that's why she has such a hard time with you." Brooke could feel the tears burning behind her eyes as she watched the pained look that cascaded over Lucas's face.

"I don't think that I helped that situation any." Nathan said as he looked down at the floor. He knew that he had loved Peyton but he also knew that he never showed it. He felt Haley squeeze his hand tightly.

"It's not your fault Nathan. You can't blame yourself for this." Haley told him reassuringly.

"But he's right Hales." Brooke said as she looked at the couple. "I'm not tying to make you feel bad or anything Nate, but Peyton didn't think that you loved her. But who am I to say anything, I wasn't any better. I made her feel bad for being in love with you Luke." Brooke ran her hand through her hair and sighed.

"Everyone of us has done something to make Peyton feel unloved, but that doesn't make it our fault. There are much bigger issues in her life other than petty quarrels she's had with us." Haley said as she walked over to Brooke and laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"I know Hales." Brooke said as she did her best to smile. Her smile quickly vanished however as more memories came back to her. Brooke has opened a door that she had locked years ago and now she couldn't shut it again.

"Miss Davis I think you need to speak to someone. You've had a lot to deal with at a young age and you can't keep things like that bottled up." Dr. Benson said as she leaned back against her chair.

"Will you shut up!" Brooke tore away from Haley's slight grasp and faced the psychiatrist again. "Your voice is like this little annoying gnat that won't go away. What is it going to take for you to understand that you don't know anything about Peyton and you definitely don't know anything about me. Try and put yourself in Peyton's shoes for just one minute. Just put one foot in and that'll be just the beginning of her life. Your 19 years old. Your mother has been dead for nearly eight years and your father is never home. You go to sleep at night knowing that the last thing you said to your mother was 'I hate you." Every Mother's Day you have to walk through the streets and watch everyone else be happy. You had a boyfriend on and off for nearly three years and your relationship was basically for appearances and sex. Then you break up and when you feel yourself falling in love with another guy your best friend takes him from you and then forces you to hang out with them. When you can't keep your feelings inside anymore and you slip up and kiss the guy your best friend gets pissed off at you and you can't get with the guy because your too busy hoping that your friend will forgive you and you know that if you go near him she'll get more pissed. So you watch helplessly as you break the guys heart and that just adds to the guilt. Hoping the guy will forget about you and move on, you start to date another guy. During that relationship the guy beats the living shit out of you and then tells you that it was your fault and that you asked for it and you believe him because you think that it's always your fault. The guy gets you hooked on drugs and when you finally break up with him you go trough hell to get yourself clean and do you know who helps you, the guys whose heart you broke and there goes more guilt. Then the other asshole keeps appearing in your life but you have to push through that. So then 7 months ago you get pregnant and things are finally going right in your life but suddenly the asshole pops up again. Then 4 days ago you have a miscarriage. Now factor in that fact that there are things that there are other things I'm not telling and other things that I don't know. Think about that before you open your mouth and say that you know what kind of pain people are going through and how to help them."

Brooke had tears streaming down her face when she finished and she was breathing heavily. She knew that she had made her point when Dr. Benson didn't respond to her. "Brooke…" the brunette spun around when she heard the woman call her name. She didn't expect her to say anything at all. "That would mean that you don't know what Peyton is going through"

"I never said that I did, but I have a better idea then you and the rest of the people working here. I was 12 and I walked into Peyton's room and found her on the floor. I screamed and ran to her side and had to call 911 because she wasn't conscious and was barley breathing. I spent 3 days next to her hospital bed because she wouldn't wake up. When she did wake up she told me that she didn't mean to take all the full bottle of Tylenol. She said that she just wanted her headache to go away. So after the bottle of painkillers didn't do anything she took two sleeping pills so she could go to sleep and she wouldn't have to feel the pain. The pain that her therapist told her she needed to feel. So like I said don't give me your bullshit because I'm not gunna waste my money so you can pretend like you're helping her." Brooke walked over to the couch and grabbed her purse from the corner and stormed out of the room.

Peyton looked up when she heard Brooke's black heels click towards her and then stop. "You ready to go home Peyton?" The brunette asked in a sweet tone, a complete mood change form just seconds ago. Brooke locked arms with Peyton as the blonde stood and led her out of the hospital. "SO how about that shopping trip I was telling you about." She said as she laid her head on Peyton's shoulder.

Lucas, Nathan, and Halley stood at the door of the office and watched as the two girls walked out into the parking lot. "She seems to have a lot of her own issues to be worked out." Lucas heard Dr. Benson comment as he turned around to stare at the woman.

"Yeah I know she does. But I also know that everything she said was true and that she loves her best friend and would do anything for her. Those two have a really special and strong bond that I don't think anyone will ever understand and I know that you don't. Yeah Brooke was rude to you today but her and Peyton haven't really had anything but each other since they were little so they stick together. I'm sorry for wasting your time today but we won't be coming back." Lucas let the door close behind him and the three teens walked out of the building to meet up with Peyton and Brooke at the car.

The ride home was silent. Lucas dropped Nathan and Haley off at the café then drove back to Peyton's. While Peyton walked into her house Lucas grabbed Brookes arms and pulled her back towards him. The brunette looked at him in confusion.

"Brooke I know that this is harder for you then it is for the rest of us because you've had to go through this before. But…" She cut him as she shook her head gently.

"Lucas you have it harder then I do. I know you might not want to look at it that way because your tryna be strong for everyone but the truth of the matter is you just lost your son and now you've basically lost Peyton. You're right this is hard but you don't have to do this alone and you don't have to burry the pain because if you do you're putting yourself in the same situation as Peyton. I know I do that and I'm trying not to because even through it seems easier now it's harder in the long run." Lucas watched as the tears streamed down the brunettes face. He knew she was right but he wasn't ready to face things yet, he just wanted Peyton to get better, whatever it took.

"Brooke, Peyton's gunna be okay, I know she is. It might take a lot of time but I'm sure Peyton will be back to normal eventually and you'll have your best friend back." Brooke put her head down and focused solely on the floor. "Brooke we'll all get through this together."

"Lucas you never knew Peyton Sawyer and that's a really sad thing that I regret." Brooke continued looking at the floor.

"What do you mean" Lucas asked her quietly, not completely sure that he wanted her answer.

"I mean my best friend's never coming back to me" The brunette said, her voice cracking before she stopped speaking.

"Yes she will Brooke, eventually she will." He tried to reassure her.

"No she won't!" Brooke screamed as she looked up at him, a new set of tears breaking through, unfortunately they didn't carry the pain with them. "Lucas the last time I saw my best friend was eight years ago crying at the foot of my bed. She stayed with me all night and when I woke up in the morning she was gone and there was the Peyton that you got to know. Every now and then a glimpse of her come back and I hope with all I have that it's real but it always disappears. When she got pregnant she was o happy. That was the real Peyton that I had met in kindergarten, the one who's always smiling and laughing, the Peyton without a car in the world. I thought that she was really back, that I really had my best friend back after all these years. I thought that everyone was going to get to know a side a Peyton that's been long forgotten. But then she left again." Brooke looked into Lucas's eyes to see the tears glistening in them. He reached an arm out to her put she pushed him away.

"Brooke…"

"No Lucas. Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer died 8 years ago and I miss my best friend and I'd do anything to see her again but I now know that she's _never _coming back. She's just not." Brooke gave one last look into Lucas glistening blue eyes and then turned and walked into the house. Lucas stood there, unable to move as he watched Brooke wipe the tears from her face before she enter the house and made her way up to Peyton's room. He looked into the upstairs window and watched as Brooke pulled Peyton into a tight hug and then swung her arm around the blonde's neck. He didn't know how she could hide her feelings the way she did but he knew that he had to do it too as he forced himself to move. Lucas closed Peyton's front door silently behind him and then walked up to her room.

"What took you so long broody." Brooke bit the edge of her tongue and hit him playfully in the arm. She seemed genuinely happy but Lucas knew that she was being torn apart inside. As the day progressed he watched Brooke interact nonchalantly with Peyton, and Lucas couldn't help but wonder if the things he knew of the girls were real or if they were merely an act put on to fool the crowd.


	32. Worthless Apologies and She Loves Me Not

Karen looked up as she heard the bells above the door. She smiled slightly as Lucas walked in with Peyton close behind him. Lucas grabbed Peyton's hand as the two walked towards an empty booth.

"Hey you two" Haley smiled half-heartedly as she examined both of them. Lucas looked like he hadn't slept in days and the truth was he hadn't. He had been to worried about Peyton to sleep. Every time he would drift off he would think about her and the thoughts just wouldn't go away. Peyton looked the same as she had for the past week. He face displayed nothing and she just down at the table.

"Hey Hales" Lucas didn't bother to attempt a smile, he knew it was no use. He was finally beginning to feel the pain of losing his child. He tried so hard to forget about, to think about other things, and for a while it worked, but now he couldn't escape it. He wanted to be a father so bad and the chance had been taking away from him. He had lost the son that he never really had and that was tearing him up inside.

"How are things?" Haley tried to be her usually self, but she couldn't find it in her. She felt depressed around Peyton. She hated seeing her friends this way and knowing that there was nothing she could do to help. She watched as Lucas's gaze shifted towards Peyton and then down to the table. "Stupid question…" Haley bit her bottom lip as she pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"I don't know anymore Hales" Lucas looked up at her with watery eyes. "This is just so…" he let the sentence hang as he shook his head and turned towards Peyton, who seemed to be in her own world. Part of him wanted to be there with her, away from everyone and everything, away from all the pain.

"Excuse me…" Lucas and Haley both looked towards a small blonde now standing next to Haley. Her name was Sarah and she worked at the café. "I'm sorry to interrupt but I heard about what happened and I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for your loss. I know this has to be really hard on both of you and I just hope things get better for you soon." She gave a sympathetic smile towards Lucas and Peyton.

"Thank you." Lucas said quietly as he gave a small nod and returned to looking at the table. Haley watched Sarah walk away before turning her gaze on Lucas. He looked so lost and confused and he was. He didn't know how he was supposed to handle any of this.

"Look I have to get back to work, I you guys need anything just let me know." Once again Haley did her best to smile before she left to serve another table. Lucas looked up at Peyton who was still looking down. She hadn't spoken to him in two days. When he asked her something she would just look at him so he had given up. The only way he could get an answer from her was if he asked her a question with a single answer like 'what color is the sky', and he figured that was pointless.

"Peyton…I've been hoping I'd see you." Lucas looked up at Teresa who now stood at the edge of the table. "Hi Lucas." She looked the same as she did in high school and she had the same fake cheery voice. "I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry about everything and I hope things get better soon." She leaned down and hugged Peyton, but the blonde just remained in the same position and expressed nothing. Teresa bit her lip as she stood up and looked down at Peyton. She let out a deep breath and turned to Lucas and flashed a quick smile. He nodded in her direction and then went back to looking at Peyton.

"Hey Teresa" Brooke chirped as she slid in the seat next to Peyton.

"Hey Brooke. Listen I got to go, I just wanted to give my condolences." Teresa waved to the three before turning and leaving the café.

"So exactly how many people are going to say 'I'm sorry hope things get better soon'?" Lucas had a hint of aggravation in his voice. He was tired and people saying they were sorry was just making him more irritated.

"Everybody that knows what happened and knows either of you." Brooke informed him as she ran her finger through her chestnut hair. Over the next hour Brooke's statement was proven true. A total of 20 other people approached the table to say the exact same things. Lucas just nodded and said thank you to everyone. "So broody what do you say we ditch this place. I mean we wouldn't want you to strangle the next person that approached the table."

Lucas watched as the brunette stood from the table and raised an eyebrow at him. He was tired of hearing everyone apologize because it was nothing more than words. Words that meant absolutely nothing to him, they were all completely worthless as far as he was concerned. The words weren't gunna bring his son back and they weren't gunna help Peyton so he didn't want to hear them. "Sounds like a plan" Lucas reached for Peyton's hand as he stood next to Brooke and she took it. It was the way Lucas took her places because short of holding her hand she wouldn't move.

The tree walked out of the café and headed towards Peyton's. "All those people apologizing back there…it just made things seem worse." Lucas mumbled as they entered the house.

"Sorry about that Luke…oohh sorry…oops I'm sorry…there I go again...I'm so…" the brunette said as she looked up at him innocently as she held her hand over her mouth.

"Brooke" Lucas warned as he cut her off and glared at her.

"Sorry" She cooed as she led Peyton to her room. Lucas sighed and followed the girls upstairs. Just as he was about to enter the room Brooke spun around and held her hand up. He looked down at the brunette in confusion. "Peyton and I came to a silent agreement on the way up here. Only cheery people are allowed in the room and it doesn't look like you fit that description broody. So until further notice u suggest you wait in the guess room over there" Brooke pointed down that hall and then turned back to Lucas. "May I also recommend the bed in there, you know that thing people sue for sleeping, well in most cases any way." Brooke raised an eyebrow and laughed to herself as she grabbed Lucas shoulders and turned him towards the guess room. "Sleep is good Scott. Don't' worry 'm not gunna let anything happen, we'll both be fine. Oh and PS, the bags under the eyes drugged out model look is so out, and when your done fixing that problem go shave pretty boy."

Brooke pushed Lucas down the hall and he didn't object because he was exhausted and sleep sounded like heaven. He absentmindedly brought his hand to his chin and realized that he really did need to shave. He was trying so hard to keep himself together emotionally that with the exception of a shower keeping himself together physically wasn't a objective. Lucas crashed as soon as he hit the bed. He didn't sleep peacefully because his body was on edge, but any sleep was better than none at this point.

When Lucas finally awoke it was dark out. He had slept for a little over three hours and he felt much better. He stood up and stretched before walking out of the room. He heard music blaring form Peyton's room as he walked towards the bathroom, and he could here Brooke reading some magazine article before he closed the door. On the sink were a bottle of shaving cream and a pack of razors with a note attached.

_We went to the store while you were asleep, now you have these just incase I ever feel_ _that you need to shave._

_Love Peyton and Brooke_

Lucas laughed lightly as he shook his head and opened the razors. As he shaved he thought about everything that had been happening in his life. He couldn't help but think about everything his friends had done for him over the last couple of months. They had all been there to hold him together in one way or another, especially Brooke. Every time him or Peyton fell apart she was there to pick up the pieces and now she was stuck putting both of them back together or at least she was trying to. He wanted to do something to thank her for everything she'd done. Lucas knew that he and Peyton had really hurt her in high school and yet she was still here for them. He knew whatever he could do he was gunna have to get help from Haley because as a guy he just wasn't good at those sorts of things. He didn't know what he was gunna do but put the thought in the back of his mind as he washed and dried his face. At the moment all he wanted to do was hold Peyton.

The other day she had told him the same thing she told the doctor, that she didn't love him. He could feel his heart break when she said it like it was some meaningless everyday comment. Later that day Nathan had reminded him that love was an emotion, a really strong one that she probably wouldn't be able to feel for a while. Now Lucas had come to accept that fact. Love is a powerful emotion, one that can bring a lot of pain a if would probably the last thing for her to feel. Even though he knew Peyton didn't love him he still loved her. She still let him hold her and it still felt right when she fell asleep in his arms.

Lucas walked into Peyton's room and was greeted by a smiling Brooke. "Much better" the brunette said as she nodded in approval. "Peyton says that she likes it too."

"Well that's good 'cause your opinion doesn't matter Brooke." Lucas cooked his head to the side and sat next to Peyton on the bed as Brooke rolled her eyes. He pulled her into his lap and kissed he cheek lightly before using his hand to lay her head against his shoulder. The three sat and listened to music and over an hour later the CD had stopped playing and Lucas had fallen back asleep on Peyton's bed with her lying on top of him. Brooke was sleeping on the floor with her head propped up on one of Peyton's pillows. They all slept through the night and they slept peacefully which was something both Lucas and Brooke needed.

Okay I only like some parts of this chapter but I'm posting it anyway. I know there isn't a lot about Peyton in this but that's the way its supposed to be. Peyton's not supposed to be feeling anything at all so she can't really be in the story, she had to just be in the picture but not have anything said about her because she has no personality. I hope that made some kind of sense…lol…anyway please review!__


	33. I Can See it in Your Eyes

**One Month Later**

Lucas leaned against the edged of the doorway. He watched Peyton as she sat solemnly in the rocking chair that was still centered in the baby's room. She had done that everyday for the past week. She just sat there and rocked back and forth looking out the window. Everyone had started to lose hope, even Brooke, and that worried them all. Peyton only continued to shut down as time went on, she wouldn't even answer simple questions anymore. She was always just in a daze, and Lucas too was now starting to feel the pain. He had tried so hard to be strong for Peyton but he wasn't sure if he could do it anymore. The two of them would spend hours each day in the same position they were in at that very moment, Peyton in the chair and Lucas watching her. Watching her only made him remember.

Lucas would look around the room and drift off. He would get images of his son watching the mobile from his crib. He thought about holding his son and rocking him to sleep. He would even think about when he was older and he could sit on the floor and they would play blocks together or roll a ball around the room. But Luke would always snap back to reality and realize that he wouldn't be able to do those things. He would always drift off again though as he watched Peyton and he would imagine her sitting in the same position she was in holding their child and rocking him to sleep. He could see the gentle curve of her lips as she looked down in adoration and hummed while she cradled their son. It was when he snapped out of this day dream that the tears would start to fall. They would always come subtly at first but as he continued to watch her delicate figure they would gradually fall faster, but neither of them ever made a sound. He would eventually turn away and leave her because although he didn't think it was possible, his heart would begin to once again shatter.

Brooke's words from a month ago had remained in his head. They always lingered over him now, like a black cloud. She had told him that he had never known the real Peyton Sawyer, and that she regretted that. Two weeks ago the brunette had given him an old photo album of her and Peyton when they were kids. He hadn't been able to look at it until last night. Last night he had run his fingers over the old binding of the leather album. As he turned the pages he smiled to himself. He laughed as he looked over pictures of the two best friends. There were images of them on an old tire swing; Peyton was standing on the top, holding onto the thick rope, looking down with a huge grin on her face, while Brooke was sitting inside the tire wearing an equally large grin as she looked up at Peyton. Lucas laughed as he eyed a picture of the two girls with their arms swung over the other necks and their head leaning against each other's. Lucas made himself stop on that picture, because of the blonde's smile. It was just as captivating as the smile she wore now, or used to. But there was still something different about it, something that he couldn't place. It was as he got ready to turn the page he realized what it was. He flipped back through all the pictures in the front of the album and he noticed the same thing. Her eyes held a glow when she smiled, but even in one of the pictures of her yelling at Brooke with her hands on her hip, her eyes still glowed. It was missing in all the recent pictures of her. He had looked at one of the pictures of her and Brooke that was sitting on the mantle, it was taking during high school and it was just like the picture in the album with their arms around each other, with the exception of their cheerleading uniforms. There was another difference though that Lucas had never noticed before, her eyes, they were sad. Her entire face glowed because of her angelic smile, but her eyes held the story of a hurt little girl.

Lucas had taken one last look at the picture in the album and then closed it then. He hadn't noticed it until he felt the moisture on his hand but he was crying. Now Lucas was standing in the doorway of his son's room, once again crying. He did something he hadn't done since that night in the hospital, since his son…died, he walked into the room. He walked over to Peyton and kneeled in front of her. He laid a hand gently on her leg but she didn't acknowledge him, she merely continued to look straight ahead.

"Peyton" he spoke he name gently, almost as if saying it too loud would push her away. He waited and she did as he expected, nothing. She sat there as if he wasn't there, like he hadn't spoken to her. He looked up at her, into her hazel eyes. He loved those eyes, there was just something bout them that always held him captive. He could get lost in her eyes, and he often did, but not this time. Her eyes weren't the same, they seemed cold almost. There as no happiness in them, but there wasn't sadness either. There wasn't anything there, her eyes told no story, it was as if she was just there. She really was like a life size porcelain doll. Her skin was pale and ghostly, but she had these flushed, rosy cheeks. The last detail however was her eyes, she had the most gorgeous eyes he had ever seen but they held nothing, they were lifeless, they made her seem lifeless.

Lucas bowed his head and stood up. He gave one last look at Peyton and then bent down and kissed her forehead lightly. He could feel the heat from her skin but he had finally gotten used to it. She had gained the red tint to her cheek three weeks ago when she started getting erratic fevers, but they always went away within minutes. Brooke had told them not to worry about it, she couldn't remember what the doctor had told her caused the fevers but she did remember that he said they were nothing to be worried about unless they stayed for more than an hour an they never did.

The heartbroken blonde made his way down the hall to go downstairs but he stopped when he gazed into Peyton's room. He looked at a picture of them, he had his arms wrapped around her waist and her head was leaning back against his shoulder. Her smile was different from the one when she was with was with Brooke in their uniforms, it was…happier, more real. He remembered when Brooke snapped that picture. It was a couple of days after she and Peyton patched things up and they had all gone over to the park. Peyton had been talking to Haley and he had gone over to them and picked the blonde up and spun her around in the air. They were all laughing as Peyton screamed for him to put her down. Brooke had also gotten a picture of that but he had that one on his desk at home. When he put her down she tried to run away from him but he flung his arm around her waist and pulled her into him. He wrapped both arms around her waist and kissed her golden curls. He told her that he loved her and she returned the words before craning her neck to kiss his lips gently, Brooke had also taken a picture of that but she refused to let them have, they had never even seen it. After they broke the kiss Peyton had leaned her head back onto his shoulder and Brooke had said 'hey lovebirds' to get their attention and then snapped the picture.

Peyton had gotten the picture blown up and framed the day Brooke gave it to here, and now Lucas held it in his hand, smiling as he looked down on it. But his smile faded slightly and became forced as he noticed something, her eyes. They were sad and although he had never noticed it before he saw it clearly now. As wide as the curly blonde's smile was and as much as her face glowed, she wasn't happy. Her smile was real and she was happy at that moment but not in general, not with her life. Luca put the picture down, upset that he wouldn't be bale to look at the picture the same anymore. He got ready to leave the room but stopped when he caught sight of another picture. Haley had taken this one and it was 4 months into Peyton pregnancy. She was starting to show and she was also starting to experience the side effects. Lucas laughed as he remembered how Peyton was in her third and fourth months, she was basically a basket case because she couldn't control her emotions.

**Flashback**

**Lucas opened the front door to Peyton's house and closed it soundly behind him. Haley and Nathan were waiting in the car because they had plans to go out for dinner and Brooke and Charlie were going to meet them at the restaurant. Lucas got ready to go upstairs when he heard something. He stopped on the bottom step and tried to figure out what the sound was and where it was coming from. He listened harder and realized it was coming from upstairs. Freight immediately took over him as he climbed the steps two at a time.**

**"Peyton…" he called out as he reached the top, but there was no response, but the noise got louder as he walked down the hall. He stopped in front of Peyton's room and saw her sitting on her bed wiping her eyes. Lucas quickly made his way over to her and kneeled down on the floor. He looked around and saw all her clothes thrown around the room, he looked at the slightly shaking girl in front of him and noticed that she was in a pair of his cotton flannels and his t-shirt. He cupped her tear-stained face with his hands and kissed her lightly. "What's wrong?" he asked, the concern evident in his strained voice.**

**"None of my clothes fit" she said as her eyebrows furrowed and more tears poured from her eyes. Lucas couldn't help but smile at her reason or distress. "Its not funny, I have nothing to wear Luke."**

**"Peyton you have to have something in here and if you don't you can wear my clothes that you have on now, I could care less Peyt…as long as I get to spend time with you. Its not a big deal." Lucas smiled up at the blonde and kissed her forehead. He felt her body shudder as he pulled away and when he looked down he noticed the tears falling faster form her already red eyes. "Peyton…" He questioned in confusion.**

**"I know it's not a big deal and I don't know why I started crying in the first place. I went to look for something to ware and everything was too small and it was just so frustrating. I tried to keep looking but there was nothing and I just didn't wanna look anymore and then is at down and I looked around the room and everything was so scattered and I don't know…I hate this." Peyton said with a defeated look on her face. Lucas sat next to her on the bed and pulled her closer to him and leaned her head on his shoulder. Before he knew it her entire body was shaking and she was crying harder then before.**

**"Peyt…what is it?" Lucas wasn't sure what to do, he had never seen Peyton like this, he had never seen anyone like this, and he never expected to see Peyton like this. He was beginning to think that something else was going on, that there was something really wrong.**

**"I can't stop crying. I try to stop and I just keep going and the tears keep coming I just can't stop. Lucas I can't do this." Peyton looked even more defeated as the tears continued to pour form her eyes.**

**"Yes you can, and I'm here to help you." Lucas took his thumbs and wiped the tears from her face before standing up and pulling her into a tight hug. "I love you Peyton and I know you can do this, I'm not gunna make you do it alone though." He pulled back and kissed her forehead gently.**

**"I know, I love you too Luke" She said as she leaned up and kissed his lips.**

**"You better" He said before giving the infamous Scott smirk. Peyton laughed a little and then gave a small smiled before biting her lip to try and stop form crying anymore. "Was that a smile?" Lucas asked in mock shock causing the other blonde to smile once again but wider this time. She watched as Lucas dropped his knees and lifted the shirt over her growing stomach. He planted a gentle kiss on her bare skin, and Peyton couldn't' help but smile as she watched the mesmerized look that cascaded over Lucas's face. "I love you too little one, but why are you causing mommy so much trouble? That's not very nice is it?" Lucas shook his head slightly and repeated 'no it's not' in a baby voice a couple of times. Peyton threw her head back and laughed. The blondes started at the door as they heard someone else laughing and saw a flash.**

**"How cute" Nathan smiled as he stood in the doorway. Haley was wearing her own smiling as she held the digital camera in her hands. Lucas rolled his eyes and went back to talking to the baby. He kissed Peyton's stomach and Haley caught that moment as well.**

**End Flashback**

Lucas smiled at the memory as he held the framed photo in his hands, Peyton had blown that one up too, it was everyone's favorite picture of the couple. Lucas noticed the same thing he had noticed in all the pictures of her since last night, her eyes. But unlike the other photo's in the house, her eyes weren't sad, she looked like she did in the pictures from the album. Lucas now knew why Brooke and Peyton were so close when she was pregnant, Brooke had gotten her best friends back, and Peyton had found herself again, she was happy, truly happy. Peyton still had tears streaming form her eyes in the picture but she held a glow about her that even the camera picked up. Luke looked at himself in the picture and saw that he too looked happier then usual and he knew that he was. There was nothing he wanted more than to hold and play with his child, his son, but he never got the chance.

"Lucas, I know you guys are here you're always here…" Lucas heard Haley's voice as she climbed the stairs. "I brought you guys some food since you refuse to leave the house…" Lucas still just continued to look at the picture, getting lost in his thoughts, drowning in them.

Haley continued to climb the stairs. She peeked into the rooms as she walked down the hall as she heard Nathan start to climb the steps. Haley looked into Peyton's room and stopped when she saw Lucas. She could see that he was looking at something but she couldn't tell what. "Luke" she called again as she stepped further into the room, placing the bag of food down on the floor.

Lucas turned around and looked at Haley with tears in his eyes. He looked down at the picture in his hand again. He gripped the frame so tight that his knuckles were turning white. Lucas feared that if he let the picture go he would lose the memories, he would forget what it was to be happy, he would forget his son. He looked up at Haley again who was now close enough to see the picture and already knew what was going through his head. The petite girl reached out her hand to touch her best friends shoulder but her pulled away and closed his eyes and turned back around. Haley now had tears in her own eyes and she watched the blonde try to fight the torment growing inside of him.

Lucas opened his eyes and looked at the picture. That was his family, his perfect family that he would treasure for all his life. His family was gone now though and what was left of it was quickly fading. The happy, perfect people in that picture weren't there any more. Now there wasn't anything left to them, they were all broken. Lucas felt the first tear find its way over the brim of his eyes and watched as it hit the glass protecting his family. The blonde turned around to face a quietly crying Haley.

"Hales" his voice was trembling and his shoulder began to shake as he fell to the floor. He let the tears fall as Haley kneeled on the floor and wrapped her arms around him. Lucas pulled the picture to his chest, not holding it with both hands, and rocked back and forth and the auburn haired girl's small arms.

"It's okay Luke…I'm here" She said quietly in an attempt to comfort him, but she knew it wouldn't help. Nathan stood in the doorway watching the scene. Haley looked up and saw as a single tear slip from his blue eyes. Haley leaned here head into Luke's neck and cried lightly as she held her best friend and did the best she could to help him.

"Why is he crying?" Nathan turned as he heard the familiar but quiet and curious voice behind him. He looked in to the hazel eyes and she brought herself to stand next to him. She looked at Luke and then looked up at Nathan as she waited for him to answer.

"He miss his…" Nathan had turned to look at Luke when he spoke but stopped and looked back at his side. "Peyton…did you just ask me something?" He looked down at her in disbelief she looked at him in curiosity. She wanted to know what was going on…she felt curious. Nathan looked into her eyes and saw something he hadn't seen in a long time…in her eyes he saw a sense of longing. Nathan pulled his ex into his side and she laid her head by his shoulder. Nathan didn't know what to do as he watched the confused face on the girl he was holding, so he didn't do anything. He followed everyone else in the room and watched as Lucas cried. The all watched as the blonde cried for his son.


	34. Old Habits Die Hard

Peyton sat on her bed and watched as Haley continued to rock back and forth with Lucas. Nathan sat next to her on the bed and looked on as well. They remained like that for nearly three hours before Lucas found the strength within himself to get up from the floor. "I didn't think it would hurt like this. I can't explain it but the pain is there, almost like it's lingering over me, like its never gunna go away." Lucas whispered with tears still in his eyes, he forced himself to hold them back though.

"I'm sorry Luke…I can't promise that'll go away, but it will get better." Haley informed him soothingly, but it didn't help him at all. He wanted the pain to go away now, he wanted to be like Peyton, he didn't want to have to feel it. What Lucas didn't know was that Peyton was beyond confused. She usually had so many emotions but all she felt was curiosity and therefore confusion. The thing she wanted to know most though, was how to make herself feel something again, to really feel something, like hurt or pain or happiness or love. She remembered what it was like to be in love. She looked over a Nathan and remembered being in love with him. She remembered wanting to be wrapped in his arms and feel safe and warm. But what she really longed for was the love she felt with Lucas. She wanted to be able to look at him and feel her heart jump into her throat. She wanted to feel sick with anticipation. But as she gazed at Lucas no matter how hard she tried or how long she stared she felt nothing but longing.

Peyton wasn't upset or angry however, all she felt was longing. It didn't bother her in the least that she couldn't have what she wanted, she just kept trying to get it. Peyton turned and looked from Haley to Nathan. They were in love and she knew it, she could see it in the way they looked at each other. She wanted to be like them, to be truly and madly in love with someone. Although she couldn't feel it and they could, she wasn't mad at them because she wasn't jealous, she wanted to be jealous but she wasn't.

She watched as Lucas fought back tears while barley being able to hold himself up. He felt the pain that she was supposed to feel. The two blondes both sat there wanting to be in the other potions and they both would have given up their current state in a heartbeat. Peyton tore her gaze form Lucas and looked down at the floor. She was trying desperately to make herself feel anything at all but she wasn't having any luck. At the moment Peyton didn't know what it was to be frustrated or at least she couldn't get frustrated, she didn't get tired either, so she just kept trying. She was so deep in thought that she didn't notice when Nathan, Haley, and Luke walked down the stairs. Nate had tried to get her attention but she ignored him or at least that's what it seemed like when in truth she didn't hear him.

Peyton looked up just in time to hear her front door close. The blonde stood from her bed and looked out her window to see her three friends standing on her porch talking. Peyton walked over to her desk and lifted her sketch pad. She wasn't really sure if she wanted to draw but she knew that when she felt down she always drew. She didn't feel upset but she wanted too so she figured that she should want to draw. Peyton looked for her pencil but couldn't find it anywhere, but then he remembered that she had moved her case into the bathroom. She couldn't remember why she had done that but she shrugged it off as she walked into her bathroom. She didn't want o bring her whole bag out, she only wanted a pencil so she opened the black case and stuck her hand in and dug around for a minute.

"Ow" Peyton mumbled and then cursed under her breath as she yanked her hand from the case. She watched as the crimson blood dripped from her finger tip where the blade of one of her tools had cut her. She bit the tip of her bleeding finger and the pain slowly subsided. That was when she first felt it, a sense of pleasure almost. She wasn't sure what to call it but making the pain go away made her feel better. Peyton felt almost satisfied as she remembered the sharp pain that she felt in her finger tip. The pain had been more soothing then making it go away.

The blonde reached into her bag and pulled out one of her tools that was now tipped with a deep crimson stain. She eyed the tool, more specifically the blade, and ran her delicate fingers over the sharp edge. Her head quickly turned to look at the room to her door as she heard a car engine roar and her front door open and close. The blonde quickly closed the bathroom door and turned on the water. She ran the blade under the cold water for about a minute and then shook the excess water off. Peyton turned her arm over and placed the blade a few inches above her wrist, she remembered that it hurt most when she went a little off center on her forearm. Peyton pressed down and as the blade sliced into her warm skin it felt as thought she were being burned. She let her blonde curls hang as she tilted her head back in mock pleasure. She felt the thick blood slide down her arm from the small slit she made into her skin. To get real effect she had to go very deep but it would take time to stop the bleeding and she didn't have time because Lucas was probably on his way upstairs. The slit she made was small and didn't cut past the first couple of layers of skin so that she felt the pain but she also could cover it with a Band-Aid.

Peyton relaxed into all the emotions that suddenly invaded her head. The pain had triggered the pleasure from finally being able to feel. She felt satisfied but she still didn't have the emotion she wanted…she didn't feel love. She wanted to be angry but she couldn't find the anger. She couldn't feel the emotional pain either and she felt the longing return to her as she thought about the things she couldn't seem to have. She wanted to feel the pain again and since there was nothing emotional for her she desired the physical. She placed the cold blade to her skin again and got ready to press down but she heard Lucas walk up the stairs. She closed her eyes and listened closely as he climbed the steps. She heard a deep creak from one of the steps and knew that he was almost at the top and she didn't have enough. She wanted to feel but she knew people wouldn't understand her methods. She shoved the blade into her art bag and put it back under the counter where she took it from.

Peyton placed a band aid over the small slit in her arm and cleaned off her arm and the counter top before opening the bathroom door. She had many secrets and this was another of them, one that she planned to keep hidden for a while. Lucas smiled halfheartedly at her as he entered the room and found her sitting on the bed where she was when he left. Lucas looked at the picture that was now back on the dresser. He forced himself to smile but could no longer hold in the tears that had been threatening to fall since he walked downstairs. Lucas walked over to Peyton and laid down on the bed behind her still sitting form. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her down next to him. He buried his face into her soft curls as he cried. Peyton hoped to feel something but there was nothing there. Even being this close to Lucas gave her nothing but longing. Peyton closed her eyes as Lucas pulled her further into him. As his desire for comfort started to subside, her desire to cut grew.


	35. Anything to Feel

Anything in bold is a flash back

Peyton laid in Lucas's warm arms trying her best to get up and run into the bathroom. She was feeling like she had when she was hooked on the heroine, she just wanted to satisfy her new craving but she didn't wanna get caught. She hadn't moved because she knew Luca was still awake, she could still hear him crying. She wanted to comfort him and make him feel better but she didn't know how. She wanted him to make her feel better but he didn't know about her desires. She wanted to tell him what she wanted but she wasn't sure how to. The more she thought about it the more longing she felt. She wanted to feel nervous about talking to him. She wanted to feel safe in his arms or happy. She wanted to cry with him and tell him things would be okay but she had no real desire to do that because she couldn't feel what he was feeling, she wasn't upset and she couldn't seem to really make herself care. The blonde just wanted to have an emotion, she wanted comfort to ease her into sleep.

Peyton turned her body and faced Lucas. His once blue eyes were now red as he gazed back at her. Peyton rested her hands on his chest and could feel his uneven breathing. She wanted to breath the way he did and look the way he did, she wanted the puffy red eyes and the tear stained streaks. Peyton closed her eyes and tried to think of what it was to be in love to have that one emotion that triggered almost all others. She sorted threw her memories and to her surprise various images flashed through her head.

"**I hate you Luke" Peyton let the tears flow freely from her eye as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She was furious with Lucas for scaring her, but she couldn't help but smile as she looked up at him.**

She remembered how hurt she was when Lucas left her on the couch and she remembered being happy when surprised her and picked her up form the couch. She was so mad at him for scaring her but it was okay but she loved him, that was love and that was what she wanted to feel.

**His lips caressed her flushed skin, lingering momentarily in each spot. **

The anxiety and anticipation were other things she missed as she opened her eyes and stared at Lucas. He still had tears streaming down his face as he looked on in confusion. He didn't know what she was doing but he hoped it meant she was starting to get better. Nathan had told him that she started feeling curious but his mind was too jumbled to really comprehend it. He looked into her hazel eyes and tried to read them but he couldn't all he knew was that she was thinking.

**The curly blonde lost herself in her thoughts and her pleasure as her quivering fingers latched to his firm chest.**

Peyton remembered the pleasure. She yearned for that feeling of being completely content with everything around her. She wanted to feel as though nothing mattered but her and Lucas, that same feeling she had felt that night.

**She pulled back from his lips and bowed down into his moist neck, breathing in his intoxicating cologne, the scent swirling around her head making her dizzy, but satisfied at the same time.**

Peyton got lost in the memory and when she began to feel her own heart pounding in her ear she was pulled back into reality. She looked at the blonde boy in front of her, the same one that had given her so many emotions that she didn't know what to do with them. She leaned forward and their lips met.

Peyton pulled back and looked at him with a sense of shock. She hadn't felt anything. Her blood didn't run warm and her heart didn't flutter and she's wasn't even disappointed. All she got was desire, the same desire she had had all night, to have feeling and emotion. Lucas too was shocked but simply because he hadn't expected her to do that. It felt good to him and it felt right. For a brief moment he had forgotten everything and it was just him and Peyton. She always had the ability to do that to him even with a simple kiss. Lucas scanned her eyes and still he found nothing and it broke his heart to know that she didn't feel what he did. She had always smiled and he eyes glowed and he face would light up, but now this time, this time there was nothing but two blonde lying in bed getting lost in thought and desire.

Lucas removed his arm from around her wait and laid it gently on the side of her face. She could feel the warmth of his skin but it wasn't comforting like she remembered it to be. Lucas closed his eyes and moved forward bringing their lips together again. He traced the edge of her lip with her tongue and her lips parted slightly creating an entrance for him. Lucas dropped his hand back down to her waist and pulled her slim frame further into him. Peyton thought about all their times together, every kiss they had, anything to give her that feeling. Once again she could feel her heart beat speed up and the pounding in her ears grew but to her disbelief Lucas pulled back.

Lucas wanted to be with Peyton more than anything at that moment. He wanted to feel her skin against his but he didn't want to push her into anything. Peyton had been doing whatever she thought she was supposed to do but that didn't mean she wanted to. He looked at Peyton's confused face and he wanted nothing more than to continue what he had started. It had almost been 2 moths since he had been able to kiss her like that and she still tasted the same. Peyton looked into Lucas eyes and knew he was thinking but her desire had grown with each beat of her heart and she didn't want to lose the opportunity.

Lucas looked down as Peyton grabbed the hand that was around her waist and pulled it up to her chest. She used her other hand to undo the top button of her shirt and then place Lucas palm on her bare skin against her heart, her hand now resting on his. He smiled as he felt her heart racing and then looked up at her. She knew he understood as she removed their hands and placed his back on her hip. The blondes' lips crashed together as Peyton wrapped her arms around Luke's neck and pulled him on top of her. "I want this" she said calmly as she broke the kiss. She could feel the passion she had felt when Luke used to touch her but it didn't make her happy. She didn't care though, she wanted to feel the passion and she knew that she could, she know how to get the passion and now she could feel more than pain. Braced on his arms, Lucas leaned down and kissed Peyton once again, feeling the same great passion she was.

Peyton awoke to feel Lucas's bare chest pressed into her back and his arm draped over her waist. The sun was shining brightly through her window. "Morning beautiful." Peyton turned around to face a smiling Lucas. He was happy, it was obvious, but she wasn't. She had gotten something she wanted but she wasn't happy, she still didn't know what it was like to be happy or to be in love. Lust and passion weren't either of the other emotions but she still couldn't be angry so that didn't bother her.

"Morning" she replied dully as she leaned in and kissed him hoping to feel pleasure again but there was nothing, at least not for her. Peyton started to feel something she couldn't place but she knew that she did know that she wanted to feel the way she did last night. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. He returned the kiss and he allowed her tongue to play in his mouth and she allowed his to do the same. She pushed herself on top of him as her hands roamed his warm skin.

"A little aggressive..." Lucas gave a small laugh as he pulled back and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. "As much as I'd love to continue this beautiful I promised Haley that I would go to the café this morning. I'd love it if you came with me." He kissed her lightly as he waited for a response, he wasn't positive that he was gunna get one but he hoped he would. She looked at him in contemplation. She wanted to feel the pleasure and passion again, but she couldn't decide whether she wanted to go to the café. She tried to decide but she kept coming up with the same thought, the same desire...pleasure, but not from cutting.

"I don't know" she replied honestly. Lucas wasn't hoping for that answer but it was better than the nothing he had gotten used to getting lately.

"Alright" he said as he leaned up and kissed her, the gesture felt weird to him though because the response she gave meant she wasn't really feeling too much of anything, but she did kiss him back. Lucas made a mental note to himself to ask Brooke what everything meant, he figured that she would be able to give him a heads up on what to expect because at the moment he was slightly confused by things. "Well I gotta go...if you want to come you can meet me there, if not I'll meet you back here." He kissed her lightly and watched as she nodded her head in understanding. Lucas rolled her underneath him and kissed her one last time before pushing himself off the bed and gathering his clothes.

Peyton stayed in the same position as he got dressed. He gave one last look at the blonde laying in bed and smiled at her, she didn't return the smile but he didn't linger on it, he just kept in mind the even from last night, more specifically the feel of her heart pounding in her chest, meaning that she felt it like he had, she felt what it was like to be them, even if was only for brief moment, she felt it too. He turned his head and went out the door and to the café.

Peyton flung her long legs over the edge of the bed and picked up her clothes. She wished Lucas didn't have to leave, she wanted to feel him again but now she couldn't. Peyton wrapped the sheet tightly around her small body and brought her clothes into the laundry room. Peyton reentered her room and put on clean clothes, a pair of low rise hip huggers and a tight spaghetti strap shirt with a thin jacket over it. She walked into the bathroom and reached under the sink for her art bag. Once she found it she opened the case and pulled out the sharp utensil sitting on the top, it was still stained form last night. She thought about how she always felt as the thin cold metal sliced trough her skin and it only made her want to drown in the pleasure more and more. She pressed the blade to her skin but snapped her head around when she heard her front door close.

"Pey...it's me, Nate" He called as he climbed her stairs. Peyton dropped the blade back into eh bag and zipped it up before throwing it under the sink. Peyton walked out the bathroom just as Nathan enter her room. "Hey you...Haley wants us to all do something and since she is talking to Luke I offered to come get you" He told her as he took a seat on her bed.

"Okay" the blonde said nonchalantly as all sorts of thoughts and memories invaded her head, mostly about her relationship with Nathan. She thought about the relationship they had developed recently but she couldn't get the memories of them being together out of her mind. Nathan looked over at the fat wall of Peyton's room where she still had various sketches up. He had never really looked at them before and he was now just realizing how much emotion Peyton put, or at least used to put, into her work. Nathan suddenly felt as though he were being watched and he turned to look to his other side at Peyton but stopped and wound up looking in front of him, where the blonde now stood. She wanted to feel and she didn't care how, as long as she did.

"So you ready to go?" Nathan asked his ex as he stood from his spot and looked at her, awaiting a response. In turn she stepped closer to him and nodded her head slightly. Nathan looked down at her in confusion as she continued to near him. Before he could comprehend anything he felt her soft lips against his and her arms wrapped around his neck. He was in shock and before he could think to react he found his body responding for him and the two fell back onto the bed. Thoughts from her past rushed through Peyton's head as she traced the edge of Nathan's bottom lip with her tongue. She knew what he liked and she slowly continued to trace his lip as she played with the back of is neck. As she did she got the effect she wanted, she got her sense of pleasure, there was no passion but the one emotion was good enough.

Nathan finally took in what was going on and tried to push her off of him but stopped when her leg pushed up between his and messaged his inner thigh and one of her hands teased him by the edge of his pants. He tried to stop them but the memories flooded his mind. They were happy memories from when he and Peyton were first together. He absentmindedly opened his mouth and accepted her invitation as she knew he would. She tasted good like she always had. Nathan remembered how much he had enjoyed kissing Peyton when they were together but then he thought about how much he love kissing Haley. He shoved the old images out of his head and grabbed hold of Peyton's waist and pushed her off of him.

"What the hell Peyton..." He yelled as he sat up and wiped his mouth. The blonde sat up and ran her hand down his chest causing his heart to skip a beat, just like it had in the past, but Nathan pushed her hand away and stood up. "You would really do this to Haley...you would do this to Lucas?" He looked at her confused face and her eyes caught hold of him. She had the most gorgeous eyes but they weren't like they used to be...there was something missing form them...she was missing and what replaced her was longing and confusion. Nathan suddenly wasn't angry with he anymore, he felt bad for her. He sat back down on the bed and reached out for her, he wanted to hold her and comfort her. He didn't want it to go any further than that, but that wasn't a fear as he looked at the lost girl before him.

Peyton felt his hand touch her shoulder and she looked at him. She hung her head and stood up form the bed and walked into the bathroom. She had gotten her pleasure but it wasn't enough, it could have been if she had just a little longer, but she didn't get any longer. She slammed the door behind her and looked it before pulling out her new best friend from her art bag and pulled up her sleeve. She gripped the handle tightly and she sliced into the first few layer of skin right above the band aid she put on last night. She placed the blade above the new cut and pressed the blade into her flesh again...the cold giving her a slight shock as she dragged the baled across her arm a third and fourth time. Peyton threw her head back in pleasure and breathed deep as she held her arm over the sink letting the blood drip down into the drain. She turned the water on with her other hand and then reached for a cloth. She heard Nathan pounding on the door for her to open it but she ignored him as she wet the cloth and then held it to her arm. It took about 5 minutes but the bleeding stopped and Peyton made sure to wipe up all the blood. She pulled her sleeve back down and felt satisfied.

"Sorry about before Nate" Peyton said as she flung the door open. She didn't feel guilt so she wasn't really sorry but she knew that she should be. She walked out the bedroom and then stuck her head back in. "Aren't you coming?" she asked Nathan as he stood by the bathroom with a confused look on his face. She seemed fine now and it was like nothing...absolutely nothing had happened. He didn't want to think about it though because he didn't want to think about the fact that he had cheated on Haley. He should have pushed Peyton away from the start and that fact that he didn't was why he was scared to tell her, but he knew that if he didn't and she found out on her own or if he just waited it would cause more problems. Nathan shook his head and followed Peyton down the sitars and outside. They headed to the café and Nathan knew that he had to go through the day with Haley and Lucas, and neither of them would know what had happened between him and the girl who sat beside him, who conveniently happened to be his ex and his brothers girlfriend. He sighed deeply and tried to put a smile on as he pulled up in front of the café. Peyton was fine with things because she didn't feel like anything was wrong she was content with things for the moment. Nathan watched as Lucas leaned down and kissed Peyton lightly and Haley hugged her, it didn't faze her in the least, but him, he was a wreck, but he hid it the best he could. He didn't want to ruin the day, no one needed to know right now, telling them what happened could wait for at least a couple of hours.


	36. Learning Lessons the Second Time Around

The two couples had spent the entire day relaxing at the park. Nathan was still on edge about everything that had happened that morning. Peyton was the most uptight out of all of them, except it wasn't for the same reason as Nathan. She felt trapped within her own body, but she didn't know how to show it so none of them realized. They were now walking back the café and Lucas had his arm draped around Peyton's shoulders. He was so happy about everything that had happened last night he had pushed all the angst inside of him away for the day. He just wanted to be around Peyton and feel her next to him, the only thing that could have made him happier was to her smile it was going to be awhile before that happened again. For now, thought Lucas was satisfied with the fact that she was at least starting to feel again, it gave him the hope he needed that had been slowly slipping away.

The two couples were now on their way to the café for dinner. Nathan had stayed as close to Haley as he could get out of fear that he mite not be able to go near her for awhile. He knew that he could just tell her that he pushed her away but he didn't want to lie to Haley. He loved her too much to start basing their relationship on lies and he knew that if he lied about this one thing it was gunna require him to lie about other things. Nathan couldn't understand how Peyton was so calm about everything and how should could just let Lucas wrap his arms around her without a problem. Every time he and Haley touched, every time he kissed her he felt the guilt eat away him more then before. It was like his heart was slowly being torn in two and he couldn't do anything about it because it was his fault. As the four entered the café Nathan knew that he was going to have to tell Haley what happened before the night was over, he knew that he also had to tell Lucas. The thought that he had cheated on his girlfriend with his brother's girl only made his guilt worse and it only made him realize that he had to tell them soon.

Haley led them all over to an empty booth and pulled Nathan down to sit next her before kissing him gently. She loved being around him, being in his arms, and she loved kissing him. No one made her feel as safe as Nathan, he was there to protect her from everything. She felt safe with Lucas and she knew that she always would but it was a different kind of safe. The feeling Nathan gave her was amazing. Haley never knew that she could feel so insecure and scared and excited and happy at the same time. All the emotions made her confused but she wouldn't give it up for anything, the feeling was remarkable. Haley watched as Lucas wrapped his arm tightly around Peyton and kissed the top of her head. She was glad that things were finally starting to get better for everyone.

The four looked up as the door opened and the bells above chimed lightly. "Hey Brooke" Haley said in a cheery voice as the brunette approached the table.

"Hi Haley." The brunette did her best to smile but they could all tell it was fake. "Hey everyone" She gave small nod towards the group but avoided looking at Nathan. She turned towards her best friend and gave another smile, this one was good enough to fool everyone but Lucas and Peyton, they both knew something was wrong. "You guys I'm gunna steal Peyt for a bit. Can I talk to you outside for a second girly?" Brooke asked sweetly as she stared at the seated blonde. Lucas edged out of the booth and helped Peyton stand before sitting back down. The brunette linked arms with her friend and the two headed out in front of the café.

As soon as the door closed Brooke smiled up at Peyton. "Don't try that I can't feel anything please feel sorry for me shit alright Peyton. I know that you can feel something, I don't know what it is and I don't know if I really care but whatever it is you need to cut the crap."

"What are you taking about?" Peyton asked as she looked down at the brunette and pulled her arm away.

"I thought you would have learned the first time but I guess not. Next time you decide to screw Haley and Lucas over royally turn off that damn camera." Brooke looked at the emotionless blonde in front of her. Peyton had forgotten that she turned her cam on before she went to get changed. But still, Peyton knowing that she got caught didn't even seem to faze her, she didn't care at all. "What the hell were you thinking?"

Peyton thought about Brooke's question. She tried to come up with something but she couldn't. However, she did know what she was thinking and she had no reason to lie about it. "I wanted Nathan, I wanted to feel the way I did when we were together."

"In other words you weren't thinking about anyone else, only you. What about Haley and Lucas, did you think about them when you and Nathan fell back onto the bed."

"No" The blonde answered honestly. She hadn't thought about the effect things would have on Nathan, Haley or Lucas. She was so caught up in trying to feel that she became selfish.

"How could you do that to them? What the hell kind of emotion made you do that?" Brooke knew that things weren't completely Peyton's fault. She knew the girl in front of her didn't exactly have the means to distinguish right from wrong.

"I just wanted to feel something. I can remember feeling things and I didn't just wanna remember." The more Peyton thought about it the more she wanted to run home to her bathroom. But she didn't want to do it because she wanted to feel, she was feeling, she couldn't tell what but she knew it was something she didn't like. Peyton wanted to feel the pleasure from cutting, she wanted it to erase the knot building in her stomach, she wanted it to erase the guilt.

"Peyton that's not the way to feel things. You're hurting people in the process and its not right. If you wanna feel things talk to people and if you remember feeling soon or later you'll actually feel it, but don't just rush into stuff. Think about the way its gunna affect other people and you might think twice about going trough with it. Peyton promise me no more heavy make out sessions or sex with anyone but Lucas, especially not with Nathan." Peyton got ready to respond but stopped when she heard a sharp gasp from behind her and saw a shocked look on Brooke's face. Peyton spun around to find Haley standing by the door with her mouth open.

"What did you just say?" Haley asked in disbelief as she walked over to the girls. She stopped and stood in between them waiting for them to answer but they just continued to stare at her. Peyton's guilt grew as Haley stood there looking back and forth between her and Brooke. Guilt was one emotion that she knew she could do without, but she hoped it would stop her from making a mistake again. Right now though, there wasn't anything to get her out of her current situation.

"Haley I'm…" Peyton began but stopped as the café door opened again. Lucas walked over to the girls, followed by Nathan who feared the argument he already knew was going to take place.

"What's going on?" Lucas asked as he saw the worried look on Brooke's face and the hurt on Haley's. He looked at Peyton but couldn't see her face as she held her head down, refusing to look him in the eyes. He made his way over to her and place his finger under he chin lifting her head gently. "Peyton what's wrong" her face was blank but her eyes held confusion and longing. Lucas could also see the sadness that lingered in her eyes and he feared that she would start to shut down again.

Peyton didn't answer him, she couldn't. She suddenly felt horrible for what she had done and with the guilt came sadness and she was also ashamed. She wanted to go back and do everything differently so that she could avoid feeling the was she did, but she knew she couldn't do that as she looked into Lucas's worried eyes. She didn't know what he would think and she was almost scared that he would be mad. She was torn form her thoughts as Haley's voice broke the silence.

"Nathan what the hell happened when you went to pick up Peyton today" Haley could feel the tears begin to burn her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She hoped with everything she had that she had heard Brooke wrong, that Nathan had been faithful. As Nathan approached her she took in his hunched shoulders and his guilty stare and she knew it was true.

"Haley" he called to her gently trying to make everything go away, wishing that words could erase the pain he knew he caused her.

"YOU LYING ASSHOLE" Haley screamed as Nathan reached out to her and she shoved his hand away, "HOW COULD PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME AND TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME ALL DAY KNOWING THAT YOU FUCKED YOUR EX THIS MORNING" Haley looked at him, anger flowing through her veins, and her cheeks flushed with blood.

"Excuse me" Lucas backed away from Peyton and looked from her to Nathan.

"Haley we didn't sleep together…" Nathan began but Haley cut him off.

"God if that's true then I am beyond sorry for accusing you but the guilty look on your face tells me that your lying…" She glared at him, waiting for an explanation, hoping that there was one.

"We didn't sleep together Haley, I swear to you that we didn't, we just…" He didn't want to finish the sentence and he looked at Peyton wishing she would say it so that he didn't have to. He was angry with her for kissing him but when he caught the look on her face his anger faded. He could tell that she wanted to break down in tears, but she couldn't and he could tell that too. No matter how hard she tired the tears wouldn't fall. Everything just stayed locked up inside of her, eating away at her and there was nothing she could do.

"You just what Nathan" Lucas questioned angrily as he stepped closer to his younger brother. He looked back at Peyton who still refused to look him in the eye, instead she looked down at the ground.

"I kissed him…" Peyton whispered causing everyone to look at her. She looked up at Nathan, her eyes silently begging forgiveness for the mess she had caused. She looked back and forth between Lucas and Haley who both held shocked looks on their faces, neither one of them believing their ears.

"But I didn't pull away.." Nathan couldn't let her take all the blame, it was as much his fault as it was hers. He could have stopped it and then things would have been okay, not great but okay which would have been better then they were now. "I got caught up in everything and kissed her back. I pulled away after that but…" He hung his head before looking up at Lucas. Nathan's head swung to the side as Lucas fist slammed into the side of his face. It hurt and his first urge was to hit his brother back but he just stood there knowing that he deserved it.

"What the hell were you thinking, both of you…" Haley asked, her voice quieter then before but still holding the same amount of anger.

"Haley I'm…" Petyon began to apologize once again and once again stopped. This time however it was because Haley had slapped her right across the face, leaving a stinging pain behind as she glared at the blonde.

"Save it Peyton, at the moment your apology means shit!" With that the auburn haired girl walked away, and headed home. She was hurt and angry and her perfect day was now ruined. She couldn't believe what they had done, she couldn't find a reason to why they would do it. Everything that had happened at the park was a lie, none of it meant anything.

Peyton held her hand to the side of her face as she watched Lucas shake his head in a mix of anger, hurt and confusion. She watched as he turned to face her. He looked into her eyes trying to find a reason for why she had done it, why she had betrayed him. He could understand how she could do that after everything that had happened last night. As he continued to think about it his heart shattered and he couldn't stand to be near Peyton of Nathan anymore. He gave them each one last look and then took off down the sidewalk, hoping to clear his head and sort things out, to make himself feel better.

Peyton closed her eyes as soon as he brushed past her and immediately regretted doing so. For the first time in months Peyton felt freight radiate within her. She opened her eyes quickly and at both Brooke and Nathan. Brooke looked sympathetic and she remembered that look. Nathan looked hurt and lost and she remembered having that own look. She remembered that time in her life where things were hell. When one person controlled her every move and she was his property. She couldn't get rid of the memories or the horrible emotions that came with it. Once again the blonde felt trapped but this time she was going to escape. "I'm sorry" She whispered to Nathan as she walked past him. He gave her a sympathetic look and she knew that he forgave her.

Brooke watched her best friend walk away and the further away the blonde got the more the brunette's stomach knotted. She had a bad feeling about everything and although she tried to shrug it off she knew things were bad and only going to get worse. "Nathan why didn't you push away?" She looked from Peyton's retreating figure to Nathan's saddened face.

"I don't know why. Peyton was the first person I ever feel in love with and I guess that means part of me will always feel something for her. Brooke when she kissed me I was shocked at first but then I started to remember when we were together, how good things were in the beginning. I got lost in the thought and I pulled her back on the bed without even thinking about it. It was when I kissed her back that I remembered we weren't together anymore and I remembered how much I loved Haley and I pushed Peyton away. It was too late by then though and now I've lost the one person that means everything to me in the world." Nathan hung his head in shame as he felt Brooke's hand on his shoulder.

"She'll come around Nate, eventually she'll come around." Brooke gave him a sympathetic look before turning away and waking towards Peyton's house. She knew what was happening, or at least she understood what was going on. Peyton was starting to feel again the emotions were getting stronger. She had seen the scared look in Peyton's hazel eyes before the blonde turned and quickly walked away. She knew Peyton felt the pain when Haley slapped her and she knew that her best friend thrived on that pain. She had thrived on it back when they were hitting their teens and Peyton had started cutting. Brooke could only hope that she hadn't picked up that habit again.

Brooke was passing by River Court when she spotted Lucas sitting under a tree by the lake. She wanted to just leave him there and go find Peyton but he needed to know what was going on. She walked over to him but he didn't notice her, he was too lost in his own thoughts.

"She didn't realize she was doing something wrong you know." Brooke took a seat next to the blonde as he looked at her. He wasn't angry, at least not at Peyton, he was more hurt and confused.

"I wanna believe that Brooke but the look on her face today. She felt guilty which means she knew she was wrong. It would be so much easier if that weren't the case." Lucas looked back over the lake as the tears slowly fell from his eyes.

"She didn't realize it was wrong at the time. I made her feel guilty, she didn't even are when I first told her that I knew what she did. She just looked at me like it wasn't important. Lucas she's starting to feel again, and its taking time. She may feel one emotion but she's missing something to make it complete. She wants things, she feels desire but there's nothing to make her think about the consequences. The only thing I don't get is why she didn't just go to you?" Brooke said the last part quietly and Lucas could barley hear her but he did.

"She did come to me. Last night we were laying in bed and she kissed me. I kissed her back and she pulled away. It felt so good to be that close to her again so I kissed her again, but this time I pulled away. I didn't want to take advantage of her or anything. She kind of just follows your lead and I didn't want things to happen just because I pushed her into it." Lucas turned to look at Brooke and she caught a hint of a smile playing on his lips as he recalled the previous night.

"Why do I get the feeling there's more to this…" Brooke said with a sly smile. She was happy to see Lucas smile, to show that one smile that only appeared when he was thinking or talking about Peyton.

"She put my hand on her chest and I could feel her heart racing. Brooke it gave me the most amazing feeling because I knew that she was feeling at least some of the same things I was. She told me that she wanted it and then kissed me again." Lucas opened his mouth to speak, but the brunette held her hand up.

"I get the picture so you can stop there." Brooke rolled her eyes before she spoke again. "Did she try to get you to…do it again this morning?" Brooke felt slightly uncomfortable asking the question but she forced herself to.

"Okay this is kinda weird and not really your business but yeah, I had to go meet Haley though." Lucas smile faded as he suddenly thought about Nathan going to pick her up. Various scenes played in his head and he knew he was exaggerating things but he didn't care.

"Lucas she felt something last night and she liked it. She didn't connect that she felt it with you and that she was only supposed to feel it with you, she just wanted to feel it again. She dated Nathan, and she told me she didn't just want to remember things anymore, she wanted them to be real. She remembered being with Nathan and at one point or another she felt something with him, I think she was just tryna get that feeling back."

"Okay that makes sense and I guess it makes it feel a little better, but it still hurts Brooke." Lucas got up from the grass and walked over to the edge of the lake and looked down at his reflection.

"I know" The brunette said as she stood next to him.

"This is where she told me she was pregnant you know?" Brooke watched as a smile spread on his face. "In this exact spot. She had given me the doctor's folder under the tree and then came and stood over here. I read everything and then came and wrapped my arms around her waist and I told her I'd always be there because she was scared that I wouldn't be. I told her how much I loved her and then I kissed her stomach and then I picked her up and spun her around. Brooke I was so happy that day. Those few minutes after I read that paper were the best of my life. Coming here always makes me feel good, it makes me think about how good it felt to hold my family in my arms. The baby was only weeks old but he was still the beginning of my family. I never would have thought that I could come here and stand in this spot and feel pain. That I could come here and feel sadness in the exact place that brought me so much joy."

Brooke threw her arms around Lucas's neck and pulled him into a tight hug, her own tears now falling from her brown eyes. She had been smiling as Lucas spoke, she couldn't help it, she thought it was amazing how he glowed when he spoke about his son, but now her smile was gone. She could feel Luke's tears seep through her shirt as he buried his face into her shoulder. "Lucas I have to go see Peyton, come with me?" Brooke still had her arms wrapped around him but he pulled way as she spoke.

"I think I'm just gunna stay here for a little while, I need to clear my head. I'll meet you there later though, I know that I need to her but I just can't do that now." Lucas wiped the tears from under his eyes as he awaited Brooke's response.

"I understand, so I'll see you later" She watched Lucas nod before turning around and headed towards he previous destination. Lucas watched her walk away before sitting down in the grass and getting lost in memories of those 7 months when he and Peyton were happy, when everything was perfect.

Peyton stared at herself in the mirror trying to make herself forget. She hadn't been this scared in months. She looked down at her shaking hands and quickly gripped the edge of the counter, but her whole body began to shake. She had wanted to feel but she didn't want this. She was guilty and now she was scared and she felt sick. She felt lonely and upset but everything just boiled inside of her. She couldn't make any of it go away it all just continued to build, continued to add to the knot in her stomach. The blonde released the counter and reached for the blade in her art bag. The minute she found it, she clenched the handle tight between her trembling fingers. She pressed the cold metal to her skin and bit her lip as she leaned her head back and pressed down. She dragged the blade across her skin and smiled as the pain slowly suppressed everything else. She switched hands and pressed the blade against her skin again, only shed dug deeper this time.

Peyton dropped the blade as her hands grew weak and she slid to the floor. She looked down at her hands which were now stained with blood. All she felt now was pain and that too was slowly fading away. She began to feel numb all over and she closed her eyes and relaxed into the feeling.

"Nathan?' Brooke questioned as she arrived at Peyton's house. Nathan looked up at the approaching Brunette. "What are you doing here?" She asked as she sat next to him on the steps outside the front door.

"I've been sitting here for the past five minutes trying to figure that out. I came here to talk to her about what happened, I figured it mite give me some kinda closure, I mean I still don't really get what happened. When I got here though I realized I didn't have anything to say and that she probably wouldn't either, so I just sat here hoping I would think of something. I think I've also been hoping that I'll wake up in my bed and his will have all just been a bad dream." Nathan gave a small smile as he turned to look at Brooke.

"Well I'm going in there now, why don't you come in with me and if you have nothing to say well, I'll just do that talking. I've gotten used to it over the last couple of months, I mean she hasn't exactly responded much." Brooke shrugged her shoulders and then stood up, something was telling her to go find Peyton. She reached her hand down to Nathan and he took it and stood as well. She wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled him inside the house. "Peyton" Brooke called as she ascended the wooden stapes with Nathan close behind her. "Girly I know you're here, the only other place you'd be is at the park and I was just there and guess what, I'll tell ya, you weren't. Peyton…" Brooke opened the door to Peyton's room and looked around, the only thing she saw though was her own image projected on the computer screen. She stuck her tongue out at the cam and left the room.

"Brooke I'm just gunna go" Nathan said and began to leave but Brooke grabbed his and raised an eyebrow

"No you're not. You're going to sit in that chair over there and wait till I find Peyton and bring her in here. Then we can all have a nice little chat. Got it Good" Brooke pointed a finger at Nathan and then at the chair. "Go…now" She waited until Nathan was sitting down until she walked down the hall calling Peyton's name. When the blonde never answered Brooke began to feel sick and her pace quickened.

Nathan sat down in the chair and looked at the computer screen. He looked down at the camera and knew that was one of the reasons he was in the situation he was in. "No I'm the reason I'm in the situation I'm in" he mumbled to himself as he stood from the chair. His head was pounding and Peyton always had painkillers in her bathroom so that's where he was heading. The door was only slightly open and he put his hand to his head and over his eyes as he pushed it all the way open and stepped into the bathroom. He ignored the pain and took his hand away from his face when he saw the floor. Nathan dropped down to the his knees and grabbed a towel from the counter. "Brooke call Lucas" he screamed as he wrapped the towel around Peyton's wrist. He tapped her cheeks praying for her to open her eyes, but she didn't. Nathan picked her limp body up and her head fell into his chest as he carried her out the room.

"Why?" Brooke asked as she walked towards the room. Just as she was about to walk in she saw Peyton in Nathan's arms. "I can't do this again" The tears immediately erupted form her eyes as she took in her friends now apparently lifeless body. Nathan pushed past Brooke and carried Peyton down the stairs.

"GET UP, CALL LUCAS, AND LET'S GO!" he screamed as he continued down the stairs. Brooke forced her legs to move as she grabbed her cell and dialed Lucas number. She pressed the phone to here ear and waited but she heard nothing. She called again and it went through.

"Hey.."

"Lucas you have…" the brunette began but she was soon cut off.

"This is Luke, sorry I can't take your call right now, but leave a message and I'll get back to you."

"Damn it" Brooke muttered as she flipped her phone shut. "Nathan his phone isn't on" Her voice cracked as she followed him out the house. Nathan wasn't thinking about anything other then getting Peyton to the hospital, he didn't even realize Brooke was talking to him until she grabbed his arm.

"Nathan…Lucas's phone is off" Brooke couldn't think and she needed Nathan to tell her what to do. Things had been starting to get to her lately and now she was falling apart at the seams. She was usually able to keep herself together in crisis but the thought of losing Peyton but her emotions in overdrive. She couldn't function, she was barley able to keep herself standing. All Brooke wanted to do was collapse to the ground and cry.

"Go get Lucas, Brooke, I have to get her to the hospital." Nathan said as he gently laid Peyton in the passenger seat of his car and sat in the driver's seat. He looked at Brooke and stepped out the car. Nathan hated to waste time but he knew that Brooke would stand in that same place for God knows how long if he didn't get her to move. He wrapped Brooke in his arms and cradled her head. "She's gunna be fine, she's Peyton, she's always okay?" He tried to smile for the disheveled brunette as he held her at arms length. "Right now though I need to get to the hospital and I need you to go get Luke and bring him there, alright. Can you do that for me?" He watched as the brunette slowly nodded her head before he got back in the car and drove off towards the hospital.

As Nathan sped in one direction Brooke ran in the other hoping that Lucas was where she left him. In about ten minutes Brooke had finally gotten to the park and to her relief Lucas was still sitting by the lake. He stood up when he saw her running towards him. He looked at her in confusion but when she stopped he could see her tearstained cheeks and he knew something had happened. "Brooke…"

"Lucas we have to get to the hospital, its Peyton" Lucas's fears were confirmed and he didn't need to hear anything else as he ran to his car, Brooke trailing begin him. The minute Brooke closed the passenger door Lucas drove off. He wasn't thinking about anything other then getting to the hospital. Everything that had happened that day was erase from his mind at the moment, all that matter was Peyton and that she was okay. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't feel the tears slipping from his eyes. Brooke was in worse condition then he was. She simply stared out the window at the street before her but she didn't see it. All she could see was her and Peyton.

**Flashback**

"Peyton, where are you" Brooke looked around the corner before actually turning it. "Peyt please don't jump out again, its not funny."

"Yes it is" Brooke spun around on her heel as she heard Peyton's voice behind her. Brooke made her way into her kitchen, where she was sure she had heard the voice coming from. The second she turned the corner she found fudge brownie mix all over her face. She could hear Peyton laughing in front of her as she wiped the chocolate from her eyes. Brooke stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her best friend making sure to rub her hands in Peyton's then dirty blonde curls.

"I love you friend" Brooke chirped as she grabbed the still full bowl of brownie batter.

"I love you too" Peyton said just before she ran away from Brooke. She had seen the bowl moving from the corner of her eye and knew what Brooke was planning. "But I don't think so" Peyton stuck her tongue out as she reached for the bottle of Hershey's syrup that was still on the counter from when they had made Sundays earlier. The blonde pointed the bottle at her friend and squeezed it as hard as she could. She laughed when Brooke dropped the bowl and opened her mouth in shock.

"Ohh you are so dead" The brunette screamed as she ran towards Peyton. Halfway there she found herself sliding across the floor and she soon crashed into Peyton's legs causing the two of them to slide across the floor. The two girls erupted into fits of laughter as they finally came to a stop. Brooke looked at her best friend and gave a devious smiled which Peyton quickly returned. The two girl jumped and with a running start slid across the chocolate covered tiles until the bumped into the fridge.

"Smile girls" they both looked up to see Brooke's mom with a camera. The girls wrapped their arms around each other and grinned as the flash went off. "Now I hope you have just as much fun cleaning all this up." Mrs. Davis said before leaving the room and the two giggling girls. They spent the entire afternoon cleaning up the mess but they enjoyed every minute of it.

**End Flashback**

That was one of the last times Brooke spent time with the real Peyton. It was the weekend before her mother died and it was the last weekend they would make brownies together. Brooke continued to look at the street in front of her getting lost in other memories from when her and Peyton were younger, when things were simple and as far as they could tells their lives would always be as perfect as they felt then.

Peyton opened her eyes and took in her surroundings. She looked over at Nathan and suddenly felt sick. His face was so pale, it was a ghostly white. She had made him look like that, it was her fault he was hurting. She was the reason Haley was mad at him, the reason she was hurt. She was the cause of Lucas's pain and Brooke's. This was why she had never wanted to be a part of Luke's life, all of the torment people were feeling, it was inevitable and she had known that from the beginning. She had gotten rid of all the feelings when she slit her wrist, there was no more pain, but once again she hadn't thought of the after effect. Guilt flooded her again as she turned away from Nathan. All the emotion was coming back, she was causing more pain then she had intended. Before her eyes closed, Peyton used all her strength to push the towel from her hands so that her wrists could cry the crimson tears her eyes wouldn't allow to flow.

**I tried to kill my pain  
But only bought more...so much more  
I lay dying and I'm pouring  
Crimson regret and betrayal  
  
**

Nathan hadn't seen Peyton gain consciousness he had been to focused on the road and his destination. It felt like it was taking forever to get to the hospital but he finally pulled in front of the emergency room. Nathan got out of the car and ran around to get Peyton, it was then that he noticed the towel on the floor. He cursed under his breath as he picked her up and carried her through the automatic doors. "Someone please help me!" He screamed.

**I'm dying, praying  
Bleeding and screaming  
Am I too lost to be saved  
Am I too lost**

One of the nurses at the desk looked up and at the sight of all the blood stood and ran towards one of the empty gurneys. "We need a doctor!" She screamed as Nathan laid Peyton down, the white sheets underneath her quickly turning red. More nurses ran over and wheeled her into an empty examine room, one of them bandaging her wrist as the moved.

**My God, my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation  
My God, my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation**

Nathan tried to follow them but one of the nurse turned around and blocked him "I'm sorry sir but you cant go in there" She looked at him apologetically before rushing back into the room. Nathan stood at the doors looking in through the small glass windows. One of the doctors shoved past him and went through the double doors. For a brief moment Nathan saw Peyton lying lifelessly as they hooked her up to various machines, and then the doors shut and all he could see were the doctor's and nurses' faces.  
  
**Do you remember me  
Lost for so long.  
Will you be on the other side or will you forget me?**

Lucas and Brooke ran thought the front entrance and went over to where Nathan stood. Lucas looked through the small windows but couldn't see anything. So he stood there like his brother, waiting and lost in thought. Brooke slid down against the cold wall still holding on to the memories.  
  
**I'm dying, praying  
Bleeding and screaming  
Am I too lost to be saved  
Am I too lost?**

The brunette buried her head into her knees as she realized that all she had were memories. Peyton wasn't Peyton anymore, she hadn't been for years and she never would be. She was buried somewhere deep inside of herself and she was trapped under lies and confusion. Brooke lived with the memory of her best friend, a memory that would live forever. Peyton had died in the car with her mother and she would only be her again when she had her mother back. The brunette looked over at the two brother's and forced herself to admit what she had known all along. "Lucas do you love her"  
  
**My God, my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation  
My God, my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation**

"What" Lucas was torn from his thoughts from the sudden question.

"Peyton, do you love her. I mean really love her?" the brunette stressed her words as she acquired the attention of both brothers.

"Yes I really love her. I'd do anything for her." Lucas answered and his tears began to fall harder as he waited for Brooke to continue.

"If you love her then let her go." As soon as the words left Brooke's parched lips Nathan looked into the room to find a straight green line stretched across the black screen, and a constant ringing hummed in all their ears.

-Okay the song was My Tourniquet by Evanescence. I know i havent updated in a while but that was really long so hopefully that makes up for it. 


	37. Saved

"Let her go" The brunette repeated as Lucas turned and looked in on the woman he had grown to love more with each passing day. He looked at Brooke and as much as it hurt him he knew she was right. "Whatever's supposed to happen will happen. She's miserable Luke, she's trapped in her own body and their nothing she can do about it. If she really isn't ready to go, if it isn't her time, she'll find her way back to you." Brooke gave a genuine smile before her eyes focused on Nathan. He understood too and she could see it in his eyes.

"I want her to be happy" Lucas said simply as he continued to watch the doctors hover of Peyton lifeless body. "But I can't let her go, I'm not ready to. I love her Brooke and I get what you're saying and I want to let her go but I can't. I'm being selfish and I don't care, I need her Brooke, I really need her." The tears fell harder then before as he looked down at the brunette.

"You don't have to" The both looked at Nathan who had a smile playing on his lip. "She heard you bro, and she's not ready to leave" Lucas turned around to find the monitor revealing that Peyton's heart was beating again.

"I hate those doctors" Brooke muttered under her breath causing the two brothers to look at her in shock. She looked up and glared at them. "They _shouldn't_ have brought her back."

"What?" Nathan looked down at the brunette in disbelief. "That's a hell of a thing to say about your BEST friend Brooke."

"You don't know what it's been like to watch her suffer for the past 8 years. It's not fair to her. No one should have to go through that, especially not Peyton. What the hell has she done to anyone? Okay she played with your heart Luke, and she stabbed me in the back, but guess we're both over that so why is she still suffering. She shouldn't have to suffer." Brooke dropped her head between her knees and cried. "She doesn't deserve this. Things aren't gunna magically get easier for her, eight years of pure hell is enough, God its too much for one person to take. They didn't help her in there by bringing her back. All they did was open up the door for her to feel more pain and I don't want that for her. If I could take all the damn torment from her I would but I can't. I can't help her, I want to and try to but nothing will ever help her." Brooke hugged her knees as she broke down into more tears.

Lucas turned and looked into the room. "I love you, so I'm letting you go" he whispered as he placed his hands on the glass and gave one last look into the room before turning and walking down the hall. Nathan looked back and forth between the three people around him, until he focused on Peyton. As far as he was concerned Peyton had come back and Brooke had even said herself that if Peyton wasn't ready to go she would find her way back and she had found her way back. He couldn't understand why Lucas was just given up. Just a minute ago he had said he couldn't let her and now that she was gunna be okay he was letting go. None of it made any sense to the younger Scott.

Lucas walked outside the doors and let the warm air surround him. He had taken in everything Brooke said and her words only continued to ring through her head. He had been in pain for the past month and he already wanted to burry him self in a deep dark hole where no one could find him. Peyton had been in pain for eight years and to top it off she had lost not only her son but her mother. He couldn't imagine what that had to be like for her and for the first time he really understood how she managed to shut herself down. He understood why her walls never came down. There was normal pain and then there was the pain you feel when you lose someone you love. When Lucas lost his son he had shut down himself, he didn't want to deal with any of it. The pain he felt everyday was unbearable and he could only wish that he was like Peyton, the he didn't feel any of it. But he couldn't make any of it go away like Peyton had and he couldn't figure it out until now, until he realized jut how much pain she was in.

"Luke, I've been looking for you" the blonde looked up to find Haley walking over to him. He hadn't realized that he left the hospital and was now walking around the block.

"Hey Hales what's up." Lucas asked still not really paying attention. All eh could think about was Peyton being happy. He was willing to do anything to make her happy, even if that meant letting her go.

"I need to get my mind off things and I wanted to know if you wanted to have one of our traditional movie nights." Haley said with forced cheeriness. She didn't want to think about Nathan, she didn't want to cry over him and that was all she had been doing.

"I can't Hales. I have to stay with Peyton, she needs me." Lucas said as he began to turn around and head back to the hospital. Peyton had come back to him and he wanted to be there. Him abandoning her would only bring more pain and he wasn't trying to do that.

"Well apparently she needed Nathan this morning" the brunette said bluntly in a harsh tone. "Luke, Peyton is taking advantage of this whole thing. I know she couldn't feel before but she can now and she's playing everyone. She went after Nathan, she toyed with him and as far as I'm concerned that means she's not innocent as everyone thinks she is." Lucas looked down at his friend and soon was stuck on her words. He couldn't think straight, his whole day had been one bad things after another. He was hurt that Peyton intentionally cheated on him, she knew what she was doing when she kissed Nathan. He wanted to be mad at her for it but he couldn't be when she was laying in a hospital bed fighting for her life. That's when it hit him. He didn't even know why she was in the hospital, and he didn't know why Nathan was the one who brought her there. The more he thought about it the more Haley's words burned him.

"Hales I still love her though" He couldn't help it, no matter what he did or what she did he would always love her, nothing would ever change how he felt about her.

"Were best friends and nothing can ever come between us, no one will ever know you like I do" she leaned up and kissed him gently. Without thinking about it he kissed her back, but he pulled away seconds later. She wasn't Peyton, she didn't taste the way Peyton did and she make him feel the way Peyton did. She just wasn't Peyton Sawyer, no one would ever be Peyton except for Peyton.

"Haley I'm sorry, Peyton needs me" Lucas turned and walked back into the hospital parking lot leaving Haley with tears in her eyes.

"Luke, I thought you were going to see Peyton" Haley questioned in a weak voice as she watched him walk towards the emergency entrance to the hospital.

"I am going to see…" That was when her realized Haley knew even less about the situation then he did. "Hales…Peyton is in the hospital, she had to be rushed to the emergency room." Lucas said as he watched the shocked look cascade over Haley's face.

"Why" Haley asked her voice even smaller. She now felt guilty about what she said about Peyton and about kissing Lucas. She had felt so lonely and her heart had been broken. She was always able to depend on Lucas and he always made her feel safe. She wanted comfort and she wanted to believe that everything would be okay but Lucas wasn't looking for the same kind of comfort she was and she felt lonelier then ever.

"That's what I have to figure out." Lucas said quietly as he turned and walked towards the ER again. He could here the click of Haley's heels behind him before the automatic doors opened. The brunette was soon by his side and they entered the hospital together.

"Sir you were here for Miss. Sawyer right" The nurse asked as he passed by her desk. The two stopped walking and turned to look at her, suddenly scared as he realized Nathan and Brooke weren't where he left them.

"Yes." He answered nervously.

"She's been moved to 214." The nurse informed them before looking back down at her work. Lucas mumbled a thank you before leaving for the elevator.

"Luke she'll be fine, they moved her out of ER which means that she's okay." Haley said with a forced smile as she looked at her best friend's tense form.

"I don't' even know why she was brought here Haley. Brooke just told me we had to go to the hospital because Peyton was here. What if being stable means nothing? I don't have a damn clue what's going on" Lucas leaned over and pushed the button for the elevator and to his relief the doors opened immediately, and they walked in. The ride up was short but the tension between the two made it seem like forever.

Nathan sat in a chair by Peyton's bed trying to think of something to say. The doctor had told him that she might be able to hear them but there was no guarantee. He took a deep breath and reached for the blonde's hand. He shuddered when he felt how cold she was. He looked up at her face and felt a tear slide down his cheek. Her skin was pale with a blue tint which matched her lips and her veins were visible. Brooke hadn't been able to donate blood but Nathan did, in fact, he had snuck and given blood twice. He gave Peyton's hand a light squeeze as he inhaled deeply again.

"Hey you, I'm beginning to think you like it here." He forced a nervous laugh before he continued. "Pey…I guess I'm sorry, but to be honest I don't know. Everything is just a mess right now. This morning…I should have stopped it from happening and I guess I don't want you to feel like any of this was your fault because it wasn't." Nathan ran his thumb over the bandage on her wrists as he shook his head. "Why would you do this Pey, Brooke tried explaining but I just don't get what pushed you so far. I remember the first day of middle school. You used to be more energetic then Brooke. All you did was smile and laugh all day, but you were never an air head. God...Pey you used to look on the bright side of everything, you were miss optimistic. We weren't close but I still noticed when you changed, I think everyone did. It was the middle of the year and you and Brooke were out for a week and when you came back you just never smiled anymore. Somewhere down the line I think everyone but Brooke forgot what you used to be like, even me. I keep thinking about what you used to be like and I know you would have never done this and that's why I don't understand it."

Nathan rested his forehead on their entangled hands as more tears escaped his eyes. He couldn't understand anything that was going on, it all just seemed surreal to him. "You know Pey, I never understood how Lucas and Haley could be so close and tell each other they loved each other and mean it. I didn't understand how they could say that and love other people, how they could be so close but not have anything going on between them. I get it now though. I love you when we were going out and I really hope you knew and still know that. I love Haley that way now but I still care about you. Over the last year though I started falling in love with you again but it wasn't the same way I felt before. I didn't wanna just sleep with you or hold you in my arms for the hell of it like I do with Hales. I wanted to hold you in my arms when you cried though, and I got this urge to tell you everything was gunna be alright. I wanted to beat the living shit out of Rick for even thinking about touching you. I guess I started acting like a big brother to you Pey. That's the only way to really explain how I felt when it came to you because I don't even really understand it. But I just know that sometime before you and Lucas got together I started feeling this way. You've become my little sis and you're not getting rid of me.

It might not be the same but I love you Pey and I always will." Nathan kissed her cold hands before leaning back in the chair, their fingers still entangled.

"I love you Pey and I always will" Haley and Lucas stopped walking and Haley stood in front of Peyton's door with her mouth slightly open. She couldn't believe what she just heard the younger Scott brother say. Lucas was also shocked as he looked at Nathan holding Peyton's hand. He was supposed to be doing that and saying those things, not his brother. He was torn form his thought as Haley's voice rang through his head.

"You lying cheating asshole. I can't believe you and to think I actually thought about forgiving you. I figured this was just a hard time for everyone and things just happened out of confusion or something but apparently you enjoyed all of it and your quite content with Peyton. You apparently don't need me Nathan so I don't need you." Haley spun around on her heel and walked briskly down the hall.

"Haley wait, what the hell did I do?" Nathan questioned as he set Peyton's hand down and walked towards the door.

"She heard what you said to Peyton, we both did." Lucas said bitterly as he looked at his younger brother.

"So why are you two so angry about it." He asked not understanding anything. He waited for Lucas to respond hoping he would be able to figure out what he did and how to make it up to Haley.

"You told Peyton you loved her, what the hell do you expect us to feel. Supposedly you love Haley but you love Peyton now too. No shit she's pissed, I am too."

"So she can love you but I can't love Peyton, what kind of shit is that. If that's what you two are so damn pissed about then you're a bunch of damn hypocrites." Nathan was getting angry and frustrated. There was too much going on for him to deal with anything else.

"I don't love Haley like that. I love her like a sister. It's…" Lucas was cut off by the younger Scott.

"Did I not say I loved Peyton as a sister? Damn it Lucas I said she became my little sister and all, what the hell are you pissed off about?" Nathan watched the slightly guilty expression that flashed on his brother's face. "You didn't here any of that did you. All you heard was me say that I loved Peyton and you jumped to fucking conclusions. Nice, real nice." Nathan shoved past his brother and went after Haley.

Lucas watched as Nathan turned the corner before he walked slowly into Peyton's room. He felt his stomach not when he saw how pale she was. He sat in the now unoccupied chair and reached for Peyton's hand. The tears ran quickly down his cheeks as he realized what had happened and why she was in the hospital. He ran his hand over the bandage just as Nathan had earlier. He tired to think of something but there was nothing. He just wanted Peyton out of the hospital. "I love you Peyt" He forced a smiled as he leaned over and kissed her forehead. He couldn't believe how cold she was. He looked back down at her wrist before letting go of her hand. They had tied her arm down to the bed so she couldn't move and he was determined to get it off. He tired to tear the bandage but he couldn't, it was too thick and too tight.

"Sir you can't do that" a nurse said as she walked quickly into the room.

"Oh really…just watch me" Lucas spat as he turned back towards Peyton and started fumbling with the bandage again.

"If you don't stop I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Those bandages are for her own safety and they must stay on." The woman replied slightly aggravated.

"No. The bandages on her wrist are for her own safety. These bandages are so you people can treat her like a damn animal. Where the hell is she gunna go. You think I'm gunna sit here and watch her cut herself. Am I going to sit in the chair and applaud her while she slits her wrist. Think again lady, now take the damn things off her." Lucas turned and glared at the nurse, who only glared back at him.

"Sir I'm going to have to call security if you don't stop"

"GO AHEAD AND CALL FUCKING SECURITY. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. EITHER WAY THE BANDAGES ARE COMING OFF, YOUR GUNNA DO IT OR I'M GUNNA DO IT BUT ITS GUNNA GET DONE. WHERE THE HELL IS SHE GOING, SHES NOT EVEN AWAKE…SHES NOT SLEEPING EITEHR SHES UNCONSICOUS GOD DAMNIT. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THE DAMN THINGS IF SHES NOT CAPABLE OF MOVING!" Lucas waited for the nurse to answer him but instead she walked over to the phone and started to dial.

"Maria put the phone down." The both looked towards the door to find a man standing in the doorway. "Mr. Scott I presume. I'm Dr. Patterson." The man commented as he walked further into the room.

"Your Peyton's doctor?" Lucas questioned as he looked behind him.

"Yes I am. Maria go get me a pair of scissors please." He watched as the nurse reluctantly walked out of the room. "Hospital policy is a little bizarre sometimes, I'm sorry about this. Its just that suicide attempts are not taken lightly, but if she is being monitored at all times there is no reason for brace." The nurse soon returned and cut the cuff from around her forearm.

"Thank you" Lucas muttered before the nurse left. He sat down in the chair again and rubbed her arm where the cuff had been.

"Mr. Scott…"

"Lucas" the blonde corrected the man before he could continue.

"Alright, Lucas…I read over Peyton's medical history and it says that she had a miscarriage a couple of months ago and that she emotionally shut down a short time after." Dr. Patterson looked at Lucas as he awaited a response.

"That's right and to answer the question I know is coming yes she's started feeling again." Lucas was a bit agitated. He didn't want to talk to any doctors. He just wanted to sit by Peyton's side and hold her hand until she woke up.

"Lucas I know this is tiresome but I have to ask the questions. I'm sorry but if I can just get this done I'll be out of your way." He looked down at the blonde and continued after Luke nodded his head. "Do you know what would have caused her to want to end her life"

"She started feeling again and it was too much to handle" Lucas didn't know if that was true but it sounded good and he figured it would get the doctor to leave sooner.

"Last question, has she ever tried to commit suicide before?" The doctor watched as Lucas cringed slightly and he knew the answer. "Why isn't it in her history?"

"Because she was never brought into the hospital, it was years ago." Lucas looked down at the floor as he spoke. He didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment and he definitely didn't want to talk about Peyton trying to end her life.

"Alright, I'll leave you guys alone now and I'll be back to check on things later." Dr. Patterson nodded at Lucas before walking out the door and closing it behind him. Lucas pulled Peyton's cold hand towards him and kissed it gently before resting his head on her knuckles. The blonde inhaled deeply as he listened to the constant steady beeping in the background. Tears fell silently from his eyes as he rocked back and forth. As the door creaked open he couldn't manage to life his head at first but he slowly turned his neck.

"Brooke, where did you go" Lucas asked as the brunette closed the door behind her and leaned against the wood.

"I walked around the halls for a bit, I couldn't come in here." She forced a smile as she looked over at her best friend's body lying helplessly on the bed.

"She should be fine" Lucas reassured her as he watched tears pour from her red eyes and slide down her puffy cheeks.

"No she won't, not for a long time, if ever." Brooke dropped her neck to the side as she wore the same forced smile. She bit her bottom lip and laid her hands over her nose. The tears fell harder as her shoulders hunched forward and shook. Brooke toyed with her hands as she held them near her chest. "Lucas I just want her to be okay, I want her to be happy. I don't want her to be in pain anymore. I just don't want her to hate me." Brooke's voice cracked as she spoke to the blonde in front of her.

"Brooke she's not gunna hate you. I don't think Peyton could ever hate you" Lucas informed her but she only cried harder.

"I'm so happy Lucas; I don't think I've ever felt this happy. But at the same time I've never been this upset, I've never felt this guilty." The brunette toyed with her bottom lip again.

"Why are you happy Brooke, I don't see anything to be happy about." He inquired. He didn't know how she could be happy with everything that was going on, it was just another thing that didn't make any sense to him at the moment.

"Lucas last week I found out I was pregnant. You're the first person I've told. I was going to tell Peyton this morning but then all this stuff happened with her and Nathan and then this. Everything has just been a mess all day. I'm happy to be pregnant, I don't know why but I just am. But how is Peyton gunna be able to stand being around me. I don't wanna lose my best friend again but I don't want her to have to watch me have get her wish."

"Brooke you can't feel bad about this. You should be happy that you're pregnant and I think your gunna make a great mom. Peyton won't hate you because of this trust me. It might be hard for her sometimes but she'll be happy Brooke. You know she wouldn't want you thinking like that. She'd want you to go tell Charlie and then go out and celebrate. Congratulations Brooke, this isn't something to keep you down and make you depressed and guilty. Its something to make you happy so don't feel bad about it." Lucas gave a genuine smile in the brunette direction and was glad to see that she returned the gesture.

"So I'm gunna be an auntie" Lucas turned to find a semi smiling Peyton looking back at him and Brooke. He leaned down and kissed her gently before burying his face into her neck.

"Yea you are" Brooke said as she walked slowly towards the bed. As Lucas sat up the brunette bent down and wrapped her arms around her friend as best she could.

"I think you were given instructions. They told you to do something along the lines of telling Charlie." The blonde looked back at the smiling brunette and did her best to smile but she couldn't find the energy. She had never felt that weak before as she watched Brooke nod her head and smile once more before slowly leaving the room. "Hey" she said quietly as the room door shut.

"Hey you." Lucas smiled down at her as he spoke. He was thrilled that she had woken up so soon. "How are you feeling?" he asked quietly.

"Cold" she answered with a slight laugh. Lucas just smiled before standing up and pulling the blanket down so that he could climb into the small bed with her. He pulled the cover back over their bodies and wrapped his arm around her slender waist. The two laid like that for the next hour before they both fell asleep.


	38. Just Another Show

"Haley" Nathan questioned as he looked over at a bench near the front entrance of the hospital. The brunette looked up at him and then looked back at the ground. "Haley I've been looking all over this damn hospital for you for the last hour." Nathan walked closer to her and hoped that she wouldn't run away. When she stayed where she was he went over and sat next to her.

"I heard what you said to Lucas." Haley said calmly without looking up.

"I'm glad you did. Haley about this morning all I can really say is that I'm sorry. I can't really explain what I was feeling and I know that's not what you wanna hear. But Hales, I just got so caught up in everything that was going on and it was like a glimpse of her was showing and I guess I was just afraid she would slip away again. I don't know if that makes any sense or if you believe me but its all I can think of. I know that sorry wont fix anything, but I am sorry Hales. I love you and I just need you to know that." Nathan looked over at the brunette who hadn't looked up.

"Nathan I know your sorry but that doesn't make me feel any better. You cheated on me Nathan." Haley looked up and Nathan's heart broke as he saw the tears pouring from her eyes.

"Haley…" he began but he didn't have anything to say other then sorry and he knew that was only gunna make things worse.

"Look Nathan just don't okay. I'm just gunna deal with it because Lucas and Peyton don't need us fighting right now. I love you Nate but I don't know where we stand right now." With that Haley got up and walked back into the hospital. She wiped the tears from her cheeks as she made her way back to Peyton's room. As she finally reached the room she looked in through the open door. She watched as Lucas held Peyton close to him with his face hidden in her curls. She wished that she could be that close with Nathan again. "What did you do to us Nate" she whispered as she hung her head down.

"Haley please…what do I need to do for us to get past this?" Nathan pleaded as he came up behind her. He hated himself for causing her pain. He just wanted to hold her in her arms and things to go back to the way they were. They were perfect for each other and he knew that in his heart.

"There's nothing you can do" the brunette whispered as she turned and walked away from him. She refused to turn around because then he would see her tears. She walked out of the hospital and stopped in front of the doors to inhale the fresh air. She couldn't clear her head and she just wanted to collapse right there in the middle of the parking lot. Haley couldn't believe that she kissed Lucas. She didn't even know why she did it. She was thinking about Nathan and then she got angry and upset and the next thing she knew she was kissing him. The wired thing about it was that he kissed her back and that's what she really didn't understand.

Haley ran her thin fingers through her hair and held her head back. 'Why me' was the only thought that invaded her mind as she replayed the day's events in her head. She let out a small cry of frustration before staring her walk home. She decided to take the long way home hoping to clear her head but that didn't seem t be happening Now she wasn't sure if she cared about Lucas or if she had just got caught up in the moment. If she had just gotten caught up in the moment that meat she couldn't be mad at Nathan. Having feelings for Lucas wouldn't be any better though. Then it occurred to her that Nathan didn't know about the kiss. "This day just gets better and better" Haley mumbled as she continued walking.

"Haley" the brunette looked up to find Nathan sitting in front of her house.

"GO AWAY NATHAN" she screamed as she shoved past him and slammed the front door in his face. Haley raced up her steps and immediately collapsed onto her bed. The tears streamed quickly down her flushed cheeks as she buried her face into the soft quilt. She wanted nothing more then to run into Nathan's arms but she couldn't let herself do that, she was determined to stay strong. Her and Nathan had been drifting apart over the last month or so and they both knew it but refused to say anything. She hater the fact that she might now have to face the end of her and Nathan which was something she never wanted to do.

Haley looked up as she heard a fait tapping on her window and there was Nathan staring back at her. She walked over to the window and got ready to shut the curtain but stopped when the youngest Scott held up a piece of paper to the window.

"Darlin' I can't explain. Where did we lose our way? Girl it's driving me insane" The brunette read out loud. She looked at Nathan strangely and watched as held up a new piece of paper.

-And I know I just need one more chance- Haley shook her head and rolled her eyes as he held up another paper.

-To prove my love to you-

-If you come back to me I'll guarantee-

-That I'll never let you go- Haley shook her head again and let the curtain fall form her hand and in front of the window. She pun on her heel and began to walk back to the bed but stopped when she heard Nathan singing from outside.

"Can we go back to the days our love was strong  
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong  
Can somebody tell me how you get things back  
The way they use to be  
Oh God give me a reason  
I'm down on bended knee  
I'll never walk again until you come back to me  
I'm down on bended knee"

Haley opened her curtain again and looked at Nathan with wide eyes. She couldn't believe he was actually hanging on to her window singing in the middle of the night. She glared at him before closing the curtain again but he only sang louder.

"So many nights I dream of you  
Holding my pillow tight  
I know I don't need to be alone  
When I open up my eyes  
To face reality  
Every moment without you  
It seems like eternity  
I'm begging you, begging you come back to me"

"Nathan shut up" Haley hissed as he threw her window open. "What are you trying to do wake the whole neighborhood up?" she questioned angrily but Nathan merely shrugged.

"If I have to" he commented and to his surprise the brunette slammed her window shut again so he began to sing even louder. He was determined to get Haley back even if he did have to make an ass out of himself.

"Can we go back to the days our love was strong  
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong  
Can somebody tell me how you get things back  
The way they use to be  
Oh God give me a reason  
I'm down on bended knee"

Haley opened her window again and looked down at the man before her. It took everything she had to look at mad at him when all she wanted to do was pull him inside and kiss him. Haley was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't notice Nathan start to come in and when she did it was too late to close the window. The minute he was inside he dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around Haley's waist. "Nathan what the hell are you doing. Get off of me!" she shrieked as she tried to pull away but he just pulled her closer to him.

"I'll never walk again until you come back to me  
I'm down on bended knee"

"Nathan your crazy" Haley yelled as she continued to try and pull away, but her attempts all failed.

"Gonna swallow my pride  
Say I'm sorry  
Stop pointing fingers the blame is on me  
I want a new life  
And I want it with you  
If you feel the same  
Don't ever let it go  
You gotta believe in the spirit of love  
It can heal all things  
We won't hurt any more  
No I don't believe our love's terminal  
I'm down on my knees begging you please  
Come home"

Haley's eyes grew wide and she tired to cover Nathan's mouth as he held the note loudly, but he just kept going.

"Can we go back to the days our love was strong  
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong  
Can somebody tell me how you get things back  
The way they use to be  
Oh God give me a reason  
I'm down on bended knee  
I'll never walk again until you come back to me  
I'm down on bended knee"

"Nathan will you stop it" Haley hissed yet again but he just looked up at her. She looked into his eyes and couldn't stay mad when she saw the tears he was trying to hold back. Haley dropped down to her knees and wrapped Nathan in her arms.

"Wanna build a new life  
Just you and me  
Gonna make you my wife  
Raise a family"

Haley pulled back and looked at him after he spoke the words quietly. "Nathan…this…us" she didn't know what to say to him so she just buried her face into his neck again.

"Marry me Haley" The brunette pulled back quickly and looked at the boy in front of her.

"What did you just say?" She asked in disbelief

"Marry me. I know it sounds crazy and I know we're young but I love you Haley. I cant see myself with anyone else I wanna marry you. " Nathan said as the tear finally spilled from his eyes.

"Nate…" She didn't know what to say. She never thought she would debate saying no but her she was contemplating her answer.

"Haley do you love me?" he asked nervously.

"Yes I do but that doesn't mean I'm ready to get married to you. You just cheated on me Nathan and I'm supposed to accept some crazy proposal from you in the same day." Haley went to stand up but Nathan grabbed her arm and pulled her back down. Her kissed her gently and before she knew it she as kissing him back. Haley wrapped her arms around his neck and they fell back onto her floor. Nathan pulled back, both of them breathing heavily.

"Marry me" he repeated calmly as he looked into her eyes. Haley's jaw trembled as she gazed back at him unsure of what to say. "Marry me" he said again.

"Nate I…" Haley closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. A small smile soon played on her lips as she lightly nodded her head. She opened her eyes to see Nathan smiling back at her and she immediately leaned up and kissed him.

Peyton woke up to feel the warmth of Lucas's breath beating down on her neck. She didn't feel all tingly inside though, she just felt warm. She had been hoping that when she woke up she would be able to feel again, that things would be back to normal but she had no such luck. Peyton slipped from under his arm and placed her feet on the floor. She sat up carefully so not to wake Lucas but almost passed out. The blonde leaned her head down and took in deep breaths trying to calm herself down. After a minute she stood from the bed and walked towards the door, pulling the IV stand with her. She wanted fresh air, it had always made her relax and that's what she wanted to do at that moment. As the blonde continued to walk she quickly grew more and more tired, but she pushed her legs to carry her forward. She closed her eyes hoping to make her head stop spinning but her breathing got harder and when she opened her eyes she was on the floor, her legs crumpled beneath her. Peyton continued to gasp fro breath as she felt her entire body shake. The entire room was spinning around her and no matter how she tried she couldn't focus her eyes. She shudder as she felt a warm hand on her shoulder.

"Hey…come here" Lucas said gently as he pulled her into his arms. He held her tight and rocked back and forth until she stopped shaking. Peyton closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest, breathing in the scent of his cologne.

"Miss Sawyer I'm afraid you won't be walking for a little while" Lucas looked up to find the doctor standing in the doorway. Peyton attempted to lift her head but immediately leaned on Lucas when everything started spinning. "You lost quite a lot of blood this evening and tomorrow will be the earliest that your circulation will be going smoothly. Until then I suggested you stay in bed and build up your energy." The doctor smiled and turned to go down the hall as one of the nurses called his name.

"Let's get you back in bed" Lucas whispered into her hair as he kissed the top of her head lightly. He stood up with Peyton in his arms and gently laid her back in the bed and pulled the covers up over her. She was still pale but her color was slowly coming back. Lucas pulled the chair back up to the bed and sat down, holding Peyton's small hand in his. "I love you" he whispered as her eyes slowly closed and sleep overtook her. Lucas laid back in the chair and watched the pale girl sleep through the night. He couldn't fall asleep so he just watched over her making sure she was alright.

"Knock knock" Lucas turned his neck to see Brooke sticking her head in the room. It was only eight o'clock in the morning but it didn't surprise Lucas that she was there.

"Hey…come in" he said quietly as not to wake Peyton. Brooke tiptoed into the room holding a shopping bad in one hand and balancing flowers and balloons in the other.

"I come bearing gifts" the brunette whispered with a warm smile on her face as she set the bags down on the night stand. "How's she doing?" She asked her smiling fading slightly.

"Well the nurse that came in earlier said that she's gunna be fine and that she should be out of here today." He stroked the top of Peyton's head as he spoke.

"Did they try to get you to put her in therapy?" Brooke had a slight edge in her voice as she looked through the shopping bad.

"Yeah but since she's over 18 they can't make her go and I turned them down."

"Good" she said with relief. Brooke dug through the bag some more before pulling out a pair of low rise jeans and a red tank top. "Now she has clothes to wear when she gets out of here." Brooke chirped as she smiled giddily and waved the new clothing in front of Lucas. The blonde laughed at the energetic girl before him. Ever since Peyton had given her blessing about the pregnancy Brooke had been ecstatic.

"You were just waiting for an excuse to go shopping" Peyton joked as she opened her eyes and smiled at the brunette.

"Hey you, how ya' feeling" Brooke set the clothes back in the bag and stepped closer to the bed.

"I'm okay but I really wanna go home" the blonde complained as she turned her head to look out the window.

"I thought you liked being in the hospital" Brooke teased as Peyton turned back to face her and roll her eyes. The brunette just laughed and shook her head. "So anyway are you up for shopping tomorrow?" she raised and eye brow as she awaited the response.

"I was just gunna stay home with Luke tomorrow." The blonde began.

"So broody can come with us and carry some bags." She winked at Lucas and he just groaned.

"Fine by me, as long as you don't buy out the entire mall." Lucas shook his head and turned to look at Peyton.

"So I guess it's a date." Peyton smiled up at Brooke before turning to look out the window again. She really wanted to get out of the hospital. She hated being there, it brought back nothing but bad memories. She snapped her neck around when she felt Lucas squeeze her hand.

"You'll be out of here soon." He reassured her as he leaned down and kissed her gently. She smiled back at him as he kissed her forehead. The three of them spent the rest of the day making small talk and joking about all the stuff they did in high school. Time went by quickly for Lucas and Brooke but it couldn't have gone slower for Peyton. When the nurse finally came in to take here off the IV and blood transfusion Peyton was ready to jump out the bed and run home. She just wanted to be in her own clothes and in her own bed. When she tried to stand up she felt almost as dizzy as she head the night before so Lucas helped her get dressed. He and Brooke also helped the blonde walk out to Luke's car.

"Ready to go home?" Lucas asked as he started the car. She nodded eagerly as the pulled out of the parking lot and headed to Peyton's house, with Brooke behind them. The two didn't talk during the ride and Peyton just stared out the window getting lost in thoughts and memories. She didn't know what she was feeling but she knew it was something she didn't like. She had fist felt it when Brooke said she was pregnant and it went away, but came back as soon as she saw the brunette again. Peyton wasn't jealous but seeing Brooke made her upset, she kept a smile on her face though because she didn't want anyone to hover over her. She just wanted everyone to believe that things were okay again.

Lucas turned into Peyton's driveway and shut off the car just as Brooke pulled up beside them. Peyton pushed the car door open and stepped out slowly. Brooke and Lucas came over to help her up but she waved them off. "I can do it" She said with a small laugh before pulling herself out of the car. She move slower then usual but she made it into her house. "I can't do those" She turned to Lucas after gesturing to the stairs in front of her. He laughed as he picked her up and walked up the stairs. He carried her into her room and laid her down on the bed. "Thank you" she cooed as she kissed him on the cheek.

Lucas smiled down as her as he held himself up on his arms. Things were really looking up at the moment and he couldn't be happier about it. He had been getting more and more worried about Peyton as she continued to shut down but now she was heading in the right direction. She was smiling again and although he knew she wasn't really happy he was satisfied with a smile. He didn't know what would make Peyton happy again but as long as she wasn't suffering and in an immense amount of pain things were okay.

Brooke watched the interaction between the two and it caused her stomach to fall, but she remained smiling. She knew the smile that was on Peyton's face and it was an empty one. It was all an act and it was good enough to fool everyone. It would have fooled Brooke too, but she had seen it all before and she didn't want to see it again.

"Lucas can pass me the remote for my stereo" Peyton asked as she made herself comfortable on the bed. Lucas retrieved her remote and handed it to her before taking a seat by her side.

"So what are we listening to P Sawyer?" Brookes sat on the floor and leaned against the bed as she waited for an answer.

"I figured the radio would suffice. I don't even know what I have in my CD player." Peyton laughed lightly as she skimmed the stations.

"Ohhh Peyt I love this song" Brooke chirped as Peyton stopped on Maroon 5's 'This Love'. The brunette hummed along to the song and sang the chorus causing the two blondes to laugh. A few minutes later Lucas cell phone rang and Haley's name flashed across the screen.

"Hello" he said as he put the phone to his ear. "Ohh… okay… no its fine, really…Haley I don't mind…okay I'll see ya' in a few…okay bye." Lucas ended the call before turning towards Peyton and kissing her gently.

"What's up" she asked nonchalantly after they broke the kiss.

"That was Hales, she said my mom wasn't feeling good so she went home early and called Haley to take over. Haley said there are a lot of people there and she needs help so I told her I'd go over there." He lifted himself from the bed and then turned to face Peyton again.

"I'll go with you…I don't mind helping." Peyton got ready to sit up but Lucas held his hand up and shook his head.

"No its fine, and I want you to get your rest. After I close up the café I'm gunna go check on my mom so I'll be back here early in the morning." Lucas informed her before planting a kiss on her forehead and then on her lips. "Love you and I'll see you first thing tomorrow."

"Alight, I'll see you in the morning" Peyton said smiling up at him. Both Brooke and Lucas noticed that she didn't return the 'I love you' but neither brought it up. Peyton had wanted to tell him that she loved him, but she didn't love him. She felt her stomach begin to knot as an increasingly familiar urge ran through her veins. She watched Lucas walk out of her room and she sat up as she heard the front door close. She quickly brought her hand up to her head as the room started spinning.

"Peyton are you okay" Brooke looked at the blonde with concern written all over her face.

"Yea I just need some Aleve or something." Peyton said as she pulled herself to her feet, her hand still to her head.

"Sit down, I'll get it" Brooke said as she too stood up.

"No its fine. I have to go the bathroom anyway and its right there, in the same room. I'll make it Brooke." Peyton gave a small laugh as she started walking to the bathroom. The dizziness slowly subsided and by the time she closed the bathroom door it was completely gone. Brooke grabbed Peyton's CD case off the computer desk before sitting on the edge of the bed. She heard the toilet flush before the water started running. She listened as the medicine cabinet opened and then closed again a minute later. The water shut off a minute later and Brooke was relieved to see the bathroom door open.

"Better" Brooke asked as Peyton made her way back over to the bed. She watched the blonde nod her head as she laid back down. "Good" the brunette responded as she laid back next to Peyton.

"So you never told me what Charlie said about the baby…" Peyton turned her head to look over at Brooke who got a smile on her face.

"He was just as happy as me, which is a really good thing because I almost made myself sick thinking about what would happen if he wasn't happy about this." Brooke immediately regretted saying that but it was too late. She didn't know if Peyton really wanted to hear about her pregnancy and she didn't want her to be the least bit uncomfortable. Brooke was relieved when Peyton laughed and shook her head in amusement.

"Its gunna be a lot of work but I'm sure you two will enjoy every minute of it, I know I did…" Peyton let the sentence hang and Brooke noticed the distant look that appeared in her eyes. The brunette's smile faded as she watched her best friend. Peyton saw this and quickly restored her smile. "Just wait till you start gaining weight…then your really gunna love it!" the blonde said sarcastically hoping to break the tension that had suddenly filled the room.

"Uhhhg! Don't remind me…that has to be the only thing I'm not looking forward to." The brunette rolled her eyes in mock frustration causing the blonde to laugh.

"Don't' worry, it'll be winter by the time you start to show so you don't have to worry about not being able to wear your lingerie turned clothing." Brooke grabbed a pillow from the top of the bed and hit Peyton with it. The blonde just laughed and Brooke expected her to snatch the pillow and hit her back, but that didn't happen. Brooke shrugged it off and just figure she didn't have the energy. Brooke sat up and crawled to the top of the bed. She pulled the covers down and slid under while holding the other end up for Peyton who followed her lead and crawled under the covers as well.

"Goodnight Peyt" Brooke said quietly as she made herself more comfortable.

"Night" Peyton replied as she closed her eyes and hoped to fall asleep quickly, instead of staying up thinking about things and making herself miserable. Both girl fell asleep within the next hour, letting go of their problems for the moment. Brooke woke up in the middle of the night and as she swung her legs off the side of the bed she saw that it was a little past 3 AM. She wiped the sleep form her eyes before standing up and heading tot eh bathroom.

Brooke had no trouble finding the bathroom in the dark since she had spent so many nights in that room. She closed the door quietly so she wouldn't wake up Peyton and turned on the light. She tucked her hair behind her ears and looked around the room and her eyes focused on the counter. Brooke looked closer as the faint red stain in the sink and the barley noticeable drop of blood on the counter. The brunette forgot about using the bathroom as she opened the medicine cabinet over the sink. She looked through the rows but found nothing out of the ordinary. She got ready to close the door but stopped when she took one last glimpse at the top shelf. She couldn't really see up there so she ran her hand along the edge until she felt the sharp, cold blade hit her finger tips. She grasped the blades handle and pulled it down only to discover it was one of Peyton's art tools. Brooke got ready to put the blade back but caught sight of the red spot on her finger. At first she thought she cut herself but then she realized the blood was on the blade and some of it was already dry.

"Damnit" Brooke mutter as she ran her hands through her hair in frustration. She took a deep breath before closing the cabinet and setting the blade down on the counter. Brooke opened the top drawer and saw blood stained tissues and cloths shoved in the back. She bit her lip as she was forced to admit to herself that things were no where near okay.

Brooke opened the bathroom door slowly and looked over at Peyton. She glanced back at the bald and open drawer and realized how much of an act everything was. It was all just another show, it was nothing more then a variety of illusions. Brooke grabbed the phone from the computer desk before heading back in the bathroom and closing the door. The brunette suddenly felt her legs grow weak and she slid down to the floor, her back leaning against the cabinet doors. The tears fell silently from her brown eyes as she dialed the 7 numbers she had known since her junior year of high school.

"Hello…" she whispered into the phone, barley able to find her voice. "I'm sorry, I know its really late, but we have a serious problem…"

"Brooke what's wrong…"

"None of it is real…Peyton's not okay…"

* * *

The song was 'bended knee' by boyz II men 


	39. Shattered Ice

For the first time in two months Peyton Sawyer woke up to an empty house. It was a little past 10 and she had expected Lucas to be there already but he wasn't. She grabbed a note form off her counter as she sat up.  
  
-Sorry I had to check out early. I'll talk to you later...love you much- Brooke-  
  
Peyton crumpled the letter and tossed it into a nearby trash can as she stood and walked into her bathroom. She didn't pay attention to anything while she brushed her teeth, and she had nothing to think about. She splashed cold water onto her face and let the water drip from her chin. Peyton's head snapped around as she heard the phone ring, the only sound to echo through the large house.  
  
"Hello" she mumbled quietly.  
  
"Hey Peyt, I'm sorry I didn't come by this morning..." Lucas began. He was interested in how she would respond, but her voice wouldn't do him any good because he had no way of knowing whether it was anymore than a facade.  
  
"It's okay" her features were void of emotion but Lucas would never know that and it meant that she didn't have to pretend.  
  
"Alright...um anyway Nathan is having a...I guess you could say gathering later on today. Are you up to going?" Lucas wished that her cam was on that way he could see her and her reactions, not that she had any.  
  
"Yeah, okay." She said as she pulled a t-shirt and jeans down from her closet.  
  
"So I'll pick you up in a couple of hours...around 2" he questioned.   
  
"Yeah that sounds good." She hoped he didn't continue the conversation, because she really didn't have anything to say.   
  
"Alright I'll see you then, I love you" She was relieved and she almost hung up the phone but quickly remembered to say goodbye.  
  
"Okay, see you later." She said quickly before hanging up the phone. Lucas heard the click on the other line and shook his head sadly. He now knew that Brooke was right, she hadn't gotten better and she still didn't love him.  
  
"So she's gunna be there?" Lucas nodded his head as he turned and looked at Brooke, who was sitting on the edge do his bed.  
  
"I really hope this works" He said dejectedly as he took a seat next to the brunette.  
  
"So do I" She suddenly found interest in the floor as she thought about what was about to play out that evening and the past that was about to be dug up. Years of working to keep things quiet was about to unravel in a matter of hours, possibly seconds. Brooke knew she wasn't ready for any of that but she continued to remind herself that it was all for Peyton.  
  
"So are you ready for this?" Lucas turned his neck to stare at Brooke and he caught the tears building behind her eyes when she stared back at him.  
  
"I'll never be ready for this...but I think its time things came out in the open. It will probably help both me and Peyton and it will also help you guys understand a few things. At least I hope so..." Brooke looked down at the floor again and then stood. "I guess I'll see you at Nathan's..." Brooke sighed and walked out the back door without a second glance.  
  
"God...I hope I'm ready for this" Lucas closed his eyes and fell back onto his bed with his hands over his face. None of them knew what was going to happen that night. And nobody but Brooke and Peyton knew the things that were going to be exposed.

"Okay, so are you ready for this Brooke" Nathan asked as he sat on the couch next to Haley.  
  
"Look I just want you guys to know that a lot of stuff is probably gunna come out tonight and I'm pre-apologizing if any of it offends or hurts anyone. They all looked to the door as it swung open to reveal a nervous Lucas. Peyton followed him into the apartment. A foreign feeling flowed through her as she watched everyone's eyes set on her and all she wanted to do was turn around and run but Lucas grabbed her hand and smiled at her before guiding her inside. They walked to the unoccupied couch next to Brooke and Charlie and Peyton could feel them all watching her, but she kept her eyes on the ground.  
  
"Hey Peyt...I'm sorry I had to cut out so early this morning" Brooke said trying to break the already lingering tension in the room.  
  
"It's fine" the blonde responded quietly. Lucas sat in the chair and gently pulled Peyton onto his lap. For the first time Peyton looks at the brunette and she can see the worry and guilt that has settled over her features. A far too common urge quickly grows inside the blonde as she watched all the nervous faces. "I have to go to the bathroom" She said as she took one last glance around the room. She attempted to stand but Lucas's grasp around her waist tightened as he pulled her further into his body.  
  
"No you don't" he whispered, unable to keep the doubt out of his mind. He didn't think he was ready for any of this but he wanted to do what was best. He wasn't sure if that was the best option though as he looked at frightened Peyton's face.  
  
"Yes I do" He pulls her down again as she tried to stand for the second time. She gets ready for another attempt but stops when Brooke speaks.  
  
"I can't do this again Peyt, I'm not gunna sit back and watch you hurt yourself." Brooke looked longingly at her best friend who held a mostly blank expression with only freight in her eyes.  
  
"Brooke I'm fine, really, there is nothing for you to worry about." Peyton kept her voice at an even tone in order to seem more believable.  
  
"Stop lying." Brooke had a slight edge in her voice and it was coming form her frustration and worry. Peyton looked at the brunette with a blank stare. "I saw the razor, and I saw the blood. You can deny it all you want but we all know what's going on and we all want you to stop." Brooke waited for a response she knew she wasn't going to get. Peyton just looked towards the carpeted floor. She wanted to defend herself but she didn't have anything to say. She wanted to leave and go home to her bathroom, but Lucas's grip was firm around her slender waist.  
  
"Peyton why are you doing this?" Nathan's concerned voice broke through Peyton's thoughts and she gazed up at him. She didn't have a reason and she therefore didn't have an answer. She wasn't in the mood to try to come up with an answer because she knew that Brooke wouldn't believe her so she just stayed quiet.  
  
"Peyton you can't hold onto everything" She could hear Haley's gentle voice and for some reason it bothered her. She tried to make the feeling go away but as Haley continued talking her aggravation only grew. "Some things from the past are supposed to stay there." Haley looked over at the blonde but Peyton's gaze remained on the floor.  
  
Peyton could feel Lucas's grip loosen around her waist and she decided to steal the opportunity to break away. Before she could get to her feet Lucas had pulled her back down and tightened his grasp. Peyton sighed and felt tears burn her eyes but they wouldn't fall. She didn't want to be in that room anymore and she didn't want everyone staring at her. "Haley's right." Lucas broke through her thoughts. "You've gotta let it go"  
  
For the first time in two months Peyton felt her blood run warm through her veins, but it wasn't pleasant. Peyton stood to her feet only to have Lucas yank her down again. "LET GO OF ME!" she screamed as she stood again and this time she broke free of Luke's grasp. He was too shocked to pull her back down and when she spun on her heel to glare at him the thought of grabbing her arm vanished from his mind. "What do you want me to do? Do you all want me to talk about everything? You want me to be open and discuss my feelings?" Peyton bent her head back before turning to a shocked Brooke. "I know what you want Bo...you want me to talk about my mom because I never have and you think it'll make everything all better."  
  
"I never said that" Brooke mumbled but she knew that part of her was hoping for that. Peyton glared at the brunette and even thought she wanted to stop talking and run away she couldn't.  
  
"You want me to talk about it Brooke. You want me to tell you what's on my mind and why it bother's me so much, why I can't get over it? I was supposed to be in that car, is that what you've waited to hear all these years..." Peyton wanted nothing more then to take those words back but there was nothing she could do.  
  
"Peyton don't say that..." Haley whispered as she held back tears.  
  
"No you don't get it. I was actually supposed to be in that car with her. I was supposed to go to her meeting with her and I was mad so I didn't go. I was supposed to be in the car, I was supposed to be in the accident." Peyton's voice stayed even. She wanted to scream at everyone but she couldn't anymore, either way they all knew she was angry. Peyton shook her head and started towards the front door but Brooke grabbed her arm. The gesture only made the blonde more frustrated and she turned to glare at the brunette.  
  
"Peyton don't go. Stop running away. I know everything is bothering you and I know that the miscarriage didn't make things better but you can't keep that all inside Peyt." Tears began to fall slowly from Brooke's eyes as she pleaded with her best friend. Watching the pain cascade over Brooke's face only enraged Peyton more. She was mad because Brooke could cry and she couldn't, Brooke could feel things. Peyton tore her arm out of the brunette's grasp and let it fall to her side.  
  
"Miscarriages, not miscarriage. I miscarried twice alright. Two times! I think I'm entitled to feel what ever the fuck I wanna feel right so just back off." By the time Peyton realized what she had said it was too late, they had all heard the words and they were all shocked.  
  
"What did you just say..." Nathan said, feeling the need for her to repeat it because he hoped his mind was playing tricks on him.  
  
"Nothing...I didn't say anything..." Peyton turned and walked to the door again but this time it was Nathan who grabbed her arm.  
  
"No you didn't say nothing. In fact you said something pretty damn far form nothing Peyton. Why didn't anyone know you had a miscarriage? When the hell you had the other miscarriage?" Nathan didn't have a clue how to react to any of the things he was hearing, it was all too much. But that wasn't the problem, all he could think about was how hard things must have been for Peyton.  
  
"It was almost a year ago, a little while after I started going out with Rick. I t was the first time he put me in the hospital. When I woke up the doctor told me that I was fine but I had lost the baby. I didn't even know I was pregnant and I guess he could tell from the look on my face. I was 3 months along and it probably took me all of 3 minutes to lose it." Peyton kept her eyes on the ground avoiding Luke's gaze at all cost. They had let their emotions get the best of them one night and ended up in Peyton's bedroom, but Peyton never thought that she was pregnant.  
  
"Excuse me..." Lucas stood from the chair and brushed past Peyton before walking out the door. Peyton looked up in time to see the door close. That was when she first felt it, her heart breaking. The look on his face caused guilt to flood her veins but there was nothing she could do. She never wanted anyone to know about that, especially not Lucas and especially not after her second miscarriage.  
  
Everyone stayed quiet for the next ten minutes because no one knew what to say. The was the last thing any of them expected to hear and they all hoped everything was nothing more than a dream. The silence was broken as the front door slowly opened and closed, but Peyton didn't dare look up. She soon felt warm arms around her and her head rested on his shoulder. Lucas laid his hand on her curls while his other hand stayed wrapped around her back, pulling her as close to him as possible. "I'm so sorry" he whispered as the tears dripped onto her shirt. "You never should've had to do that alone."  
  
"You didn't know" Peyton responded dully. Comforting Lucas was something she knew how to do anymore. Cutting as the only way she knew how to make her pain go away and as soon as that thought entered her head she had the urge to run to the bathroom once again.  
  
"But I still wish I could have been there." Lucas took a step back and looked down into Peyton's blank face. Although she felt the emotion it wasn't strong enough to make her facial expressions change. Brooke looked at the two blondes and as shocked as she was she still had only one question lingering through her mind. It was something she hoped she wouldn't have to worry about because it was just something else to worry about. She wanted to know the answer even if the time wasn't exactly appropriate because there really wasn't ever going to be an appropriate time. After about 5 minutes had passed Brooke forced herself to break the silence.  
  
"Lucas, did she eat yesterday?" Brooke's voice was quiet and she spoke quickly hoping to get it over with. Lucas looked at her strangely as did everyone else, except Peyton, who knew why the question was asked.  
  
"No, why?" Lucas looked back and forth between the two girls but neither of them spoke. Brooke took a deep breath and prepared herself to continue what had been started.  
  
"I'm fine Brooke." Peyton began and she was about to continue but the brunette cut her off.  
  
"This is what you call fine... I know you Peyt and I know what you're doing." Brooke knew she didn't have to say anymore because Peyton understood and everyone else would in due time. Peyton couldn't believe that Brooke was bringing this up, it was something that had always kept secret and now everyone was going to know. She didn't have a way out of it though and she knew that they were all going to find out so she didn't bother trying to hide it and she let her anger take over.  
  
"So what if I don't eat and you do. You just throw it all up anyway." Peyton raised her eyebrow at Brooke who stood there shocked. The shame that briefly lingered over her face was replaced by anger.  
  
"I was bulimic are you happy?" Brooke spat harshly as she rolled her eyes and shook her head. She got ready to leave the room but stopped as Peyton's voice once again echoed through the room.  
  
"No!" Brooke spun around and looked at Peyton in confusion. "You wanna tell everyone my business you can tell them yours too and therefore you forgot to mention that you're a drunk just like you dad." The thought of Brooke's dad sent chills down Peyton's spine but she shoved the feeling away as best she could.  
  
"I am NOTHING like my father" Brooke said defiantly as she stepped closed to the blonde. She was hopping with everything she had that Peyton would let the sore subject go but deep down she knew it was time for things to come out.  
  
"No, you go after people older than you who consent, he took advantage of 12 year olds." Peyton could feel her blood run warm through her veins as the anger radiated through her, but the blonde had never felt so cold. That was one memory that she like in the past and that she hoped would stay there and she hated herself for bringing it back up.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry and guess what...I'm sorry again." Tears fell hard form Brooke's eyes as she stood frozen in her place. "It wasn't just you and you know that. He did it to me too, he did it when you were there and he did it when you weren't. I didn't tell him too and there was nothing I could do Peyton. Nothing is gunna go back and change it no matter how much I wish it would. But it wasn't my fault! Don't' ever compare me to my father because I am nothing like him and I never will be." Brooke still couldn't move even after she finished speaking. She just wanted to disappear as she watched everyone's eyes shift form her to Peyton and then back again.   
  
"I'm a little lost here" Charlie said, breaking his silence for the first time that night. Brooke and Peyton just looked at him but neither one was willing to speak at first but Peyton soon forced herself to speak about things she had buried away long ago.   
  
"A year after my mom died her dad started spending a lot more time around the house and he also started drinking a lot, especially at night. One night he was in the living room sitting in one of the arm chairs and Brooke and I went in there to watch TV. He told us it was alright but only if we sat on his lap. We both laughed and agreed because it was something we used to do when we were younger. Well about an hour later he put his hand on my leg and started asking me how I was doing and he said that he was really sorry about my mom and that if I needed anything I could ask him. I didn't think anything of it but when he didn't take his hand off I started feeling uncomfortable. It got worse when he stared running his hand up and down my leg and each time her would move higher up. Then he just stopped and said it was time we went to bed. I told Brooke about it and she said that he had done that to her a few nights ago and she felt weird too. He kept doing it over the next month to both of us, but he started rubbing our backs and stroking our hair."  
  
"Then one day he just stopped staying home and he would be gone weeks at a time." Brooke said quietly. It was a sore topic for both girls but it was something that felt good to get out. Everyone stayed quite for a long time and Lucas wrapped Peyton tightly in his arm while Charlie did the same for Brooke. The only difference was that Brooke was crying while Peyton just stood there getting lost in unpleasant and unwanted memories. The two best friends avoided eye contact and just remained looking at the floor. It was Haley who broke the uneasy silence.  
  
"Is that when you started cutting" Haley looked at the blonde as she waited for an answer. She didn't really want to ask the question but she hated sitting in silence like that and it was all she could think of to ask.  
  
"No and I don't know why I started so don't ask" the blonde retorted bitterly. She didn't mean to come off that way but she didn't know how to respond to anything anymore.  
  
"Peyton how could you not know why you started..." Brooke said quietly and when she caught the disbelieving look on Peyton's face she regretted asking.  
  
"You tell me Brooke...best friends to the end...we did EVERYTHING together, remember." Brooke closed her eyes and shocked her head in a mix of anger and guilt. She was tired of being open now and she ready to burry everything again, but things just seemed to keep coming out.  
  
"You even did my boyfriend" Brooke had let her anger get the better of her and she wanted to take the cruel words back.  
  
"And you did mine" Brooke looked over at the blonde in shock and confusion.  
  
"What are you talking about" she asked as she raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Summer camp before sophomore year...what you two thought I didn't know" Peyton looked from Brooke to Nathan and they both held the same guilty expression. "I knew the minute we walked into school. I saw the looks you tow gave each other and after I heard the snickers from everyone around me when Nathan and I walked down the hall I out two and two together and got backstabbing cheaters." Peyton had never told anyone she knew about Brooke and Nathan and therefore this was the first time she was lashing out at them. She didn't know that she was so angry about it until now and she felt better now that she had let it all out.  
  
Brooke didn't say anything because she knew here wasn't anything to say, and the same terms applied for Nathan. "So you got pissed off at me and Peyton for going behind your back and you had done the same thing" Lucas inquired as he turned to face the ashamed brunette. Brooke didn't look up at him. She just held her head low as she let the tears fall to the carpet.   
  
SO NOW FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY BROOKE. YOU'RE JUST GOING TO STAND THERE WITH YOUR HEAD DOWN BECAUSE YOU GOT CUAGHT. YOU THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER FIND OUT, THAT YOU COULD JUST WALK ALL OVER ME AND I WOULD NEVER KNOW ABOUT THE SHIT YOU DO BEHIND MY BACK. NO ONE'S PERFECT BROOKE AND EVEYRONE MAKES MISTAKES BUT YOU'RE JSTU A HYPOCIRTE." Peyton rolled her eyes and tore away form Lucas's light hold. She walked out the front door and let it slam behind her.  
  
"Lucas don't go after her yet. Leave her alone for a little while" Brooke looked up at the blonde as he held his hand on the door.  
  
"Why should I leave her alone" Lucas asked as he tried to come up with a reason for not going after her.  
  
"Because she needs at least a little while to herself so that she can sort through some things. She got mad Lucas, she got really really mad and that means she's starting to feel again" Brooke let a small smile play on her lips as she realized that at least one beneficial thing had come out of the evening. Lucas threw his head back and let his hand drop from the door knob as he walked over to the couch he was in before. He let himself feel back into the soft cushions and he prepared himself to go against his heart and wait patiently at Nathan's for the next half hour.

Peyton leaned against her front door as it closed behind her. She took a deep breath but it didn't help her frustration at all. She ran her fingers through her curls before pushing off the door and heading up to her room. Her foot steps seemed to echo in the emptiness of her large house as she ascended her stairs. As she walked into her room she headed straight towards her bed and let her body collapse into the sheets. She was confused and lonely. They all knew about her past now, they knew her secrets and she wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel about that. She rolled over and gazed at the bare ceiling as she continued to feel the tears build behind her eyes, but they still refused to fall.  
  
Peyton titled her head to the side and caught sight of the picture on her desk. It was the one Brooke had taken of her and Lucas at the park. She lifted herself from the bed and walked over to the framed picture. She held it tightly in her hands and stared at the image of Lucas wrapping her tightly in his arms. She remembered how good it felt to be in his arms but she also remembered feeling like something was missing. She set the picture down on the desk as she walked into her bathroom. She had forgotten why she came home but looking at the picture made her remember. It made her long for that sense of comfort that only one thing could provide for her.  
  
Peyton anxiously flung her medicine cabinet door open only to find a note from Brooke saying that everything was gone. Peyton could feel her stomach knot and her breaths grow short as she slammed the cabinet closed. She hurriedly opened the drawers under the sink but there was nothing sharp enough to pierce her skin. She scanned through her art bad but all that was left was her brushes and paints. Brooke had even taken her pencils away, she had gotten rid of everything. The blonde walked back into her room and was about to leave until she spotted another picture. This one was of Lucas kissing her stomach and her crying, but smiling. That was one time when everything was perfect in her life. As Peyton continued to stare at the picture she wished she could get that feeling of completeness back. She picked the picture up as she continued to look at it. She closed her eyes as memories flooded her mind. Her eyes quickly opened as her heart rate increased and she felt happy. The feeling was amazing as he radiated though her body. She wanted to be in Lucas's arms and feel him against her but the feeling was suddenly gone within seconds.  
  
Peyton screamed as she closed her eye's and felt her throat continue to constrict and the tears burned her eyes. She threw the picture against the wall and spun on her heel to walk out the door and go find a razor. She needed to feel something, she wanted security and she didn't know any other way to achieve the sensation. She stopped however when she heard the frame fall to the floor, but more specifically the glass that shattered and fell to the floor as well. The blonde turned back around and looked down at the ground and she took in all the broken pieces of sharp glass. She stepped back into the room and bent down towards the floor. She reached for the nearest piece and gripped it tightly in her hands. She examined the glass briefly before pressing it against her wrist.  
  
"Don't do it." Peyton snapped her neck around to see Lucas standing in her doorway with a pleading look on his face. He walked over to her and placed his hand over hers as he bent down. "Please don't do it Peyton." He whispered as he slipped the glass from between her fingers. He hated seeing Peyton that miserable and confused and even more, he hated not being able to do anything about it. Peyton interrupted his thoughts as she tried to reach for the glass that he had taken away from her. She didn't care if he saw her anymore, she just wanted to cut. Lucas dropped the glass on the floor and grabbed her wrists before she could reach for another piece.  
  
"GET OFF OF ME!" she screamed as she tired to tear her hands away but his grip was too strong. She continued trying until she just gave up, and he held her hands between their chests. Peyton looked up into his blue eyes as her body began to tremble. She bent her head to the side slightly but her eyes stayed on Lucas. She couldn't see anything because of the water that now blurred her vision. Peyton just wanted to cry but she still couldn't. Lucas closed his eyes as he wrapped her tightly in his arms and ran his hands through her hair. Peyton closed her eyes as she snaked her hands under his arms and latched onto his shoulders. Her head found comfort on his chest and Lucas only held her tighter. Peyton kept her eyes hut tightly and when she finally opened them she could taste the salt on her lips. Lucas could feel the moisture seeping through his shirt and soon he was shedding his own tears. Two blondes rocked back and forth in the center of the room, both in tears as they held each other.


	40. Show Me Love

Lucas continued to stroke Peyton's back in an attempt to comfort her but it didn't do anything for her. Peyton let the warm tears pour from her eyes and all she could feel was a sense of relief. That wasn't what she was hoping for though, what she wanted was to feel that happiness again. Aggravation ran through her causing the tears to fall harder. Peyton pulled away from Lucas and his eyes grabbed hold of her. She wanted nothing more then to feel that fire burning inside her, driving her mind and body insane. But there was no fire to burn behind her eyes and no heat to radiate form her body, it was all gone.  
  
Lucas watched her and she seemed to look right through him. He watched as the tears suddenly yielded and the blonde in front of him blinked back the stinging pain in her eyes. She looked at him intently, silently begging him to save her and make her feel whole. Lucas used his thumbs to wipe away the water from under her bright red eyes. "Lucas..." he could barley hear her as she spoke in a childlike voice, worried and unsure. His eyes connected with hers confirming that he heard her. "I don't want this anymore" She tore her head out of his hands as a single tear slipped from her eyes and traveled down her pale cheeks and she gazed down at her floor.  
  
"You don't have to" Lucas placed his hand under her chin and lifted her head back up. She looked at him briefly and he could see the guilt she harbored inside of her. He instinctively leaned in and kissed her softly, letting his lips linger dangerously close to hers after he pulled away. He waited for her response and he welcomed the gentle kiss she supplied him with moment later. AS she pulled away her eyes lingered on the floor again, leaving Lucas confused.  
  
"Why can't I feel it? Why can't I have any of it back?" She question in and hushed voice. "I can remember it all but that's all it ever is, a memory. I want more then that, and I can't find it." She looked into his face and saw the hurt he held buried behind blue eyes. She was partially the cause for that pain, he was hurting simply because she was. She wanted that, she wanted to feel pain because Lucas did. "I remember the way you taste and what it was like to be in your arm and feel pure bliss. I know what it was like to feel my heart race from the simplest of things, from words just because you said them a certain way. I know how it felt but I can't feel it now. No matter what I do I can't get any of it back Lucas. I wanna know what its like to be in love again. I see the way Haley and Nathan look at each other and you look at me the same way, but I don't. It used to give me the most amazing feeling in the world just looking into your eyes and now there's nothing."  
  
Peyton looked completely defeated as she drooped her shoulders and closed her eyes. She felt Lucas lips on hers and his tongue danced along the edge of her thin lips. She soon found her back pressed against the carpet and she opened her mouth accepting his invitation. His tongue traced her bottom lip and slipped slowly into her mouth before he hoisted himself up on his arms and broke the kiss. Peyton opened her eyes but closed them again as she felt his warm breath along her neck. She could feel his lips lightly skim her skin but never actually touch her. Her hands snaked around his neck but before she could pull him further down he pulled away from her grasp causing her to grow frustrated. He leaned on his knees and grabbed her wrists, pinning them to the floor above her head and preventing her from attempting to pull him down again. He let his hands slide gently down her arm and her arms slowly slid back down to her sides and the remained staring into each other's eyes the entire time. Lucas's hands traced the curve of her stomach and his head soon rested next to hers as he took in the intoxicating scent of her hair. He leaned closer to her ear, his breath growing gradually heavier. "You can't make yourself fall in love, but you can't stop it either. It just happens, and you can't control it."  
  
Lucas pushed himself off of Peyton and stood next to her. She sat up and gazed up at him not understanding how he could make her sick with anticipation and then just get up. Lucas reached for her hand and she accepted it, hoping for some kind of explanation. He pulled her into him and trailed kisses along her neck as she threw her head back in a new sense of pleasure. "I love you Peyton, and I will never stop loving. You'll have my heart until the day I die and even then you'll still have me. I'll be there for you as long as you'll let me and if you ever let me go, I'll still be there for you. I will always be watching over you and I'll always be there to keep you safe. I don't need you to love me back, all I need is for you to trust me and know that I'm there. All I ask of you is to know that I always have a shoulder available for you to cry on and if you just need someone to sit there with you I can be that person too. You don't have to talk to me if you don't' want to but I'm always there to listen. You have my heart Peyton and all I can do is wait for the day when I have yours." Lucas pulled back and kissed Peyton lightly on the lips. As he broke the kiss his eyes lingered on her momentarily before he turned and walked towards the door.  
  
Seconds later Lucas felt Peyton's lips pressed against his and her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck. His own arms soon wrapped themselves around her waist and pulled her closer to him. Peyton pulled back and Lucas watched as tears fell slowly form her eyes. "You have my heart Lucas. You have all of me and right now that scares me but it doesn't matter. I came to the edge of a cliff and at the bottom was you and I just jumped but I don't know what happens now. What happens after I've fallen? What happens when I place my heart in your hands and I give you everything I can? I don't know the answers but I'm willing to take the chance because it feels right." Peyton leaned in and kissed Lucas again. "I love you Lucas and right now that all that matters to me. The sky could come crashing down tomorrow and I wouldn't care because I found you and I know what it feels like to be in love with you and as long as I have that I'll be okay." The tears continued to fall from her hazel eyes but they were filled with happiness just as she was.   
  
Lucas smiled down at her and he leaned down and kissed her passionately. He stepped forwards and Peyton felt as if she were floating as she felt herself moving backwards. The two blondes fell back onto the bed and Lucas rolled onto his back, pulling Peyton as close to him as possible. As she sat upright he lifted her shirt over her head and she immediately brought their lips back together and they both gave into their desires.

Lucas woke up late that night to find an empty space beside him. He looked around but he didn't' see Peyton anywhere. "Peyton" he called out as he pulled his boxers over his bare legs. He shivered as he stood from the bed and he wrapped is arms around himself as he walked to the computer desk and shut the window. He wiped the sleep from his eyes as he moved towards the bathroom. He knocked on the closed the door and he felt nervous when there was no answer. He opened the door slowly, fearing what he would find on the other side.  
  
Lucas didn't know whether to be relieved or worried when he found the bathroom empty. He took one last look around before he closed the door and went back into the empty room. "Peyton..." he called slightly louder as he walked out into the deserted hall but there still was no response. He sighed as he headed down the stairs and into the living room. He looked around the room but all he found were the cushions sitting on the two couches. He walked into the dark kitchen with the slight hope that she would be in there. He wasn't surprised when all that was in there was a humming refrigerator. He shook his head and his worry continued to grow as he walked around downstairs, but Peyton wasn't down there.  
  
Lucas made his way back upstairs and walked down the hall and looked in each room but he still didn't find Peyton. Normally he would have just figure she had left and gone home but this time they were already at her house and he couldn't think of where she would go in the middle of the night. Lucas developed a knot in his stomach as he neared the last room in the hall. It was the baby's room and he hadn't been in there since the day he broke down crying in Haley's arms. He didn't want to go in there because he didn't want to remember the pain, he had had enough pain for one day. Regardless Lucas pushed the slightly cracked door open and peered into the room. Memories didn't flood back to him as he caught sight of Peyton sitting solemnly in the rocking chair just like she had been the last day he had been in the room. He walked over to the curly blonde and was felt a tear slide down his cheek as he watched her sleep. He looked down at her hands which were clutching the name book they had looked at every night since they had it. Lucas bent down next to Peyton and he could see her shivering slightly in his shorts and t-shirt.  
  
He wiped the tears that had slid down her face. He bit his lip as he stood up and walked back into the empty hallway. Lucas pulled a blanket down from the closet and went back into the room. He spread the warm comforter over her shivering frame and made sure that she was completely covered before he leaned down and kissed her forehead. Lucas gave her one last look before he turned and walked back into Peyton's room.


	41. Open Wounds

Lucas awoke that morning to the warmth of Peyton's lips pressed against his. His eyes remained closed as he wrapped his arms around her thin waist. She moaned slightly as his hands ran up and down her back, slowly pulling her down onto his body. Lucas rolled over so that Peyton was underneath him before he broke the kiss. "Good morning" she said as a small smile played on her lips.  
  
"It's a very good morning" he whispered before leaning down and indulging himself in her taste yet again. He frowned when Peyton broke the kiss.  
  
"What do you want for breakfast" she asked as she pushed him off of her and began to get up.  
  
"You" Lucas stretched his arm around her waist and pulled her back down, lining her neck with kisses. Peyton pulled back slightly and raised an eye brow.  
  
"Now that can be arranged" she gave him a sly smile before she leaned back down and gave in to his request. "I love you" she said in between kisses and she was shocked when Lucas pulled back. He wasn't used to hearing her say those words anymore, he had been the only one feeling anything for the last two months and now things had changed.   
  
"I love you too" he said with a warm smile before he leaned in and kissed her gently. He rolled onto his side, bringing Peyton with him, and wrapped his arm tightly around her waist as he rested his chin on her shoulder. The feeling of his chest pushed hard into her back made her feel safe and warm. A smile spread across her face as happiness filled her entire body and she let herself relax into Lucas's embrace.  
  
Lucas's lips trailed along her neck as his hand roamed her stomach. He didn't stop as Peyton maneuvered her body under the covers. Peyton turned to face him and joined their lips, letting her hands rest on his bare chest. Her tongue traced the edge of Lucas mouth as he pulled her body closer to his and his hands slipped under her shirt and traced the small of her back.  
  
"Rise and shine lovebirds" Brooke chirped and strolled into Peyton's room nonchalantly. The two blondes broke apart reluctantly and Peyton turned around. "We are going shopping. Well Peyton and I are going shopping." Brooke gave a sly smile as she turned to face the two blondes and looked at Lucas.  
  
"Luke, you and me are their official bag holders." Charlie said sarcastically as he entered Peyton's room. He gave one look at Lucas and Peyton before he walked over to Brooke and grabbed her shoulders. "Sorry about that...but you guys know how she is" he rolled his and watched as Luke and Peyton did the same. Brooke looked at them in confusion briefly before she finally understood what was going on. She gave an embarrassed smile as Charlie pushed her out the room. "Let's go hun".  
  
As soon as they heard them walking down the stairs, Lucas and Peyton began laughing as Peyton twisted her body to face Luke again. She kissed him gently before sliding from under the covers and walking over to her closet. "Where are you going" Lucas whined as he stuck his lip out in mock sadness. Peyton just laughed at him as she turned back to her closet and pulled out a black three- quarter shirt and her dark denim hip huggers.  
  
"I'm going to get dressed before Brooke comes back up here and I suggest you do the same. I do have to take a shower though, so you can sit there and wait for me if you want." Peyton winked at the boy laying in the bed before she walked into the bathroom. Lucas watched her hips sway and when she disappeared into the bathroom, he leaped off the bed and followed her in, closing the door behind him.  
  
"Aren't you glad I don't shop like Brooke?" Peyton teased as she glanced between Charlie and Lucas. Charlie was already carrying 5 full bags and they hadn't even finished the first bag. Lucas on the other hand was carrying nothing and he was glad. "Brooke why are you buy all this anyway...I mean it's not like your gunna be able to fit in a few months." Peyton stuck her tongue out at the brunette and eared herself a death glare.  
  
"Don't remind me. I'm gunna love every minute of though, so it's all good in my book." A small smile played on the brunette's lips. Peyton gave her own smile but inside she could feel her heart breaking, it was almost as if she could hear it shattering in her ears. "Ohh we have to go in here" Brooke squealed as she reached for Peyton's hand and dragged her into Victoria's Secret.  
  
"Luke, man remind me to never agree to this again." Charlie complained as they followed the girls into the store. The blonde laughed as he shook his head. He was glad wasn't a big spender, it was the only reason he didn't mind going shopping with the girls.  
The group spent the next hour in the store, Brooke and Peyton trying on lingerie while the guys sat outside the dressing rooms.  
  
"Brooke what do you think about this" Peyton asked as she examined the red laced bra she had on.   
  
"I think that Lucas will think it looks great" Brooke winked at her best friend as she went back to looking at the black corset she was trying on. Peyton gave herself one last look before she changed back into her own clothes.  
  
"Okay, Brooke can we leave now" Peyton whined as they walked out of Victoria's Secret, she was tired and ready to go home after 5 hours of the mall.   
  
"Alright, we can leave now" the brunette rolled her eyes as they walked towards the exit for the mall. As they walked Peyton's eyes focused on the poster hanging in one of the store windows. It was of a blonde women with loosely curled hair, holding her baby boy. The baby was laughing as his mother held him high in the air. Peyton fought back tears as she forced herself to look away. No one noticed the change in her expression as they walked towards the car. "This was fun...we should do it again next week" Brooke bit the edge of her tongue as she bumped Peyton's hip with her own.  
  
The blonde's façade quickly went up as she laughed and shook her head no. "I think Luke and I will pass" she stated. Brooke just rolled her eyes as if to say your loss.  
"I'll see you guys later" Brooke wrapped her arms around Peyton's neck and the blonde did the same.  
  
"See ya" Peyton replied as she and Brooke broke apart. Luke and Peyton didn't talk on the ride back to Peyton's house but both felt comfortable in silence. Once they reached her house they made their way to her front door, but once they were inside Lucas bent down and lifted Peyton into his arms. She screamed and flung her arms around his neck as he pushed the front door closed. He carried her quickly up the stairs and into her room, both of them laughing.  
  
"I don't know" Lucas said as he set her down on the bed. "I just had an urge to do that" Peyton laughed and shook her head.  
  
"Well I have an urge to do this" She whispered as she wrapped her arms around his neck again and pulled him down onto her, the lips crashing together. They both smiled as they pulled apart and Lucas rolled off of her. Peyton stood up and walked over to her closet. "Time to get comfortable." She searched through her clothes and decided on a pair of shorts and a t shirt.  
  
"The mall is a very dirty place you know. I think you need a shower before bed." Lucas pulled the t-shirt from her hands and gave the infamous Scott grin and Peyton just gave him a sly smile. Lucas stood up as she began walking to the bathroom. He smiled to himself as he whipped her with the end of the shirt causing her to shriek and run into the bathroom. He ran behind her and grabbed her waist, pulling her body into his, as they both laughed.  
  
Peyton lay curled under the covers as Lucas went downstairs to get a drink. She couldn't forget the pain she felt when she was around Brooke. Her heart was still breaking inside of her as she was forced to deal with her loss. Things had finally been going well and then she lost the baby. Everything had just gone down from there and now that they were finally starting to get better she couldn't help but fear what was to come.  
  
Peyton let the tears fall from her eyes as she thought about everything she had wanted to do with her baby. She felt the knot the formed in her throat as the false memories she would never have invaded her mind. She felt her body move as Lucas's arm pulled her closer to him. He knew that things wouldn't just get better, but he hated havening to admit that. He didn't want to see Peyton in anymore pain, but he knew the pain would never really go away. She had lost something that was a part of her for months and there was no way to deal with that.  
  
Lucas held her tightly and continued to kiss her golden curls as her tears ran down her pale cheeks. There were no words exchanged between the two because there was nothing to say, words were of no use for either of them. Peyton eventually cried herself to sleep, and even after he eyes closed Lucas could feel her body shudder in his arms.


	42. The Healing Process

3 Months Later

"Okay, was it just me or did that class take forever?" Peyton laughed as she watched Brooke roll her eyes in aggravation as the two girls walked down the hall. They had finally gotten around to enrolling into Tree Hill Community College and so far everything seemed to be going fine.

"I think it was just you" Peyton answered as they made their way to the parking lot. The blonde smiled as she saw Lucas leaning against Brooke's car and she immediately began walking faster towards him. They wrapped their arms around each other as she leaned up and kissed him gently. "I missed you" She cooed as they broke apart.

"I missed you too" Lucas kissed her lightly once again as a smile spread across his face. "How was your day?"

"It was alright, better now though." She couldn't help but smile widely as she got lost in his eyes. She was in love with him and there was no doubt about it in her heart or her mind. But she still felt like there was something missing in her life. She didn't know what it was but it was always there, lingering around her, haunting her almost. She would never let anyone know that though, as far as everyone was concerned life was great and she liked things that way. It was her escape for when she let herself get lost in thought about everything wrong in her life. No matter how bad she made things seem in her mind she could always go back to everyone's reality. It was almost her reality, but it was just outside her grasp.

Lucas took Peyton's hand in his as he stepped away from Brooke's car. He wrapped his arms around Peyton's waist as she leaned her head back onto his shoulder. Brooke loved seeing the two blondes happy again, they deserved it. They had had so much ripped away from them and she was glad that they finally had the chance to be together without anything getting in the way. "And how was your day" Brooke was torn form her thoughts as she felt Charlie arms slide around her growing waist.

"It was good" She responded as she craned her neck in order to kiss him. For the first time in years things were really perfect in Brooke's life, she had found a guy she loved and who cherished her in return and she had a baby growing inside of her. There wasn't anything that she would change in her life, everything was just right. "Let's get out of here you guys, its Friday and we have to meet Nate and Haley at the café this evening."

"I can't believe they'll be married in two weeks" Lucas said in awe. Everyone had been thrilled about the engagement except for Dan, but they forced themselves to ignore him.

"I know, Nathan and Haley Scott..." Peyton let out a small laugh. Haley was the last person she expected to get married first out of the group. She had always been the sensible one of the girls, the one who thought everything though to the last detail before evening considering it. Now Haley James was going to married in two weeks and as shocking as it was it just seemed right to all of them.

"Okay we're leaving now, so bye you two, and please don't be late. Keep the hormones in check, will you?" Brooke teased as she got into her car and stuck her tongue out. Peyton just rolled her eyes and turned to walk away.

"Bye Davis" Peyton yelled over her shoulder as she and Luke made their way to his car.

"So we have about 3 hours before we have to go to the café..."Lucas said as he pulled out of the parking lot. Peyton just nodded, she too busy with her thoughts to pay attention to anything else. She wasn't thinking about anything specific but her happiness was slowly fading away. Lucas looked at her and knew better then to say anything else. He had learned that if he asked her what was wrong she would snap at him. That was something they didn't tell anyone about, only they knew about Peyton's little episodes. She would zone out every now and then and she would eventually just come back to reality.

The entire ride home was silent as Peyton attempted to figure out what was missing from her life. She wanted everything to be perfect for once. She was tired of having to pretend things were good, she wanted it to be real. There was only one time when things were really okay for her, when she was truly happy with her life and now she hated thinking about those few months. She did everything she could to burry the memories of her pregnancy because they only brought pain. Deep down Peyton knew what was missing but she refused to admit it to herself.

Lucas watched as Peyton sat looking straight ahead of her. He could see her eyes glistening over with tears but he knew there was nothing he could do, she wouldn't let him in. The more he tried to talk to her when she zoned out the more she pushed him away so he had just given up. Lucas pulled slowly into Peyton's driveway and turn off the car, but he didn't move form his seat. Instead he turned just in time to see the first tear slip from Peyton's hazel eyes. She refused to look at him because she knew that if she moved the tears would fall. It took everything she had to push the tears back and not breakdown.

"Peyton..." Lucas didn't know what to say so he just let the sentence hand as he continued to stare at her. She didn't respond to him, she just stared ahead of her, refusing to acknowledge him. "Peyt...what's wrong?" His voice was gentle and all he could hope for was some kind of response. He wanted her to talk to him but she never wanted to, the time was just never right for her. He knew she didn't want to have to deal with more then she had to but she was going to have to talk about things some time and it was better not to wait. "Peyton..."

"Look Lucas I'm fine. There is nothing wrong so stop asking me that. If something was wrong I'd tell you so just leave me along!" She screamed bitterly as she got out the car and walked down the road, away from her house and away from Lucas. Lucas stepped out the car just in time to see her back turn the corner, and she was out of his sight. He leaned against the car and threw his head back in frustration before looking back in the direction Peyton had disappeared in. Lucas pushed himself off the car and walked into Peyton's house, letting the front door slam behind him. He was going to go upstairs but stopped when his eyes found something more appealing. He made his way into the dining room and over to the far wall. He opened the top cabinet and let his hands rest of the half filled bottle of whisky.

Lucas hadn't drunk since his incident with Nikki. He had learned from both that time and his first date with Brooke that he couldn't hold his liquor. As he grabbed a shot glass from the adjacent cabinet he stopped caring about right and wrong. He poured himself a drink and prepared to drown his problems. This wasn't the first time Peyton had gotten mad and just left. The first time she snapped on him she disappeared for the entire day, leaving a note saying that she would be back when she felt like it. He had spent all day looking for her but it was to no avail. She had returned home around 1 that morning and without saying anything to him she went to sleep.

Lucas took the shot and poured himself another glass. He gripped the small glass in his fingers but he didn't drink it. There was nothing appealing about the bitter taste that now resided in his mouth and he knew that all he would obtain from dinking was a hangover. The blonde felt tears slide down his face as he contemplated his life. Lucas walked into the kitchen and poured the whisky down the sink as he dialed Haley's number. As he walked out the door her told her that Peyton wasn't feeling well and they were going to stay in for the night. After hanging up the phone he got into the car and took off down the road.

Peyton wandered around town hoping to get lost. She knew Lucas would eventually be looking for her and she didn't want to be found, not yet. The blonde eventually found herself in front of a bar. She could here all the people screaming inside, enjoying themselves, but she wasn't interested. She had never been a drinker because it never did anything for her. Getting drunk didn't make anything better for her and it never helped her escape, there was only one thing that had been able to do that for her. She tired to erase the thought from her mind but she couldn't, she wanted her pain gone and she wanted a needle. She hated the fact that she felt so weak, that her mind was pushing her back in that direction but the more she thought about it the more appealing it sounded.

Peyton jumped as the thunder roared about her and she looked towards the sky just as it opened up. The cold water slowly soaked through her clothes as she sat on the curb. She let her head fall onto her knees as the tears finally danced down her cheeks. She felt empty inside and she didn't know how to fix it. Her family was that one piece of the puzzle that was missing and there as nothing to fill that growing hole in her heart.

When Peyton finally looked up it had gotten dark and the rain had stopped. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there and she didn't care, it wasn't important. She could feel her body shivering as her clothes clung to her skin and her drenched hair seemed black as it stuck to the sides of her face.. "Peyton..." she looked up to find her favorite blue eyes gazing down at her. She forced a smile before looking back down at the wet pavement under her feet. She felt his arm wrap around her shoulders as her body pressed into his side.

"Lucas can we go home?" she asked in a cracked voice as she looked up at him with teary eyes. He simply nodded yes as he helped her up. He kept her tucked into his side as they walked to the car. She didn't bother trying to hide the tears as they drove home and she stayed close to him, resting her head on his shoulder. Lucas didn't ask her anything, he just held her, keeping her safe. Peyton had changed so much from when he first met her, she was nothing like she used to be, but he loved her all the same. In fact he could guarantee that he loved her more then he ever had. He knew she would talk when she was ready to and as much as he wanted to he restrained himself from pressuring her. Peyton let herself fall asleep against Luke's shoulder as the salt dried on her face and tainted her parched lips. Luke just held her tighter and closer to him, praying for tomorrow to be better.

**She sits alone by a lamp post  
Trying to find a thought that's escaped her mind  
She says dad's the one I love the most  
But Stipe's not far behind  
She never lets me in  
Only tells me where she's been  
When she's had too much to drink?  
I say that I don't care  
I just run my hands through her dark hair  
Then I pray to God you gotta Help me fly away  
And just let her cry  
If the tears fall down like rain  
Let her sing  
If it eases all her pain  
Let her go  
Let her walk right out on me  
And if the sun comes up tomorrow  
Let her be  
Let her be  
This morning I woke up alone  
Found a note standing by the phone  
Saying baby, maybe I'll be back someday  
I wanted to look for you  
You walked in I didn't know just what I should do  
So I sat back down and had a beer and felt sorry for myself  
Saying let her cry  
If the tears fall down like rain  
Let her sing  
If it eases all her pain  
Let her go  
Let her walk right out on me And if the sun comes up tomorrow Let her  
be Let her be  
Let her cry  
If the tears fall down like rain  
Let her sing  
If it eases all her pain  
Let her go  
Let her walk right out on me  
And if the sun comes up tomorrow  
Let her be  
Oh... Last night I tried to leave  
Cried so much I could not believe  
She was the same girl I fell in love with long ago  
She went in the back to get high  
I sat down on my couch and cried yellin'  
Oh momma, please help me  
Won't you hold my hand and...  
Let her cry  
If the tears fall down like rain  
Let her sing  
If it eases all her pain  
Let her go  
Let her walk right out on me  
And if the sun comes up tomorrow  
Let her be  
Let her cry  
If the tears fall down like rain  
Let her sing  
If it eases all her pain  
Let her go  
Let her walk right out on me  
And if the sun comes up tomorrow  
Let her be  
Oh, let her be  
**

**  
**

okay the song was "let her cry" by hootie and the blowfish**  
**


	43. Repeating Patterns

2 weeks later

"Are you really planning on sitting on the couch all day blondie" Brooke whined as she plopped down next to her best friend. Lucas watched as Peyton rolled her eyes and set her focus back on the TV. Things hadn't gotten any worse for Lucas and Peyton but things hadn't gotten better either. Their lives had become extremely stressful and they didn't know how to change it. They barley argued but Peyton shut him out. She buried everything inside of her and no one could get her to talk about how she was feeling. Peyton just wanted it to go away and she wanted to erase everything from her mind.

"It seems like a perfectly good plan to me" the blonde responded causing Brooke to shake her head and let out a sigh.

"Well it sounds boring to me so we are going to find something else to do. Its gorgeous outside, let's go to the beach and then we can go shopping." The brunettes eyes lit up at the thought of a trip to the mall.

"No thanks, I'm just going to sit here and watch TV...no mall....no beach. Sorry Brooke but I'm not interested." Her voice held no emotion as she continued to watch TV. She wasn't actually paying attention to the show but it was an excuse to not really respond to the girl next to her.

"Peyton come on. Its almost winter and the temperature will be dropping soon. Its like a miracle that it's so warm today. Just come to the beach with me. You can bring your loser rock and blast it for all I care but I don't wanna sit in the house anymore. That's all we've been doing for the past week and as fun as it is to watch the paint on the wall I'm don't want to do it anymore. I for one need a change of scenery as in the outdoors and then the mall." Brooke grabbed Peyton's shoulders and turned the blonde towards her. "NO MORE SITTING IN THE HOUSE"

Peyton looked at the brunette and raised an eyebrow. "Chill Cheery. No need for the dramatics." Brooke grabbed a pillow from behind her and swung it at the blonde, hitting her in the side of the head.

"Never mess with a pregnant woman, especially one that's being deprived of fresh air." Brooke leaned back against the couch and rolled her eyes in frustration. "One day of not sitting down and watching TV. Just one day...I promise it won't kill you"

"It just might you never know" Peyton retorted, receiving a pouting look from the brunette.

"I don't think it's such a bad idea. You do need to get out of the house Peyt." Lucas said from the across the room. It was fine when Brooke harassed her repeatedly about going out but when Lucas said something it mad her mad. Her walls were going back up and she knew it was happening to fast for her to control.

"Well I don't wanna go anywhere today" She said keeping herself calm and her tone flat. She didn't know why she was suddenly so pissed off with Lucas but she was and it wasn't going away.

"But you never wanna go out anymore Peyt. You can't stay in the house all day everyday." Lucas walked over to the two girls and stood in front of the couch.

"Well I don't remember asking you for your opinion." Lucas was thrown off by the edge in her tone and he wasn't sure what was about to happen and neither was Brooke. She had seen the tension between the two over the lat few weeks but she didn't know about the arguments.

"Sorry, I wasn't trying to push you or anything. I was just saying...I thought it was a good idea." His voice was small and he hoped that she wasn't going to stay mad at him.

"Once again there you go with the opinions. You thought...I don't care what you thought." She shook her head and stood up form the couch. She shoved past him and walked towards the kitchen. Brooke looked on and she felt extremely uncomfortable. She didn't know what was going on but she wanted it to end.

"Peyton it's not good for you to sit in the house for days like this. It's not healthy." He watched her turn around and glare at him. He tried but he couldn't read her eyes, there was too much there but at the same time she seemed empty.

"Well thank you doctor." She spat bitterly. She couldn't make herself calm down. The more she tried the more angry she became. The more he cared the further up her walls went. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. She was supposed to finally be happy and once again everything was just falling apart in her life. She was mixed and lost inside and she didn't know who she could trust to help her. She didn't know how to help herself so how was she supposed to explain it to some one else. She didn't even know what was wrong.

"Peyton I'm just worried about you. That's all. I wanna know that you're okay." There it was...the caring. He was worried and she was scared. He was putting her best interest at heart and all she could do was step on his. That wasn't what she was hoping for. She loved him and she knew that but she couldn't seem to admit it to herself anymore. This emotion she had spent moths trying to obtain, she had finally gotten it and now she didn't want it.

"I don't need you to worry about me. I can take care of myself." She wanted nothing more then for those words to be true but they weren't. She wanted him to care about her and she wanted him to love her but she couldn't find it in herself to trust him. She couldn't believe him when he said he cared, there had to be an alterative motive. No one ever did anything for her unless it benefited them or they had to. She wouldn't let herself believe that Lucas could be different, to her it just wasn't possible.

Lucas walked over to her and laid his hand on her shoulder. "I know you can take care of yourself but that doesn't mean I'm not gunna care. Nothing is going to stop me from worrying about you and wanted to protect you from everything possible."

"I'm not a little girl Lucas I don't a the big strong man. I don't need a knight in shining armor." She pushed his hand away from her before looking up at him again. "And I don't need you." She could see his heart break though his eyes and it tore her apart inside. She wanted to take it back and she wanted to throw herself into his arms. She couldn't do that though because the fear took over her body. She couldn't stand another heartbreak so she was going to keep her heart buried where no one could get to it. She refused to fall in love again. She wanted to be alone and she was back to the belief that Lucas was better off without her.

"Peyton..." he didn't think that things had gotten this bad but they had and now he couldn't fix it. Everything he said set her off.

"Just go Lucas...just...stay out my life" That was when her own heart shattered. There was no going back, she had just ended it.

"Okay" the words stung all three of them. It was the finally words to say that things were done. Brooke watched as Lucas walked out the door and turned to watch all emotion fade from Peyton's eyes. The blonde held an icy stare and once again Brooke's best friend had been lost and buried even further down

"What the hell was that" the brunette spoke up for the first time. She had just been watching the interaction for the last few minutes but now Lucas was gone and she wanted answers.

"What was that...that was the truth." Peyton turned and walked into the kitchen with Brooke following behind her,

"Bull shit...that was just about everything other then the truth. Lucas isn't here right now and you're talking to me. What the hell just happened Peyton?" She knew the blonde was lying because it had just come out of no where.

"I told you if you don't wanna believe me that your problem not mine."

"You're scared. You don't wanna get hurt again so you're just gunna push him away. You don't want any broken hearts but you just broke his. Or maybe you're just selfish and you're looking out for yourself...who give a shit about Lucas right, as long as Peyton is alright it all good." Brooke waited for a response as she watched the blonde stop moving.

"Just drop it Brooke. Lucas can do whatever the hell he wants to do now. He's not tied down to me and my issues, he can live his life. He's spent the last few years looking after me and now he's free."

"He's free. Peyton he was never trapped. Lucas stayed because he wanted to. He wanted to be here with you, no one held a gun to his head, it was his choice. Is it so hard for you to believe that he actually cared?"

"He didn't care" Peyton could feel the tears the burned her eyes. "No one ever cares" She said quietly.

"You don't know how many people care about you Peyton. I don't where the hell you're coming up with this but we all care. Sometime I didn't know why Lucas put up with you and your crap but I know now. He loved you Peyton he still loves you and if you went to him tomorrow he'd be the one to apologize because he will always love you. It's really sad that you can't see that. I know you're scared of getting hurt but Lucas isn't going to hurt you. Peyton he loves you with everything he has and he would do anything for you. You can't keep freezing him out like this, he doesn't deserve it." Brooke gave the blonde a sympathetic look before leaving. Peyton heard the front door close and she immediately feel to the floor, the tears falling too. The fear was too strong for her to push aside. She knew that she cared about Lucas the way he cared about her but she wasn't ready to feel that vulnerable again.

Brooke pulled out of Peyton's driveway with a mix of emotions. She felt bad for Peyton because she knew how hard it was for her to open up but she felt just as bad for Lucas. He was doing everything he could to help Peyton and she just pushed him away. The brunette was interrupted from her thoughts as he cell started to ring. She dug through her bag until she found it.

"Hello" she said with a slight edge in her voice. She was tired and frustrated. The day had been on a downhill for her and she didn't know what to do.

"Brooke...it's Haley."

"Haley what's wrong" she could hear Haley crying on the other line and it sent worry though her veins. She wanted to think that worst but she didn't know what the worst was anymore. Everything just seemed to be a bad thing lately and she didn't know how things were going to get worse and she didn't want to know.

"Brooke...its Lucas" the brunettes heart sunk as the words rang through her ears.

"What happened" her voice cracked as she finished the sentence and tears threatened to pour from her eyes.

"I don't know...he was in a car accident and Nathan and I are on our way to the hospital now." Haley began to cry harder as she thought about her best friend.

"I'll meet you guys there." Brooke said quietly before she hung up the phone. The only thing on her mind was making sure Lucas was alright. It seemed as if things were never going to be okay again for anyone. Something as always going wrong and someone was always getting hurt.

Brooke pulled in front of the emergency room entrance and moved as quickly as she could to get inside. She knew that she wouldn't be told anything this early but it didn't matter she just wanted to be in there. She ran over to Haley and Nathan as soon as she saw them. "Do they know anything yet" She asked as Haley looked up at her. Haley just shook her head no before resting against Nathan's shoulder again. Brooke looked up to see Karen sitting in a chair with her head in her hands and Keith with his arm wrapped around her shoulders. Brooke walked over to them but she didn't know what to say. Nothing was going to make Karen feel any better, he son was lying in an operating room. "I'm so sorry" the brunette whispered, receiving a small nod from Keith before she returned to Nathan and Haley.

"Lucas had never run a red light in his life, why the hell now." Haley spoke quietly with a hint of anger in her voice. She didn't know who she was angry at but things just weren't fair.

"What did you just say?" Brooke asked as her heart skipped a beat.

"I said Lucas has never run a red light before." Haley looked up at the brunette who now looked like she had just seen a ghost.

"Oh God" Brooke whispered to herself as she stood up and walked to the window. She could feel her stomach knotting. She thought things were bad enough but they just continued to get worse. The more she thought about it the worse the situation seemed and the thing that worried her most was that she wasn't blowing anything out of proportion.

"Brooke what's wrong" Nathan asked as he watched her hold herself tightly. He stood up and walked over to the brunette and soon everyone was looking at her, including Karen.

"I have to call Peyton" Brooke said ignoring Nathan as she walked past him and outside of the hospital. She held the phone in her hand and dialed the number but she was hesitant to press send. Peyton didn't need this now, her life was already a mess and now this was just something else to add to the pile. There was no avoiding it thought, Brooke knew she had to tell her so she pressed send and held the phone to her ear.

"Hello" Brooke could here that Peyton had been crying and that only made her want to hang up but she Peyton would call her back.

"Hey Peyt...ummm...could you meet me at the hospital in front of the ER." Brooke did the best she could to keep her tone even.

"Why" Peyton asked as worry took over her body.

"Just meet me here alright..." Brooke could feel her voice growing uneven and she hoped that Peyton didn't question her anymore because the tears were about to fall again.

"Alright" the blonde responded before hanging up the phone. Peyton reached for her keys and left the house in a rush. She didn't want to know what happened but at the same time she did. She knew that it couldn't be good and the thought caused her to grip the steering wheel tighter. She parked in front of the ER but she couldn't make herself get out of the car. She breathed in deeply trying to calm her nerves but it didn't help.

"Are you all here for Lucas Scott" a doctor asked as he stepped into the waiting room. They all looked up and nodded. "He's stable at the moment but we won't know anything for sure until tomorrow. We didn't have to operate but we did have to pump his stomach because of the blood. He has a couple of bruised ribs but he didn't break anything. He hit his head pretty hard to he may be unconscious for a while. He may have temporary memory loss when he does wake up but we don't expect anything permanent. We don't know when he'll wake up but you are welcome to see him now. He's upstairs in room 524." The doctor smiled reassuringly before turning and walking away.

Karen breathed a sigh of relief as she buried her face into Keith's chest. They all stood up and walked quickly to the elevator, everyone except Brooke. "I'm just gunna wait down here for Peyton" she gave a small smile as she watched them disappear around the corner. She was glad that Lucas was okay but that didn't make her all her worries go away. Her stomach sank as she watched Peyton walk in thought the door and move quickly towards her.

"Brooke what's going on?" Peyton asked nervously.

"Just follow me" Brooke couldn't bring herself to say anything else as she led Peyton upstairs. As they stepped out of the elevator the could see the waiting room with everyone in it. The blonde continued to follow Brooke towards the group but as she scanned the room she stopped.

"Brooke what's going one?" she asked again. Her head was spinning and she felt like she couldn't breath as she watched the brunette turn around and look at her sadly.

"Peyton..."

"Brooke where is Lucas" Peyton could feel the tears burning behind her eyes once again but she wouldn't let them fall. She had to be wrong. Everyone was fine...Lucas was fine. She watched as everyone focused their eyes on her and it only became harder for her to catch her breath. She turned her head hoping to see Lucas walking up behind but that wasn't what she saw. Her eyes stared into one of the open room doors and she could see a nurse hovering over Lucas's limp body. Her body felt like it was shutting down and she couldn't turn her head. Her legs grew weaker with every second. She closed her eyes tightly and turned around. She didn't say anything, she just moved towards the elevator. She didn't want to be there, she couldn't be there, it was just too much. Brooke didn't try to stop her because she had expected it to happen. Nathan on the other hand quickly walked over to her and grabbed her arm. She turned to face him and ripped her arm away. "Move" she said sternly as she glared up at him, his eyes held the same icy start as hers.

"Name one time that Lucas wasn't there for you since you two have met." Nathan questioned her. They all looked at the speechless blonde as the awaited a response. "Speak up I can't hear you" he retorted causing Brooke to internally cringe.

"I know he's been there for me but I'm not staying her." Peyton answered, using all the strength she could find. She wanted to leave, she hated hospitals, she hated everything about them. Screaming rang through her ears and it broke her heart more then she realized was possible. From the corner of her eye she could see a nurse carrying a newborn down the hall. Peyton wanted to leave now more then before. Brooke was the only one who could the blonde's trembling hands and she quickly caught on as to what had cause it. Peyton lungs began to burn as thoughts and memories raced through her head, all of them unwanted. She had to leave, she couldn't be there anymore, it was physically hurting her to stand there.

"I know you have your own problems Peyton, but so does everyone else. I'm not trying to put you down or anything but Lucas really needs you right now and by walking out of that door, by walking out on him, you're being a selfish bitch" the second the words left his mouth, Nathan felt a stinging pain radiate through his face. Nathan brought his own hand to wear Peyton's fingers had left a bright red imprint on his face.

"Screw you Nathan." The blonde spat bitterly before spinning on her heal and walked briskly out of the hospital. No one followed her and when the nurse came out and told them they could go in and see Lucas they still didn't move. Everyone sat in shock as they stared at the spot Peyton had been standing in.

"Shit..." Haley stood up and grabbed Nathan's arm as she looked up at him. "That wasn't smart" she said simply as she pulled him down the hall.

"Haley stay I'll go, I talk to her..." Brooke walked over to them and waited for Haley to turn around.

"No Nathan's gotta be the one to talk to her, he's gotta be the one to try and fix it first." Brooke knew she was right so she didn't argue. She wanted to go and find Peyton but she knew that nothing she said would make anything better.

"What the hell do I have to fix" Nathan asked the question that was on the other's mind. Karen was the next person to connect everything and she spoke up before the other's.

"Anna..." Karen responded quietly. "The accident... I didn't remember." They all looked down as the floor except for Karen who walked into her son's hospital room and Haley who dragged Nathan towards the elevator, knowing that she had to find Peyton.


	44. Breaking the Habit

Peyton leaned against her front door as it slammed shut. She couldn't believe what was going on, it was happening all over again. She couldn't separate the past from the present as she rushed to her room. Peyton slammed her room door and collapsed onto the floor. She closed her eyes as she tried to block out the memories.

**Flashback**

"**Peyton I'm sorry" Anna looked sympathetically at her daughter but she just turned away in defiance.**

"**I don't care, it's not fair." Peyton whined as she remained facing the wall. She crossed her arms over her chest and stood with her nose in the air and her mother behind her.**

"**Sweetie..."**

"**No! You're never here anymore. You don't even care about me, all you do is work." She could feel the tears building in her hazel eyes but she was determined to stay strong.**

"**I'm sorry but I have to work Peyton, come with me. We can read when we get to my office." Anna pleaded with the 10 year old. She hated the fact that she had to work so much but they needed the money. She wanted to spend more time with Peyton so she stayed home in the days and worked nights. **

"**I don't wanna go. I want you to stay here. You promised you would stay home tonight." The little girl's voice cracked as she realized she wasn't going to win. Her mom was going to leave and go to work no matter what she said. There was no way to make her stay home.**

"**I know I promised sweetie and I'm really sorry"**

"**You're always sorry and you always promise and then you always leave anyway. You're never home anymore, you never spend time with me." Peyton wiped a lone tear away as it slid down her cheeks. She didn't see why everyone else's moms were home at night but hers wasn't. She didn't' understand it and she didn't think it was fair. She hated her mother's new job because it broke their tradition. Reading and drawing were their things to do together at night but that never happened anymore because Anna was never able to be there. Peyton cried most nights but she always pretended like it was okay. She did her best to make her parents happy but she felt lonely. Sure her dad was there but her and her mom had always been close and Anna had just disappeared. **

"**Peyton please...I'll be here tomorrow and we can do whatever you want." Anna knew that it wasn't fair to Peyton but she was doing the best she could. Peyton was only 10 and she needed her mother around but their situation just wouldn't allow it. **

"**No...you won't be here tomorrow! Just leave me alone."**

"**Peyton..."**

"**You don't even care...I hate you" Anna's heart broke when the words left her daughter's mouth. She knew it was said out of anger but that didn't make her feel any better as she walked solemnly out of the room.**

"**Anna you know she didn't mean that" Larry pulled his wife into a tight hug in an attempt to comfort her.**

"**I know. I have to go." She said quietly as she grabbed her keys and her coat and headed outside with tears in her eyes. Peyton closed her room door and curled up under her thick comforter. She sat up suddenly and let her hands roam around on her bed and she found what she was looking for. She pulled the large teddy bear under the covers with her and buried her face into the fur as she did her best to hold back the tears. Her mom had give the bear to her on her last birthday and she had slept with it for last few weeks. It reminded her of her mom and it always made her feel better at night when it was cold and dark. Peyton didn't mean say that she hated her mom but she was still mad. Anna was her mother and it felt like she was being snatched away. Peyton was trying to deal with it but it was getting too hard for her to handle, it just didn't seem fair.**

**End Flashback**

Peyton crawled over to her bed and grabbed her teddy bear from the edge. She held it close to her as she cried into the fur. It was always her fault and she was always messing up. She just couldn't seem to fix her life. She would be happy one minute and then everything would come crashing down. Every time Peyton thought things were finally going to be okay life would come back and hit her just a little bit harder then before. She was tired of all of it, she was tired of getting hurt over and over again.

Nathan and Haley pulled into Peyton's driveway and were glad to see her car in front of them. "Haley what am I supposed to say to her?" Nathan looked straight ahead into the dark. He knew that nothing he said would make Peyton feel better, there wasn't anything he could do other then apologize.

"I don't know" Haley answered honestly. "But right now we just need to find her" the brunette stepped out of the car and walked slowly up to the door. She didn't know what to expect. For all she knew Peyton could be sitting on the couch watching TV and as much as she hoped that was the case something told her otherwise. Nathan stood anxiously behind her trying to think of something to say. He felt guilty about what he had said. He didn't think about how Peyton would feel about being in the hospital. Somehow though, he thought she would still want to see Lucas. As Haley opened the door Nathan got the feeling that there was something else that had happened.

"Haley wait" Nathan stammered causing the brunette to turn and face him. "I'm not sure if I can do this" he still couldn't believe that he had forgotten about her mom. He always forgot and he always promised himself he would remember next time. He never did though. He should have known how hard things would be for her, but he wasn't thinking.

"Nathan we just need to find her, you can apologize later. We have to make sure she's okay though." Haley leaned forward and kissed Nathan gently. "It's done Nate. Don't beat yourself up over it, all you can do is try and help her through everything." She reached for his hand and gave it a light squeeze as she opened the door again and prepared herself to go inside, but she couldn't help but hesitate with each movement.

The blonde wiped the tears away roughly before crawling towards her bathroom. She couldn't find the strength to get to her feet and she didn't care to even try. All Peyton wanted was for the pain to go away. After 11 years or endless torture she was ready to give up...she couldn't find the point in trying anymore, it always ended the same. Peyton grasped the handle for the cabinet under the sink and gently pulled it open. The tears fell harder as she tried to forget her memories and the pain they brought.

She gripped the bag tightly in her trembling fingers and closed the door quickly. She unzipped the small pouch and through her supplies on the floor as she rummaged through everything. Relief filled her body as she pulled the blade from her bag. The blade still held a slight crimson tint from the last time she had used it. She placed her hands on the counter and pulled herself up on her feet. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and could see the dried tears and her bright red eyes. She held the blade tighter but she couldn't make herself move.

**Flashback**

"**Peyton...sweetie wake up" Larry called quietly to his daughter as he shook her shoulders gently. He wished there was a way to avoid telling her, but he figured it was better not to wait. **

"**Hhmm" Peyton turned around slowly and opened her eyes to find her dad looking down on her. She could see that he had been crying because his face was puffy and his eyes were red. "Daddy what's wrong" Peyton asked feeling more awake now. She watched as tears started to fall from Larry's eyes and a knot grew in her stomach. Something wasn't right and she knew it.**

"**Baby come here" Larry sat on his daughter's bed and pulled her into his lap. She looked up at him with her hazel eyes unsure of what to expect. He didn't know how he was going to tell her, there was no way to make it easier. "Sweetie do you remember last year when grandma was sick..." Peyton nodded her head and she knew that something bad had happened, something really bad. She was old enough to know someone was hurt but she didn't know who and she didn't know how bad. **

"**You and mommy said she went to live with the angles and that it was better because she wasn't in pain anymore." Peyton watched as more tears fell from her father's eyes. He wasn't sure if he could do this but he knew that he had to, no matter how hard it was.**

"**That's right" his voice was quiet and she could hear it shaking. "Well tonight after your mommy left for work...she..." he didn't know what to say so he pulled Peyton into a tight hug, almost scared to let her go. She didn't want him to finish the sentence and she was glad that he didn't because that meant that it wasn't real yet. Everything could still be fine. Peyton just wanted to go back to sleep and she wanted to wake up in the morning and run into the kitchen and see her parent in the kitchen eating. "Mommy was in an accident sweetie" Larry forced himself to continue and he pulled her closer with each dreadful word. **

"**She's okay though. When can we go see her" Peyton knew the answer but she refused to believe it. It wasn't true...she was going to wake up in the morning and smell breakfast cooking just like she did every morning. She was going to go in the kitchen and everything would be fine and her mom would fix her a plate and they would all eat but her dad had to leave for work. **

"**Peyton...your mommy loved you very much..." Peyton caught his words and cut him off immediately.**

"**No she loves me...I wanna go see mommy" She could feel the tears burning behind her eyes again. The anger was back as well though. She was angry because once again her mom had left her alone, but this time she wasn't going to come back. She was angry at herself because she was angry in the first place. She just wanted to go back and find a way to make her mom stay home. If only for a little bit longer then maybe things would be okay. If she hadn't let her leave she would still be here.**

"**Sweetie your mommy...she's...she's with the angels now, like grandma." Larry tried to hold his daughter but she pushed him away and got off his lap. **

"**No...you're lying. No." Peyton screamed as she ran out the room. Larry got up and walked after her but as soon as he as out of her room he heard the front door slam shut.**

**Peyton ran all the way through the neighborhood until she came to a house she had come to know as her second home. She knew where the key was for the back door and she found it quickly. She unlocked the door and walked quietly into the living room and up the long staircase. She knew the house by heart and finding the room in the dark wasn't a problem since they would always sneak downstairs for snacks at night. The door wasn't shut all the way so she pushed it open, leaving it open only a crack. **

**She looked over at her best friend who was tucked soundly under her comforter. Peyton made her way to the foot of the bed and sat on the floor. She didn't want t wake Brooke up, she just wanted to be there. She didn't want to be in her room, in her house, so she went to the only other place she felt comfortable. She felt the covers shift as Brooke got ready to climb out of bed but when the brunette saw her she moved towards the top of the bed, holding herself tightly. Brooke looked at her quizzically and then smiled but for the first time Peyton didn't return the gesture.**

"**Peyton what re you doing here" Brooke's voice was cheerful as she crawled down to wear Peyton was. Her smile faded though when she laid her hand against the wet spot on her quilt. She looked down at the blonde and it was then that she heard the slight whimpering and saw her body shaking. "Peyton..." Brooke was scared now as she watched her best friend cry in front of her.**

"**Brooke she's gone. She's gone and she's not coming back..." Peyton started to cry harder as the words left her mouth for the first time and she forced herself to admit reality. Brooke pulled Peyton on her bed and they moved slowly up to the top. The two girls laid and under the covers and Brooke wrapped her arm around the blonde trying to comfort her the best way she knew how as Peyton's body became racked with sobs. Peyton never said who the 'she' was but as her best friend Brooke just knew.**

"**Yeah Larry, she's here..." Mrs. Davis said quietly into the phone and she stood in Brooke's doorway watching young blonde cope with such a major loss. "I'll make sure that she gets home tomorrow." She said before hanging up the phone and watching the two girls who were soon both in tears.**

**End Flashback **

Peyton couldn't feel her hands as she stood over her sink. She could hear her name being called faintly in the background but she ignored it. She just didn't care anymore, all she wanted was for it to go away.

"Peyton..." Haley called as she and Nathan slowly climbed the stairs. She began to get nervous when there was no response and her feet automatically move faster. "Peyton..." she called out again but there was still no response.

"Haley what it..." Nathan began but the brunette immediately turned around and glared at him.

"Don't even say. She's fine...I know she is...she has to be fine." Haley said more so trying to reassure herself. She consciously climbed the stairs faster and burst into Peyton room as Nathan walked down the hall and checked the other rooms. "Nathan..." Haley yelled as she stood in front of the bathroom. He rushed back into Peyton's room, his nerves on edge. All he could hope was that he wouldn't find Peyton the way she was before. He stood behind Haley and wasn't sure what to do, but his body just responded.

"Pey..." Nathan whispered as he moved closer to her. She was braced on her hands and her face was a ghostly pale. Her didn't touch her because he didn't know how she would react.

"I told her that I hated her. I told Luke to stay out of my life. I told him that I didn't need him." Nathan watched as the tears slipped from behind her closed eyes. He took a step closer to her and rested his hand on hers. He gently slid the blade from her fingers and set it down on the counter.

"Pey...it's alright" He whispered gently as he laid a hand on her back.

"I didn't mean it" she looked up at him for the first time and he could see the pleaded in her eyes. She was begging for someone to believe her, for someone to take the blame away. Peyton could feel her knees giving out and before she knew it she was falling. Nathan quickly caught her and let her body rest against his.

"It's not your fault" He whispered into her curls as she buried her face into his shirt and cried.

"I didn't mean it..." She whispered again.

"I know" was all he said as he held her tightly in his arms. Haley watched the exchange and she couldn't help but cry. She wasn't good at holding things in and she couldn't imagine being in Peyton's position. She didn't know how anyone could tolerate all that Peyton did and she knew that she would never know.

Nathan pulled back from the hug and kissed Peyton's forehead. "Lucas is going to be fine but you still need to go see him."

"I know..." She said as she pulled completely away from him. She going to see Lucas was the right thing to do but she wasn't ready for it. She watched as Nathan walked over to the computer chair and reached for her leather jacket. Peyton saw the blade from the corner of her eyes and the only thing she could think about was the pain on Lucas's face earlier that evening. She had done that to him and if she hadn't told him to leave things would be fine. Her eyes remained focused on the blade as tears filled her eyes. She couldn't handle it anymore, she just wanted out.

"Peyton don't" They all looked to the door to see Brooke. She walked slowly towards her best friend and stood in front of her. "It's not worth it..."

"Yes it is...this...." Peyton looked around her and shook her head. "Life isn't worth it" More tears left her red eyes as she looked at the brunette. She couldn't find the point in anything.

"Yes it is..." Brooke whispered but Peyton just shook her head in disagreement. The blade once again caught her eye and she reached for it, gripping it tightly in her hands. "Peyton please..." Brooke could taste the salt that now stained her lips. She laid her hand on top of Peyton's and looked into her eyes to find emptiness and sorrow.

"Brooke I can't do this anymore." The blonde dropped to her knees letting the blade slip from her fingers and hit the floor with her. The brunette fell to the floor as well and engulfed Peyton in a hug.

"I know and I'm sorry" she buried her face into the blonde curls that were nor surrounding her.

"It's my fault...it's always my fault." Nathan and Haley could see the blonde's body shaking violently as she rocked back and forth on the floor, her arms clinging to Brooke's shoulder's.

"No it's not" Brooke said quietly but determined.

"Yes it is. It was my fault she died. I killed her. She would have been paying more attention and she wouldn't have run the light."

"Peyt..." Brooke tried to interject.

"It's my fault Lucas is in the hospital. He was supposed to be in the house, he never should have been driving but I told him to leave. I'm the reason he was out there in the first place. I was being selfish and I didn't think about him and now he's hurt and so is everyone else."

"Stop it...it's not your fault...it was never your fault." Brooke held the blonde tighter as they rocked back and forth but she knew it wasn't helping.

"It's my fault he's gone..." Peyton whispered.

"But he's not gone Peyton...." Brooke reassured her but Peyton shook her head again.

"Yes he is and it's my fault, I killed him..." The tears stopped falling and her eyes stayed closed. It just hurt, everything just hurt.

"Peyton, Lucas is fine, he's gunna be okay" Haley said quietly but Peyton just shook her head again.

"It's my fault" she repeated to herself and to the others. "My son died and it's my fault. He should be here right now and he's not because of me..." No one knew how to respond as they finally understood what she was talking about.

"It is not your fault. It never was and will never be your fault Peyton. You never asked for any of this to happen and you're not the cause of it either. You don't have to blame yourself. No one blames you, no one has ever blamed you because there is no one to blame. It just happened Peyton" Brooke held her best friend even tighter as she broke down crying again.

"But why" Peyton whispered into Brooke's chestnut hair.

"I don't know..." Brooke answered honestly.

"Maybe there wasn't a reason or maybe there was, we might never know that. But you don't have to use yourself as the excuse because you are not the reason." Haley kneeled down beside the two girls and rested her hand on Peyton's back. "Peyton...I know it's hard and I know you don't feel ready, but you should go to Lucas. You two will always need each other and right now he needs you. He's not gunna blame, he's just gunna be hurt if you're not there when he wakes up. He loves you and I know that you love him so support him the best that you can. He doesn't want anything other then your heart Peyton, you gave it to him once, let him have it again. He's not going to hurt you." Peyton looked up at Haley and nodded slightly before resting her head on Brooke's shoulder again.

"Come on Peyt...we're all gunna be with you. And Lucas will be there for you too, whether you realize it or not." Brooke stood up and she and Haley helped Peyton to her feet. Nathan helped her get her jacket on before they all left the house. Peyton had listened to what Haley said and she knew that she was right. But that wasn't her problem. She didn't have a hard time believing that Lucas wouldn't hurt her anymore...she was scared that she was going to hurt him.


	45. Do What You Have to Do

Peyton looked nervously into the room where Lucas was laying calmly in the center of the room. She flinched when Brooke rested a hand on her shoulder and looked at her. "Peyton...just go in" Brooke gave a small smile towards the blonde and she did her best to return the smile. She closed her eyes as she pushed the door open causing Karen to turn around.

"Peyton..."the older women stood form her chair after letting go of Lucas's hand. She walked over to Peyton wearing a warm smile. "I'm glad you came back" was all Karen could say because she knew that were no other words that were really acceptable at the moment. Peyton just nodded as Karen walked out of the room. Peyton wanted to tell her to stay but she knew that Karen would only leave anyway so she didn't bother trying. The blonde turned around when she heard the door close behind her. She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm her nerves, hoping that she could find the strength to turn around. She bit the edge of her bottom lip as she forced herself to finally really look at Lucas. With that one look Peyton had made up her mind, she knew what she had to do no matter how much she didn't want to.

"Hey you" she whispered as she sat in the chair that had been occupied by Karen just moments ago. She picked up his hand and squeezed it lightly, it was when he didn't squeeze back that the tears started to build behind her eyes. "Oh God...Luke I'm so sorry for this...for everything. This never should have happened. Lucas I'm sorry but I can't stay here...it....it just hurts too much. There are too many memories for me to handle right now. I thought I was okay and I thought I could handle this but I can't...being here...it's just..."

She didn't know what to say. She wanted to stay there with him, she wanted to crawl under the thin blanket and feels his arms wrapped around her. She wanted to feel safe again, just like she always did when he held her. But she wasn't the one that need to be comforted right now, Lucas need her and she couldn't help but feel selfish as she sat there longing for his touch. "Lucas I'm not ready for any of this. I thought I was and I thought I would be able to keep myself together but I can't anymore and I need to figure some things out. I don't think I've ever felt this torn about anything before, I've never been this lost and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I know that I need time to figure this out though and I really hope you can understand that. I know you want what's best for me and that you want to help me with everything you can...but I don't think you can really help me with this. That's another thing I'm not ready for yet...caring. I know you care about me and the more you show how much you care the more I get scared. I don't wanna be hurt anymore Lucas. I feel so damn vulnerable and there's nothing I can do about it. I just...I don't wanna set myself up to get hurt again...I don't think I can take anymore pain...I cant even handle the problems I have now. I know that this would hurt you and that's why I'm doing it now. I guess I'm being selfish again. I know you're gunna be hurt and its gunna hurt me to see you in pain so I'm just gunna avoid it. I don't know what I'm gunna do but I don't think I can stay in Tree Hill anymore, I just need to get away for a bit. I guess I need to find myself"

Peyton forced out a dry laugh as she lifted Lucas's hand to her lips, kissing his knuckles gently. She rested her head on their intertwined fingers as she held back tears. She what she was doing to him but she knew she wasn't ready to be in a relationship. She couldn't make a commitment to anything at the moment, she was too confused. She absentmindedly started humming as she held his hands tighter within her own. She couldn't help but smile as she remembered that day in her room.

**He absentmindedly started humming to calm his nerves. "Sing to me" came a tranquil voice from beneath him. **

**"I thought you were sleeping" Lucas said looking down at the body onto of him. **

**"No, I started to but then you started humming" she moved slightly under the covers. **

**"I'm sorry" he kissed the top of her head. **

**"It's alright" her voice barley above a whisper "but I want you to sing to me, sing what you were humming" **

**"Alright, but I'm warning you, you might not like it"**

She missed when things were that simple. Sure her life had been hell that day but for that one brief moment things felt okay. She smiled to herself as she started to hum again. It was a song that her mom used to sing all the time, she didn't understand it when she was younger but she would just hum along as her and Anna danced around the kitchen. Peyton forced herself to hold back more tears as she remembered being with her mom. Things were so much easier then ad she would give anything to have that life back. The blonde's humming gradually got quieter as she recalled the lyrics to the song, which only caused her to hold Luke's hand tighter.

"What ravages of sprit, conjured this temptuous rage" her voice was somber as she whispered the words into his fingers. "Created you a monster, broken by the rule of love. And fate has led you through it you do what you have to do. And I have the sense to recognize, that I don't know how to let you go." She spoke the lyrics as calmly as she could as a single tear slid down her cheek.

"Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul. I'm ever swiftly moving trying to escape this desire. The yearning to be near you, I do what I have to do. But I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go." The only thought that raced through her mind was the question of when her life had gotten so bad. She let the tears fall and her voice cracked as she struggled with her words.

"A glowing ember, burning hot, burning slow. Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you" She knew that she loved Lucas but that was the thing that scared her most. "I know I can't be with you, I do what I have to do. And I have sense to recognize but I don't know how to let you go..." Peyton let her words hang as the tears poured from her hazel eyes.

"So don't" Peyton lifted her head to see Lucas gazing down at her. He smiled at her and she it only made her cry harder.

"Lucas..."

"Why do you have to let me go? You can be with me, nothing is stopping you Peyton, nothing but you." Lucas didn't want her to run away again. She always ran away and all he could ever do was worry about her.

"Lucas..." Peyton slipped her hand from his and she stood up, tears staining her pale cheeks. "I'm so sorry...but I can't...I just can't." Peyton closed her eyes as she turned around but Lucas reached for her hand which was still within his grasp.

"Peyton...please don't do this again. Stop trying to do everything on your own...its okay to ask for help sometimes." He pulled her closer to him and she didn't fight it. "Look into your heart pretty baby" his voice was soothing to her as he sang quietly still edging her closer to the bed side. "is it aching with some nameless need. Is there something wrong and you can't put your finger on it that right time to roll to me. I don't think I have ever seen your soul so in despair so if you want to talk the night through guess who will be there. So don't try to deny it pretty baby you've been down so long you can hardly see. When the engine's stalled and it won't stop raining it's the right time to roll to me."

Peyton had more tears leaving her eyes as he finished the song but she also had a smile playing on her lips just like he had hoped. "Lucas...I don't know..." was all she could manage to say.

"Maybe we're not supposed to know. I told you before that we could take this slow Peyt. Day by day or slower if you don't think you're ready for that. But I just really don't wanna give up on us...not again. Most people never find what we have Peyton. We can overcome anything...we've done it so far...don't give up now. Let's keep going...I know in my heart that one day we'll find our happy ending." Lucas looked deeply into her eyes. He didn't know what he was searching for but what he found was a spark of hope. He watched as he smile grew wider and he was amazed to see it spread to her eyes. He had never seen her look more beautiful then she did at that moment. Somehow they both knew that things would be okay.

Okay I don't like that chapter, but the songs were "do what you have to do" by Sarah McLachlan and "Roll to me" by Del Amitri.


	46. The Sacrifice of a Best Friend

3 Months later 

Lucas opened his eye to a sea of blonde curls. He smiled to himself as he took in her scent and pulled her small body closer to him. She moaned slightly as she pushed herself further into his chest. Lucas had been out of the hospital for three weeks now and h and Peyton had made sure to spend as much time as possible together. He was doing everything he could to make her feel safe and secure while she was with him and she was finally starting to open up. 

Peyton would cry herself to sleep some nights and he would always just be there to hold her. She talked to him about how much she missed her mom but over the last few days she had been able to do it with a smile. She remembered as much of the good things as she could. Guilt still settled over her but she was finally learning to handle it.

Lucas buried his face into her neck, trailing kisses along her skin. A smile played on Peyton's lips as she slowly came to. Her eyes remained closed and she turned in his arms and joined their lips. Lucas positioned himself on his back as Peyton laid on his chest, their lips never breaking apart. Happiness spread through her entire body as his hands roamed around her back. "Morning" she said lazily when they finally broke the kiss. 

"Good morning to you too" he replied as she rested her head on his chest. She listened contently to his steady heartbeat as her head rose and fell with his chest.

"Lucas…." The blonde took a deep breath before she continued. "Do you think we'll really stay together forever?" Her mind was racing with thoughts and she suddenly wanted to take the question back. She wasn't sure how he was going to response and she wasn't sure if she really wanted a response.

"I think we'll be together for forever and a day" All her doubts disappeared as those simple words rang through her ears. He always knew how to make her feel okay and for the first time she was sound in her decision.  
"Good…because I think so too" She smiled brightly before leaning up to kiss him. She was surprised that it was so easy for her to say those words but it made her happy knowing that her heart was finally beginning to heel. "I love you" she whispered as their faces stood inches apart.

"I love you too" He wrapped his arms around her as she carefully tucked herself into the nook of his arm. She was soon sleeping again and he just watched her. He loved seeing her so calm and peaceful. His only wish was that she could always be this way. They had not a care in the world at the moment but soon reality would come knocking and all their problems would return. But he knew they could get through it as long as they stayed together. He didn't know why he was so sure they would survive, but he just knew and no one would ever convince him otherwise.

It wasn't until a few hours later that the couple decided to get out of bed. They were now watching TV in the living room. Lucas kept his arm wrapped tightly around Peyton's shoulders as they both remained smiling. They were enjoying being lazy for the day, they were also enjoying just being together. It gave them a pleasant feeling to know that they had someone there with them, someone that they could depend on. The sudden knock on the door tore them both from their thoughts. Peyton looked towards Lucas and pouted.

"Do you think they'll just go away if we don't answer it?" She looked at him with hopeful eyes as he laughed down at her.  
"Blondie… I know that you and broody are in there so will you just open the door already" Peyton shook her head as her best friends voice sounded through the door.

"I was gunna say yes but now that I know its Brooke… I know that she'll just come in anyway." Lucas leaned in and kissed the blonde lightly before removing his arm and sighing.

"Your right…I was going to just come in. I figured I'd give the polite thing a try first but pregnant lady's stomach says its time to sit down." The brunette found comfort on a nearby couch as she smirked at the two blondes. Brooke was enjoying every part of her pregnancy except for the huge bulge resting in front of her. It was obvious that she was eight months along and the entire group was glad that she hadn't been y throughout the last few months. Brooke complained but no one minded because they had gotten used to it.

"And how is our godchild?" Lucas asked as he wrapped his arm around Peyton again. She had stopped getting tense when Brooke came around them but he could still see that it bothered her. It still bothered him sometimes.

"She's just fine, I'm tired as hell, but yeah…" The brunette shook her head and leaned back against the couch. She was glad to be off her feet for the moment. She had remained small during her first two months but had gained almost 45 pounds throughout the last 6. She was always asking the doctor if he was sure she wasn't having twins and everyone just laughed at her. She couldn't see her feet anymore and she had to stay in sneakers because her boots were uncomfortable. If it wasn't so cold she would have gone barefoot all day.

"Ohh so your learning the joys of pregnancy" Peyton laughed lightly as she watched the brunette roll her eyes. She was doing her best to be happy for Brooke and to play the roll of best friend, but sometimes it was just too hard. Right now though, things were okay. Now was one of the times when she could joke with Brooke and act like everything was normal, like life was perfect.

"Funny…I've been learning these of so wonderful joys." She gave a fake smile before scowling slightly. "anyway…" she continued. "I need to go shopping. I need clothes and my child needs clothes and you and Haley could use some clothes to. Hales went home to get something and then she's coming back to pick us up." The brunette informed them nonchalantly.

"Brooke I really don't wanna go shopping. I'm kind of enjoying the whole staying home thing." Peyton leaned against Lucas's shoulder.

"Stop whining and get your coat on because you're coming with us. Broody can go have a guys day with Nate and Charlie. They can all play video games and do…whatever else it is that you guys do when you do you guy thing." Brooke threw her hands up in mock confusion before she turned back to Peyton.

"Brooke I would really just rather stay home. Maybe another day, sorry" Brooke watched as Peyton sat there quietly, her apology showing in her hazel eyes. Brooke knew that the blonde wasn't whining and she knew why she didn't want to go…she couldn't' blame her, but that didn't make her feel any better. 

"Fine…another day" Peyton could see the disappointment that was written all over her best friend's face. They turned towards the window as they heard a car horn beep outside. "That's Hales…" the brunette mumbled. "Are you sure you don't wanna go?" Brooke was hoping that Peyton would change her mind but the blonde shook her head sympathetically. "Alright…I'll see you guys later"

"Bye…" Peyton whispered as Brooke closed the door quietly behind her and made her way to the car.

"Where's Peyton?" Haley asked when she saw Brooke exit the house alone. 

"She said she'd come another day" Brooke put a fake smile on her face as she looked at the other brunette. Haley looked at Brooke oddly but shrugged the strange feeling off and headed towards the mall.

"You okay" Lucas asked the blonde sitting next to him.

"I don't know." She answered truthfully "I feel bad about not going to the mall with Brooke, but I just…" She shook her head and looked down towards the carpet, letting her eyes trace the design.

"Its alright…I know its hard and I'm sure Brooke understands Peyt" He kissed the top of her head gently but she got up and walked towards the bathroom. 

"I don't feel good" she mumbled as she closed the door behind her. Lucas tried to go in after her but she locked the door. He could hear her throw up and flush the toilet. Peyton rinsed her mouth with the cold water hoping her stomach would soon settle and she was glad when it did. Guilt had always done horrible things to her and she now knew that some things never changed. As she opened the bathroom door she looked up into her favorite pair of blue eyes and she could feel the tears overwhelming her.

"It's okay" Lucas said quietly as he pulled her into his chest, holding her tightly as she let the tears fall one by one. Peyton closed her eyes as she let Lucas comfort her.

Haley and Brooke were walking through the mall. They had been to a lot of stores but Brooke didn't want to buy anything, she just kept saying that she wasn't in the mood. "Hey, why don't we go in here" Haley said gesturing to a new store selling baby clothes. Brooke just smiled sadly and nodded as they walked into the store. They skimmed through the racks, but Brooke's heart just wasn't in it at the moment. 

"Brooke…" Haley began, but she didn't know what to say, she didn't even know where to begin so she just stood there. 

"Haley I'm sorry, this was a waste of time. You are a really great friend and all, but its just…" she shook her head as she lost the battle to hold back the tears. "I've known Peyton for years and we've been best friends for the longest and I just always thought id be doing this with her. I always pictured her here with me, helping me through everything. I know it's not fair of me to ask all of that from her because of everything that's happen but I still wish she was here."

"I'm sorry Brooke…" Haley knew there was nothing she could say to make Brooke feel any better. She needed her best friend and no matter how hard she tired, Haley would never fill that position. They were all great friends but Brooke and Peyton had a bond that couldn't be broken and that no body could understand and that's what kept them so close. No one knew why they were friends, they couldn't have been more different, but they were the best of friends and always would be.

"I just miss her Hales. We always said we would get pregnant together and we would do all our shopping together and everything. But none of that's happening and it feels like I'm losing my best friend now…" Brooke looked down at the ground as the tears continued to fall.

"Brooke why don't we do this another time. Its not late yet, I could drop you off at Peyton and I'll bring Luke over to my house and then you two could just spend some time together. She might not be able to come shopping with you but I'm sure she'd love to spend the rest of the day with you. You're not losing your best friend and you never will." Haley tired to reassure her and she was glad when Brooke gave a small smile in her direction. 

"Isn't this adorable…" Brooke looked up to find a small blue t-shirt with the words "Mommy's little girl" written in pink hanging in front of her. The brunette quickly spun around and was instantly wearing a huge smile. She through her arms around the blonde and buried her face in the array of curls.

"You didn't have to come Peyt" Brooke said as she lead back and looked up at her best friend. She still had tears steaming down her face but this time it was because she was happy.

"I know" Peyton said with a smile playing on her lips. "But I wanted to" She informed the smiling brunette.

"Thank you soo much Peyt…" Brooke wrapped her arms around the thin blonde again as happiness flooded her veins.

"Hey what are best friends for…" Peyton said returning the hug. Haley too was smiling. Peyton pulled away form Brooke and moved towards Haley. The blonde wrapped her arms around the other brunette's shoulders as she pulled them both into another hug. They all just laughed.

"And now that we've done the sentimental thing…" Haley started as she stared at the two girls.

"Let's shop!" The two best friends squealed together as they broke apart and started down the aisle with Haley standing between them. They all stayed together picking out clothes and enjoying themselves for the rest of the afternoon.


	47. Heart On the Line

Two days later, Lucas stood in the living room and watched intently as Peyton roamed around the kitchen aimlessly. Her picked up the phone and nervously dialed one of the many numbers he had memorized. He kept an eye on Peyton hoping she would stay in the other room. He watched as she gazed out the window and smiled brightly at one of the small birds that had landed in a nearby tree. His heart began to race as he shook his head and got ready to hang up the phone but he stopped when the person picked up.

"Hello" Lucas wanted to just hang up but he knew she would just call right back. His emotions were running high as he listened to the person breathe on the other line and watched Peyton stare out the window.

"She loves me and she trusts me so things will be okay." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Luke…is that you…" he hadn't realized that he spoke aloud and now he was stuck. He had to response because she knew it was him that called.

"Yeah…hey" He whispered into the receiver still keeping an eye on the blonde to make sure she couldn't hear him.

"You're nervous aren't you. I can tell, your doing that heavy yet shallow breathing thing you do" she laughed as she spoke, she wasn't the least bit nervous about anything.

"Yeah I'm nervous…I'm just…I'm not sure about this. I mean it feels right but at the same time it feels so wrong." He shook his head in confusion as his heart continued to race. He could hear the loud beating in his ears.

"It's okay…there is nothing to worry about. You said it yourself…she loves you and she trusts you. It might not seem like it but that's a lot Luke. She doesn't know, I know she doesn't. She doesn't even suspect anything, so you're clear to do whatever you want."

"I know that and I'm thinking about just not doing this at all anymore." He sighed deeply as he ran his hand through his hair.

"No, you're going to do this. Nothing is going to go wrong, I promise. No one knows but us so as long as we keep the timing straight things will run smoothly like they have been. We've been doing this for two weeks now, believe me we can do it for one more day and then its over. Hell we can do it for another week if you really want to…it doesn't matter to me Luke, I'm here" She informed him, trying to get him to go through with everything. She would hate it if he backed out now, things really were going well.

"No…I don't want this to last any longer, we can do it today. So I'll meet you later and this can be our last secret rendezvous…hopefully." He laughed nervously but then stopped. If anyone had heard him say that their cover would be blown and there would be problems and that's the last thing anyone needed right now.

"That's the spirit lover boy" She let out her own laugh and Luke couldn't help but smile at the comment. "Now I know you love talking to me but you need to go spend some quality time with Peyton. Keep her happy for the day and I'll talk to you later." Lucas laughed but not loud enough to get Peyton's attention. He couldn't believe he was really going to go through with everything today, but he knew deep down he wanted to.

"Alright I'll talk to you later. Oh and Brooke, I don't know what I'd do without you." He spoke even quieter as before as he spotted Peyton starting to walked over to him.

"I know that. Bye Broody" The brunette chirped as she hung up the phone. She smiled devilishly to herself as she thought about everything that was supposed to happen later and how happy she would make Lucas.

"Hey you" Peyton cooed in Lucas's ear as she wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned up to kiss him. "Are you okay" she asked as she wrinkled her brow. Something didn't feel right about the kiss, it was almost as if Lucas wanted her to get away from him. She pulled herself out of his arms as worry began to come over her.

"Yeah I'm fine" Lucas said as calmly as he could. He hadn't kissed her back because he was too nervous but the look on her face as she pulled away broke his heart. He smiled warmly at her and pulled her closer to him. He was determined to believe Brooke when she staid everything was going to be okay. He leaned in and kissed her softly and he let his mind focus on only her. They both smiled as they broke apart and Peyton felt more confident about her plans for the day.

"So…I wan thinking we could go to the park today. I wanna get out the house and I think we could have fun." She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and he gave her a small smile.

"Isn't it kinda cold Peyt" Lucas hoped that she would agree with him. If they went to the park his plans with Brooke might not go smoothly or they might just be ruined all together.

"If you don't wanna go its fine" she said quietly as she tried to keep her smile on but Lucas could see she was upset.

"No we can go. I think it'll be fun too. Plus…I'll just have to keep you warm all day" Lucas kissed her again and smiled down at her and was glad to see her smile back.

"Okay, then grab your ball and let's go." The excitement was evident in her voice and Lucas just became more nervous. He was scared that he was going to mess things up for them and he was beginning to question his plans once again. He felt his cell vibrate in his pocket and he looked down to find a message from Brooke.

-I figured you were probably getting ready to second guess our plans so I figured I'd tell you to remember how happy your gunna be this evening.- Lucas read the message and smiled to himself because he knew the brunette was right. He pushed his phone back into his pocket and grabbed his coat before meeting a smiling Peyton at the front door.

"Ready" She said as she grabbed his hand, entangling their finger. He leaned down and kissed her hand.

"Yup. Let's go" He lead her down the driveway and they began their walk to the park. Peyton was suddenly beginning to doubt their relationship and Lucas was beyond nervous. Peyton gave his hand a light squeeze hoping to make herself more comfortable but it didn't help.

It didn't take long for them to arrive at the basketball court and they just stood there holding hands for a while. Peyton took a deep breathe and grabbed the ball from his hands, she didn't want to stand there anymore. She walked towards the center of the court, dribbling the ball along the way. Lucas watched her and could feel his hand shaking. He wasn't sure if it was nerves or cold, to him it didn't matter.

"Let's play horse but I think I'm gunna change the letters. So when you miss I'll tell you what letter you have and when I miss I'll get the same letter and I think that makes sense." Peyton laughed nervously as Lucas walked over to her and smiled.

"Alright…let's play. You can go first" He stood back and watched as Peyton looked for a place to shoot from. She was hoping that he would just let her win but she was at least going to try. She settled on the foul line because it was the only spot she knew she could make it from. She was glad to see the ball go through the hoop and she smiled to herself as Lucas jogged over to retrieve it. She stepped aside as he took her spot and prepared to shoot. She waited until her was about to release when she screamed. The ball hit the backboard and flew back towards them. Lucas looked down at the smiling blonde.

"Sorry" She said innocently. "I guess I have to give you a letter now. Let's see…you can have a W." She reached down and grabbed the ball before going off to find another spot. She only picked spots that she knew she could shoot from and she made sure to mess Lucas up. They continued playing half an hour before Lucas snatched the ball from her hands and held it at his hip.

"Okay not only are you the worst cheater I've ever met but I have no clue what my letters are anymore" Lucas laughed as he watched Peyton stick her tongue out in his direction.

"I know what your letter are and we're not done yet." She walked over to him and grabbed the ball back as she leaned up and kissed him.

"What are you spelling anyway?" Lucas asked as he followed her out to the center of the court again.

"You'll figure it out. It's a sentence and the words are all mixed up but the letters for the words are all in order. You just have to put the words together when we're done." Peyton shrugged her shoulders as she shot the ball and watched it fly through the hoop. Lucas attempted to make the shot but missed when the blonde jumped in front of him. Lucas just sighed and shook his head as she went after the ball. "Two more letters"

They spent 10 minutes finishing up the game because Peyton missed her shot which gave Lucas the opportunity to finally make one. He made shots he knew she couldn't just to tease her before going back to the foul line. He intentionally missed is shot just to make her happy and it worked. Peyton made her two shot and made sure to screw Lucas up and was thrilled when the game was finally over, as was Lucas. He glanced down at his watch and was shocked to see that he was supposed to meet Brooke in a few minutes. He pulled out his phone and dialed her number, holding up a finger to Peyton telling her to hold on. She frowned as she turned away and went to retrieve the ball that had rolled over to one of the benches. Lucas watched her walk off out of the corner of his eye.

"Hello" Brooke said as she answered the phone.

"Hey its me. I'm not gunna be able to meet you at the same time so can we bump it back an hour or so." Lucas kept an eye out for Peyton, hoping she couldn't hear the conversation.

"Ohh okay" Brooke was slightly disappointed that they we're going to have to wait but she smiled as she got an idea. "Actually Luke if you can't make it then I'll just set everything up and then all you have to do is show up. Just make sure you keep Peyton busy for awhile and make sure she gets to her house. If she goes to your house we're gunna be screwed." Brooke informed the nervous blonde on the other line.

"Alright Nate…thanks bro. I'll talk to you later and tell Hales hi for me." He said as Peyton started coming over to him.

"Bye" Brooke said quickly as she caught on. She hung up the phone and grabbed her stuff before heading out of the house to set things up for Luke.

"Why'd you have to call Nate" Peyton asked as she handed him the basketball. She was getting nervous and suddenly just wanted to go home.

"Oh I promised him I'd call him to see if he needed help rearranging his apartment but he said that he and Hales changed their mind" He lied, hoping she would buy it.

"Oh alright" She said quietly. She didn't know what else to say so she just stood there looking down.

"So you're supposed to tell me what my letters were, remember." Lucas was trying to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Oh yeah" She whispered as she smiled up at him. "Okay…YOUWILLMEMARRY" Peyton said quickly as she smiled nervously at him. Lucas played with the letters in his head for a few minutes.

"Okay I got a YOU and a Will." He said out loud as he tried to remember the other letters. He was too busy thinking about what Brooke had planned to concentrate on the letters but he was still trying.

"Well those are the first two words just switch them around" Peyton said quietly as her nerves began to get the best of her.

"Okay so its… Will you…" he thought quickly and then the last two words came to mind. Lucas stood there shocked, his eye brows raised as he looked down at her. His lips stayed slightly parted as she gazed down at Peyton. "Peyt…" he whispered as all sorts of things ran through his mind. He didn't know how to respond and all he could think about suddenly were the last few weeks and everything that had happened with Brooke and what was supposed to happen that evening.

Peyton watched his face contort and her smile slowly faded as tears burned behind her eyes. "Lucas…" she whispered into the cold air around them.

"Peyton I…" He was at a loss for words. He had surpassed shocked as he just stood there watching the reflection of her heart break in her eyes. He was about to respond finally but she cut him off.

"No…its alright. I'll just see you later. I have to go." Peyton turned around and walked off the court as quickly as she could. Tears streamed down her pale cheeks as she made her way out of the park.

"Peyton…." Lucas called after her but she was gone. "Shit…what the hell did I just do" He screamed to himself as he took his phone out and quickly dialed Brooke's number. As soon as he heard the click he started talking. "Brooke…there's a big problem now. Peyt just asked me to marry her."

"Lucas it's okay…just meet her at her house because I'm sure that's where she's going. I left the backdoor open on accident but I guess that's a good thing now. Just meet me at the café later and if you can't call me. Either way call me and let me know what happens." Brooke said as she pulled into her driveway, still shaking her head.

"Brooke what am I going to do." Lucas whispered as he headed towards Peyton's house.

"Just don't worry about it. It'll all be okay…I promise." Brooke reassured him. "Now go" She said before hanging up the phone and throwing her head back against the car seat. Things were not going smoothly anymore, but hopefully it would all work out and they would have the same ending as she and Luke had originally planned for.

Peyton walked through her front door as leaned against the hard wood as it slammed shut. The tears poured from her eyes as she kept them closed hoping it would make everything just go away, but it wasn't working. She had been so sure that hew as going to say yes but he hadn't. Her life was falling apart again and she was left there alone to pick up the scattered pieces. Things had finally been going well for her and she was finally able to fully trust Lucas again but she just got her heart broken in the end. Her fears had come true but she couldn't make it go away this time. She couldn't just shut down and make it all stop.

The blonde locked the door, but she couldn't make her body move. She hadn't gone straight home, but walked around her block a few times first. She needed to breath but the fresh air didn't help. Everything she saw reminded her of Lucas and it all broke her heart a little more each time. She finally forced her eyes open and was shocked to find her stairs decorated with flowers and cards. She smiled to herself as she walked over to the first step and bent down to pick up the card. She opened it slowly and read the lines neatly printed in Lucas's handwriting.

-I wanna know, who ever told you I was letting go, of the only joy that I have ever known- She smiled to herself as she picked up the next card.

-Girl they we're lying- she laughed lightly as she started to climb the step and picked up the next card.

-So you should know this love we share was never made to die

I'm glad we're on this one way street

just you and I- the blonde took time to smell the sweet roses before opening the next card, her smile still growing slowly.

-I'm never gonna say goodbye  
Cos I never wanna see you cry  
I swore to you my love would remain  
And I swear it all over again and I-

-I'm never gonna treat you bad  
Cos I never wanna see you sad  
I swore to share your joy and your pain  
And I swear it all over again-

Peyton couldn't help but smile brightly as she reached the center of the steps and reached for the next card.

- Some people say  
That everything has got its place in time  
Even the day must give way to the night  
But I'm not buying-

- Cos in your eyes  
I see a love that burns eternally  
And if you see how beautiful you are to me  
You'll know I'm not lying-

- Sure there'll be times we wanna say goodbye  
But even if we try  
There are some things in this life won't be denied-

The blonde tucked a piece of hair behind her ear as she neared the top of the steps. She could smell the scent of Luke's cologne and it made her smile more then she thought possible. Peyton looked up to find Lucas staring down at her with a nervous smile on his face. He reached for her hand and took it gently in his. She stood up and looked into his eyes, falling in love with him all over again. He placed a hand on her check and smiled down at her.

"The more I know of you…is the more I know I love you. And the more that I'm sure I want you forever and ever more. And the more that you love me, the more that I know…that I'm never gunna let you go…gotta let you know that I, I'm never gunna say goodbye, cuz I never wanna see you cry, I swore to you my love would remain and I'll swear it all over again." He whispered the words into her ear. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and kissed him.

"Peyton I'm sorry about what happened at the park, I just didn't know what to say because I was shocked. I had all this planned and I was so nervous that you were gunna say no and then you asked me first and I didn't know what to do." Lucas admitted as soon as they pulled apart.

"Luke it doesn't matter to me anymore. It's just not important." Peyton whispered as she closed her eyes and gave a small smile. Peyton felt Lucas slip from her grasp and she opened her eyes to see him kneeling in front of her.

"Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer will you marry me?" Lucas spoke as he slipped a small black velvet box from his pocket. He had been carrying it around for the past week and now for the first time he opened it in front of someone else, more specifically in front of Peyton. He watched as she nodded her head, her curls bouncing around her.

"Yes" she whispered as he smiled and gently slipped the ring onto her thin finger. :pic of the ring)

"I love you" Lucas whispered as he lifted Peyton into his arms and carried her into her room. He gently set her down on the floor as they both leaned forward. The ignored the phone that began ringing, they were only concerned about each other. They heard the answering machine click on, but still continued kissing.

-Okay well that's not exactly calling me, but its okay these are special circumstances so Broody you are forgiven. Judging form the rock that's not glistening on my computer screen I'm guessing things are okay with you two and congratulations are in order. Apparently you're not even listening to me though. You guys pay attention, I'm trying to congratulate you here and you don't even care. P Sawyer as the best friend I believe I'm entitled to be informed immediate of a major change like this. Hello…why are you not picking up the phone? I know you two are like all excited and whatever but you can make out later…right now Brooke Davis wants details. Why am I not getting details?- the two blondes continued to ignore the whining blonde as they stayed in each others arms. -Okay so you guys still aren't paying any attention to me!-

"I can fix that" Peyton was yanked away from Lucas as Brooke wrapped her arms around her neck. Lucas nearly feel over when someone jumped on his back. He was greeted with a kiss on the cheek.

"How could you not tell me you were gunna propose?" Haley shrieked as she jumped off Luke's back.

"Sorry buddy. I was tryna keep this as quiet as possible and your not the best at keeping secrets." Lucas said with a small laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…whatever." Haley rolled her eyes as she hugged her best friend again. "Peyt I can't believe your getting married." Haley ran over and hugged her as Brooke mover over to Lucas.

"I told you it would all work out Broody" The brunette winked up at the blonde.

"I know and I'm glad you were right. Thank you so much for helping me with this Brooke. I couldn't have don't this without you." the blonde admitted as he wrapped his arms around her.

"I know and that's why you two love me so damn much." She smirked and stuck her tongue out. "Now lets go…its celebration time at the café. Even though I can't drink, I can still party" Brooke went over and grabbed he hands of the other two girls as she led the out of the room. Lucas grabbed Peyton's arm and wrapped his arms around her waist as they walked downstairs. They talked about how excited they all were on the ride to the café, Brooke and Haley doing most of the talking. Once they arrived at the café the couple was greeted by their friends and family and congratulated again.

"Pey I can't believe your finally getting married. That's creepy though because now you're actually going to be my sister." Nathan said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and kissed the side of her head.

"Yeah I never thought that would happen" Peyton gave a small laugh as she thought about how different things had been when they all had first met.

"Hey bro…I believe your wife is over there" Lucas said as he came up behind Peyton.

"Congrats again you two" Nathan nodded towards the two before laughing and walking over to Haley.

"So we're really getting married" Peyton whispered as she wrapped her arms around Luke's neck.

"Yeah we are." Lucas whispered back as he leaned down as kissed her passionately. The whole room cheered as Keith popped the cork on a bottle of champagne and Brooke and Haley showered the couple with confetti.


	48. More Than Anyone

"So what is the married life really like" Peyton inquired as she slid next to Nathan in one of the booths. Her ex looked up at her and smiled.

"Its not like I thought it would be. In fact…Pey being married is nothing that I expected." Nathan shook his head and watched as Peyton grew nervous. He reached for her hand and gave it a light squeeze. "Its so much better then I expected. It's all I wanted and so much more Pey. You guys are gunna love it"

"Good to know" Peyton said with relief in her voice. She laughed lightly as she rested her head on Nathan's shoulder. "Ahhh…I never thought I would be here right now. I mean living the way I am with everyone. I mean…would have ever pictured us in the positions were in?" The blonde tilted her head slightly and looked up at her soon to be in-law.

"Honestly no…but I wouldn't change it for the world. I mean were all happy and were all still friends so what more could we ask for?" Nathan wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him with a small laugh.

"Well well well, what do we have here" Haley cooed into Nathan's ear but he didn't budge instead he just remained in the same position.

"I'm having a heart to heart with my little sister" Nathan leaned down and kissed Peyton's curls causing them all to laugh.

"Yup that's right big bro" Peyton said in return, still laughing.

"Well go have a heart to heart with your fiancé so I can steal my husband for a few minutes." Haley used her hands to shoo Peyton out of the seat and as the blonde got up she shooed Haley back. Nathan just shook his head as Peyton walked away and Haley took her place. "So what were you two talking about"

"How wonderful the married life is and how happy we are with the way things turned out between all of us." Nathan leaned down and kissed his wife gently and they broke apart smiling.

"I love being married to you." Haley whispered as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"So do I" Nathan responded quietly. "I love you Hales"

"Love you too" She leaned and continued their kiss, both of them enjoying every minute of it. Peyton watched from the other side of the room and smiled lightly. She jumped slightly when she felt arms wrapped tightly around her waist.

"That's gunna be us one day soon" Lucas whispered into her ear with a smile playing on his lips. Peyton spun around in his arms.

"No…I think that should be us now" She leaned up and joined their lips as she draped her arms around his neck.

"mmmhh" he breathed into her mouth, the vibrations traveling down her throat. "Come here" he reluctantly broke the kiss and reached up for her hand, taking it gently into his. She looked at him strangely but followed him into the back of the café and through the kitchen. He carefully led her through the back door and into another building.

"Lucas where are we going" Peyton couldn't see anything in the pitch back and she tired to stay as close to Lucas as possible.

"Hold on…we're almost there" Lucas had excitement in his voice and Peyton couldn't do anything but follow him blindly. He led her carefully up a flight of stairs before stopping. Suddenly things got brighter as Lucas pushed a door open. Peyton gazed out onto the open rooftop before her which was lit up by the stars. A smile took over her face as she stepped onto the roof and looked around.

"Lucas this is gorgeous…" Peyton whispered into the cool night around her. She looked down as Lucas grabbed her hand again.

"Come on…this isn't what I wanted to show you" Peyton looked at him confused but followed him with interest. He led her around to the other side of the building. As soon as they rounded one of the pipes Peyton could smell the ocean. She looked out over the edge and could see the dark waves crashing against the far out reef. The deep blue water where lit just enough by the night sky so that she could make out the ripples. "Do you like it"

"Are you kidding, Lucas this is amazing" Peyton gasped as she continued to look out over the water.

"I'm glad. You're the only person I've ever brought up here. Its always just been something of mine and I wanted to share it with you." Lucas reached behind another vent and pulled out a thick blanket and laid it out on the floor before he wrapped his arms around her small waist, turning her towards him. "Peyton I love you"

"I love you too" she said, her eyes glowing as she kissed him gently. "Lucas…" Peyton began, scared to say what had been on her mind for the past few hours.

"What's wrong" Lucas could see she was hiding something and it was starting to worry him.

"Luke…what if this turns out like all the other times and something goes wrong again" Peyton could feel the fear welling up inside of her and the tears burning behind her eyes. She wanted things to work for once but she needed him to tell her that he was sure. Lucas could read her eyes and he knew what she was searching for and he was more then ready to give it to her.

"Peyton we're gunna make it. I know we're gunna make it and you know we're gunna make and that's all that matters" he pulled her body closer to him and leaned in. She met him halfway feeling better. She loved that ability he had to make her worries disappear. "Hey listen…" Lucas said as he pulled away. Peyton listened for a moment before she heard the music playing from the café.

"Looks like they don't even miss us…and it's our party." They both laughed as they leaned against their foreheads.

"Well I think the real party is right here" Lucas whispered as a smile spread across both of their lips.

**You need a friend**

**I'll be around**

They both went in for the kiss and Peyton graciously accepted Lucas's offer as his tongue slid across her bottom lip.

**Don't let this end   
Before I see you again**

Lucas let his lips trail Peyton's neck as her heart began to race. Excitement filled her body and she could feel her skin becoming flushed.

**What can I say to convince you to change your mind?..Don't leave**

His hands traveled slowly around her bare back, his finger tips chilling her skin. She rolled her neck before resting on the side of his head. His lips lined the curve of her neck and shoulder as he pulled her closer to him.

**I'm gonna love you more than anyone  
I'm gonna hold you closer than before  
And when I kiss your soul, your body be free, I'll be free for you anytime  
I'm gonna love you more than anyone**

Lucas pulled back from the blonde and cupped her now tinted cheeks. They gazed into each other's eyes both getting lost. "Peyton I don't know what'd I do without you. You're everything to me."

**Look in my eyes  
What do you see  
Not just the color  
Look inside of me**

She could read right through his eyes and all the love was there. She felt his fingers stream through her curls as she closed her eyes. She would be lost without him and she knew it. There was nothing she wouldn't do to be in his arm every minute of everyday, the way she was right now.

**Tell me your need and I will try  
I will try**

Lucas found her lips again and indulged himself in her taste anxiously. There was nothing that compared to the feelings he got when he had Peyton in his arms.

**I'm gonna love you more than anyone  
I'm gonna hold you closer than before  
And when I kiss your soul, your body be free, I'll be free for you anytime  
I'm gonna love you more than anyone**

Lucas wrapped his arms around her petite waist again and she lifted herself onto him, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. She was internally smiling again and it was something she hadn't done in years. It was almost as if the feeling was new, but it didn't matter because she was enjoying every minute of it.

**Free for you whenever you need  
We'll be free together baby, free together baby**

Lucas once again broke the kiss, resting his forehead on hers. "I love you" he said breathlessly.

"I love you too" she responded in the same manor, with the same look written in her eyes. They found comfort in each other again and Lucas place a supportive hand on her mid back and dropped down to his knees. She closed her eyes and threw her head back as he treated her neck with kisses once again as he laid her on her back. The stars glowed brightly above them as they quickly became indifferent to the cold night air surrounding them.

**I'm gonna love you more than anyone  
I'm gonna hold you closer than before  
And when I kiss your soul, your body be free, I'll be free for you anytime  
I'm gonna love you more than anyone**

**I'm gonna love you more than anyone**


	49. Something Old, Something New

"So P Sawyer….why did you and Broody cut out early last night" the brunette inquired as leaned against the bedroom doorway, causing the blonde to turn around.

"Now I don't see how that's any of you're business B Davis?" Peyton raised a brow before turning back towards her mirror to finish her makeup.

"And you just answered my question" Brooke squealed before sticking her tongue out and sitting on the edge of the bed. She reached for Peyton's sketchbook and began flipping through the pages. She came across a sketch of Lucas with his arms around Peyton, the two of them looking over the city.

"I really wish I could lock this thing" Brooke frowned as the blonde snatched the book away and put it on top of one of her shelves. "So where are you dragging me to toady?" Peyton turned off the bathroom light before sitting on the other side of the bed.

"I don't know. It's odd 'cause I'm not in the mood to go anywhere. I kinda just wanna sit on the couch, watch movies and pig out." She threw herself back onto a pillow and sighed deeply. "I swear Peyt, the only thing I can think about is food. I just wanna eat and eat and eat. It's disgusting." The brunette rolled her eyes as the blonde laughed.

"Well soon enough you won't be eating for two. You're due in like a week or two aren't you?" She watched the brunette smile and nod. "Do you have a name yet?"

"No, I mean I have a few that I like but I'm just gunna wait and which ever one pops out at me in the delivery room…that'll be it." She shrugged and closed her eyes again. "You know what…I changed my mind. I wanna eat and then go to sleep. I'm exhausted and my feet and back are killing me. This is torture, pure torture." the brunette moaned and kicked her feet a few times.

"It'll all be over soon little miss prissy princess." Peyton got off the bed and walked to the door. "If you find the energy to get up I'll be downstairs." She left her room and stopped at the top of the stairs. "Eating ice cream…pecan ice cream." She shouted and then listened. She laughed when she heard Brooke's feet hit the floor and before she knew it the brunette was right by her side.

"Well what are you waiting for…there's ice cream downstairs…let's go" she rushed down the stairs and into the kitchen. Peyton walked in to find the brunette with a spoon in her hand, searching through the freezer.

"Got it" she shouted as she grabbed container and closed the door with a devilish smile and glint in her eyes.

"Your pathetic you know that" Peyton teased as she grabbed a spoon from the drawer and sat on the stood next to her best friend.

"If I'm pathetic then don't eat any of my ice cream" She spun away from the blonde and started eating. Peyton reached over her shoulder and scooped up a spoonful. She placed it in her mouth and closed her eyes, savoring the creamy taste.

"I never said anything was wrong with occasionally being pathetic." She smiled and soon the two girls were laughing as they polished off the half gallon of ice cream.

"Peyton" Lucas called as he opened the front door. She hadn't answered her either of her phone and her web cam was off. When she didn't answer he called he name again.

"Shhhh" he watched her walk out of the kitchen. She pointed to the couch at a sleeping Brooke.

"Now isn't she adorable." Lucas joked as he shook his head. "Why didn't you answer you phone" he asked as he slid his arms around her waist.

"My cell is upstairs and we plugged the house phone out…Brooke's idea of a girls day in." she shrugged as she leaned up and kissed him.

"Does that mean I have to leave" he mocked sadness as he frowned and looked down at the curl blonde.

"She's sleeping…how is she gunna know you were here" she leaned up again as he pulled her closer. They smiled as they pulled away a minute later. "So I've been thinking…" Peyton let the comment hang as her eyes drifted towards the floor.

"Why is that making me worried" Lucas gave a small laugh as he loosened his grip on her waist.

"Well…I'm worried that something is gunna go wrong and I really don't wanna have to worry about that."

"You don't have to Peyt, everything is gunna be just fine, I promise." He kissed her forehead gently, hoping that she wouldn't push him away again.

"I know but still…I was thinking. Do we really have to wait half a year to get married. I want a short engagement, I mean what's the point in waiting that long…we're not having this big wedding so there aren't months of preparations like other people have." She looked up at him, half smiling.

"I don't think that's a bad idea at all, in fact I love that idea. Everyone that's gunna be there is right here already, so we really don't even need invitations."

"Exactly" Her entire face lit up as he pulled her closer again. They both leaned in but turned away when the heard a slight moan from the couch. Peyton threw her head back before wrapping her arms around Lucas's neck again. "I think that means you have to leave now" She said with a pout before Lucas leaned down and kissed her. She pushed him towards the door in between kisses.

"I really wish she would stay asleep" Lucas whispered into her ear causing the blonde to smile.

"So do I…but if she wakes up and finds out that this wasn't exactly a girls day…neither one of us will hear the end of it."

"I know I know" he kissed her again before opening the front door.

"Peyton…" the groggy voice echoed into the hallway. Peyton placed a hand on his chest and gently pushed him out the door.

"I'll come see you as soon as I can. Just think Luke…we're getting married soon" She whispered before kissing him one last time, her smile spreading all the way to her eyes.

"Two weeks" his smile was equally large as he began walking backwards towards his car. Peyton nodded her head quickly. "I love you" He pointed at her as he reached his car.

"I love you too" She waved to him as Brooke called out to her again. She closed the door and ran back into the living room.

"Well hello there sleepy head. Are you all refreshed now?"

"Who was outside…" Brooke asked as she sat up.

"No one…I just went to check the mail, but there was nothing there" the blonde lied,

"Ohh alright. I'm hungry again" The brunette whined as she threw herself back against the couch causing the blonde to laugh.

"So let's make this a girls day out now and go out to eat. I remember when we used to do that all the time."

"We should go to Friendly's and that way we can get the free ice cream afterwards." Brooke smiled at the thought and pulled herself from the couch. "This is gunna be so much fun best friend." the brunette squealed.

"I know…now let's get going girly." the blonde threw her arm around Brooke's neck as they grabbed their jackets and headed out the door.

"I can't believe you actually ate the entire thing and then had dessert." Peyton gasped as they walked towards her car.

"I told you I was hungry." Brooke responded innocently as she waited for Peyton to open the car door. The blonde shook her head and opened the door.

"God it's cold in here" Peyton turned the car on and waited fir the heat to start working. She looked towards the passenger side of the car and saw that the door wasn't locked, but Brooke was still standing outside. Peyton opened her door and stood up, resting her arm on the roof of the car. "Look princess…it's cold and I'm not about to walk over there and open the door for you. Let's go." Peyton watched as her friend just stood there looking towards the ground. "Brooke…are you alright" Peyton started to grow worried as the brunette turned towards her with shock on her face.

"Peyt…I…I think my water just broke" She had a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth, but she was to shocked to know how to feel.

"okay…if that's that case then you definitely need to be getting in the car now." She watched as the brunette opened the door and slowly sat down. Peyton returned to the driver's seat and got ready to pull off. "Don't you need to call Charlie" Peyton inquired as she drove down the road.

"Yea…I think that would be a good idea" Brooke laughed nervously as she dial the number on her cell phone"

"Peyton where is she" Charlie ran through the emergency entrance to the hospital and straight towards the blonde.

"She just went in a few minutes ago. They should be taking her up to the maternity ward now. Go on up I'm gunna wait for everyone else to arrive." She pointed him towards the elevator and watched him walk backwards.

"Okay I'll see you up there. This is it…I can't believe this is really it" Peyton watched the goofy smile that played on his lips as he made his way down the hall. She forced a smile as she remembered the same smile Lucas had when she was pregnant. She hated the fact that she could never forget her past. There was always something to make her remember. It wasn't as bad as it had been before but it was still there and it still hurt.

"What are you doing down here, isn't she up in maternity" Peyton turned around to see Haley and Nathan walking towards her.

"Yea she is, I was just waiting for everyone to get here" she told them , a warm smile on her face.

"Well Karen and Luke are on their way in right now" As if on cue the other two walked in and made their way towards the group.

"Let's go then" Peyton said excitedly as she walked briskly towards the elevator with everyone behind her. Once they got to the right floor all they could do was sit down and wait. They were all full of anticipation especially Haley and Peyton. They couldn't wait for the baby to be born. Time flew by for all of them as they sat there waiting for any kind of news. Peyton had begun pacing the floor nervously and Lucas just watched her move back and forth. They all snapped their head towards the door and watched as Charlie stepped into the hall.

"Well…." Haley stood up and clasped her hands together tightly.

"You have a Goddaughter" He said a mile wide smile that soon spread to all of their faces. "Peyton…Brooke wants to see you." the blonde quickly entered the room with the new father behind her.

"Hey P. Sawyer…" Brooke said weakly as she sat up in the bed. She shifted slightly as the nurse handed her her daughter, wrapped tightly in a pink blanket. "She looks like an Allison to me…what do you think?" Brooke looked up at the blonde with hopeful eyes.

"I think it's perfect." She whispered as she let the small girl grab her fingers. She looked down adoringly at the child and smiled, tears getting caught in her throat. "Perfect." she whispered again.


	50. Traditions

"Peyton….hun come on." Haley stood tapping her foot on the hard tile floor.

"P. Sawyer get your skinny ass out here rite now" Brooke demanded as she stood next to Haley with her hands on her hips. "You are so not doing this right now, not today."

"I'm sorry you guys…cant you just go out there and do this without me." The blonde pleaded on the other side of her room door. Brooke rolled her eyes as she pushed the door open. Peyton looked up to find the brunette with a bobby pin gripped between her fingers.

"You should've known I would get in here P. Sawyer." she said calmly as she sat on the bed next to her best friend. Peyton just looked up at her with tears forming in her eyes. "Oh no…you can't do that…we just finished your makeup." the brunette whined.

"And this is why its water proof" Haley said with a smile as she handed the blonde a tissue. "But you shouldn't be crying Peyton."

"I know…I'm supposed to be happy and all but I'm not sure about this anymore." She looked up at the two girls with more tears quickly forming in her eyes. She pushed a stray peace of hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear.

"I got cold feet too Peyton…I wanted to turn and runaway and never look back. God, Peyt I had cold feet up until I said 'I do" and then it was just magically better all of a sudden and I felt amazing." Peyton and Brooke watched a the smile on Haley's face grew wider.

"I just…I want everything to be perfect and something always goes wrong…I'm just so scared that that's gunna happen again and that its gunna happen today." She hung her head down as Brooke pulled her into a tight hug.

"Nothing is going to go wrong, I promise you that. I wont let anything go wrong today. It's your wedding day and if it's the last thing I do I'm gunna make sure everything happens just the way you want it. Remember when we were younger and we would plan our weddings…you said you didn't wanna get married in a church…you wanted to get married on the beach, with the wind blowing through your hair. The weather would be perfect, not to hot or cold, just rite and the sun would be bright but not blinding. You'd have a dress that fit you perfectly and you'd have the gloves to go with it. You didn't want a veil or a nice hair piece." Brooke reached for Peyton's trembling hands and gripped them tightly. "Your having your dream wedding" Brooke smiled but the blonde didn't return the gesture, she only struggled to hold back more tears.

"No I'm not, I always thought my mom would be here and…" she buried her face into Brooke's shoulder as she gave into the tears. Brooke did the only thing she could, she held her best friend as tight as possible as they rocked back and forth on the edge of the bed.

"Ut oh" the two brunette's looked up to find Karen walking slowly into the room. The soon to be mother-in-law knelt down in front of the blonde and placed a comforting hand on her arm. "Peyton…sweetheart…"

"It just feels likes something is missing without her" Peyton looked up briefly before falling back onto the brunette's shoulder.

"Peyton she's watching you and she's here with you. She's gunna be with you for the rest of your life and especially today when you take those steps to begin a new chapter in your life." Karen watched as the blonde looked up at her and wipe the tears away.

"I just wish she was really here" She forced a small smile as she looked around the group.

"Well I can help a little bit, that's why I stopped by." Karen picked up a small box from the ground that she had brought in with her. "Lucas has had this for the last three weeks, he's kept in my room and I only found out about it yesterday." Karen smiled as she handed the box to Peyton. The blonde slowly pulled the lid off the small box, unsure of what to expect. Her eyes lit up when she caught sight of the crystal drop earrings. She looked up in disbelief.

"Where did he get these…how did he…" Karen could only smile as the other two girls looked on in confusion.

"He went up into your attic and he went digging. He said it was in one of the boxes near the back and the clasps were broken so he got them repaired."

"Oh God…"Peyton was speechless. "These were my moms…she used to wear them all the time but she lost them one day." Peyton hugged Karen tightly as she whispered thank you repeatedly into her ear.

"Don't thank me for that, thank Lucas…but I did bring you something, we have to keep tradition." Karen revealed a larger box from behind her back. "I brought this for you…its something new." Peyton opened the rectangular box to reveal a rhinestone necklace with three flower designs at the bottom. Peyton looked up at the women and smiled brightly.

"Thank you so much Karen" she whispered. She took the necklace out of the box and held it in her hands. "Would you?" she asked timidly as she looked at the older women who nodded her head.

"I'd be honored" Karen replied as she took the necklace from the blonde and they both stood up. Peyton anxiously turned around and let Karen place the necklace around her neck. When she turned back around she quickly hugged her with a radiant smile playing on her lips.

"Wait we're not done yet" Brooke stood from the bed and ran out of the room. She returned seconds later with a bag in her hand and a glowing face. "Okay so I w s going to wait till later but your in need of something blue and I have just the thing." The brunette smirked happily as she handed the bag over to her best friend. As Peyton opened the bag she pulled out a small card.

"Just thought I'd make your night a little more fun" The blonde read out loud. Peyton dug back into the bag and grasped the gift between her fingers as Brooke finally thought about her gift and the people in the room, mostly the one woman standing in front of her best friend.

"Peyton wait" Brooke bit her bottom lip as the blonde removed the blue lingerie from the bag and held it up. They all looked towards Karen and Brooke and Peyton couldn't help but blush, especially Peyton. They were surprised when Karen laughed and took the blue silk from the blonde's hands.

"Cute" was all she could manage as she laughed and soon Haley joined in. Brooke just smirked while Peyton stood too embarrassed to move. "It's alright you two…it's not that big of a deal." Karen placed the lingerie back into the bag as Peyton started to lose the red tint in her cheeks.

"Well now you just need something borrowed but I think that's covered" Haley teased as she lifted up the bottom of Peyton's dress to reveal the champagne colored garter belt sitting on her thigh…more importantly the one the petite brunette had wore on her wedding day "It'll due" Haley shrugged as she let the dress fall back to the floor. They all laughed as Haley's cell began vibrating. She looked down to see a message from Nathan asking where they all were.

"I guess that means we should be going now…don't want you to be late to you own wedding P Sawyer. Brooke linked arms with the blonde as she led her out the room. "Let's get a move on people" She shouted as they made their way down the stairs. "You ready best friend."

Peyton thought for a while and then smiled. "Yeah…I am"


	51. Flying Without Wings

"You ready bro" Nathan whispered as he watched his brother tap his foot repeatedly in the sand. Lucas didn't answer him, he didn't even look. The older Scott was so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't heard his brother's words. He flinched when Nathan grabbed his shoulder, bringing him back to reality.

"Sorry man….I'm just so nervous." Lucas admitted as he craned his neck to meet his brothers gaze.

"It's normal…don't worry about it…it'll get worse when you see her and then at one point it will just all disappear." Nathan reassured his brother. Lucas was slowly getting lost in memories again until he heard music fill the air around him. He turned to face his best friend who was sitting to the side strumming her guitar.

**For****all****those****times****you****stood**** by me **

**For****all****the****truth****that****you****made**** me ****see**

**For****all****the****joy****you****brought**** to my ****life****   
****For****all****the****wrong****that****you****made****right****   
****For****every****dream****you****made****come****true**

**For****all****the****love**** I ****found**** in ****you****   
I'll be ****forever****thankful****baby****   
****You****'re ****the****one****who****held**** me up  
****Never****let**** me ****fall****   
****You****'re ****the****one****who****saw**** me ****through**

**Through**** it ****all**

**You****were**** my ****strength****when**** I ****was****weak****   
****You****were**** my ****voice****when**** I ****couldn****'t ****speak****   
****You****were**** my ****eyes****when**** I ****couldn****'t ****see****   
****You****saw****the****best****there****was**** in me  
****Lifted**** me up ****when**** I ****couldn****'t ****reach****   
****You****gave**** me ****faith****coz****you****believed****   
I'm ****everything**** I am  
****Because****you****loved**** me **

They all watched as Brooke stepped out of the car and walked onto the sand, her arm linked with Charlie's. It had taken Peyton a week to convince her to be the maid of honor. Brooke hated the fact that she was still carrying the wait from her pregnancy, but in the end she knew she would regret it if she turned down Peyton's offer over how she would look in a dress. She still looked beautiful as she walked across the sand, a smile playing on her lips. Brooke and Charlie parted at the alter and Charlie took his son from the car seat beside Nathan and stood to the side as Brooke stood across from Lucas.

**You****gave**** me ****wings****and****made**** me ****fly****   
****You****touched**** my ****hand**** I ****could****touch****   
****the****sky****   
I ****lost**** my ****faith****you****gave**** it ****back**** to me  
****You****said**** no ****star****was****out**** of ****reach****   
****You****stood**** by me ****and**** I ****stood****tall****   
I ****had****your****love****, I ****had**** it ****all****   
I'm ****grateful****for****each****day****you****gave**** me  
****Maybe**** I ****don****'t ****know****that****much****   
****But**** I ****know****this****much**** is ****true****   
I ****was****blessed****because**** I ****was****loved****   
by ****you**

**You****were**** my ****strength****when**** I ****was****weak****   
****You****were**** my ****voice****when**** I ****couldn't****speak****   
****You****were**** my ****eyes****when**** I ****couldn't****see****   
****You****saw****the****best****there****was**** in me  
****Lifted**** me up ****when**** I ****couldn't****reach****   
****You****gave**** me ****faith****coz****you****believed****   
I'm ****everything**** I am  
****Because****you****loved**** me **

Karen and Keith were the next couple to make their way from the parking lot to the alter. Karen felt the tears burning behind her eyes as she watched her son stand tall in front of her. There was no way for her to deny the fact that he wasn't her little boy anymore. He was about to start his own life and break free from her. She was happy however because there was no one she would rather lose him to. She knew how happy her son was and that was all that mattered. Karen gave her son a reassuring smile before she and Keith stood to the side.  
**  
****You****gave**** me ****wings****and****made**** me ****fly****   
****You****touched**** my ****hand**** I ****could****touch****   
****the****sky****   
I ****lost**** my ****faith****you****gave**** it ****back**** to me  
****You****said**** no ****star****was****out**** of ****reach****   
****You****stood**** by me ****and**** I ****stood****tall****   
I ****had****your****love****, I ****had**** it ****all****   
I'm ****grateful****for****each****day****you****gave**** me  
****Maybe**** I ****don****'t ****know****that****much****   
****But**** I ****know****this****much**** is ****true****   
I ****was****blessed****because**** I ****was****loved****   
by ****you**

**You****were**** my ****strength****when**** I ****was****weak****   
****You****were**** my ****voice****when**** I ****couldn't****speak****   
****You****were**** my ****eyes****when**** I ****couldn't****see****   
****You****saw****the****best****there****was**** in me  
****Lifted**** me up ****when**** I ****couldn't****reach****   
****You****gave**** me ****faith****coz****you****believed****   
I'm ****everything**** I am  
****Because****you****loved**** me **

Lucas took a deep breath as he watch Larry step up the car and hold his hand out. She placed her hand gently in her fathers and Lucas watched as the white glove was slowly revealed inch by inch. He saw her feet slide to the pavement and suddenly his heart was pounding in his ears. He could see her through the glass on the window as she slowly stood from the car and time seemed to stop for him. He couldn't take his eyes off of her as she continued to rise. She stole his breath when she was finally standing and facing him. Her hair was neatly curled with a slightly messy touch to it, but blonde ringlets framed her face perfectly. Her dress hugged her upper body and then flared out at her waist. Everything was simple and that made it seem all the more perfect for both of them. Lucas couldn't take his eyes away from her as she linked arms with her dad and proceeded to make her way towards the alter. She was glowing and she couldn't help but smile. They all watched her glide across the sand with amazement. Karen snapped pictures as did Brooke. Larry felt the tears building in his eyes as he watched his daughter. Her smile was infectious and both he and Brooke were astonished by how much she looked like Anna.

**You****were****always****there****for**** me  
****The****tender****wind****that****carried**** me  
A ****light**** in ****the****dark****shining****your****love****   
****into**** my ****life****   
****You****'ve ****been**** my ****inspiration****   
****Through****the****lies****you****were****the****truth****   
My ****world**** is a ****better****place****because****   
of ****you****   
****You****were**** my ****strength****when**** I ****was****weak****   
****You****were**** my ****voice****when**** I ****couldn't****'t ****speak****   
****You****were**** my ****eyes****when**** I ****couldn't****see****   
****You****saw****the****best****there****was**** in me  
****Lifted**** me up ****when**** I ****couldn't****reach****   
****You****gave**** me ****faith****coz****you****believed****   
I'm ****everything**** I am  
****Because****you****loved**** me **

As they came closer to the alter, her smile grew as did Lucas's. Before she knew it Larry was letting go of her arm. He kissed his little girl on the cheek and was forced to admit the same thing as Karen…she's wasn't his little girl anymore. Peyton stepped up in front of Lucas and he took her hands gently in his. She gave a small laugh as things finally began to set in. This was it, they were finally completing things. She gave his hand a light squeeze as Haley ended the song and went to stand by Karen.

"We are gathered here today, in the sight of God" the preacher read aloud everyone turned to face him except Lucas and Peyton, who couldn't take their eyes of each other.

**"**And in the face of family and friend, to join together Lucas and Peyton in holy matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted of God since the first man and first woman walked on the earth. Therefore it is not to be entered into unadvisedly, or lightly, but reverently and soberly into this Holy Estate, these two persons come not to be joined."

Peyton felt Lucas's grip tighten around her trembling hands as her nerves slowly returned. She couldn't' be happier but she was just a scared as she was earlier that morning if not more. Haley had warned her about this but she didn't think it would be this bad. Her emotions were running wild but every time she met Lucas's eyes happiness won out over everything else.

"If any one can show just cause why they may not be lawfully joined together, let them speak now, or forever hold their peace." They both hoped with everything they had that things would run smoothly as they held onto each other. Lucas smiled down at her and she returned the gesture but they were both nervous. As the priest continued they both let out a breath they didn't know they were holding.

"Who gives this woman to be married to this mad?" They all watched as Larry took a step forward.

"I do" he said with a smile in his daughter's direction and she smiled back before looking up at her future husband again.

"I require, and charge you both, that if either of you know any impediment, why you may not be lawfully joined together in matrimony, you confess it now." he paused for a moment and then continued.

"This is the day you have chosen to become husband and wife.

We are here, not only to witness your commitment to each other,

but also to wish you every happiness in your future life together.

Within its framework of commitment,  
and loyalty,

marriage enables the establishment of a home,

where through trust, ----- patience and respect,

the love and affection, which you have for each other

may develop into a deep and lasting relationship.

We, who are witnessing your marriage,

hope that despite the stresses inevitable in any life,

your Love, Respect for each other, and

your trust and understanding of each other will increase

your contentment, and heighten your joy in living."

He looked up from his Bible before he continued speaking. "You have both chosen to recite your own vows. You may precede with them now"

Lucas looked directly into Peyton's eyes and smiled brightly at her. "I had this whole thing written out for today and it took me a while to write it because I wanted it to be perfect. But now…I don't want to use it because it doesn't seem like it would be right. Peyton I love you with everything I have and you've made me more happy then I ever thought possible. We've been through so much and the fact that we're still able to stand up here today only proves that we can and that we will survive anything and everything that comes our way. We've really made it Peyt and nothing could make me happier then knowing that. Peyton Sawyer I love you and I wouldn't trade what we've found for anything." Lucas took a deep breath and watched as a single tear slid down Peyton's cheek.

"Well I never wrote anything because I didn't like anything I came up with. I still don't know what to say other then I love you. Luke you give me this amazing feeling that I've never had before and you always manage to bring out a part of me that I thought I had lost. I've been asking myself over the past week why I love you and to be honest I can't really come up with much. I can come up with the basic stuff like you make me happy and you can keep me smiling. You know everything about me and I'm comfortable around but that applies to everyone that's in love. So I've been trying to figure out why I'm in love with you and only you and I've decided that I'm not supposed to have a reason. I can't put how I feel about you into words, it's just there and I can feel it all over me when ever I'm around you. I want to be near you all the time and when I'm not with you I'm going crazy wondering what you're doing and when I'm gunna see you again. It's the fact that you can still surprise me and that you still make my head spin and my heart race by just touching me or saying my name. But even with all that said, it doesn't really describe how I feel and I know that I don't have to have the words because you know. I cherish what we have so much and I wouldn't give this up for the world." She smiled up at him and could see the tears that glistened in his clear blue eyes. She felt him squeeze her hands again and was surprised when he started speaking.

"Peyt…I just realized that we seem to use a song to start each new stage in our relationship and I don't want to break tradition." They all gave a small laugh as they thought about what Lucas had just said and they realized in one way or another it was true. He pulled her a little closer as he spoke the words he had memorized over the last week. He had been listening to the song over and over again because it had grown on him so quickly. "Everybody's looking for a something. One thing that makes it all complete. You'll find it in the strangest places. Places you never knew it could be. Some find it in the face of their children. Some find it in their lovers eyes. Who can deny the joy it brings, when you've found that special thing, you're flying without wings."

Peyton closed her eyes as more tears fell from her eyes. She didn't know she could be as happy as she was…she didn't think it was possible. She barley noticed when she began to say that words along with Lucas.

"Some find it sharing every morning. Some in their solitary lives You'll find it in the words of others. A simple line can make you laugh or cry. You find it in the deepest friendship. The kind you cherish all your life and when you know how much that means. You've found that special thing, you're flying without wings. So, impossible as they may seem. You've got to fight for every dream. Cause who's to know, which one you let go, would have made you complete."

Lucas let go of her hands and wiped the tears from under her eyes as he continued by himself. His voice was barley above a whisper, but all that mattered to him was that Peyton could hear what he was saying.

"Well, for me it's waking up beside you. To watch the sun rise on your face. To know that I can say I love you at any given time or place. It's little things that only I know. Those are the things that make you mine and it's like flying without wings. Cause you're my special thing I'm flying without wings. You're the place my life begins and you'll be where it ends. I'm flying without wings and that's the joy you bring. I'm flying without wings" Peyton and Lucas joined hands again and forced themselves to resist their urge to kiss each other. That moment was there for them…they were both in complete bliss and nothing could ruin it for them.

"Do you Lucas Eugene Scott, take Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance, in the Holy estate of matrimony? Will you love, honor, comfort and cherish her from this day foreword, forsaking all others, keeping only unto her, for as long as you both shall live?" The priest looked towards Lucas and watched him smile.

"I do" he said firmly as he gazed into her eyes. Peyton listened to the priest repeat the words as he turned to face her but she wasn't really hearing her. That was when her stomach began to knot again and fear started to overtake her. Lucas could see it in her eyes as she tried to make the feeling go away, but it only got worse. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on how happy she been jus seconds ago but it only helped a little. She felt her hair blow around her face as a warm breeze encircled her. She opened her eyes again and smiled as she inhaled deeply. She felt whole as the last of the breeze blew around the couple and then disappeared, taking all her fears with her.

"For as long as you both shall live?" she listened as the words left the man's mouth and she watched as Lucas looked down at her and waited patiently.

"I do" she said with confidence. The priest turned back towards Lucas and spoke. As he finished Lucas repeated his words, his voice cracking as he held Peyton's hands tightly.

"I Lucas, take thee Peyton, to be my lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better of for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, and cherish, 'till death do us part." He couldn't help but let his smile grow.

"I Peyton take thee Lucas to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better of for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, and cherish, 'till death do us part." They all watched as tears slid down Peyton's face again.

"May I have the rings" Brooke and Nathan each handed a ring to the priest and then stepped back into their places. Lucas and Peyton watched as her blessed the rings and then handed them down. He once again told Lucas to repeat after him. Lucas slipped the ring onto Peyton's fingers as he spoke.

"With this ring, I thee wed. Wear it as a symbol of our love and commitment." He watched as Peyton gave a small nod and then took his hand in hers and slid the ring on his finger.

"With this ring, I thee wed. Wear it as a symbol of our love and commitment" Peyton's words were whispered but Lucas could still hear her. Brooke but her bottom lip and clasped her hands together knowing that soon things would be official.

"As Lucas and Peyton have consented together in Holy Wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, having given and pledges their lives, each to the other, and having declared the same, by the giving and receiving of rings, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Lucas looked down at Peyton and gazed into her eyes. Everything had went perfectly and there was nothing more that he could ask for. Everything else would just be more of a blessing for him. Peyton felt the same and they could read it through the other's eyes. There was nothing that could tare them apart now.

"You know…" Brooke started as she stepped closer to the couple.

"You're supposed to kiss now" Haley stated as she rolled her eyes. This only cause Lucas and Peyton to laugh as they continued staring at each other.

"We all know you two have been dying to kiss since this started and know your just gunna stand there…come on bro…" Nathan pushed Lucas closer as Brooke pushed Peyton towards Lucas. The couple smiled at each other as they leaned down until their lips finally met. Everyone one around them cheered as they go lost in each other.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Mr. And Mrs. Lucas Scott."


	52. Unlocking New Doors

"Peyton…." Larry called down the hall from the kitchen.

"Yeah" she screamed down from her room. She had been upstairs all day with Lucas just relaxing. They were enjoying each other's company and the quietness. Brooke and Nathan had surprised the two by throwing a party after the wedding at the beach house like they had in high school. All their old friends were there and they partied all night.

**Flashback**

**"Now….Brooke and I told all of you that this was a party…but we didn't tell you what it was for." Nathan stood on top of the coffee table as he spoke to the large crowd. He knew most of them but like in high school…there were still people that just came even if nobody really knew them. **

**"They're getting out the car" Brooke squealed with excitement as she turned away form the window. Brooke couldn't wipe the smile off her face as she watched the two walk up the stairs. Nathan had directed everyone to park somewhere else and walk over to the beach house in order to keep it a secret. They could here the mumbled voices from the other side of the door and then the sound of the door slowly opening grabbed everyone's attention.**

**"Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you for the first time…Mr. And Mrs. Lucas Scott." Nathan pointed towards the door just as the two newlyweds stepped inside. Peyton's jaw dropped as she glanced around the crowded room. The chatter erupted and the room was filled with comments and whistles.**

**"Surprised" Brooke questioned as she threw her arms around the blondes. They both shook their head yes as they became surrounded by old friends.**

**End Flashback**

"Sweetheart can you and Luke come down here for a minute, I need to talk to you." The two looked at each other suspiciously before getting off the bed and headed down the stairs. In the hall Lucas grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly causing her to smile.

"Is everything okay" Lucas asked as they stepped into the kitchen.

"Everything is fine I just want to give you guys your wedding gift." Larry said with a smile. "Originally I was going to give you two the house…but Karen and I felt that the house was not an appropriate gift for you guys."

"Okay…"Peyton looked at her father strangely. "So what is our gift." she questioned.

"These" they watched as Larry pulled a box out of his pocket and handed it to Lucas. The blonde took the box and looked down at it with a raised brow. "Ohh and this" Larry then handed them an envelope with their names neatly printed across the front. Peyton took the letter but didn't open it, instead she looked at her dad waiting for him to explain.

"Umm…Mr. Sawyer the box is locked." Lucas said as he noticed the pad lock on the front.;

"Who is Mr. Sawyer" Larry said looking around the room as if he were searching for something. The two blondes laughed as Lucas corrected himself.

"Dad…the box is locked and I don't have a key."

"Well that's what the letters for now go get in your car and then open the letter and follow the instructions." They watched as her dad walked out the kitchen. They looked at each other and shrugged as Lucas took his keys out of his pocket.

"Road trip" Peyton suggested as she pulled him towards the door.

"Why not" they got in the car and Peyton tore the envelope open.

"Your two are now going to go on a little drive…eventually you will receive the key to the padlock and in that box there is another note that will lead you to your final destination. Enjoy yourselves and have fun!" Peyton read aloud before turning to glance at Lucas. She shook her head as she started reading again. "Share a special secret with the one you love…show them the weeping city."

"What's the weeping city…where is the weeping city." Lucas questioned as he turned to look at Peyton. She looked up at him and smiled.

"I'll drive" she said simply as she switched places with Lucas. They pulled out of the driveway and Lucas just watched as Peyton drove around. After a few minutes they came to an old dirt road that Lucas had never noticed before.

"Where are we going." Lucas asked as they became surrounded by trees and darkness.

"The weeping city" Peyton said quietly as she pulled the car to a stop. Lucas looked around and got out the car as Peyton did. She grabbed his hand and smiled up at him before walking into the mass of trees.

"Peyton…umm this whole place looks the same. How are we gunna get back?" he questioned as they traveled deeper into woods.

"I know this place by heart…just trust me" she cooed as they began to walk faster.

"Alright Peyt…I'm trusting…" He grew quiet as they stood in front of a decent sized clearing. Peyton looked up at him and smiled as she led him to the center. The light appeared green as it shined through all the leaves.

"My mom used to bring me here all the time and we called it the weeping city because its surrounded by all these weeping willows." Lucas looked around in amazement as the scene. It was gorgeous and something about the place just made him feel calm and warm inside.

He walked over to her and wrapped his arms gently around her waist. "Peyton Scott I love you" She smiled as the name rang through her ears . It had only been two weeks and she was still getting used to it but the feeling it gave her was amazing.

"I love you too…and I'm glad I shared this with you…I've haven't been here since my mom died…it feels nice to come here again." She turned to face him, her lips lingering inches from his. "It feels even nicer knowing that I'm here with you." He closed the distance between them as he pulled her closer.

They smiled as they pulled apart. "What's next on that card" Lucas asked after they had stood there for a few minutes in silence. Peyton pulled it out of her pocket and read it aloud.

"Take a walk to remember and stand in two places at once." Peyton thought for a second before she understood what her father meant. "Let's go" She gabbed Lucas's hand and led him through the woods and back to the car. She was about to get in when Lucas pulled her back towards one of the tress. Peyton looked up at him in confusion as he let go of her hand. He reached down and grabbed a rock form the ground. He turned back to look at her and smiled.

"Come here" he whispered and she walked over to him. He grabbed her hand and moved her in front of him. He placed the rock in her hand and then wrapped his hand around hers. He guided her up to the tree and slowly their fingers moved the sharp point of the rock and wrote their initials in the soft bark. They drew a heart around the initials and smiled when it was complete. "Now we can go" he whispered into her ear and led her back to the car.

Lucas drove them this time and sat in comfortable silence as they traveled along the highway. He drove to the nearest state border and pulled off to the side of the road and into a deserted rest area. It had taken them a little over an hour to get to the border but they spent the entire time talking. Neither of them could remember a time when their lives felt this perfect and they couldn't imagine things differently.

"Okay come on lets get out." Peyton said eagerly as she pushed the door open. She ran over to the sign that read "Welcome to Virginia". She waited for Lucas to walk over to her and she immediately reached for his hands. They each spread their feet in the damp grass and looked up at each other. He leaned down slowly until he met her lips. They moved closer to each other until a car horn beeped, causing them to jump.

"I guess standing on the side of the highway isn't one of our brightest ideas" "Lucas joked. Just as the words left his mouth Peyton felt a tiny rain drop hit the tip of her nose. She looked up just on time to see the sky open up and pour down on her. She shrieked as her eyes grew wide.

"Its cold" she whined as Lucas laughed and pulled her back towards the car and the quickly climbed in. "okay…I'm soaked" Peyton said with a slight laugh.

"I can see that" Lucas turned in his seat to face her. He watched as she slid out of her jacket, her hair plastered to her forehead. Her makeup was running leaving black streaks under her eyes. She caught him staring at her and wrinkled her eyebrows.

"What…" She asked him. "Is there something on my face" She quickly flipped down visor and looked in the mirror.

"You're beautiful" he whispered as she stopped and gazed at him with a confused look on her face.

"Are you crazy…I'm dripping wet and my makeup is all over my face…I look like a just went through a mud slide" She turned back towards the mirror and tried to wipe the excess makeup away from her eyes. Lucas placed a finger under her chin and turned her face towards his as he leaned in and kissed her gently. At that moment she wasn't decked out in make-up, in fact it was everywhere it wasn't supposed to be. Her clothes weren't perfect, they were drenched and sticking to her skin and her hair was messy and clinging to her face. At that moment she was just Peyton, there was nothing for her to hide behind, she was just his Peyton.

"Your gorgeous" he breathed as he broke the kiss, his lips still lingering dangerously close to hers. She smiled and leaned back in as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him as close as she could and soon he was barley in his own seat. She tried to get him closer but his legs caught under the steering wheel. She moaned lightly into his mouth as his hands ran up her back. "I…think…this….is a….sign….that…we…shouldn't….be….doing….this….here…" he managed to squeeze in between kisses. He heard her sigh as she pulled away and frowned.

"You're probably right" She bit her lip as he started the car and pulled back onto the road. She loved the ability he had to make every kiss feel like their first. She could never get bored with him…not a single moment was ever the same, every experience was different and that's what made things so perfect.

"So where are we headed next" he asked as he turned to look at her. She unfolded the paper and read it over quickly.

"It's an address in Tree Hill" she told him. "It says to look in the mailbox and then go to the house across the street" She raise a brow and looked at Lucas, who just shrugged.

"Alright…back to Tree Hill" He shook his head as they started the hour long ride back to their hometown. They stayed quiet for most of the ride as the radio played quietly in the background. They occasionally stole glances at one another like they had in high school. They laughed lightly at each other when they caught each other's childish games. Peyton reached for his hand and took it in hers, entangling their fingers.

They pulled to a stop in front of a mailbox in and unfamiliar part of town. They had walked through the neighborhood but they know anyone who lived there so they were always just passing by. It was close to both of their houses so they didn't have a problem finding the place, but they still didn't know what they were doing there.

Lucas got out the car and opened the mailbox and pulled out an envelope with both of their names written across the front. He climbed back into the car and pulled into the driveway across the street. He parked the car next to an old van that was sitting in the driveway. He looked at Peyton and shrugged as he opened the new envelope. He pulled out a key and looked at it quizzically.

"The box my dad gave us earlier" Peyton stated as she picked it up from the floor between her feet. She took the key from Lucas and slowly unlocked the small box only to reveal two more keys and a small note. "Use these to get inside" Peyton read aloud before turning to look over at her husband. She rolled her eyes and got out of the car and walked up to the front door with Lucas close behind her.

Once at the front door she slowly slid one of the keys into the lock and turned the knob as she pushed the door open. "Well it took you long enough" the brunette rolled her eyes playfully before smiling brightly and sticking her tongue out.

"Brooke…what's going on" Peyton asked as the brunette pulled her into a tight hug.

"Come on." Brooke cocked her head towards the stairs as she grabbed both blondes' hands and pulled them up the stairs. She led them into one of the rooms where they were greeted by the rest of their friends as well as Keith, Karen and Larry.

"Well I guess this would be welcome home" Karen said with a small smile as she stepped towards the two confused newlyweds.

"Mom…what are you talking about" Lucas asked as he looked at her.

"This is your wedding gift from Keith, Larry and I. You guys are married now and you should have your own house. We've been fixing this place up since you two got engaged. Last night we moved all you stuff in here Luke and today while you guys were out we moved all of Peyton's things in here"

"Oh my God" Peyton gasped as she looked around the room and finally realized that it was all things that belonged to her and Lucas. She immediately found herself hugging all the adults, mumbling thank you's the entire time. "This is amazing" she said with a smile as Lucas repeated her actions.

"I'm glad you like it sweetheart" Larry commented genuinely as he watched his daughter's grateful face. "But it's getting late now so we're all gunna head out now. We just wanted to make sure you guys like everything and they you found your way alright"

"Thank you so much…all of you" Lucas said as they retreated down the stairs. He and Peyton stood in the doorway as they waved goodbye to everyone and watched them go home. Lucas closed the door quietly and reached for Peyton's hands. "Your still kinda wet. Let's go get you changed" He led her up the stairs into their room. He started to walk towards the closet but she pulled him back.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as his snaked around her slender waist. "I love you" she whispered as she broke apart from him.

"I love you too" He whispered back as he leaned back down to join their lips. His hands found their way under her damp shirt and he pulled her closer. Her feet moved backwards towards the bed. The broke apart briefly as he gently removed her shirt. She looked up into his eyes, her heart racing, nearly caught in her throat. It was a feeling neither of them ever got tired of.

He leaned in and closed the short distance between them. Her legs soon hit the edge of the bed and they collapsed backwards into the comforter. He rolled on top of her small frame and braced himself on his arms as she helped him out of his own shirt. Once again their eyes met and she looked at him quizzically.

"How can you do that" She asked him with a hint of awe in her voice

"What" he looked down at her as gently stroked her face and tucked a stray curl behind her ear.

"Look at me like you haven't seen me everyday for the past 5 years."

"Easily" he bent down and her lips met his halfway as she pulled him back down. They slowly found their way towards pure ecstasy as the night went on. He ravished her body countless times before she settled into his arms just a few hours before dawn. His warm breath sent chills down her spine as he pulled her closer and lined her neck with butterfly kissed. His fluttering lips calmed her body and she soon found herself fighting sleep. "Good night" he whispered into her ear as her eyes finally closed and she succumbed to the exhaustion that soon took him over as well.


	53. More Than An Illusion

It had been one week since they had moved into their new home, and they were loving every minute of it. Lucas had helped Peyton set up an area where she could draw in one of the spare rooms. She was in there now, hovering over her sketch pad, her mind drawing a blank. "Hey you" Lucas whispered as he leaned down and kissed her cheek gently.

"Hey..." she responded with a sigh as she gazed back down at the empty page. "I keep thinking…and I just come up with nothing" she shook her head as she played with the pencil between her fingers.

"So don't think about it….just draw." he kissed the top of her head lightly before turning and walking out of the room. She watched him walk away and let a smile play on her thin lips. She looked back down at the blank page and let her hand take over. It was about an hour later when Lucas peeked back into the room to see the small blonde completely oblivious to everything but her work. He smiled to himself before walking off down the hall.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as he sat on the couch watching TV. He looked up at her and smiled as he pulled her closer to him. He kissed her deeply before pulling away. "Your too far away" he pouted in her direction and she laughed before walking around the couch and sitting on his lap.

"Better" she questioned seductively as she wrapped her arms around him again.

"Much" he leaned into her, joining their lips once again. She pulled back and leaned her forehead against his.

"I came in here to tell you that I was going out, not to make out." she laughed lightly as she pressed her lips against his for a brief second.

"Yeah…but you have to admit…the latter seems like much more fun." He raised a brow hoping to make her stay.

"True…but I have to get something down before the place closes. We can continue this later…I'll make it worth the wait" She was dangerously close to him but she refused to let him any closer. She enjoyed playing a tease and she loved the looks he gave her when she continued to pull away.

"Where are you going anyway" he questioned still attempting to kiss her. The more she turned him down the more he wanted her, but he could tell he wasn't getting anywhere.

"It's a surprise so you'll just have to wait and see. I'll be back in about an hour" she pushed herself away from him and got to her feet, his hands still resting on her waist.

"It better not be more than an hour…I don't wanna be away from you that long" he pouted again, hoping it would earn him a kiss but he had no such luck. Peyton just laughed at him as she walked towards the door. She put her shoes on before reaching for her bag on the side table. She looked down to see her bag missing before she felt a tap on her shoulder. "Looking for this…" Lucas looked down at her with that goofy grin she loved.

"Yes" she said as she snatched it out of his hands and she was surprised when he didn't move it out of her reach. "Thank you" she said sarcastically as she stepped closer to the door.

"Peyton…" She turned back around only to come face to face with her husband. She didn't have enough time to react because his lips were instantly pressed against hers, slowly pulling her away from reality. She tossed her head back as Lucas lined her neck with kisses and hoisted her onto his waist. Her legs automatically wrapped themselves around him as she let her purse fall to the ground and her arms snaked around his neck.

Lucas pressed her back against the door as he found her lips again. He pulled her legs from around him and set her gently back on the floor. He pulled away from her and she watched as he picked up her purse from the floor and then handed it to her. She slowly took it from him and waited for him to speak. "You can go now" he said calmly before kissing her gently one last time and walking back towards the couch. "I love you"

"Ohhhh fine Lucas. I guess we'll actually be sleeping tonight" She watched he visibly sighed. "I love you too" She cooed as she grabbed a large envelope off the table and walked out of the house, towards her car. She threw her bag into the passenger side and gently laid the envelope next to it before sliding into the driver's seat and starting the car. She pulled out of her driveway and couldn't stop the smile that was quickly growing on her face as she thought about the drawing she had hidden inside the envelope.

A few minutes later she pulled up in front of a small store in town. She grabbed the picture and quickly went inside. As she walked towards the front desk her eyes scanned over all the hand made wooden frames. "Hi" She said calmly as she approached the man behind the counter.

"Hello…how may I help you" he gave her a warm smile which she returned.

"Umm…I'd like to get this framed" she handed him the envelope and watched as he slowly and carefully removed the picture she had drawn earlier. She smiled as he nodded his head with a sense of approval.

"This is really good" he said as he looked up at her and gave a small smile.

"Thanks" she said shyly, she had never been really good with compliments, especially when it came to her art.

"I have the perfect frame for this…" he said as he stepped from the behind the counter and walked to the side wall. The blonde watched him as he reached up on the top shelf and pulled down a rectangular frame. He handed it to her and she gazed over the dark mahogany wood. It was smooth as her fingers traced the intricate design that was lightly carven into the bark. "You like it…." he raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah…this is gorgeous." she mumbled, still studying the frame.

"Beautiful frame for a beautiful piece of art. You have a lot of talent." He informed her as he moved back, to the register. "its on sale for $20" he said as he looked at the tag and rung her up. He took the frame from her and carefully opened it and then used the same care to set the picture in the right position. "Perfect" he commented as he closed the latches and flipped the frame over, allowing Peyton to admire her work.

"Thank you so much" she smiled again as she handed him the money.

"It's no problem" he replied genuinely. "Have a nice day"

"You two" she called over her shoulder as she headed back out the door, frame in hand. She slid back into her car, eager to get back to Lucas. She pulled out of the parking spot and headed home, a smile on her face.

It only took seconds for it to happen, she didn't even know what was going on until it was too late. She approached the light just as it turned green and she drove her car through the intersection, but she barley made it halfway across. The SUV that had been traveling in the other direction had sped through the light which had just turned. Peyton heard the screeching tires and the twisting metal before her body felt the pressure pushing her out of the seat. She could feel the thick seat belt cutting into her neck before it finally snapped allowing her body to twist into the passenger seat. Her legs remained caught beneath the steering wheel, held captive by the indented metal of the door.

Her car slid through the street like a child's toy as the back windshield flew out and shattered one the pavement. The car continued to fold inwards, crushing her, letting the screeching metal ring through her ears as glass showered over her. Her neck snapped the side as the car jerked began to fold from the passenger side as it slammed into the car that had been waiting at the light. As she finally stopped moving, she tried to focus, tried to keep herself awake as her eyes caught the frame that was now splintered with the class broken and cracked. She spotted her picture and watched as a red line dripped from her body to the paper. It splattered on the glass, staining it crimson before seeping through the cracks.

Her eyes traced the various images she had recreated, all scenes from her and Lucas's past together. Images of him hold her, wiping away her tears, them smiling and laughing together. The center of the page held a large image of the two blondes gazing at each other with smiles tugging on their lips. The center image was filled in with color to make it stand out and a caption was neatly scripted at the bottom center. "It's more than an illusion". She gave it one last glance before her body betrayed her and her eyes shut as she grew weaker and colder.

Lucas looked away from the TV and towards the clock, causing him to frown. Peyton had promised him that she would be back in an hour…it had been nearly two hours since she left. He had tried to call her cell but it went to her voicemail. He took a deep breath and turned back to the TV, hoping it would make the time pass faster. Minutes later he anxiously reached for the phone as it began ringing. "Hello" he spoke quickly but he sighed deeply when the voice on the other line wasn't Peyton's.

"Hello is this Lucas Scott" her voice was very professional causing him to assume she was a telemarketer.

"Yes" he said dejectedly into the receiver.

"This is Hudson Memorial, we have a Peyton Scott here and her registration lists you as her husband" the calm in her voice made his mind swirl with all sorts of thoughts.

"She is my wife….is she alright…what happened?" He couldn't make himself move from the upright position he was maintaining on the couch.

"She was involved in a three car collision. She's in the emergency room at this moment. Are you aware of our location" her calm demeanor was beginning to piss him off. Here she was telling him that his wife was in the ER and she sounded like she was describing how glue sticks to wood.

"Yeah I know…" he hung up the phone and forced his feet to move as he stood and rushed out the door. Once on the road he immediate dialed Brooke's number.

"Hello" he could hear the cheeriness in her voice and knew that he was about to change that.

"Brooke it's Lucas…Peyt was in a accident, they have her down at Hudson Memorial. I'm on my way there, you don't need to come I just thought you should know and I wanted to ask if you could let everyone else know for me" She could sense the desperation in his voice.

"Of coarse…Lucas everything gunna be fine" she tired to reassure him while also trying to reassure herself.

"Thanks…I gotta go Brooke" He didn't wait for her response before hanging up the phone and continuing down the road. The only thing on his mind now was getting to Peyton and making sure she was okay. 'What the hell can I do for her?' he questioned himself as the first tear slid down his cheek from fear of losing her.

He pulled up to the hospital minutes later and ran through the entrance. "Peyton Scott" he said out of breath as he used the nurses' station to hold himself up.

"Mr. Scott?" the nurse questioned as she looked up at him and watched him nod. "She's in the room down the hall but you can't go in there. You can wait in the waiting room or in the hall." she gave him a warm smile before he retreated down the hall to wait.

He took a seat in one of the hard plastic blue chairs set up against the wall. He leaned down and set his head in his hands as he attempted to calm his body down and gain control of his emotions, his attempts were useless however. He looked up nervously when he felt a hand on his shoulder about ten minutes later. "Hey…any word yet"

"Nothing" he shook his head as she sat down in the unoccupied chair next to his. "I told you that you didn't need to come Brooke."

"Of coarse I did. She's my best friend Lucas, she always has been. It just wouldn't be right if I sat home knowing she was here. I would never be able to live with myself. I _need _to be here for her, for myself and for you." She wrapped her arms around him as he placed his head back in his hands.

Five Hours Later

The group sat in the hall, surrounded by a deafening silence. Haley was tucked deeply into Nathan's side as they stood against the wall. Brooke and Karen remained on either side of Lucas trying to comfort him but continually getting nowhere. Larry had sat a few chairs down from those three, away from everyone. He pushed everyone away when they tried to talk to him. He had already lost his wife from a car crash, he hated to think that he was going to lose his daughter the same way.

They all watched as doctor's and nurses came in and out of her room repeatedly, bring in new supplies they needed. Time seemed to get slower and slower with each minute and Brooke could swear the pale yellow walls were beginning to close in on her. She hated hospitals and she hated seeing Peyton in the hospital. A shiver traveled down her spine as she stood from her seat.

"I'm gunna go get some coffee does anyone else want some." she watched as they all nodded with the exception and Lucas and Larry who didn't seem to acknowledge her question. Karen mouthed to her to get them some and nodded in agreement.

Haley soon took Brooke's seat next to Lucas and hugged him as tightly as he would allow. Nathan walked up to Brooke who was beginning to go. "I'll come with you" she looked back as him and then continued walking down the hall with him at her heels. "How you doing?" he questioned as they rounded the second corner and made their way into the elevator.

"I could say that I'll been better but I think that might qualify as an understatement." She gave a small smile and a bitter laugh as they neared the cafeteria.

"Brooke you should go home…Allison needs you" Nathan rested a hand on her back as her watched tears roll down her cheek.

"I called Charlie already, she's asleep. Nate I can't leave 'till I know she's okay." Nathan wrapped his arms around her and let her cry into his shoulder. She pulled away and wiped her eyes and composed herself as she grabbed some of the coffee and waited for Nathan to pick up the rest. She knew she needed to be strong, she couldn't let herself fall apart now. They paid for the coffee and returned downstairs.

"You all can go home…" Lucas spoke for the first time since they all arrived. "Get some sleep"

"No…besides bro…even if we did go home we would all be to worried to sleep. Doesn't make sense, we're gunna stay." Nathan commented as he took a seat in an unoccupied chair. It was almost one o'clock in the morning but they were all on edge. Brooke paced the floor nervously, occasionally tying to see if she could get a glimpse into the room but then giving up and returning to her pacing, her heels clicking with each step.

"Brooke you're gunna drill a damn whole through the floor and that damn clicking is getting on my fucking nerves, stop pacing." Lucas spat bitterly as he glared in her direction before tearing away from his mother and Haley. He walked to the other side of the hall and leaned against the wall, resting his hands on his knees as he stared down at the floor.

"Luke, man calm down, things are gunna be alright, don't take it out on everyone here. Brooke's just worried like the rest of us. You need to relax bro…" Nathan rested a hand on Lucas back sending the older brother over the edge. Lucas lifted his body up and his fist immediately crashed into Nathan's jaw.

"Don't tell me what I need to do alright. That's not your wife who's been in that room for over five hours. That's not your wife who's life is on the line" he glared down at his younger brother before turning and punching the wall with more force.

"Lucas" Nathan began as he wiped blood from his mouth. He watched as his brother ran his hands through his hair.

"Look I'm sorry bro…I didn't mean to do that...I just…" Lucas turned back towards the wall and leaned his head against it, his heart racing.

"It's alright…don't even worry about it." Nathan rested a hand on Lucas's shoulder briefly before going back to sit down. They all looked up at the adjacent room as the door opened and were disappointed to see a nurse rush past them.

"Brooke I'm sorry I snapped" Lucas turned to face the brunette who just smiled and nodded in his direction. She watched as the nurse swerved around her and re entered the room, leaving the door open just wide enough for Brooke to catch a glimpse of the monitor. Her eyes followed the green line slowly grow straight just before the door closed. They all looked in her direction as her cup hit the floor and the coffee spilled onto the hard tiles and spread into the tiny cracks. That was when they heard monotone ringing echo in their ears. Their eyes focused on the closed doors as the brunette dropped to her knees, her denim jeans quickly developing a deep brown stain.

* * *

Okay you guys...there is only one chapter left after this!!!! 


	54. The Life He Never Expected

He walked slowly through his front door. After a long day at work he was glad to be home finally. Along with his position as head of the English Department at Tree Hill High, he had taken over Whitey's position as head coach a little over two years ago and he loved it most of the time, but days like today he wondered how Whitey could have coached for so long. All the boys did was argue back and forth on the court the entire practice and he couldn't help but laugh now as he thought back on what he and Nathan must have looked like. He sat his briefcase down and stood back up, still thinking about his days back in high school. His thoughts were interrupted as a small brunette leaped into his arms, through her own arms around his neck as she wrapped her legs around his waist. "Hey" he said with a smile as he hoisted her up higher on his waist and planted a kiss at the corner of his lips.

"How was work" she asked as she chewed on the bottom of her lip, her eyes never leaving his.

"It was good, but I missed you babe" He leaned his forehead against hers as her smile grew wider.

"I miss you too" she said bobbed her head up and down, causing her high ponytail to bounce. It was messy and he could tell that she had rushed to do it herself. "Guess what?" her eyes grew wide and he couldn't help but laugh at the serious yet excited expression on her face.

"What hun" he asked trying to remain serious after his laughter caused a slight frown to form on her face, but it disappeared almost as quickly as it formed when she began talking again.

"I'm gunna be three tomorrow" She arched her back to try and make herself taller as she held up three fingers and he looked down at her in disbelief.

"No you're not" he shook his head and sighed.

"Yup…I am…it's my birfday and I'm gunna be three" he laughed again as she spoke.

"It's your birthday" he said making sure to stress the 'th' in the word. He watched as the little girl nodded her head and smiled. "Well even if you are gunna be three, I can still do this." His fingers quickly began tickling her back causing her to squirm. She bent backwards in his arms laughing uncontrollable, exposing her stomach. He bent down and kissed her stomach repeatedly causing her to erupt in another fit of laughter. She eventually wiggled her way out his arms and he let her take off running down the hall. He laughed to himself as he watched her long chestnut hair swing around the corner.

He moved out of the front hall and walked towards the back of the house where he found her near the bathroom door staring up at her mom. He stood in the doorway behind the small child and watched as the woman dried her face with a small towel. She had a towel wrapped around her hair and it nearly fell off when she swung her head around to smile up at him. "Hey you" She said brightly before turning back around to wipe off the sink.

"Hey" he replied slowly. It was that time of the year again, when his mind was flooded with memories. He watched her dark brown hair fall out of the towel as she dried it off but he couldn't help but travel back to nearly three years ago when his life had fallen apart. It was almost three years ago when he got the horrible call from the hospital and he had waited for nearly over five hours in a cramped yellow hall. He had heard the solid ringing in his ears and at that same moment he had heard his heart begin to break. The doctors had come out and told them that they had stabilized her only to have her flat line again nearly an hour later.

He had never been able to forget any detail of that night, no matter how hard he tried. He still had nightmares about it but they had become much less frequent. The brunette turned to him and looked on in confusion. "You look like you just saw a ghost" she began to smile but when he only looked up at her she quickly frowned. "Baby I'm sorry" she said lightly as she wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her tightly as he brought himself back to reality. Her hair had gotten longer over the past few years and now the straight chestnut strands now hung a couple of inches above her waist, and at the moment a few strands were wrapped around his fingers.

"Don't apologize for it…it's the past and one of these days it'll stay there." He said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"But I don't think were supposed to forget everything from the past Luke, our memories are important even if they are bad." She looked into his eyes as she pulled away from him. She watched him nod and she smiled up at him as a slight twinge of guilt ran through her, but she brushed it off as she turned back to the mirror. She ran a comb through her hair pulling the tangles out and she didn't mind that he just stood there and watched her. After a few minutes she had the tangles out and went to work with the blow dryer. When she was down her hair was mostly straight but it had a curl to the ends. She turned towards him and raised an eyebrow with an anxious look on her face.

"It's fine…I don't think I've ever known someone so obsessed with their hair." He joked ass he walked past him.

"Ha-ha" she retorted as she made her way back to the other side of the house with her daughter as her heels. He laughed as he turned out the bathroom light and went in the same direction and into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water before closing it back and taking a seat on a stool by the island counter.

"How was your day" the brunette by the sink asked as she began washing dishes as Allison, who everyone referred to as Ally, sat at the table drawing.

"Tiring, but fine. I'm just glad it's Friday." She laughed as a sigh escaped his mouth.

"I thought you loved your job Broody." She hadn't called him that in awhile but his current attitude had earned him the nickname in the first place.

"I do…but the weekend is still nice and it's still welcomed with open arms Cheery." He cocked his head to the side as he recalled her old high school nickname. She walked behind him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You will forever be the brooding basketball player Lucas" she cooed into his ear.

"And you will always be the cheery cheerleader Brooke" she laughed before leaning down and kissing him quickly on the cheek.

"I wouldn't have it any other way" she informed him before she walked off to go admire her daughter's pictures. She scanned over all the drawing and looked up quickly but her eyes didn't wander back down tot eh table. "That's disturbing" she commented bluntly as another brunette figure appeared in the doorway, child on hip.

"What" she asked quizzically setting the young girl on the floor.

"Nothing…it was just shocking to see you appear in the doorway like…that." Brooke shrugged and then smiled. "But I like it" she chirped as she bit the edge of her tongue.

"Good to know" Brooke nodded in agreement before looking back down at the table.

"Daddy can we have pizza for dinner" the little girl questioned as she leapt into Lucas's arms.

"Sure we can Dana" he replied causing her to smile. Her ponytail was now neater and tighter, indicating that her mother had redone it. The small brunette bounced off her father's lap and ran towards the table to join Ally in drawing. A few minutes later Brooke scoffed as she looked down at Dana's picture. They all looked over at her in confusion as they waited for her to explain her sudden look of disgust.

"Look, tell your daughter to stop showing off" she pointed down to the picture. "Not everyone inherited those artistic genes of your P. Scott." They two Scotts just laughed as they went back to what they were doing, reading the paper, and ordering pizza.

It was an hour later and the three adults and two children were sitting at the counter eating pizza and talking. Life had thrown them all a few curve balls throughout the years but they managed to survive and at this point they were all happy with the way things turned out.

"Alright you guys I think me and Al are gunna head home. Charlie's probably wondering where we are now, I don't think he planned on me stealing his daughter all day." Brooke shrugged as she zipped her daughter's coat up and lifted her into her arms.

"Bye Brooke" Lucas said as he held his own daughter in his arms, the small girl almost falling asleep. He shut the door as she pulled out the driveway and then he made his way up to the bedrooms. He laid Dana down in her bed and changed her into pajamas before tucking her in and kissing her goodnight. He met the brunette by the door of the girl's bedroom and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"God…I'm so glad we have her" She said as she thought about how early her daughter could have been lost.

"She's our little miracle child." Lucas said as he pulled her closer. Dana wasn't expected, no one even knew that she was pregnant. The accident required her to have a sea section and the doctor coming out and telling Lucas that his daughter was going to be fine was a shock to them all. Regardless of everything the small brunette was nothing short of a blessing to all their lives.

"Yea…and she's growing up so fast…" She let a smile play her lips as she thought of her little girl turning three in only a few hours.

"Come on, let's go to bed" Lucas said as he tucked his wife into his side and moved towards their bedroom. They each changed into more comfortable clothes before sliding into the king size bed they had purchased about a year ago. Their life was something neither of them had ever expected and the perfection that had evolved around them was a complete shock, but something they looked forward to each day.

Lucas wrapped a supportive arm around Peyton's waist. He was used to burying his face in her blonde curls but for the first time they weren't there. "Sorry" she whispered, knowing that he was looking for her thick curls.

"It's okay, I'll get used to. I like your natural hair color on you anyway." She could feel him smile into her neck as his lips trailed her skin.

"I like it too" she informed him before turning around to meet his lips with her own. He pulled her closer to him as his tongue invaded her mouth. Her hands rested on his bare chest as his roamed her back. The eventually pulled away, both breathing heavily and she laid her head against his chest comfortably.

"I love you Peyton" he whispered into her hair as he gently kissed the top of her head.

"I love you too" she responded as she snuggled closer to him. Her body fit into his perfectly just like it had every other night and they soon fell asleep to the sound of their simultaneous breathing.

Lucas awoke the next morning and looked down to find his arms empty. He frowned slightly to himself and sighed deeply. He sat up and swung his legs over the bed and hung his head down. He pulled a shirt over his head and stood up and walked down the hall. He pushed his daughter's room door open to find the small brunette still curled up under the covers, fast asleep. He couldn't help but smile to himself, she was three today and in an hour or so she would be awake and bouncing around the house, ready to inform the whole world.

How his dreams had become so vivid and detailed he wasn't sure about. He also wasn't sure whether he liked his dreams or not. They kept her alive but hew as living with her memory. He created his own memories and sometime he could swear they were real, but in the end he knew they would never be. Every dream was different but they were all familiar. It was as if he was living another life at night, on in which she was still by his side. He changed her in his dreams, she had aged a little and she now looked less like a teen, just like him. He relieved each day while he slept with the exception of Peyton.

He never told anyone about his dreams, they were his and he wanted to keep it that way. He could swear it was really Peyton at night, she would tell him things and he would listen. He took her advice on everything involving Dana, after all she was their daughter. Everyone thought he was an amazing parent but what they didn't know was that he would have no clue what to do if it wasn't for his dreams. He loved to fall into deep sleeps at night, he loved being that close to her again even if it was only for a few hours.

They didn't know she was pregnant and he wasn't involved in the decision that was made when the doctor informed her in the emergency room. She sacrificed her own life for her daughter's and was still unsure of what he would have done if he was in that room. He loved his daughter more then life itself, but he didn't know if he would have given up his wife at that point in time. He would have been determined to find another way and he knows that's why she didn't let him make the decision with her.

"Daddy guess what" He looked up just on time to see his daughter leap into his arms with a large grin on her face. "It's my birfday" She squealed with delight and he smiled.

"It's your birthday" he emphasized the –th- just like he had in his dream and she nodded the same way. "Wow…you're three years old already"

"Yup" she grinned as she jumped off his lap and ran upstairs into her room. Peyton had gotten to hold Dana that night. Lucas had watched as she rocked her daughter back and forth, humming lightly with a smile playing on her lips. He had taken pictures of the scene and that was followed by Brooke taking pictures of them for the next few days. She made it for three more days and she fell asleep in Lucas's arms late the third night with a smile on her face. She never woke up the next morning but Lucas couildn't bare to let her chilled body go. When they walked into the room to find him with tear steaming down his face they knew and it was he and Brooke who stayed in the room for the remainder of the morning. He looked up as the front door opened, tearing him from his thoughts. and waited for the figure to appear in his doorway.

"Hey" he said half heartedly as she walked in with a small smile, he could tell it was forced.

"Hey…are you taking her this year…" she watched him shake his head and she just nodded. "We'll be here when you get back and she'll be dressed and ready to head out to the café. "

"Thanks Brooke" He said as he got to his feet and grabbed his car keys. The brunette embraced him tightly as a single tear slid down her cheek.

"Give these to her for me" she handed him two white roses, like she had every year, before she made her way upstairs and into Dana's room. "

"Aunti Brooke" he heard the happiness in his daughter's voice and he could hear the change in Brooke's tone as she responded cheerily to the little girl. She reminded her so much of her best friend from when they were kids, but she smiled and played with her niece like nothing was wrong.

Lucas slowly made his way out of the house and climbed into his car. He soon pulled up in front of the deserted land. He walked over to the cold marble slab that stood for what was left of his wife. "Hey" he whispered as he kneeled down on one knee. "God I miss you so much. I just wish you were still here, that I could hold you once more. The nightly visits help, but it's just not the same, it's not you. I don't think Dane really understand yet, that's why I didn't bring her. She does miss you though. Sometimes I catch her humming that song you used to sing to her. She doesn't know what it is but she knows the exact melody and a few of the words. I'll teach her the rest one day but for now I'm glad she's got something to hold onto. She asks about you sometimes ad I'm still not really sure what to tell her, you never really answer me when I ask before I fall asleep, I guess there is no answer. There is no easy way to tell her so I just tell her that you loved her with all your heart. She too smart for her own good sometimes. The other day she asked me if you had loved me and I told her you did. Then she asked how you could love me if you loved her with all of your heart. I just told her you found away. She's definitely your daughter Peyt." He laughed lightly to himself. "She loves to draw and she's getting better everyday. I've never seen a girl under three draw people. They may only be stick figures but I know what I was three I was still mastering the art of coloring in the lines, she has that down. I've been playing basketball with her more lately and I'm proud to say she's good at it and she likes. I don't think you'd want me to put her on a team though so I won't; at least I'm not planning on it. There are still a few more years before we have to worry about that one though, I don't know why I'm trying to make her older than she is. She's with Brooke right, who really misses you two. I think she's planning on come out here later by herself. We all miss you Peyt. I'm just glad that you got to hold Dana and that you were happy. I'm glad I got to see you smile, I mean really smile, its amazing. I still carry the picture that Haley took of us around in my wallet. She told me that I should get it restored because it has a few creases but I always turn her down. Somehow I just think it would take away from the picture. The picture you drew of me and Dane is still framed and sitting on my bed side table, but I'm sure you know that. I'm pretty sure you know most of the things that I tell you when I come here but it's nice to talk to you. Everything is going pretty good, some days are still pretty rough, but we survive. I'm convinced you have something to do with that, at least I like to think so. Dana's probably wondering where I am now so I'm gunna get back to her. I'll be back later this week, I promise. I miss you and I love you Peyt."

Lucas set the two red roses Brooke had given him down on the grass, placing a rock on the stems to make sure they stayed there. He then peeled a picture off the bottom of the marble stone and replaced with another one. It was an updated picture of him and Dana, he replaced the picture twice a year, it was his war of keeping Peyton involved. He then laid a single yellow rose underneath the picture after removing the old dried one. He replaced the second rock on the edge of the stem and pushed down into the grass to make it stay. Tear began to slide down his cheeks as he leaned forward and placed his lips on the cold marble. "I love so much" he breathed as he stood up and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and looked up towards the sky briefly before gazing back down at the polished rock. "Bye Peyt." He whispered as he forced himself to walk away and go home to his daughter.

_In Loving Memory of_

_Peyton Elizabeth Scott_

_Apr. 28, 1987 Jan. 5, 2011_

_Beloved Mother, Wife and Friend_

_Concrete Angel_

_**The End**_


End file.
